HAD to get out of drab!

[Charleen]

Caution:long post!
Coming home from work tonite I realised I desperately needed to get out of my drab clothes. Not the usual change when I got home but couldn't wait to get into my fem things. Weird. I had to revert to Lily asap. Got out of the dreaded drab clothes and immediately shaved of the goatee I started about 2 weeks ago. Rush? Cut myself to ribbons but worth it!
All this took me by surprise! I have never in all my years felt such revoltion wearing my guy clothes. As I said, weird. I ain't complaining though. See Lily has been just around lately. Been going through a tough time in my life as of late and Lily got over taken by Him. At times that has happened in the past, Lily has come back, but not like this! It's like when I first found this site and rode that pink cloud of freedom, but without the cloud. Make sense?
I have said before that I have always had to wear fem clothes all my life, but this urge tonite was different than anything I experienced before. Again I ain't complaining, and not even wondering why. It's because this is who I am. Matter of fact, the only time I drab out is for work and even then under dress.
Part of what has been going with me is that I have realised that a change in my life is coming/happening. I am coming out of my grieving period for my wife who I lost 10/05. Wasn't aware I was still grieving until the last couple of weeks. Until now I was happy to bury myself in work. Had no life so what did it matter? I have come to the understanding that there IS more to life than work and I need to get a life. Been up and down emotionally for a while now. Could it be that this coming to has caused this to happen tonite? That I am finally aware that I am not only Lily, but I HAVE to be Lily, at least most of the time and have supressed her even though I thought I liberated her last year? I'll tell you one thing, I haven't felt the peace I have right now in a real long time!
Where is this going to go? No idea but it could get interesting to say the least! I think it could get interesting as I am on my own and can move, get another job, anything is possible. I been thinking about moving anyway, but stuck in a safe rut. Ain't all ruts safe?
Thanks for reading this. I had to share this with my friends here.
Love and xxxx, LILY

[Billijo49504]

Welcome to the CD world...BJ

[DawnL]

Lily,
When I lost my wife back in '02 I thought life was changed forever, and it has. I gave up dressing at that time, just seemed I had more to worry about than that. When my life seemed to return to "normal" I, once again, felt the urge to dress. I guess this is just a part of who we are and this is "Normalcy".

[Charleen]

thanks girls. I guess there is always something to learn about who we are!

[Reba Kay]

Lily,
I am new to this forum, but wanted to reply to your excitment of your feelings. I have had that same feeling in the past. It ended up making me feel free as a bird and now alot of things in my past seem to have fallen in place, weather I understood at the time or not. Now all those things did happen for a reason. Now eveything seems so normal. Even on my worst work day, I always feel my fem side once I slip on my nighty and crawl in bed to watch TV for the evening. Reba Kay

[Deanna2]

I frequently look forward to getting into femme gear as I'm driving home from work. There is nothing weird about it. I just look forward to relaxing in comfortable clothes.

[CaptLex]

Welcome to the CD world...BJ
Sounds to me like that goes beyond crossdressing. I've had that happen to me, Lily - in reverse, of course. When that other side wants to come out, you have to hurry up and open the door! Sorry about your wife, but I'm glad you're starting to heal. :hugs:

[JulieC]

I read something once about us really only consciously using 30% of our brains. With that in mind, I think figuring ourselves out can be like going fishing with just a fishing pole and a lure. Figuring out the depths of our minds can be at times so incredibly impossible.

Do all of us know exactly why we crossdress? No. Chances that we all will figure out why? 0.

Lily, I wouldn't puzzle too much over the "why" and enjoy yourself being you.

[Mitch23]

As you say Lily, anything is possible! An exciting and interesting time ahead. Nothing can ever replace your wife but you are dealing with the grieving process

Mitch

[Charleen]

Again thanks everyone. Cap, I had a feeling you would know what I'm talking about.:D Yeah, this went beyond anything I have felt before. Many times I really wanted to get home to change, but last nite I had no choice!
A post script, had to go to Wallyworld for drain cleaner and dressed as always-nice blouse, jeans, earrings, ect., and as I was trying to get down the aisle(passing through the woman's dept.) it was blocked by 2 woman with carts. I stopped and waited. One looked up, saw me waiting, moved her cart and said to the other, "Harriet, move your cart, this lady wants to go by." !!!!!!! No make up, bad shave, scars from the butcher job I did on my face from getting rid on the beard last nite, and I passed! I figure the tide has turned and Lily shows through regardless.:heehee:
Love and xxxx, Lily