Stop the crap! Its time to be honest to ourselves!

[MeraLehanga]

When you are out on a tour, or lets say you are in office, what you miss the most at home? Your wife or your femme clothes? Let us not be hypocritical about it, but honest!

Ofcourse our femme clothes and gear as the desire within us is so much stronger,100000000 times more than it should hardly counts for our wife or GF.

We all have two individualities in us and the feminine one dominates over the male one by a huge margin. Imagine at such a tender age of 4-5 we were drawn towards our mother's or sister's cloths having no sense, education or training! To be a CD is a natural phenomena! Is it a curse or a blessing hard to tell, I am still questioning my being and its still blurry.

Thus, I find in this forum the comments on sacrifices being made or loving the wife more etc hard to digest. You are what you are and the other part is that of an actor.

[marie354]

It's definitely a blessing!
I've been studying women for years and years, learning how to walk, talk, etc. But the understanding that I've learned along the way has helped me in many relationships. Women will always be different than men, their raised that way.
I've learned that the only real difference between men & women, besides the physical differences, is the way we are raised. Maybe it isn't all from upbringing, but it sure has an influence.
I do like the clothes... The styles... The feel of silk or nylon, rayon, latex and all the blends of cotton, just wonderful...

I have made sacrifices in the past to satisfy my GF/Spouse/SO... Whatever. But I've always been me... I tried to hide the femme part of myself for many years, but people knew... They just didn't say anything. (Family secrets... Friends don't tell friends... Let's keep this quiet..., etc.)
Yes, sometimes we have to be "actors". Playing a part to hide another part of ourselves. I've done it, and so have many others.
With the help & support of the people here, I'm learning how to be more open about myself. WOW! I may realize a dream yet. So can you!
:hugs:

[Daintre]

Thus, I find in this forum the comments on sacrifices being made or loving the wife more etc hard to digest. You are what you are and the other part is that of an actor.


The only person you can speak for here is yourself, if this is how you feel, then so be it, I hope your wife fits in there somewhere. Many here make sacrifices for a host of things just as the SO makes their own sacrifices to maintain the marriage.

General statements made without supporting proof are hard to accept, Personally I find it VERY believable that such sacrifices happen. I applaud those who can communicate with each other and learn to accept all parts of each other.

[Sandygal]

I don't think you will get any real in depth answers here. I wrote a thread called "truth" a couple of days ago and it was totally ignored. Very few are totally out of the closet. Most of us that say we are out, really never tell the whole truth about how far our crossdressing would go or how far we would really like to go. Thats ok, I come on this site to be uplifted, and I am. But to learn more about myself and how to cope with myself. I and many others need to hear everything so that we are prepared, good or bad.

[LaFem]

You will get all the honesty you want if you ask a question about your favorite color pantyhose, or what brand of nail polish you like. When it gets to a serious question about honest feelings, people tend to "clam up" if their honest answer is not, to turn a phrase, "Crossdressing correct."

Just my opinion, based on reading the posts.

[Khriss]

.. You have specific questions ??
ask me on "pm" ..do'nt take it for granted that people would expose all their personal thoughts on the (any?) open "Forum " ?? even on the several in house rooms that are more personal ??
What the Frick did, or do You expect ??

TRUTH IS !!!! ..there's plenty of info -help- referance-sisterhood -here... and
...sometimes , it's not the question... as much as.... how the question is asked ....?

[sandra-leigh]

When you are out on a tour, or lets say you are in office, what you miss the most at home? Your wife or your femme clothes? Let us not be hypocritical about it, but honest!


It's a balance, of course. Not enough Tess time and I get cranky, and if she goes away for a week or so then it's out to play a couple of time in the week. But when she's away for longer periods, going out gets to be "I already did that recently; I don't need to do it again yet; if she were here, we could do something interesting instead of me sitting around this computer all the time."

My wife has been away for a few weeks now, and I am not going hog-wild with my dressing; some days the only femme things I remember to put on is my panties (my regular underwear). I do wear my D forms most days now. It isn't a matter of "missing" the forms: it is that I am finding more and more that it "feels right" for them to be there, even when I'm in guy mode... an evolution, you could call it.

It is true that there are some things that are easier to explore when my wife is away, but I can be reasonably patient.

I guess I'll wear a nightgown tonight -- but if I could cuddle up with my wife instead, the nightgown could easily wait for another time.



Most of us that say we are out, really never tell the whole truth about how far our crossdressing would go or how far we would really like to go

The whole truth? That's easy to answer. The whole truth is: "I don't know".

When I started dressing (less than 3 years ago), I had thoughts of dressing up to pass, with the idea of experiencing "what it is *really* like" to be a woman -- to experience for myself how women are treated. Well, it turns out that I'm fairly easy to read, and it turns out that I get treated well even though I get "read" a lot... and it turns out that being transgender (that is, publicly mixing male and female) feels fairly natural to me. It is quite a way from where I thought I was starting to my current state of feeling comfortable being a guy wearing a denim skirt. I expect that what "feels right" to me will continue to evolve. I don't have a target in mind. How far would I go? Well, if it were easy and safe to gain real breasts, I'd seriously consider that, since it is neither easy nor safe, I really don't know where my feelings that "I -should- have had breasts" will take me. Surgery is not very likely for me; I don't rule out supplements or pills, but I also don't know if I'd be willing to take the risks.

[Sheri 4242]

MeraLehanga,

I don't know how you formulated your opinion to initiate this thread, but I will "second" what Jenni Y said: speak for yourself -- and do not presume you speak for me (or for anybody else for all that matters)!!! Whatever your situation is, based on what you said to start this thread, I can promise you that you don't have a clue about my life, my relationship with my wife, etc. Your comments were specious and generalized beyond any acceptable standard!!!

Sandygal,

I'm glad you come here to be "uplifted," and I hope that such is exactly what you receive from this forum. As far as in-depth answers, I've seen plenty -- and have contributed some, myself. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree -- that happens. BUT, in many threads, I have seen a number of members delve deeply into their hearts, souls, and minds to discuss important, substantitive topics. As far as being "out" of the closet, there are those who are, those who aren't, and those who are floating around between the two or working at moving from "a" to "b." Being "out" is a subjective thing, individualizd to the person!!! I accept most member's assessment of where they are and where they want to be!!! Just as with MeraLehanga, I think it is overtly presumptious for you to suggest that "most" don't tell the whole truth about the extent of their individual crossdresing and how far they go or would like to go!!! Some of us are very open about our crossdressing, some are more cautious, but, as Khriss said, will answer specific questions if asked directly.

And, one last thing . . . it doesn't prove anything that you started a thread that received little or no response. Any of us that have initiated threads have seen this happen. Sometimes a thread will generate great attention and many responses -- sometimes they just sit there. Any number of factors go into this -- whose on, what else is being discussed, etc. -- so lack of responses shouldn't be taken personally or as a "reverse confirmation" of a thesis.

[Oddlee]

When you are out on a tour, or lets say you are in office, what you miss the most at home? Your wife or your femme clothes? Let us not be hypocritical about it, but honest!


Well, for my part, it's pretty clear. I have no interest in seeing my ex-wife again, but readily return to the closet anytime my daughter is around. She's just 18, and will be going to college in August. I think she knows nothing of my cross-dressing habits. She lives with me for alternate 2-week periods, during which I hide all my women's clothing. My daughter is a delightful person; I will definitely miss her when she goes off to college. There is no question in my mind that she comes before dressing, and that feminine clothing that fit me could go away or hide whenever she wanted to be here.

Incidentally, I have a better relationship with her than her mother does, so she would be here full time, given the choice. It would not suprise me if this did not have something to do with attitudes I've developed as a result of my internal conflicts about dressing, and the tolerance I've developed as a result.

Lee

[Andi]

Stop the crap!!


.......Thus, I find in this forum the comments on sacrifices being made or loving the wife more etc hard to digest. You are what you are and the other part is that of an actor.

It's not crap!!! Life is a balance especially if other persons are involved/affected. Your proposition is TOO harsh - chose between a warm, feeling person or some inanimate articles of clothing. I'll tell you about balance because I've done it for 50+ years and the other persons win out every time. That's not crap!! :Angry3:

[Carin]

To be a CD is a natural phenomena! .
To love another, such as one's wife is also a natural phenomenon

I am still questioning my being and its still blurry.
Apparently.

[Kate Simmons]

You are right to a point Mera. Once you get to really know yourself, however, and are accepting of your overall being, the crossdressing can be put into perspective and the really important things like friendships and relationships hold sway. Sad to say, some never progress to that point and seem to be stuck in a rut with guilt issues and seem to be endlessly treading water in a viscious cycle. Once you take ownership of yourself and responsibility for your own actions, things can change for the better.:happy:

[Karren H]

Ohh Ye of little faith!!! I always miss my wife and family the most..... And if I were away on a business trip most likely I would have my fem clothing with me!! So What? It's not one or the other!!! It's a blend of how I want to live MY life and how I want to blend the male and female parts of me together....

So if you find all this crap so hard to digest.... go on a diet and find your self some other forum to whine about things!!!!! No one is binding your hands to the keyboard are they??

Love Karren

[Rachael]

I agree with most of the other replies posted. Part of dressing for me is that I admire women in general not just their clothes. The two most important people in my life are my wife and daughter. I don't want to do anything that would make them uncomfortable or unhappy. Like karen says "It's a blend" not a choice between one or the other:tongueout

[erickka]

Well stated, Karren. I fully agree. I admire your level headedness displayed in your posts, and also you are a hoot! I think a lot of newbies to the forum could learn a lot from you.

[Toyah]

When you are out on a tour, or lets say you are in office, what you miss the most at home? Your wife or your femme clothes? Let us not be hypocritical about it, but honest!

Ofcourse our femme clothes and gear as the desire within us is so much stronger,100000000 times more than it should hardly counts for our wife or GF.

We all have two individualities in us and the feminine one dominates over the male one by a huge margin. Imagine at such a tender age of 4-5 we were drawn towards our mother's or sister's cloths having no sense, education or training! To be a CD is a natural phenomena! Is it a curse or a blessing hard to tell, I am still questioning my being and its still blurry.

Thus, I find in this forum the comments on sacrifices being made or loving the wife more etc hard to digest. You are what you are and the other part is that of an actor.


Beats me where you get this we are more fem than male idea. I think if you read what people say there a huge amount that are male first and like to dress from time to time.
As for desiring to dress more than anything especially by the amount you say its ludicrous to say that for most here.
There are very many happly maried CDs who are open with their wives and live by their rules. The rules have to be there because there a lot of CDs that just go stupid with the whole thing.
Toyah is the actor my male self is me

[Sandygal]

Awesome, a thread that generated some heat. It really brought out the girl in you. Oh, my favorite color panties are pink. Just trying to get you all to pull your claws in a little.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I will second what one has said here before me.....don't miss the ex in the least. But when she was not my ex I hated to be on the road and while I enjoyed the dressup time I wanted to be back with her in my own cozy place. I just wish she hadn't of wanted to make it all or nothing...and for the record she left, not me. I was trying.

Emily Ann

[LaFem]

I think the best way to look at this forum is purely entertainment. Don't go looking for real honesty. Don't even believe half the stuff you read. When I read a reply on a not politically correct (usually sexual) topic, I very much respect the people who honestly tell their thoughts and feelings, and you can definitely sense this, to me their truth is obvious. I also sense that the members who have a SO are way less honest than the solo crossdressers. If you don't want to lie to your SO, then make very sure you have fooled yourself first, then you can tell your SO anything you want, as long as you have covered your trail, and don't leave any honest posts that could be read by the wrong person. (Your SO)

We have many members whose SOs read this forum. They even know their SOs screen name, some even post. I think this forum is often used as some kind of proof to your SO that YOUR crossdressing is just a hobby. That works fine until someone starts a thread that questions the web you have woven. What do you do? Don't post, Don't tell the truth, or tell the truth and get caught by your SO, and then risk your relationship.

I see the same thing over and over: an "erotic thread" will produce the same denials of any crossdressing with a sexual component time after time. These denials come from the same members all the time. "Methinks he doth protest too much." Sometimes I look at the last page of this type of thread and try to guess which members replied first. I'm usually right.

I also wonder how many private messages get sent? I know I never get any, and that's just fine, but is that the way to communicate with the larger, public membership? Is someone telling me it's wrong to ask these questions? Maybe some topics should just be considered taboo on this forum?

Quote:
"So if you find all this crap so hard to digest.... go on a diet and find your self some other forum to whine about things!!!!! No one is binding your hands to the keyboard are they??"

You know what? I DO find this crap hard to digest. I find simple platitudes just that- simple and without thought. It's like a beauty pageant contestant wishing for world peace- its just lame. I think this proves the class distinctions among forum members is VERY real.

If you want to make friends on this forum, just complement the right people, all the time, over and over. The reigning queen needs your love.

Well, that's it for me now, I'm going to do some mall walking- he he he!, LOL.

[Karren H]

What do you expect, LaFem? Were crossderessers..... Renowned accross the world and through the ages for our ability to lie, cheap and steal!!

And if you don't believe me......... Never mind......

:tongueout

Karren

[Lilith Moon]

I think LaFem makes some good points. Stated opinions and attitudes are going to be skewed in here. What MtoF is going to admit, for example, to fantasizing about men (or more than fantasizing) when they know that this part of the forum is open to the public, including their wives.

[Tree GG]

...what you miss the most at home? Your wife or your femme clothes? ...

Thus, I find in this forum the comments on sacrifices being made or loving the wife more etc hard to digest. You are what you are and the other part is that of an actor.

If it's all been an act, it'll break my heart. I choose to believe in him.

If you have a SO, I feel sincere pity for her. If you don't, you've just stated why.

[Alice B]

My wife comes first in all situations. We have a very loving marriage and open communication, including my dressing. I love my female side and the chaces to express it, but not at the detrement of my marriage.:happy:

[Shelly Preston]

This thread has raised a lot of differing opinions

Firstly how can you speak for everyone when you dont really know their circumstances

There crossdressing may only be 1% of there lives or it may be 99% you can not judge if you dont know

For some there wife will be more important

Lafem I think you are wrong, yes there can be entertaining bits to the forum but there is also a lot of honestly and good advice

People come to this forum for support and answers


As for honesty sometimes people can be honest all you can do is believe what you choose too

[Mitch23]

LaFem - I agree with very little of what you have said but I defend your right to say it. I don't know what degree of honesty we get here but I can say with absolute certainty that everything I have said is the truth, sometimes painfully so. It is because of this this that I can point my wife who desperately struggles with my crossdressing to this site and let her read it, warts and all even though I know that she will not.

There may be b****s****** here as everywhere in life but there are lots of honest and reliable folks who have helped me so much in the last few weeks as I come to terms with my own sexuality and experienced truth and honesty in my relationship with my dear wife for the first time.

enjoy your walk!

Mitch

[Toyah]

I dont know what bitter and twisted planet you come from Lafem but please dont invite me there. If you cannot trust most people here then you must be way way lonely on that mal of yours, I am not surprised no one PMs you to be honest I am sad for you

[Lora Olivia]

Gosh....sat here and debated whether i replied to this thread or not and finally decided i couldn't bite my tongue so to speak. So here is my :2c: and i speak only for myself. #1 No way can anyone say i put crossdressing in front of family, if that were true i may well do it all the time and not sporadically. #2 I don't believe for me crossdressing is a hobby, it is rather an outlet for a feminine part of my being that needs a way of self expression. #3 I don't post any different for anything, I tell the truth. So maybe it is time to stop the CRAP and realize that everyone does not fit into anyone elses 1 track mold, we are individuals.....I happen to be 2 of them and compared to the way i felt a few years ago, Damn glad of it.:D To everyone here:hugs: lord knows the world needs more of them.

end of rant

[Frankie-Dear]

I'm rather fond of both, my crap, AND my honesty. I'm fond of/compassionate with my flaws, fond of my abilities, fond of my talents, and fond of the way I process things to find the truth of them for/to myself. If others see me or my life as crap, well, they don't have to be me or live my life, therefore, they are more than welcome to their ignorant opinion, as it means little more to me than water off the back of a duck's ass.

Peace.

[Kerry Owens]

Lawren is honest, and I do trust him, we discuss everything if there is any unease on either of our parts. We listen to each other, I think that what we have is not rare, or is it unattainable. You just have to take that basic first step and trust.

[Sheri 4242]

I think the best way to look at this forum is purely entertainment. Don't go looking for real honesty.

Here we go again with absolutely specious presumptuousness -- subjective "bs" stated as fact!


Don't even believe half the stuff you read. When I read a reply on a not politically correct (usually sexual) topic, I very much respect the people who honestly tell their thoughts and feelings, and you can definitely sense this, to me their truth is obvious. I also sense that the members who have a SO are way less honest than the solo crossdressers. If you don't want to lie to your SO, then make very sure you have fooled yourself first, then you can tell your SO anything you want, as long as you have covered your trail, and don't leave any honest posts that could be read by the wrong person. (Your SO)

Oh, now you are judge and jury as to who is telling the truth and who isn't. Well, IMO, there is a strong element of truth to the vast majority of those who post here, regardless of whether I agree with someone or not; the details sustain the differing thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviors that are common among CDs, TSs, TVs, and SOs. If you are convinced that this element of truth does not exist within the healthy exchanges that happen on here every single day, then how could it even be entertaining? Obviously, it couldn't be so!



I see the same thing over and over: an "erotic thread" will produce the same denials of any crossdressing with a sexual component time after time. These denials come from the same members all the time. "Methinks he doth protest too much." Sometimes I look at the last page of this type of thread and try to guess which members replied first.

Talk about sensationalism of the facts - at least the ones you haven't twisted vis-a-vis perverted logic! If you bothered to study the current literature (psychological, psychiatric, and general medicine), you'd know that you are just heaping on more speciousness. Some crossdressers have a sexual component to their dressing -- and I've seen many admit such on this forum, openly and freely. Some crossdressers don't have a sexual component to their dressing -- as has been discussed here many times, especially when talking about the incorrect application of "fetishtic" to all crossdressers. A goodly number have reported (in line with competent, respected current research and literature) that they began dressing before there could be a sexual component, thus sustaining the "second self" personna that some members feel and their experiences and behaviors. I guess it is convenient to label these as "untruthful denials" so as to fit neatly into your preconceived opinions.

Well, I've wasted too much time with your incredulously antagonistic and myopic view!!!

There are too many on here earnestly seeking support, advice, and balance -- an occasional laugh, an occasional cry, but always affirmation, validation, and support from like-minded sisters -- to get caught up in your naysaying drama!!!

So, I'll leave it at this: speak for yourself! Don't presume to speak for me!!! And, don't be dismissive of the great people on this forum who "tell it like it is" in love, care and concern evey day!!!

[loki_uk]

I don't think you will get any real in depth answers here. I wrote a thread called "truth" a couple of days ago and it was totally ignored. Very few are totally out of the closet. Most of us that say we are out, really never tell the whole truth about how far our crossdressing would go or how far we would really like to go. Thats ok, I come on this site to be uplifted, and I am. But to learn more about myself and how to cope with myself. I and many others need to hear everything so that we are prepared, good or bad.

Perhaps that's because sometimes we're even afraid of being honest with ourselves and how far we'd want to go. Like the romans found, crossing the rubicon is not to be taken lightly and that goes for even our deepest thoughts and desires

How many of us at one time dressed to some degree but still refused to admit to ourselves that we are a crossdresser and took years to finally accept ourselves ?

[Frankie-Dear]

Another thought: You may have posted a thread called, "Truth," but whose truth are you talking about? You don't know me, so how can you speak MY truth? Or anyone else's? The TRUTH is, you CAN'T, and it's terribly presumptuous to think you can. So... Why not stick around and get to know people, before passing judgment, while at the same time, ceasing to cherish your opinions so highly? You may find that it broadens your understanding of "truth."

:2c:

[Deidra Cowen]

I always get a kick out of the fact that 90% of the threads that seem to be designed to stir the pot are always posted by some relatively new member that only been around a few weeks and has relatively few posts. (if ya go by their profile) I wonder sometimes if folks don't reincarnate and come back with new names/forum ID but with the same old desire to cause a ruckus. :heehee:

Seems obvious that you have an agenda, anyone that does not tow the line as you see it is full of BS.

I will say I belong to several different forums, some have nothing to do with CDing...game sites that kinda stuff. Anyway I do admire how this forum generally does not have too much trolling or conflict most da time. Its generally a happy little refuge on the huge wild & rough internet. :thumbsup:

[Sheila]

I am still questioning my being and its still blurry.

SAD SAD SAD, when you begin to understand your being then, maybe, just maybe, you will be able to understand better

[Lovely Rita]

When you are out on a tour, or lets say you are in office, what you miss the most at home? Your wife or your femme clothes? Let us not be hypocritical about it, but honest!

Ofcourse our femme clothes and gear as the desire within us is so much stronger,100000000 times more than it should hardly counts for our wife or GF.

We all have two individualities in us and the feminine one dominates over the male one by a huge margin. Imagine at such a tender age of 4-5 we were drawn towards our mother's or sister's cloths having no sense, education or training! To be a CD is a natural phenomena! Is it a curse or a blessing hard to tell, I am still questioning my being and its still blurry.

Thus, I find in this forum the comments on sacrifices being made or loving the wife more etc hard to digest. You are what you are and the other part is that of an actor.


As Mitch stated, I respect your right to your view, but I would also like to state that I take issue with it because no one can really say they know how anyone else trully feels. I believe this is a mistake on your part but you have every right to make your choices.

It sounds to me that you are basing your assumptions on your experience and your views of crossdressing as if your experience were universal. We are all individuals and cannot be lumped together.


When it comes to wives and SOs

Everything changes when you are able to love some one to the point that they matter more than your selfishness.

[Sugar]

Entertaining and thought provoking.

Ya gotta know that every element of society is represented in any large group of people. Remember "Buffalo Bill" in "Silence"? He sure gave us a bad rap. That's an extreme example but I'm sure you all get my point.

Just quit the back biting and retract your claws ladies.

Oh I don't have my SO anymore, not because of cding but because I'm a jerk.

I'm reaching out here...


peace


jaye

[LaFem]

Is there something wrong with telling you how I feel about the honesty of some on this forum? How I feel that some of you are definitely not being honest with yourselves, your SOs, and the forum members in general? Am I not allowed to voice my opinion? Am I not at least a little bit correct when it comes to the sexuality of crossdressing?

I don't want to speak for anyone, I just want to express MY opinions and ideas formed from a lifetime of gender problems. I have been to counseling and psychiatry, my wife went to a support group for wives of transvestites (It had not yet been redefined as crossdressers). You know what? SEX is a big part of it. A real big part of it, and the SEX part really does bother the wives. They really DO care what you are thinking about. This was twenty years ago, maybe this basic point has changed over the years, but I don't think so, does anyone? I would guess that if it IS NOT at least a little bit erotic to you, then you are probably a transsexual. I've read all the literature, all the current psycho babble. Don't tell me what I have or have not read, or what to believe.

I can tell by the spitting and sputtering and hissing of a couple of the replies, that I have burst some bubbles, especially yours Sheri. It sure seems like this hit home for you. What is happening with you that requires such a hateful response to a statement of my OPINION? Does my opinion threaten your world? I only stated MY opinion. You are free to have any opinion you want, and MINE is just as valid as yours, so don't insult me.

I read the posts on this forum, and like many others, I can connect the dots. I can often see what is there by what is omitted. How do I do this? The same way you all do. After a lifetime of reading and interpreting the written word, I have learned how to (sometimes) detect what is really being said. This is a human skill, learned by all, not something that only I have.

Let's all get shaved, dressed in our finest garter belt and nylons, lacy pink panties, wig, slip, bra and forms makeup, heels, rhinestone earrings, necklace and all that other wonderful ultra-fem stuff we love so much. I'm sure we'll get along better that way.

[Frankie-Dear]

It seems to me that you are the one who has the problem with anyone having the temerity to disagree with you. Whatever..... Why don't you just write essays to yourself? That way, you can ensure that no one will pose an opinion that dares disagree with yours.

Better yet, why not speak for YOURSELF, and let OTHERS speak for THEMselves? No one is limiting you or your right to hold your opinions, but your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins. Your opinions and truth are based on your experience. Others' are based upon theirs'. Not so hard to understand, is it?

That's the crux of things: When you purport to speak for others, you can't realistically be surprised when people take umbrage.

[Toyah]

Is there something wrong with telling you how I feel about the honesty of some on this forum? How I feel that some of you are definitely not being honest with yourselves, your SOs, and the forum members in general? Am I not allowed to voice my opinion? Am I not at least a little bit correct when it comes to the sexuality of crossdressing?

I don't want to speak for anyone, I just want to express MY opinions and ideas formed from a lifetime of gender problems. I have been to counseling and psychiatry, my wife went to a support group for wives of transvestites (It had not yet been redefined as crossdressers). You know what? SEX is a big part of it. A real big part of it, and the SEX part really does bother the wives. They really DO care what you are thinking about. This was twenty years ago, maybe this basic point has changed over the years, but I don't think so, does anyone? I would guess that if it IS NOT at least a little bit erotic to you, then you are probably a transsexual. I've read all the literature, all the current psycho babble. Don't tell me what I have or have not read, or what to believe.

I can tell by the spitting and sputtering and hissing of a couple of the replies, that I have burst some bubbles, especially yours Sheri. It sure seems like this hit home for you. What is happening with you that requires such a hateful response to a statement of my OPINION? Does my opinion threaten your world? I only stated MY opinion. You are free to have any opinion you want, and MINE is just as valid as yours, so don't insult me.

I read the posts on this forum, and like many others, I can connect the dots. I can often see what is there by what is omitted. How do I do this? The same way you all do. After a lifetime of reading and interpreting the written word, I have learned how to (sometimes) detect what is really being said. This is a human skill, learned by all, not something that only I have.

Let's all get shaved, dressed in our finest garter belt and nylons, lacy pink panties, wig, slip, bra and forms makeup, heels, rhinestone earrings, necklace and all that other wonderful ultra-fem stuff we love so much. I'm sure we'll get along better that way.

You explain your hangups in your answers here you have been to counseling and to shrinks. Their agenda is to get you hooked on their psycho dribble and then hit you for your bucks if you dont agree name one shrink that said "this is for free!!!!!!".
I agree that dressing is fun and denying any sexual element is pandering usually to the repressed I dont have any hangups with that and neither does my wife.
There you go again about gender problems cannot you accept that there many here that dont have "PROBLEMS" as you call them that actually there are people that enjoy what they do and their spouses do as well, dont look at everyone through your psyche twisted goggles learn to enjoy who you are and dont assume that everyone has the same bitterness that you seem to

[SandyR]

I will be honest I (we) the wife need our space, but I do miss her and my family when on the road. No doubt I have spent time in enfemme talking with my wife about how her day went. Dressing is a big part of me, but not the only one. Really its family first, period.

Plus it makes those time I dress some much more fun!


Hugs!

SandyR

[renee99]

I can tell by the spitting and sputtering and hissing of a couple of the replies, that I have burst some bubbles, especially yours Sheri. It sure seems like this hit home for you. What is happening with you that requires such a hateful response to a statement of my OPINION? Does my opinion threaten your world? I only stated MY opinion. You are free to have any opinion you want, and MINE is just as valid as yours, so don't insult me.

An opinion is an opinion until it is used against another person. Then it becomes a judgement.


Let's all get shaved, dressed in our finest garter belt and nylons, lacy pink panties, wig, slip, bra and forms makeup, heels, rhinestone earrings, necklace and all that other wonderful ultra-fem stuff we love so much. I'm sure we'll get along better that way.

Aren't you a little cynical? Why don't you look at some of the pictures? You are seriously confused if you think everyone fetishizes objects like yourself. A large portion of the posters here are very concerned with maintaining a presentable image and feminine persona.

[jenni_xx]

You explain your hangups in your answers here you have been to counseling and to shrinks. Their agenda is to get you hooked on their psycho dribble and then hit you for your bucks if you dont agree name one shrink that said "this is for free!!!!!!"

I don't recall Boots/Superdrug/Make-up stores giving us lipstick for free. We buy it because it makes us feel good about ourselves. Likewise, we visit "shrinks" in order to get to a point that enables us to feel good about ourselves. This isn't about it being their agenda to get us hooked so that they can hit us for their bucks, anymore than it is a beaitician to get us hooked so that they can hit us for their bucks. We do it, not to line their pockets, but to enhance ourselves.

Oh, I should also point out that I myself have gone to counselling, and been hit with all this psychobabble, and it cost me. absolutely zippo. Oh the wonderful NHS. Tell me, what was their agenda? How exactly did I line their pockets?

In my humble opinion, I would have to say that your blanket dismissal of what others have said in this thread is akin to the very thing as to why you are jumping on them. Hang-ups? I would rather called it a difference of opinion. Yeah, that seems a much more civil and respectful way to go about things.

Respect, and I hope my opinion hasn't caused any offence

xx

[renee99]

I think LaFem makes some good points. Stated opinions and attitudes are going to be skewed in here. What MtoF is going to admit, for example, to fantasizing about men (or more than fantasizing) when they know that this part of the forum is open to the public, including their wives.

What I don't understand is why fantasizing outside the relationship is a problem. Fantasy is just that. It's mind play. It doesn't change anything except moves electrons around in your head and stimulates your nervous system as a result. If your real life leaves some of your fantasies unfulfilled, then it's up to you to decide how important those fantasies are. That might mean negotiating extra room in your relationship, or even breaking it off if you feel that you're being emotionally starved by your spouse.

I have no problem, nor does my SO, in knowing that I fantasize about men, and am therefore probably bisexual to some degree. In fact, I'm more ok with the notion of bisexuality than with being T. The fact that this is in my head doesn't make one bit of difference -- until the point where I would actually start to make material steps towards cheating on her, or leaving her for a man. Since she is the most beautiful thing in my life, and I have never been particularly attracted to any specimen of man, and I have an unparalleled personal integrity, we both understand that as very unlikely. Her knowledge of this facet of myself allows her to indulge my fantasies whenever she can. We both win...

In the end, honesty in the relationship is the best policy, then the more proclivious of us don't have to play ostrich and "Take one for the team" when SO's might be reading the board...

[Toyah]

I don't recall Boots/Superdrug/Make-up stores giving us lipstick for free. We buy it because it makes us feel good about ourselves. Likewise, we visit "shrinks" in order to get to a point that enables us to feel good about ourselves. This isn't about it being their agenda to get us hooked so that they can hit us for their bucks, anymore than it is a beaitician to get us hooked so that they can hit us for their bucks. We do it, not to line their pockets, but to enhance ourselves.

Oh, I should also point out that I myself have gone to counselling, and been hit with all this psychobabble, and it cost me. absolutely zippo. Oh the wonderful NHS. Tell me, what was their agenda? How exactly did I line their pockets?

In my humble opinion, I would have to say that your blanket dismissal of what others have said in this thread is akin to the very thing as to why you are jumping on them. Hang-ups? I would rather called it a difference of opinion. Yeah, that seems a much more civil and respectful way to go about things.

Respect, and I hope my opinion hasn't caused any offence

xx

I think that yes I am dismissive because the views dont apply to me or many others here and then we get the ohhhhhhh I fantasize about men post. Fine if you do but dont assume that others do.
Toyah is an act in its self a fantasy but to assume because of that I fantasize about men is ludicrous.

I really dont have the hangups that many have here my wife is often here when I post, sometimes howling on the floor with some of the ideas that abound. Dressing for me is fun it does not go outside my house apart from a few rare events . I am sorry if I seem flippent but some of your ideas of what a CD must be are so bizzare Monty Python should have written them

[LaFem]

I'm not dismissing anything that anyone has said. Everyone has a right to express their opinion. Just as I do.

I must say again, please do not give me this crap about fetishes, or any other thing that you feel you must say to validate yourself and insult me. Be honest with yourself first.

Disagree with me all you want, as I also have the right to disagree with you.

Everybody quotes my posts, but so far nobody has answered the questions. Is this selective ignorance, or are you avoiding an uncomfortable issue?

[Carin's Wife GG]

all I can say is (like the title) *What a bunch of crap*



Louise.

[TxKimberly]

Gotta argue with you there. How could you miss your clothes more than:
- a wife that holds you and loves you, even when your just sure your stupid and ugly?
- a 3 year old little girl that squeals when you walk through the door and falls down on the floor acting like she cant get up, all the while shouting "poppa, I'm all outta hugs!"?

When I don't get to "be pretty" for a while I do miss it and want it, but you can't possibly compare it a wife and little critters that love you.

[Lilith Moon]

What I don't understand is why fantasizing outside the relationship is a problem. Fantasy is just that. It's mind play. It doesn't change anything except moves electrons around in your head and stimulates your nervous system as a result. If your real life leaves some of your fantasies unfulfilled, then it's up to you to decide how important those fantasies are. That might mean negotiating extra room in your relationship, or even breaking it off if you feel that you're being emotionally starved by your spouse.

I have no problem, nor does my SO, in knowing that I fantasize about men, and am therefore probably bisexual to some degree. In fact, I'm more ok with the notion of bisexuality than with being T. The fact that this is in my head doesn't make one bit of difference -- until the point where I would actually start to make material steps towards cheating on her, or leaving her for a man. Since she is the most beautiful thing in my life, and I have never been particularly attracted to any specimen of man, and I have an unparalleled personal integrity, we both understand that as very unlikely. Her knowledge of this facet of myself allows her to indulge my fantasies whenever she can. We both win...

In the end, honesty in the relationship is the best policy, then the more proclivious of us don't have to play ostrich and "Take one for the team" when SO's might be reading the board...

What I don't understand is why there is so much bad feeling in this thread. I gave the "fantasizing about men" example as something that some CDs might not want to admit to in a forum visited by their wives. I was not expressing any opinion whatsoever about the particular example I chose.

[Valerie]

LaFem wrote:
If you want to make friends on this forum, just complement the right people,
You must mean "compliment," which is to say something nice to someone. To "complement" is to complete, to add.

It is amusing to see how you completely misunderstand what people are telling you. If you miss more your dresses than your wife when you are traveling, that is your problem; you must be surely describing what happens to you. It does not happen to me. We have different experiences that complement each other...

Valerie

[Bethany Ann]

I dont find it hard...if it truly came to my wife and family I would honor that...yes it may be hard...but the fantasy could always live on in my head. Wife first...family next...then Bethany. Damn...she would miss her pretty little suits though..

When my wife found out 7 months ago I asked her if she wanted me to stop...but I did explain everything...how long and the desire...everything. She said she would never ask me to stop as it is part of me and has made me the man...father...and husband...I am today. Plus she loves the fact I love to dress as a pretty maid and clean her house for her...! Our little secret!

Beth

Bethany

[rose382832]

this thread has gone so far off track that it can't be followed anymore.when i'm away from home( whitch as an army mechanic, is half my life) i want nothing more than to be home with my wife. there are always times to dress on the road, but would rather be home and dress with my wife's help than in a strange town or country and miss the hugs from my wife and the snuggles from my 2 girls.

[janet1234]

Love to come home, dress, decide which heels, dress, then make supper, alone.

[Carin's Wife GG]

Love to come home, dress, decide which heels, dress, then make supper, alone.

points out the difference between you and me. I live with the love of my life and our many children. We enjoy each other. We love each other. Sometimes we have to make decisions for the good of the relationship or the family. And that is the point....the good of the relationship is what counts for both of us.



Louise.

[Country girl]

Have to agree with Jess GG and put my own :2c:in. As I was reading this post all I could do was shake my head and think "how sad". Let me give all of you a different perspective. My daddy is having surgery tomorrow. He may or may not live. I love my daddy very much. How many of you have someone in your lives that you love so much you would hate to have to live without? A parent, a child, a sister, or brother? How about a best friend? There is so much more to life than "all this crap" as the title states, and I'm NOT refering to CDing. Think about it. :( CG GG

[Carin's Wife GG]

I certainly agree with you. The last month or so for me made that particulary clear. Loving someone is SO important.


Louise.

[Sugar]

I dont find it hard...if it truly came to my wife and family I would honor that...yes it may be hard...but the fantasy could always live on in my head. Wife first...family next...then Bethany. Damn...she would miss her pretty little suits though..

When my wife found out 7 months ago I asked her if she wanted me to stop...but I did explain everything...how long and the desire...everything. She said she would never ask me to stop as it is part of me and has made me the man...father...and husband...I am today. Plus she loves the fact I love to dress as a pretty maid and clean her house for her...! Our little secret!

Beth

Bethany

I hate housework!!:mad:

[Carin's Wife GG]

and cooking and laundry.


Louise.

[Country girl]

Louise, Thanks so much, I think we were posting at the same time or I would of had to say I agreed with what you had to say as well!:hugs: CG GG

[Sheri 4242]

Well, it seems I can start this with the exact same opening sentence I used in my first post:

Here we go again with absolutely specious presumptuousness -- subjective "bs" stated as fact!


Everybody quotes my posts, but so far nobody has answered the questions. Is this selective ignorance, or are you avoiding an uncomfortable issue?

Oh, your post has been answered. It is obviously "selective" to not realize that just b/c it isn't the answer you wanted and/or the response you expected, that it wasn't answered.


I can tell by the spitting and sputtering and hissing of a couple of the replies, that I have burst some bubbles, especially yours Sheri. It sure seems like this hit home for you. What is happening with you that requires such a hateful response to a statement of my OPINION?

You haven't burst any bubble of mine. I have one of the most incredibly supportive wives, hands down! If you knew more about many of us who post on here regularly, you might have realized this! You don't stand on the Las Vegas Strip in broad daylight, hand-in-hand with your wife, with you as the bride, a photographer snapping photos, and your name on the chapel's marquis if you don't have an incredibly supportive, encouraging, and understanding wife!

What you "hit home" with was your incredulous arogance, lumping everyone into your own neat set of specious assumptions and suggesting that you speak for all of us -- or even half of us -- or even some of us!


Is there something wrong with telling you how I feel about the honesty of some on this forum? How I feel that some of you are definitely not being honest with yourselves, your SOs, and the forum members in general?

There is nothing wrong with you stating your opinion. You crossed the line when you tried to label this as wide-spread, uber prevelant, and applicable to a majority. Now you back down and say it is just "some." You originally left almost no room for anything but YOUR opinion! Now you say, "Am I not at least a little bit correct when it comes to the sexuality of crossdressing?" Do you think we are ignorant and can't see through these obvious contradictions?!! Just b/c you can draw a line from dot "a" to dot "b" doesn't mean you can connect that which is complex. (To use your analogy!)

And don't twist what I said!!!

While you were labeling anybody who didn't fall in line with you as less than truthful, I said,

1.) " . . . IMO, there is a strong element of truth to the vast majority of those who post here, regardless of whether I agree with someone or not; the details sustain the differing thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviors that are common among CDs, TSs, TVs, and SOs. If you are convinced that this element of truth does not exist within the healthy exchanges that happen on here every single day, then how could it even be entertaining? Obviously, it couldn't be so!

2.) Some crossdressers have a sexual component to their dressing -- and I've seen many admit such on this forum, openly and freely. Some crossdressers don't have a sexual component to their dressing -- as has been discussed here many times, especially when talking about the incorrect application of "fetishtic" to all crossdressers. A goodly number have reported (in line with competent, respected current research and literature) that they began dressing before there could be a sexual component, thus sustaining the "second self" personna that some members feel and their experiences and behaviors. I guess it is convenient to label these as "untruthful denials" so as to fit neatly into your preconceived opinions.

3.) There are too many on here earnestly seeking support, advice, and balance -- an occasional laugh, an occasional cry, but always affirmation, validation, and support from like-minded sisters -- to get caught up in your naysaying drama!!!

H'mmm -- and that bothers you?!! You want freedom of expression, but would deny me those points?!!

Like Frankie said:

It seems to me that you are the one who has the problem with anyone having the temerity to disagree with you . . . That's the crux of things: When you purport to speak for others, you can't realistically be surprised when people take umbrage.

And Toyah:

There you go again about gender problems cannot you accept that there many here that dont have "PROBLEMS" as you call them that actually there are people that enjoy what they do and their spouses do as well, dont look at everyone through your psyche twisted goggles learn to enjoy who you are and dont assume that everyone has the same bitterness that you seem to

So, once again I'll leave it at this: speak for yourself! Don't presume to speak for me!!! And, don't be dismissive of the great people on this forum who "tell it like it is" in love, care and concern evey day!!!

[Sheri 4242]

Sometimes we have to make decisions for the good of the relationship or the family.

A stand-alone significant statment!!!


My daddy is having surgery tomorrow. He may or may not live. I love my daddy very much. How many of you have someone in your lives that you love so much you would hate to have to live without? A parent, a child, a sister, or brother? How about a best friend? There is so much more to life than "all this crap" as the title states, and I'm NOT refering to CDing. Think about it. :( CG GG

So very true!!! Sorry to hear about your dad!!! He will be in our prayers!!! I lost my dad a few years ago and recall all too vividly the last years. I hope all goes well!!! Keep us posted!!!

[sandra-leigh]

Everybody quotes my posts,

Up to the time you posted that, 3 out of 44 posts quoted you. That isn't even close to "everybody".


but so far nobody has answered the questions. Is this selective ignorance, or are you avoiding an uncomfortable issue?

It isn't entirely clear which questions you are referring to, the ones you asked in your postings, or the ones that started the thread.

If you were referring to the ones that started the thread: I answered them (speaking only for myself); I said "It's a balance"; another poster later said much the same thing, and I believe that other poster should also be considered to have been answering the original thread questions.

If you were referring to the questions you asked in your replies: well, you didn't actually ask very much in the way of questions. Your questions were:


I also wonder how many private messages get sent? I know I never get any, and that's just fine, but is that the way to communicate with the larger, public membership? Is someone telling me it's wrong to ask these questions? Maybe some topics should just be considered taboo on this forum?

To answer those specific questions:

- I have no idea how many PM and email messages get sent. A fair number, I think, but I don't see any problem with that. If you want specific numbers, then possibly if you ask in the technical forum, someone with access to the stats might answer, but I wouldn't expect them to do so unless you indicated a good reason for wanting the figures.

- This question is rhetorical. Of course PMs are not the way to communicate with a larger public audience. But there is no present reason to believe that people are using PMs to attempt to address a larger public audience. To answer an implied question, "Do I sometimes send PMs to avoid saying things in public 'on the record'?": Yes, I do that sometimes. What am I "hiding"? I'm not about to say, so you can draw your own conclusions if you like (though it isn't likely that you would turn out be right.)

- With regards to whether someone is telling you that it is wrong to ask "these" questions: the previous two questions were the first ones you had asked in the thread, so unless someone was precognative, NO, no one-was telling you that it was wrong to ask those questions.

- Should some topics be considered taboo on the forum? Yes. For example, a few weeks ago, someone posted graphic details of a sexual encounter they'd just had. Real or fantasy, it wasn't appropriate material for the forum.

The other questions you have posted were,


Is there something wrong with telling you how I feel about the honesty of some on this forum? How I feel that some of you are definitely not being honest with yourselves, your SOs, and the forum members in general? Am I not allowed to voice my opinion?

- mitch23 and Lovely Rita both answered these questions, defending your right to express your opinion. But as to whether you are "allowed" to voice your opinions: this forum is not a Public Place, it is a private facility that you have been permitted to join and make use of, subject to a number of conditions. Do not make the mistake of believing you have "First Amendment" rights or Canada Charter free speech rights here: what you are allowed to express is whatever the system owners (or their delegated representatives) say you are allowed. And some of the published provisions about what is "allowed" to be said deal with the manner of saying things. There are different ways of saying the same thing, and if the owners/representatives don't happen to like the way you said something, they can do something about it. As a generalization (and not speaking for the staff!), if a lot of people are interpreting your words as if you were being deliberately provocative, you should probably be pausing and reflecting on how to write to be interpreted less confrontationally, rather than attempting to stand upon equality of rights and so on.


Am I not at least a little bit correct when it comes to the sexuality of crossdressing?

I don't know. You posted a number of things that could be interpreted as dealing with the sexuality of crossdressing; it isn't clear which statement you were referring to in this question. For example, I think it would be reasonable to include your line about not making excuses about fetishtic whatever as being part of your statements about the sexuality of crossdressing, but I, at least, was not able to make out what you were trying to say at that time. You did make a clear statement that crossdressing is a lot about sex; yes, you are a "little bit right" about that, in that for some crossdressers, sex is a big component. But at the same time, your phrasing at the time implied that that was the case for everyone, and so in that regard, NO, you are not a little bit right about that, because there are a fair number of crossdressers for whom the sexual component is not a major factor.

Is crossdressing partly about sex for me? Yes -- and I never said otherwise. But is it "a lot about sex" for me? No.

[MeraLehanga]

I am shocked my query has become so controversial! Feels like a hornet nest was disturbed. The entire thread went out of proportions! I was deeply saddened with the replies except for few. I was looking for honest answers to form criteria for evaluation purpose and your honest answers would have helped not just me but many introverts CDs.

Except for 5, most of you went running as if an epidemic broke out! Articulating an ostrich tendencies instead would have been worthwhile, meaning not answering at all, instead of answering them out of context.

As Lafemme said “Everybody quotes my posts, but so far nobody has answered the questions. Is this selective ignorance, or are you avoiding an uncomfortable issue?

My main original plain query was...

“Let’s say you are in office, what you miss the most at home? Your wife or your femme clothes? Let us not be hypocritical about it, but honest!

Note: This is nothing to do with one's character but and individual's femme persona dominance over her. Yes, we control it, but the feeling and the energy is in question.

Most of the replies are out of context except for few!

The HONEST ANSWER rests here; it’s either,

a) “Whilst in office I miss my wife more than my femme clothes” Period!

Or

b) “Whilst in office I miss my femme clothes more than my wife” Period!

Anything else is out of context!

Was that difficult to answer? No! And you count these replies and you get the ratio. That’s what I needed to know.
The funny part? The replies on blending the two! Why blend? Does my query pertain to blending? The answer is in A or B! PERIOD! PERIOD!
Once either of 'em is answered the rest of the points are naturally covered.

Why the long explanations? It proves two things a person is not sure of her own self, or she shares the threads with his wife. In that case shouldnt answer, in instances wherein your wife is compelling, I am short of words. Very unfortunate there in one wherein other family members being included! I am truly disappointed of how even the best of you develop your own concepts when I am the originator of the question. EVERYTHING WENT OUT OF CONTEXT!

The person who has shown spark of honesty and grace is Ms. Salandra, I calm and poised as usual, for having shown a bohemian approach I felt you to have a balanced persona. Sherry 3232 I always admired your honesty, analytical approach, helpful tendencies, patience and immense knowledge, are you a lecturer or a Professor? But, this time I felt your words fell slightly in the grey area, lacked transparency.

It would have been preferable and justifiable for the sake of honesty if ladies of this forum hadn’t answered my queries if they had foreseen a risk of hurting their SOs, instead of throwing words into the turbulence.

I sincerely felt as we all are CD incognitos such issues can be shared in a healthy fashion. Cant we do that? I thank the ladies for being honest to a greater degree…….

Sandygal, LaFem, Salandra and Lillith:

[Marla S]

Why do people moan about not getting the correct answers and complain about the forum and the forum members lately ?

Mera, life and answers are usually not so easy and usually can't be answered by A or B. The less as the alternatives are from different categories, which are not quite comparable.
It has nothing to do with being dishonest, blind or whatever, when there is no simple answer or when other aspects are or have to be considered.

If only A or B is good for you, why didn't you make a poll ?

An answer is an answer, and to respect this answer is part of being accepting and open minded.
Nobody here knows the final and general truth. There are just tooooooooooooooooo many variables to be considered, tooooooooo many individual stories.

If the answers are not right for you you might rethink your question, but please stop complaining. That leads nowhere. PERIOD


Correction! GG! This is a male to female crossdressers forum, thus you wouldn’t understand in a million years my abnormal femme persona. Being a GG you should answer in positive or refrain from answering otherwise, your words hurt others.
This is a male to female forum where the opionion of GGs is very, very welcome. It is not your duty to tell others how they have to answer. We can agree or disagree on the opinion of our GGs here, but they have every right to post their opinion here. An opinion that might prevent us from staying in the ivory tower and become blind and ignorant.

Stop the crap !
We want acceptance ? So we should start to accept others and the opinion of others.

[DawnL]

My main original plain query was...

“Let’s say you are in office, what you miss the most at home? Your wife or your femme clothes? Let us not be hypocritical about it, but honest!

I think you need to reread your original post. That is not all it said.

[Tree GG]

... It proves two things a person is not sure of her own self, or she shares the threads with his wife. In that case shouldnt answer, in instances wherein your wife is compelling, I am short of words. Very unfortunate there in one wherein other family members being included! ...

Since I'm just a GG, I probably don't deserve an answer to this honest question, but do you really feel that way about your wife? Do you not value your partnership that you wish her to know at least as much about you as you want an anonymous gathering on the internet to know?

Yes, there is a sexual component to CDing that causes issues in a marriage - they can be worked thru. And the sexual aspect generally diminishes WITHOUT the TG person wanting or repressing transexual needs.

Yes, it's hard sometimes to know where people stand and there is definitely a clique or "queen" status. You have that in any gathering of humans - regardless of shared experiences. So what? It only has importance to those that care about such things. Plus people evolve, change, grow over time - especially when dealing with such a personal, controversial issue as transgenderedness.

I'd love to believe I had the absolute truths - then maybe not. Perhaps that's what life is for - the hunt for these elusive truths and maybe to find that there aren't really any. Either way, from a wives point of view - one who has a great, loving, gentle & respectful transgendered husband - I stand behind my original post. I pity your wife as you desire time with your femme self more than you do her. I wonder how my husband would feel if when I went out of town on business, I called the tennis club or my dry cleaner because I "miss" them more than him? I won't speak for him, but I know it's certainly NOT the message I want to send him, cause it isn't true.

[sandra-leigh]

Was that difficult to answer? No! And you count these replies and you get the ratio. That?s what I needed to know.
The funny part? The replies on blending the two! Why blend? Does my query pertain to blending? The answer is in A or B! PERIOD! PERIOD!


As one of the people who replied about balance, I am disappointed (but somehow not astonished) that you did not understand that my reply was indeed being honest. The answer for me is not plain A or B: the answer for me is A on some days and B on other days.


Why the long explanations? It proves two things a person is not sure of her own self, or she shares the threads with his wife.

My wife doesn't read the forum. And if it were to happen to be the case that I was not sure of my own self, would explaining that not be an honest answer? But you have applied "The law of the excluded middle" incorrectly: you missed the alternative that some answers were longer because they were explaining how it isn't the "either/or" situation that you paint.


I was looking for honest answers to form criteria for evaluation purpose and your honest answers would have helped not just me but many introverts CDs.

One of the few valuable things I've taken away from reading about Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (which otherwise seems to be constructed a lot like Astrology to me) is the distinction between Introverts and Extroverts: that Introverts "recharge their energy by being alone and engaging in quieter activities" whereas Extroverts "recharge their energy by being with others, socializing, and engaging in outward directed activities." I like this formulation because it doesn't bog down in the usual nonsense about introverts being sociophobic or impractical "lost in the clouds".

But suppose you are an introvert and you have a family, and a small number of times a year you get away from them for a few days -- go fishing, drive a few hundred miles to visit your home town, kids go to visit their grandparents, whatever. And there you are all alone, and you sigh and say, "Ah, so peaceful, it's great to get away from everybody!" And meanwhile at home, little Jamie failed history and so has to make it up at summer-school and is seething about having to take a "stupid subject" again and is resenting not being with his or her friends and is stressing everybody out... Now does that feeling of peace and relief mean that you love your fishing trips more than you love your wife and family? And if you really go stir-crazy if you can't get that few days by yourself, "What do you miss more, your fishing rod or your wife?" Is it not a reasonable and honest answer to say "I need a balance of the two, this bit of fishing may not be much but it re-centers me and prepares me to deal with the rest of the year." ?

[Sheila]

You know my CDR is a well rounded guy ............ he loves football, plays golf, plays pool, has guy nights, he has a family that includes me and knowing him as I do .............. Golf would be the one thing above all else that he thinks about outside of his family....... it is his game ....

CDING is apart of who he is but not the whole ................. Lord am i thankfull i have him in my life

[Sharon]

Okay, I've been forced to remove some comments as some people don't seem able to discuss things without resorting to name calling and making smart-ass comments directed at specific members who disagree with them. And although I was hesitant to close this thread -- it has veered back and forth every-which-way now and it seems incapable of returning and focusing on the original question at hand, which itself seems rather antagonistic in my opinion.

So, with that said....