Do you feel pride in yourself, and who you are?

[Michelle Ellis]

How'd that happen? Or, how's that working out for you?

M

[Maggie Kay]

I wish that I could be proud of who I am. Every time I come downstairs in the morning, dressed in my femme best and greet the wife, I am confronted with the truth of how much I disappoint her. No matter how bravely I persevere or what example I set of a person of character, I know she is sad to see me like this. Even knowing that she feels I do not have a choice, does not erase it. The truth is that TG will always be a stigma just like mental illnesses are considered today. For example, depression is considered as a character flaw to many. So if anyone suffering from TG can ignore this truth, and get to the point of being proud of something I too would be overjoyed to hear about it. I guess it must come from some source within. I wish I had it.

[Alice B]

As my regular self I am very proud of what I have accomplished and done. I have accomplished things that have had major effects, in a positive way, in the world of SCUBA diving and underwater photography. As Alice it is far to early in my life to say I have done anything to be proud of. At the same time I am very happy with my acceptance of the other me and feel that I am going in a positive direction. Only time will tell where this road takes me, but getting to where ever it is will be fun.:happy:

[Sally24]

I actually realized the other week that I have a social life and friends and some responsiblities as Sally! It's not just "dress-up time" but a real part of my life now. I am happy with how my apprearance and presentation are coming along. I even feel pretty on a really good night! I've done some work for us as a whole and helped some individuals out with their problems.

I would say that yes, as Sally I am a good person and beginning to be proud of who I am and what I have to offer to others. Of course it only took 53 years to get to this point. The rest of you, try to smarten up a bit faster!

[Nicole]

I think I am finally getting the picture. Being proud means accepting yourself at ALL times, dressed or not. No reservations. No conditions. No "wondering". To be proud is to be confident.

I AM what I am, which is not only OK but GREAT! :D

[Cai]

I'm not proud of myself, really. I'm proud of things I've accomplished, but I'm not really happy with myself as a person. I'm too good at seeing my own flaws.

[CaptLex]

I think I am finally getting the picture. Being proud means accepting yourself at ALL times, dressed or not. No reservations. No conditions. No "wondering". To be proud is to be confident.
I see it differently. I think it's the nature of the (TG) beast to question and wonder, but we can still be confident and proud of ourselves as people and work on what we want to change (in ourselves and others).

I know I'm a decent person, caring friend, good parent, etc. and I'm proud of that. And I accept that I'm trans - if only the rest of the world would accept it, I'd have no problems.

[Siobhan Marie]

How'd that happen? Or, how's that working out for you?

M

After years of confusion and not knowing who and what I am, I'm very proud of who and what I am and more importantly am not ashamed of who and what I am.

As someone else said I am a decent person and I can agree with that as I know I am too but I'm bad at dealing with my flaws.

:hugs: Siobhán x

[Michelle Ellis]

To be honest I don't really feel any pride yet, logically speaking tho I can see why I should, but I guess I'm just not there yet...

I was recently reading about the Cass Identity model for gays/lesbians and that Pride in yourself is a significant step. I have pride in the things I've done and accomplished throughout my life, just not in who I am yet I suppose...

Of course these 'models' are just that... not everybody is the same, but the ideas get you thinking. And I've been thinking about this one a lot lately.

Thanks for all your thoughts everyone, it's really great to hear different views.

M

[Toyah]

I am me I am happy with that I dont really need anymore

[princessmichelle]

How'd that happen? Or, how's that working out for you?

M

No. :(

[Rikkicn]

Proud is not a word that I use when I think about who I am and what my life is about. Words that describe how I’m feeling at any given time are harmony, peaceful, contentment. Oh, and always a little erotic and sexy.

I’m self employed and I live in San Francisco where my community and friends is almost entirely GLBT and artists. I’ve been here 6 years and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told how much courage I have or that I’m inspiring and that I’m a hero. With that much support how can one not feel proud of them selves? Remember when your parents said you have to hang out with the right people? Well, they were right!

Even given all that, life is not bliss everyday. I get anxious and nervous any time my partner and I have to into the straight world. We had a graduation to go to for family member. There were 15 graduates. Their family and Ifriends. I still have the fear that people will point and stare and be rude to me some how and it would make me feel bad. It only happened twice 15 years ago when I was out crossdressed and not once in the past 6 years.

It was a great day. Nothing like the above happened. I was treated warm and lovingly by everyone. In his acceptance speech from medical residency he told everyone how much we inspire him to be his most authentic self and swim in the joy of life. I would like this anxiety to go away. It’s more persistent than I thought so it’s going to take time.

We come from diverse back rounds, families, cultures and economic situations. All of these things can be wonderful support or a kind of cage that won’t allow the wings to fully spread.

8 years ago I was a straight white man, childless, highly paid, living in New England, republican in a 27 year lifeless and sexless marriage. With encouragement from a friend, spiritual teacher and therapist I decided to take some big risks starting by quitting my job, divorcing my wife and experimenting with sex and sex partners.

Now, I’m living, full time, in San Francisco with my new partner, a queer artist, of 6 years. My friends are all queer and the most wonderful, loving people I have ever known. They have encouraged my transition and my happiness. I make enough money to barely get by. Thrift store shopping is important for our budget. My politics have shifted in the extreme, as has my sex life and the depth of my heart is growing every single day.

I’m not sure if you wait for proud to come to you or do you go find it for yourself.

[Michelle Ellis]

I’m not sure if you wait for proud to come to you or do you go find it for yourself.

I think it must be a little of both... because if you've been looking for it and it's not coming, then you pretty much have to wait for it (that's me anyhow).

Congratulations btw Rikki, that's a great story, you just can't put price on happiness.

I can relate to those feelings of anxiety, even while still presenting largely as a male with only a few feminine traits like nails and hair, and even my attitude towards others. Everyday is an exercise in dealing with the nervousness and anxiety for me.

M

[Dasein9]

I'm not proud of being trans because that's just who I am.

I am proud of the courage it takes to admit it to myself, to go out in public dressed, and to live my life this way.

I am proud of the LGBT community and all that it's accomplished in my lifetime. (I was born one week before Stonewall.)

I hope to one day be proud of my country and culture for being accepting of transpersons.

[Joy Carter]

Miss Ellis, I do feel pride in myself for having the courage to be who I am. I'm not about to complicate my personal life with this revolation. But I'm happy.

[Sarahgurl371]

I am not proud of who I am. I have never been. I think that most people who know me would ask me "why am I not proud of myself and who I am, what I have done?" They would be suprised I think. Most seem to have a high opinion of me. I wish I did. I am proud of some of my accomplishments in life, but always am hypercritical of the "flaws." I am my own worst enemy.

All my life I have tried to act "as I should." I have sought everyone else's approval and acceptance. I figure that when I have these things, that I can then be proud of myself. I know this is the wrong way to think about myself and I am working on it. But some things are difficult to change. And seeing myself in this light, it is difficult to imagine that I will ever feel pride in myself and being TG.

As far as happy, I don't think I have ever been. And I think that happy with yourself and pride in yourself go hand and hand.

I have been looking for the secret for years now, and I too would love for you to share it with me.

[Dasein9]

For me, it's come with giving myself permission to be who I am. I can't control what others think and do, and that includes their approval or disapproval. What I can control is how I react. That's something we all know in our heads, but the day I really got it was a revelation. That's what it took for me to give myself permission to be myself. It was also the day that my marriage really ended, and that was a very good thing.

I'm also reminded of the past, when I used to cut myself. An important part of that was the self-care afterward. I've started giving myself self-care without the cutting, and it works just as well.

Oddly enough, I'm finding I get more approval from others now that I care less what they think of me. I've always been an ugly duckling, but all of a sudden, people are seeking my opinion, people seem to value my friendship more, and I'm even getting hit on. A lot. Weird, eh?

[GypsyKaren]

Who am I? Just a person is all, like everybody else. I am a woman to myself, I really could care less how others see me, I can't control them and have no desire to. It's all about me and nobody else, I have nothing to prove to anyone, myself included.

Am I proud of myself? Should I be? I'm happy, that's all I'm after, good enough for me. I'm proud of my kids and my Kat for being the wonderful people they are, and I suppose I've done plenty for others over the years that should make me feel proud, but why should it? A person is supposed to do for loved ones, that's their job, so I don't feel the need to feel proud for doing somethings that were a pleasure for me anyway. As far as being trans, I'm happy, that's all that matters, that's all that counts, that's all I ever want or need.

Karen

[CaptLex]

Oddly enough, I'm finding I get more approval from others now that I care less what they think of me. I've always been an ugly duckling, but all of a sudden, people are seeking my opinion, people seem to value my friendship more, and I'm even getting hit on. A lot. Weird, eh?
Ah yes, but you know what happened to the ugly duckling in the end, right? He found his confidence . . . that's what's making the difference in you too. :^5:

[Michelle Ellis]

While I may not yet be able to say I have absolute pride in myself, I know that I'm proud to have traits that aren't usually considered male, such as sensitivity, politeness, gentle nature (and I like cats LOL)... I'm proud to be looking better and that I'm taking care of myself now. All of these things that would not be if it weren't for this side of me.

It's exactly like you say Capt. Lex.


I know I'm a decent person, caring friend, good parent, etc. and I'm proud of that. And I accept that I'm trans - if only the rest of the world would accept it, I'd have no problems.

Except I'm not a parent, and I think I'm still between realization and true acceptance at this point in my life. I just think a little more pride in myself would go a long ways towards that goal.

M

[melissaK]

I know I'm a decent person, caring friend, good parent, etc. and I'm proud of that. And I accept that I'm trans - if only the rest of the world would accept it, I'd have no problems.

Feeling that acceptance that I am trans - I am not there. It's a good day and cause for pride if I don't back slide into some type of denial or avoidance.

. . . the last two months I allowed myself to get too busy at work in my male professional role. What a great excuse for not being me. . . . 12 hr work days, a corporate yardstick to measure your success by, a corporate value structure, a dress code (with no dresses for me); an artificial world where they tell me when I can feel proud about myself and when I shouldn't. So, I have been digging myself out of that escapist backslide this last weekend, and trying to keep the boundary clear when I am in the office this week.

Though, like Captn says in his good words I quoted - it might be easier to accomplish self acceptance if the rest of the world wasn't so sensitive about us. For me peer pressure is a big limiter.

Hugs,
'lissa

[Calliope]

Proud - hell yes! Consider: in the straight world, the people most resembling us in transland are the outrageous rocking pop stars! Envy of millions!

[JeanneF]

I'm just proud to be able to look myself in the mirror every morning and be comfortable with who I am. To no longer feel that I to hide myself from friends, family, etc, just so they will accept me. By hiding myself from others, I show that I don't or can't accept myself.

I think that's what pride is all about.

[Danielle1960]

For along time no. But then I started reflecting back and decided YEA I AM!:D

I've retired from the Navy, am married (wife thinks cding or anything likeit is a sickness, :Angry3:so I'm underground) 3 kids last one to finish high school next year:happy:. Maintain a reasonable career and keep the home life together. We just celebrated 23 years of marriage and it has bee mostly good. :love:

Overall I'm happy with me, am I ready to hang my life picture on the wall and be proud and stop achieving? Not at all. :straightface:

I'll be kicking around some more and will continue to be proud of ME.
Danielle:heehee:

[helenr]

I admire and envy the gurls who have supportive spouses/girlfriends. I believe we TGs are highly aware and constantly observing how others regards/react to us. I think it is difficult to be proud of oneself if others radiate negative or unhappy energy. I think I have multiple personalities that have allowed me to exist for 60 years in a fairly ignorant, hostile world. I don't let others' anti -crossdressing attitudes depress me--I am oblivious to it. Since I am 'in the closet' for all intents and purposes, I don't directly get challenged, read,etc. I think transgendered mentality prepares us to develop personality defenses so as to prevent being hurt.I think I have horrible self-esteem due to a life of leading a 'double existence', the secrecy, some embarassment/shame but I bury this so I can function in Society.

[Sharon]

I have hesitated posting in this thread because I wasn't sure if I was proud of myself in any way. That and the fact that I have always found it difficult to be boastful about myself. Here I am, fifty-one years old, and I feel like I'm just beginning my life. Is that something to be proud of? I spent almost all those years pretending to be someone I wasn't, being both ashamed and frightened at what I was attempting to deny. Is there any pride to be found in that? Nope.

However, I do feel some sort of pride that I am finally being honest with myself and I am accepting of who and what I am. I've gotten to this point with all the kicking and crying that I could muster, but I know now that, for the first time in my life, I am happy with who I am.

I am absolutely certain that the next fifty-one years will be a heck of a lot better than the first, hopefully providing me many opportunities to find other ways to find pride in myself, and -- yeah -- I fully expect to be here for that amount of time.:happy: