Nicole
07-07-2007, 05:27 AM
About two weeks ago, a very friendly lady at the cheese counter ma'am'ed me by mistake (I was in my guy-clothes at the time!). She profusely apologized and was generally inconsolable after the fact. Well, I ran into her again on the morning of the 4th and decided to out myself with a little flattery. After making eye contact and exchanging smiles with one another, it went something like this:
Me: "Good morning. You know, my friends say that you never forget the first time someone calls you ma'am."
Her (who is actually the manager of the store!): "Ha ha... oh dear... I hope you weren't offended by that."
Me: "Not in the least. In fact, you made my day. You see, I am a transgendered person, and I am currently in the process of... well... perhaps this will help to explain things a bit..."
(I present her with a photo of headshots and one full-length shot of myself as Nicole, all of which are tasteful and appropriate)
She looks at the card, looks at me, smiles, hands it back and says, "Well, you certainly are a very pretty person!"
Me: "Thank you! Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and say that your 'mistake' was not a mistake at all. You were the first person to see the 'real me' despite my not being attired as usual. So I just wanted to compliment your astute observation and wish you a happy July 4th."
A wink, a smile, and I was back to my grocery shopping. Woohoo!
Why did I choose to out myself? Because I HAD to. Deep down, I knew this was the only opportunity I was going to get, so I took it. Her "mistake" of calling me ma'am gave me precisely ONE chance to turn that into a compliment and explain why. It wasn't easy, but it worked! Now the next time I see her, it will be a pleasure to exchange smiles knowing that I am understood just a little bit better than the average person. Especially if I happen to be dressed at the time! :)
Outing yourself is not the kind of thing that is advisable to do willy-nilly. You can't just tap anyone on the shoulder, exclaim that you are "not as you seem", and show photos as evidence of the fact. People will think you are an obnoxious crazy person for shoving your personal business right into their face uninvited. Instead, what I learned the other morning is that you need an opening before making your move. Just a small verbal slight is enough... nothing fancy. Once you have it, use it or lose it! Get in, be polite, make your case quickly, and move on. It really is that simple. When you treat people with sincerity, respect, and a little flattery, it is surprising how accepting they can be.
So don't wait for the red carpet. They don't exist in the real world. We have to create our own opportunities out there. All it takes is a little patience and a willingness to speak up when the opportunity presents itself. And what better day to do it than on Independence Day? :D
Me: "Good morning. You know, my friends say that you never forget the first time someone calls you ma'am."
Her (who is actually the manager of the store!): "Ha ha... oh dear... I hope you weren't offended by that."
Me: "Not in the least. In fact, you made my day. You see, I am a transgendered person, and I am currently in the process of... well... perhaps this will help to explain things a bit..."
(I present her with a photo of headshots and one full-length shot of myself as Nicole, all of which are tasteful and appropriate)
She looks at the card, looks at me, smiles, hands it back and says, "Well, you certainly are a very pretty person!"
Me: "Thank you! Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and say that your 'mistake' was not a mistake at all. You were the first person to see the 'real me' despite my not being attired as usual. So I just wanted to compliment your astute observation and wish you a happy July 4th."
A wink, a smile, and I was back to my grocery shopping. Woohoo!
Why did I choose to out myself? Because I HAD to. Deep down, I knew this was the only opportunity I was going to get, so I took it. Her "mistake" of calling me ma'am gave me precisely ONE chance to turn that into a compliment and explain why. It wasn't easy, but it worked! Now the next time I see her, it will be a pleasure to exchange smiles knowing that I am understood just a little bit better than the average person. Especially if I happen to be dressed at the time! :)
Outing yourself is not the kind of thing that is advisable to do willy-nilly. You can't just tap anyone on the shoulder, exclaim that you are "not as you seem", and show photos as evidence of the fact. People will think you are an obnoxious crazy person for shoving your personal business right into their face uninvited. Instead, what I learned the other morning is that you need an opening before making your move. Just a small verbal slight is enough... nothing fancy. Once you have it, use it or lose it! Get in, be polite, make your case quickly, and move on. It really is that simple. When you treat people with sincerity, respect, and a little flattery, it is surprising how accepting they can be.
So don't wait for the red carpet. They don't exist in the real world. We have to create our own opportunities out there. All it takes is a little patience and a willingness to speak up when the opportunity presents itself. And what better day to do it than on Independence Day? :D