FtM Only - When did you realize?

[ZenFrost]

Okay guys, how old were you when you realized when you were trans (or genderqueer, androgynous, pangender, in the middle, etc.)?

MtFs and GGs can feel free to post but please leave the poll to the FtMs. I'm curious about our little demographic on this site.

[Cai]

I think I knew long before I actually came out to myself (which was only a few months ago). Nearly every daydream I had as a kid, I was male or androgynous. Every time I thought about my future, I was androgynous leaning to masculine. I never thought about getting married or having kids, though I thought about (and still do) raising kids. They were never mine, though. The very thought of getting pregnant and having kids made me profoundly uncomfortable. For a long time, I wanted to join the military. I think I was pushing myself into a career where I would be expected to look and behave in a masculine way.

I think partly I never let myself think about it, and partly I just didn't know any of this was even possible.

[Felix]

For me it's been a strange thing cos when I think back to my childhood I was about 8 when I really wanted to be a boy and do the things boys did. Most of my friends were boys. I played football everyday until my mother stopped me. I kinda put that away thinking stop being ridiculous even though I knew somethin was definitely different about me. I liked girls in an attractive sense then biys didn't enter the frame that way just as mates only. When I went to senior school my difference was noticed by the girls as I went to an all girls school. I was bullied for it. I was kept away from other tom boyish girls and lesbians by my mother. So it went on I decided to find a boyfriend cos that was the normal thing to do although deep down my attraction was really for girls. Anyways life goes on relationships come and go. I get married have children still wanting to be with women. The lid flew off 6 years ago and I came out as lesbian after a disastrous marriage where bullying and intimidation were at the fore. Two years ago I realized that I wanted to discover my masculinities and since then things have gone forward to where I am now somewhere along the trans spectrum closer to male probably 95%. So where labels are concerned I have come out to myself and some friends as you know and my partner. I did call myself genderqueer but now I feel I am too far away from the middle to say that. So I am abandoning labels and saying I am me and proud to be Felix xx :hugs:

[CaptLex]

Okay guys, how old were you when you realized when you were trans (or genderqueer, androgynous, pangender, in the middle, etc.)?
I picked the "child" option on the poll, but I could have really picked two different ones. I knew it when I was a four, but back then (the dark ages) there was no info about this stuff and so I had to repress it for many, many years and re-discovered it 40 years later. That's why it's taken me so long to start transitioning. :p

[bi_weird]

For me it took a few conversations with college friends, realizing that not all feminists resented being treated like girls. I always knew I was different but thought it was the more gender-neutral way my mom raised me. It took a while, but throughout college it slowly dawned on me that most girls didn't long for ties or really want to have bluging biceps (OMW I want testosterone just for the muscle mass!).

[jsoto81]

I knew something was different long before I knew what to call it. I always associated with the boys and when I was 6 firmly told a carpenter that working on our house that I was a boy.

[John]

Well, I came out to myself about 7 or 8 months ago, but (as seems comen here) even when I was a small child I uest to know I wanted to be a boy (or was one, as the case is).

(so I didn't click anything).

[Dasein9]

My answer is the same as that of many here. I knew as a kid that I was different and for a long time wouldn't read books about girls or by female authors. I felt betrayed somehow by the female role models presented to me.

But I only found out that there were other people like me when I was 33, and only started giving in to my desire to wear men's clothes almost full-time last summer.

I've been happier in the past year than I thought possible. Happy in that way that there are still problems, more in fact, but that I can handle, and I like getting up in the morning and seeing myself in the mirror.

[Devon James]

It took some time to realise what more was different about me. It's only a couple of months ago I came out to myself and I'm still working on it to give it a place next or with my lesbianism.
It sure is comforting though to know where all the thoughts came from and why I hate it when people say "miss" or anything else feminine.

[ZenFrost]

Time to post on my own thread. I think all the signs were there when I was very young, I remember liking all the things that boys liked as a really little kid. But I didn't really realize that what I feeling was gender dysphoria until I was 18.

[Tristan]

I selected the 21-30 option, although I knew when I was very young. I was confident in the fact that I would one day develop a penis and I would grow up to be a man. I repressed the fact once I got to about second grade and the other kids gave me such a bad time over the fact. So I repressed the feelings until I was 22 or 23 and it took me a while to really be ok with it again.

[SL]

Yeah I wore a lot of different male items at different times from even as young as maybe 9 but it was nothing like when I was 23 and "scening", with a girlfriend then, as part of the sex that evening.

On that particular time, I had decided to "take it a step farther" and ran out to a thrift store earlier and bought a "full gear".

While she waited in the bedroom I did the switch/change in the bathroom without looking in the mirror during. But when I looked up it was kind of like everything else was "forgot". -Her. -What we were doing. The whole damn deal. And all I saw was somebody who I "was", and was stuck until right then on some "other side of the mirror" that I had never got open. And I never ever wanted "him" to leave.

Since that time I've upped and downed and went through a trillion changes -still am I guess. But I can never forget what that felt like. And I can never forget what I was feeling.

[hiro]

I only just realized January of this year. I can't say how I came upon it. I don't remember, really. I remember being inside my mind, but that's about it... Rawr, I love not making sense XD (I'm 19, by the by... I guess I was 18, at the time...)

[Abraxas]

I picked 'late puberty' because I didn't realise that there was a sort of class of people who fit my description up until that point. I started having feelings of gender dysphoria or what have you, however, at about 8 or 9, I'd say, and a general 'I-don't-fit-in-but-don't-know-why' earlier than that, perhaps around 5 or 6.

[Adam]

as far back as i can remember i thought i should have been born a boy used to say i would grow up to be a boy lol

[ali]

i've always known i just didnt realise the name for it and stuff

[ZenFrost]

Wait... I created the poll for just FtMs but I said anyone could post on the thread. So why was Jordan's post deleted? As long as she didn't vote on the poll (which I'm hoping she didn't) then her post was actually fine with this thread.

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

Hmm... I voted in the poll awhile ago, but was in a hurry so I never explained my answer. I picked 'late puberty/teen years' thereabouts, because I honestly figured it out second semester of my senior year via the drag show... I basically got dressed up as a guy and then never wanted to go back.

As a kid... not sure there were real "obvious" signs... but I wrote stories and all them featured female characters that were equally as strong as the men, and in most cases, stronger (physically, mentally, emotionally). Also, when my mother gave The Talk, I was really freaked out and didn't want to have anything to do with any of it. I knew I didn't like the sound of heterosexual sex, nor did I ever want to give birth... as to the puberty stuff, I never wanted my boobs to grow (b/c they'd get in the way of running of course) and I prayed that I was sterile b/c the idea of periods infuriated me. When I realized I wasn't sterile at thirteen, I decided I was going to get a hysterectomy as soon as a doctor would let me... and I never wavered from that, either. I don't know if this adds up to trans or not, but those are the only "signs" I think I had.

[Tamara Croft]

Wait... I created the poll for just FtMs but I said anyone could post on the thread. So why was Jordan's post deleted? As long as she didn't vote on the poll (which I'm hoping she didn't) then her post was actually fine with this thread.Because she did vote in the poll and that's why it was deleted. You can also thank 3 other MTF's for voting and again ruining your poll. They have been dealt with.

[ZenFrost]

Because she did vote in the poll and that's why it was deleted. You can also thank 3 other MTF's for voting and again ruining your poll. They have been dealt with.

Well thank you then. :hugs:

If she'd just posted it would have been fine, but voting on the poll itself is a complete disrespect to us as it explicitly says "FtM Only." :ap:

[happyfish]

January was when everything sort of came to a head and I couldn't repress it anymore. I was 19.