every time i try to say it ....

[Wendy me]

OK first off the GG'S that are supportive god love yar ...... and your so's should truly realize how lucky they are ..... this is going to be long ...

hello my name is Wendy well half of me is Wendy and lets just call the other half "HIM".... Wendy and "HIM" are married to "HIM'S" wife they lover HER to death .... but something has been going on there's some one dyeing here it's Wendy ..... our wife knows "HE" dresses up in womens clothes ..... and doesn't want to know ....

she doesn't want to talk abought it she thinks it's sick .... she dose not know Wendy and probably never would care to ....

OK we have been together for over 25 years with good times and some bad but we stuck it out this long even though a few times it would have been way too easy to just quit.....


now just to bring you up to speed ... i love my wife with all my heart and over the years made some lets just say tough compromises in my life with out even thinking to please her no regrets ....



still with me ???? here's we twist some .....


abought 6 weeks ago things changed big time .... with out getting into a big poor me thingy ( gawd i hate that) i had a med disaster lol lets say abought 15 feet from being totally done lol ... been on the edge before .... but this was the closest ever ... doesn't scare me .... some times thought it would not be a bad thing...

OK still here???

now i got these stupid doctors and tests BS total BS .... but i can't drive .... lol cops won't let me doctors won't let me .... even my connection at the registry won't let me .... i can't go any were .... cool i love my home and yard .... home with my dog and his pet cat is OK ....


OK now the big thing is i like to shop lol who in their right mind don't ??? lol .... but i got to ask my wife to bring me any were i need to go this sucks big time ...... i know she gets tired after working and she has to run for her mom ... i understand i truly do ...


OK selfish me ???? i don't relay think so .... and i might be wrong i still try to make her happy to do things nice for her .... and i don't try to push this other side of me on her ...... but something needs to move something needs to change .... the only three things i bought for our other side (Wendy waves .... this is a story abought Wendy) is some hair care things and a little fem deodorant and some fem shaving gel... and those little things were met with them dreaded sighs and eye rolls......


oh god give me strength i been good i have tried to talk to her but she will not listen ........ were we are as i feel Wendy grasping for air ... a part of me is dyeing .... slipping away .... and my wife either dose not want to know or is totally clue less.... but out side of just screaming god dammit we need you to understand me .... your killing me here .... (that would probably upset her lol .... OK it would...) so respect her feelings and crush mine ..... sucky choose .....

omg i can't believe i still typing this never mind you still reading it......


so this is not abought any one being right or wrong .... being selfish this is abought some one gets hurt ... and a tough place to be ... it's easy i have to do the right thing .... i have to .... once again Wendy dies a little more ... crawls in deeper in that dark pit ...... sad part is my wife has no clue ..... or dose she?????...........

see people might say selfish CD that his a twisted little side of them ... a fetish or what ever you might wish to call it .... call it as you care .... names and labels are so school yard .... it's not me ..... i could be "T" this or "T" that don't care abought that .... what i do know is their are two people struggling to live in here .... and one of them has to suck it up no matter how hard it hurts to make the wife safe from hurting or crossing her comfy zone....

lol 15 more feet and it would not matter lol .... good luck ??? or bad ??? lol .... thanks to reading my rant / vent ..... lol one day soon this will be back to as it's old don't ask don't tell ways ..... and the question is is any one better off that way??? or do we just get by ???? 15 lousy feet lol.... i could have quit this cding....



latter ...... :tongueout:tongueout:tongueout:tongueout:tongueout :tongueout

[Di]

Hon....First big huge giant hugs for all you are going through right now:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Second....I guess your wife is more the do not want to know or see.thats ok...I see how much you love each other...thats most important.........I know you want more....but so can't give more...most important you both really care about each other.
Third How about shopping online.you can find everything...everything online....you might get to enjoy it..............maybe even too much....if you are looking for certain things...I can help you..
Just think shopping and the anticipation of getting the packages delivered....:D could be fun....the ups man will become your new friend.
Anyhoooooo more hugs:hugs::hugs::hugs: Di

[Joy Carter]

Wendy You are one swell gal. I wish I could come and take you shopping. But we are about six hundred miles apart.

You could buy things you need on line at www.drugstore.com Other than shipping the price is cheeper than stores. If you buy in quaity as well as other famliy needs it might off set the shipping costs.

I hope there is someone on here to help get you out shopping.

Take Care Joy :hugs:

[Karren H]

Wow.... So firstly.. Explain the 15 feet... You playing on the roof again and fall off? And I feel for you... I really do.... I get the same sigh and eye roll and the evil glare... What are ya going to do? Same as me... "Yes dear" and move on.. Lol

Karren sucks hind tit at our house and probably always will...

And your being stuck at home would be like me retiring!! Which you just convinced me that I probable never will now!!

So guess you just have to bit you unpainted lips and work on getting better enough to be able to drive again and regain some of your lost freedom!

Love Karren

[Frankie-Dear]

:hugs::bighug::hugs::bighug::hugs::bighug: Keep your chin up... :itsok:

[Charleen]

Wendy, my heart goes out to you!
This no driving- is it permanent or temporary?

[Lovely Rita]

Very sorry to read about the dillemma going on. I would never even dare share my views on the situation, except to say I will pray for you.

SO is so very important in our lives. What a difficult position for you to be in.

[Toyah]

Wow what a turmoil of thoughts I hope you can resolve em hunny :hugs:.I dont think I am qualified to say anything this is right outside my box

[Sandra]

Wendy I'm sorry to hear the way things are with your wife, I really don't know what more you can do to help her come round, to being a bit more accepting of Wendy except trying to get her to talk more. As for the not driving I know it's a pain but I would rather see you not driving until things are sorted than reading on here........ well you know what.

As for shopping yes a girl likes to shop, :) why not try online shopping yes I know it's not the same as actually going out to the shops and you would have something to look forward to and hopefully it won't be to long before you get your freedom back again.

[Jenna1561]

First, I'm happy to hear that you survived the medical trauma and saddened to hear of your loss of indepent travel. It is certainly difficult to be forced to rely on others for transportation. I, like you and many others, have a spouse that is unaccepting and does not want to know anything about Jenna, so I share and understand your misery.

Not knowing the particulars of your situation. I ask the following:

1 - Is the loss of your driver's license a permanent condition? Or might you someday get it back?

2 - Is public transit not an option for you? I know that it is severly limited in many areas.

3 - Do you have any friends who could help with the transportation issue?

4 - If you're not a member of a local support group or club, is there one you could join? Its members might be a source of transportation and could also lend a friendly ear.

I wish you the best.


Jenna

[Daintre]

Hi Wendy, bet you just knew that you would hear from me.
I can understand a lot of what you are going through, the fact that you are severely limited with your freedom of movement is not lost on me. Not being able to drive is difficult for me, I feel my independence is severely compromised. I have access to public transport (bus) and am grateful of that. If I need to go anywhere the bus doesn't, well I am now reliant on my sister and brother in law....talk about being beholding to people.

This past week, I know you read about my being flat on my back in hospital with heart problems...the list of restrictions I now have to live by just suck big time...I DO know about those 15', and I have also thought, damn just another bit and no worries. BUT my dear....your wife cares so much for HIM, it is so sad that Wendy can't benefit a bit from that love. My wish for you is that they find out what the ailment was that grounded you and fix it so you get that vehicle back and you can liberate Wendy. To quote a good friend...that would be a good thingy...:hugs: and :love: to you

Jenni

[Lovely Rita]

I tried to post earlier that I was very sorry to hear about your current situation. I will pray for you.

[Tree GG]

Don't really know what advice to give. You wishing the target had been hit is a sad, sad thought.

So sorry for your turmoil. Perhaps your wife's increased exposure to Wendy's activities will have a good effect in the long run. Let's hope.

:hugs:

[Wendy me]

Di thanks but tryed the on line thingy not my kind of shopping .... going to have to tough it out till i can get out shopping in real life....

Joy thanks but sooner or latter things have to change and i get out ..... being free...


Karren in 15 feet i would have been going over 60 mph...

Frankie no outher choise.....



Lily hopefuly temp......


Rita thanks.........


Toyah this is right outside my box too...lol...


Sandra your a sweet heart your so should know that too....



Jenna 1) hope so soon... 2)no we don't get that here would have to go 3 towns over to that ... 3)no for the shopping i need lol no rednecks out this way.... 4) no groups local enough to get to now ....

[Wendy me]

Jenni i have read your posts and sister i can feel your pain ,.... freedom is a big thingy....

Rita huge Wendy hugs to you....


Don't really know what advice to give. You wishing the target had been hit is a sad, sad thought.

So sorry for your turmoil. Perhaps your wife's increased exposure to Wendy's activities will have a good effect in the long run. Let's hope.

:hugs:

i can understand what your saying and it is and isn't at the same time ... i mean i would never do anything to helpe get to there but at the same time sooner or latter we all go there it's our next step .... it's so were we are going to .... who knows my wife could get a small positive bump out of this....

[Marla S]

So sorry to hear Wendy.

I have no advice ... helpless

:hugs:



Whom do you mean by being selfish ?

Yourself, because you feel Wendy dying ?

Your wife, because she doesn't want to talk about it ?

But maybe it's just the old saying:

I would die for her.

Who is "her" ?

[Kimberley]

I am sooooo sorry to hear you going through this Wendy. My situation is little different except for being TG/TS. So I know intimately what you are going through and totally understand.

If your wife is receptive maybe you can suggest counselling with a therapist experienced in gender issues. This is the heart of it as I read it.

For decades, I pushed Kimberley away, kept her locked up and tied with chains. The price was very very steep. The cost was my mental health and believe me it isnt worth it. Like me, you also have been on the edge so you know how deep and dark that place is, and it isnt pretty. The one thing we seem to have is this little bit of reserve in the tank for when we need it. It helped me and you as well. Still that doesnt address the issue of why.

As I said in the past, today, I am on a disability pension; unable to work more than a few hours a week and the slightest bit of friction has me in crumbles. I had to cut some of the meds because the side effects were worse than the symptoms they were designed to control. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not.

My pdoc has called this "complicated grief". Loss of self as the result of a number of unresolved issues from both the past and present. There has to be a way out for me, I know there is, but the cost is horrendous; more than I am willing to pay.

All I can say is that you have to look after you first. Yes, we love others and want to protect them and keep those relationships but if we cant look after ourselves we arent going to do them any good and everyone suffers.

For me, the solution was to be deep in the closet, take the time when I can get it and relish every second of it. Is it enough? For me no, full time would barely be enough but again that is the TG/TS thing.

So hon, try and relax and treat Wendy the best you can. To not care for her has a heavy price.

You know you can always PM me.

:hugs::hugs:
Kimberley

[RobertaFermina]

In my opinion, her eyes roll to establish her judgment from her world, and to impose her worldview onto you. The more successful she is with this technique, the more consitently you will get it.

The more you ignore it, and be your fabulous self and do and get what you want, the more she will cast about for a different response. If you don't know what her next level response is, you might carry on and find out. It could be more acceptance, some resignation (a melancholy form of serenity), or anger, or something else altogether.

You did say that something had to move. If you want to make something move, deary.....make a move and take on the consequences (and rewards!).

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[AllieSF]

Wendy,

After your 25,000 plus posts, I guess you have read it all, heard it all and probably written a lot of it too. You know where you are and what you have to do. Glad you are still with us to share your wisdom, humor and personal frustrations too. They say time heals and I hope that also means your health so that you can become more independent. Good luck.

[Sheila]

Wendy,

selfish as it may be I am glad you didn't ge tthe extra 15 feet, you are a vey valued member here. Am glad that the driving enforcement is hopefully only temporary.

:hugs:Jess

[jennifer easton]

Sis, you were the first one I talked to here, every one has said what I feel, but I feel I need to let you know, if I can help, just PM me and I'll do what ever I can!! for now get some rest,heal, and in no time atall you can hit the streets run'n, and shop your a*s off,love ya Jen

[Sharon]

I don't think you're selfish at all, Wendy. As a matter of fact, I doubt you could be if you tried.

I don't know anything I could say that will be of any comfort to you, or will change your wife's attitude about accepting you better or giving back to you as much as you give to her, but I hope you knock off the "good luck or bad" crap, because it is total nonsense!

If you buy me lunch and a beer, I will take a day or two and take you anywhere you want to go. Seriously! Gads, if it's any cooler up there than it is here, I would look forward to it. :happy:

[Country girl]

Wendy, First and most importantly lots of :hugs:. Wish I could come get you and drive you myself. You are so important to this forum. You take care of yourself cos your are needed here. You have a lot of sage insight and wisdom to impart to the people on this forum. I'll be praying for you. I'm sorry about your wife. It's sad really. People should be able to love a person for who they are. Can't she see that Wendy is a part of the person she fell in love with? Hope you're able to be out and about and driving again real soon.:thumbsup: :hugs: CG GG

[Glenda58]

Sorry to hear about the near miss and having to rely on someone else to get around really sucks. And I hear you about the wife not wanting to talk about or work with Wendy. None of my wifes want anything to do with Glenda. But hang in there it still better than being alone and writing on the Internet all night.

[Alice B]

First of all. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through and wish you a speedy recovery. But, I have a question. Have you and your wife ever really sat down and talked about your needs, assuring her that it is not a threat to her, that you are not gay and that current events are leaving you feeling very frustrated? That you need her support more than at any time in your life.:hugs:

[Andi]

.......so this is not about any one being right or wrong .... being selfish this is about some one gets hurt ... and a tough place to be ... it's easy i have to do the right thing .... i have to .... once again Wendy dies a little more ... crawls in deeper in that dark pit ...... sad part is my wife has no clue ..... or dose she?????...........

Wendy I'm so sorry you are in this situation. Thank God it wasn't 15 more feet, it does matter. I can identify with the lack of acceptance/understanding you feel. In reality though, as each of us ages day by day, we and our fem self dies a little more. It's one less day to do the things we like doing. I also feel wives or SOs have no clue how torn up we can get inside when we face or think about our situation and the mortality of our lives.

The attitude I've tried to adopt is to just savor each moment, opportunity and thrill that comes by being Andi, even if it is seldom and even if I get no support or understanding. Life is now and I am here and that's still good. :love:

[Suzie S.]

Wendy, first of all, here's a :hugs:. I'm so sorry to hear of this position you are in. It does seem your wife will never come around to understanding Wendy. I guess some GG's just don't want to try, or just can't comprehend us. I wish I had some advice that would help. All I can say is that you have many friends here to talk to, and stand by you. I hope you start feeling better soon and start driving again! Please bend my ear anytime you need to talk! :hugs:

[Raychel]

I am so sorry to here of your troubles Wendy. As we all know GG's have all sorts of acceptance. Some will totally accept you other don't. Sometimes the same one will accept you one minute then not the other.

Sometimes we as crossdressers also fight this same battle with ourselves, Accepting who we are one minute then not the next. These constant internal battles can surely cause trouble in any relationship. Throw in some medical issues, and it all sounds like a pretty big load for your wife to take on.

Do I have any good words of wisdom for you? Here is the best that I can come up with right now. Give your wife a break from the cding if possible, Find a shopping buddy. Hopefully you will get to that comfortable place in your life with your wife, before you take that 60mph ride. Until then just try to take in one day at a time.

:hugs::hugs:
Raychel

[JenniferR771]

Wendy,
i hope you are able to drive soon. Meanwhile...
DING DONG...the Avon lady delivers. Look at their website to find the nearest rep. Amway and Mary Kay--the same.

[Wendy me]

Marla lol me too ...


Kimberley if this makes any sense i never explored who i relay am other than accepting me as i am for fear of finding out more abought who am and a trip down a path that would surly destroy my wife....


Roberta we have pushed the edge some what respecting her comfy zone comes with a high price .....


aluchi_ thanks...


Jennifer it's friendships like that . that makes getting by a little easyer...


Jess i hope i get back to driving and shopping soon too......


Sharon i would love to shop with you lunch and shopping that would be so cool UN like our weather mid 90's ......


Country Girl thanks possibly things could change but i don't get too hopeful... love her to death and the sad thing is we shop together for her ... i pick out a lot of her things .... she has a little Wendy with her now but i know she would have a wicked good time if she just opened up a little ....


GLENDA yes it sucks big time the freedom thingy is killing me to just go any time .... but now like having to ask is the pits....


Alice lol we were on the way to the mall a long time ago and although she had know abought my dressing we never relay talked and i just came out and said you know i wear woman's clothing right ?/ you know i am a cross dresser right ..... she said why are you telling me this ?? i don't want to hear it ... but we got past growing out the hair .. and the shaving and plucking ... we made some small steps but still we stall ....


Andi yes we make the best of what we have ....


Suzie thanks you all make each day a little essayer to deal with....


Raychel i have backed off more than a bit it's backing into a corner ..... and trying one step at a time....


JenniferR yes i know hopefully i can get out soon but thats a thought ....

[dancinginthedark]

There are things my DH just won't talk about too hun, I know it's the CD issue she won't acknowledge/talk about but it's not a CD issue now. IMO It's a marriage thingie. I do not think you are selfish. I think you are frustrated. I think you are confused. I think you hurt. I know you love your wife.

Hurts when the one who is supposed to know all there is to know and still love and accept you anyway won't acknowledge all of you. So how can they really know you? They can't really "see" you if they won't even acknowledge who you are... so it's hard for a gal [or guy] to feel the love huh?

You can talk to her all you want, but until she is ready to hear what you are saying she won't hear you. That's a sad truth I've had to accept. Here's hoping the near miss really hits home for her and soon so she wants to "see" and love both Him and Wendy.

Wish I knew the answers hun. I'd write a book and make me a million dollars overnight in sales. But since I don't have the answers all I can offer right now is some more :hugs: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: an ear to listen & a shoulder to lean on.

:love:
Mae

[uknowhoo]

i'm sorry i don't have a whole lotta answers or a magic potion for you sweetie. :o i'd love to be able to wave a wand n make it better, but alas...


i likewise don't think you're being selfish. it seems to me that the next move would be your wive's trying to understand, but as mae said, that's not happening til she's ready.

hopefully you'll be able to drive soon and at least have shopping as an outlet again. also, something tells me there's prolly more than a member or two here who are local enough who'd be honored to chat, hang, maybe even shop with the queen of chat. :)

in any case, i do feel for you, sweetie, and will keep you in my prayers.

xoxo

t

[DonnaT]

Well, I'm glad you survived your medical disaster Wendy.

As for shopping, does your wife have to be by your side the whole time?

I know when I go with my wife, we sometimes split up in diferent directions and meet back someplace at certain time.

Tell her it's some special shopping, and no, she can't see. Buy her something special, as well as Wendy. Then, later, you can give her her present.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Wendy

Sorry to hear about your troubles and the difficulties it is causing :(

I only hope you can mabye come to some compromise on the shopping even if its only go to the shops and go your seperate ways for a few hours

At least until you get your independance back :)

[Julie York]

Are intestines 15 feet long!


Blimey

[kerrianna]

Wendy, :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Your huge pain is so obvious in you initial post. Does your wife know this? I mean really KNOW it. Does she know that you are thinking how you might have been better off dead than have Wendy die a slow quite death?

I think you owe it yourself to tell her that. You've made it really clear to us that Wendy is not a game, not a hobby, not something you do to amuse yourself. She is a big PART of YOU, and your wife needs to know how much a part of you.

For you to wish the utter destruction of yourself instead of the slow suffocation of Wendy sends a really clear message to her. If she truly loves and cares for you, she will help Wendy live - she will help YOU live.

A lot of times our spouses don't get how important this can be to us, because WE don't get it ourselves. Read your initial post to yourself - if you are being honest about everything, then it's pretty obvious you KNOW how important Wendy is to you, so please, make sure your wife knows.

And do take care of yourself, hon. :hugs::love:

[Wendy me]

Mae thanks you have no idea how much your input here helps or at lest gets me thinking.....


Tammi thanks hopefully this passes soon .... some times we don't relay understand our freedom until it get cut short...


Donna lol i tried that with her and she won't leave me to just shop ... kinda like she knows what's the plan....



Julie please haunt me lol.... sent you your answer in a pm....

Shelly tried that ... lol ... thanks for your thoughts ...


kerrianna it might come down to just having to sit down and have a heart to heart with her ... i know it sounds crazy i worry more abought her feelings than mine and worry at what price dose this come ??? and who pays the bill?? if quiting was a option walking away from this thing we do was possible how easy would that be ??? but we all know that just can't happen it's not possibly ....

[tall_brianna]

but out side of just screaming god dammit we need you to understand me .... your killing me here .... (that would probably upset her lol .... OK it would...) so respect her feelings and crush mine ..... sucky choose

I'm sorry for also being selfish. Perhaps that is why I can't understand why you just don't say what you said right here. But then again, I wouldn't take advice from me, seven years is my longest and I have no idea what it takes to get to 25.

[Holly]

Wendy, I have to agree with Kerrianna. It's time for the two of you to talk... I mean really mean TALK to one another. There's a risk, no doubt about that. But truthfully, there is a risk in continuing that way things are now. Even if you can let Wendy die now (and I seriously doubt that you can) there would be resentments that will last the rest of your life. Those resentments will fester within you and bring about unwanted changes in HIM as well. The two of you can't be separated without damaging the other. Wendy, you know that this is true. Survival is not selfish; it's basic to living. Marriage requires the investment of love by BOTH parties. I know how much you love your wife. She needs to love you with the same intensity, with the same compassion, with the same selflessness. If you want to talk, you have my number.

[Wendy me]

brianna i believe sooner or latter my wife and i are going to have to talk more and at lest set some kind of understanding ......


Holly yes i know your right .... thanks for the call lol sorry i could not talk .... we were in the car and she was listing .... i will call you today .....