Quitting

[jenni_xx]

Is it really possible for a CD to quit? I know I've tried in the past - actually "tried" is the wrong word, more like just stopped, purged, and felt no desire to dress again (all in the space of a matter of hours no less). There have been many catalysts that have brought this on for me. A new relationship or a new home being the two most obvious ones for me. But I've always come back to it, sometimes weeks later, sometimes months, and on one occassion, after almost 2 years (blimey, no dressing, didn't own one single fem item - when I look back on it now, I wonder how the hell did I manage that lol).

But can we really quit for real, forever. I have to admit, in my ignorance, that maybe I'm just unaware of a specific example whereby someone has quit once and for all, but in my opinion (as it stands), I just don't think we can. I mean, it's a big part of our psyche isn't it, a part of the whole that makes us who we actually are? Being a CD (or whatever label you want to call it), is much more than just putting certain external items ONTO your body. Aren't such items merely signifiers that enable us to connect to our needs and desires that reside INSIDE of us? Isn't that what being a CD is all about? Isn't that essentially the reason why we all crossdress? That is, clothes/accessories/make-up etc are just the triggers that enable us to connect to our feminine side.

So, if one quits dressing, and purges every visible trace of their femininity, then is it not the case that all they are really doing is getting rid of the triggers that enable them to connect to and display their feminine side, as opposed to actually succeeding in getting rid of their "feminine id"? Wouldn't consciously quitting therefore only result in pushing our feminine side deep into our subconscious and denying it? And wouldn't such denial, over time, only result in a very important side of our personality being forced to "seep" out in a different way - a way which may subconsciously force someone to externalise it via another, potentially even harmful way?

[Country girl]

IMHO, no I don't think so. It's a part of who you are. So I think even though you may stop you'll always come back to it. :hugs: CG GG

[Frankie-Dear]

I think I may someday be able to quit. This has as much a spiritual component as it does, a fun and expressive component. I am learning to integrate all parts of who I am, and I am getting acquainted with a gentler, sweeter, softer side of my whole, overall being. Perhaps once that softer, gentler side is fully integrated, and there's no longer such a division, then the roots of this thing will dry up, and the outer need/interest in dressing up will fade away of its own accord. Mind you, I'm not looking at it as if it's some condition that's in need of a cure! But it's been this way with other pursuits that I have invested myself in, and I feel that crossdressing will also follow that same path, for me. The journey IS the destination, and I am enjoying it. :)

:2c:

[DonnaT]

I've 'heard' of some quitting for good, but then again, if they haven't died, there's always to possibility they will start again many yrs down the road.

Not something we can outright guarantee, IMHO.

And yes, the self denial can possibly lead to problems (depression, drugs, who knows what) down the road, but that's not a sure thing either.

Everyone's different and have different inner strengths.

[Marla S]

Sometimes I think there could be a workaround.

Kind of like changing your inner focus, finding something else to create identity.

But I think one would have to become a buddhist monk close to nirvana or a hermit.

I doubt it will work only by negation to avoid problems with and due to the social surroundings.
It's no only to stop dressing, one would have to stop to think about it too. Otherwise I suppose it would be a cruelty.

[Carin's Wife GG]

is a part of the person who is transgendered. Whether you have the clothing or not, that transgendered piece continues. Is a CD still a CD without the feminine clothing? IMO yes. Can a CD stop the dressing? Yes. IMO most CD/Transgendered will come back to the feminine. They need that piece to feel complete.


Louise.

[Frankie-Dear]

On the other hand, (or feet), I will never, but NEVER give up my pink bunny slippers. Nope. No way. Ain't gonna' happen. I will give up my pink bunny slippers when they pry them off of my cold, dead, pedicured, polished toes. :heehee:

[Stephenie S]

It has certainly been the experience of EVERYONE here that you can't quit. We have all purged at some point and all been drawn back, inexorably.

Therein lies the problem. In order to really quit, one would have to stay away. I don't think it counts if one were to come back here and say, "OK, I quit". Because, here you are again, aren't you? Didn't quit at all did you? Right back in the thick of it. So we don't hear of the ones who really quit, do we? If there are any. So who knows?

The point remains, however, that it has been our collective experience that it's VERY unlikely that you can really stay away. So I would say, "Don't count on it, it ain't likely to happen".

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Kate Simmons]

Once you get in touch with your feelings and embrace them, I guess anything is possible. The difference being because you choose to do this or that. In that way your energies can be directed. In my case, it's totally by choice that I do what I do.:happy:

[Sharon]

It may or may not be possible to lose the desire to dress, but if someone is determined and disciplined enough, I think it should be possible to stop crossdressing. This person may end up unhappy or worse, but anything is possible with enough conviction.

[Nancy Richards]

I have tried twice. Once everything was purged. What a mistake. Now I just don't have as much clothes. And at times go weeks with out thinking of dressing, but is is always part of me. Good luck.

Nancy

[sterling12]

Oh gosh, of course it's possible for a person to ABSTAIN. For one hour for one day, for one week, for many years. But we have no evidence that you can do it for the rest of your life.

Remember, if you stop wearing femme clothes and your still thinking about it. Surprise, your still a CD! If you still have "Girly Thoughts," your still transgendered. I can't make it any more clear than that.

I ditto the gals who have related about a lack of actual data from person's who have completely stopped. Personally, I think they are mythological. We want there to be some "shining example," out there someplace. So, we just kind of create them.

Also ditto on the acceptance part. I believe if you want to cut back on your dressing, learn to accept the fact that you are transgendered, and will eventually want to return to overt actions. I think once you truly accept that idea, you might have half a chance to lessen your episodes. If you try and stop completely, if you "force it." Eventually, you often get a "rebound effect," and the dressing episodes come back even stronger than before.

Me, I don't want to quit! Just some suggestions.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[RobertaFermina]

I didn't start as a child.
I haven't wanted to be a girl.
I used to feel alienated as a boy and man, but working with men's groups for 10 years has relieved so much of that strangeness and grown a great love for men and what we do.

I think, maybe, I could stop......but I'm having way too much fun.
There may be a kindling going on, so that at some point I'm "pickled", no longer able to be a cucumber (non CD) anymore.
Of course, I may already be "pickled".


:rose: Pickled Pink !? :rose:

[Joy Carter]

So now that I have a taste of who Joy is, it's not a monkey on my back, day in day out any more. I love dressing and going out. But my need to dress in the stolen times and paniced way I did for years has disapeared. I plan now when to dress and go out and that satisfys my needs.
I'm pretty much content with myself. It has reaped many rewards not only for myself but the people around me. I'm happy with myself for the first time. As far as quiting, I don't think it will ever happen.

[KandisTX]

Well, in all honesty I would have to say that nothing is IMPOSSIBLE. Improbable is more likely the correct term. We crossdress for many differant reasons, but one of those reasons is always the same. It has become a part of who we are as people. There is and odds are, always will be, that need for us to dress, whether or not we act upon that impulse is a differant story.

In my own experience, I know I cannot quit. Not that I haven't tried mind you, I've been through purges and regrets in the past. It took a talk from my youngest sister (she was 16 years old at the time), who know about and often times would let me wear her things when I spent the night over at hers and my dads place when I didn't bring anything of my own. She told me that Kandis was a part of me, if I tried to keep her out of my life like my second wife was demanding, I would never truly be happy. She and I went shopping the next day and reestablished my wardrobe.

Kandis:love:

[angelfire]

There was a site I used to frequent that was similar to this, but a different 'group'. Not CDs, but people who were different in a somewhat similar way. One day, I just decided I didn't want to do it anymore, so I simply left the site without a single word. That was many, many years ago, and I have no returned even once. I managed to fully quit, and at the time, everyone there was saying the same thing as the people here: the chances are slim to none. And I did it. I have had 0 desire to go back, and it hasn't caused me any stress. Infact, it has brought me less stress.

Now, this is different for me. I have purged a few times, and always end up wanting to go back. Hell, today I almost purged, but talked myself out of it. I rationalized that at this moment, I didn't want to dress, but I would eventually want to again, and then it would just cause me more issues if I had nothing to dress in. Then tonight, I had the urge to go shopping for more clothes. But I am unsure if I would be able to quit. I found when I had a girlfriend, I had no desire to dress. Even for months after, no desire to dress. So I don't know. Perhaps if I had a girlfriend, I could satisfy my CDing vicariously through her. Who knows.

[KandisTX]

There was a site I used to frequent that was similar to this, but a different 'group'. Not CDs, but people who were different in a somewhat similar way. One day, I just decided I didn't want to do it anymore, so I simply left the site without a single word.

I used to belong to a similar "group" many years ago as well... though it was not "ingrained" into my psyche as much as my CDing is so leaving that group was not so difficult.

Kandis:love:

[Charleen]

I 've stopped for years. 2 years in Germany in the Air Force in a barracks will do that. Swore many times I would quit, purged, went back, purged ect.
I can't stop. If anything else I relish the freedom I enjoy now now that I've learned who I am through this site. Stop? Maybe if the right reason arose, but quit? Not this girl in this life time!

[Ekatcha]

I think that if someone really does quit, we're not apt to hear about it (at least not in droves... doubtful on a site such as this). I really don't feel that a lack of data on the subject makes a good case. I think that those that quit simply will and we won't hear from them.

As for me, I've tried so many times in life to just walk away from this (and a myriad of other things... some I've managed), but I've kept coming back because I just can't quit me. Simple as that for me. I can't do much right it seems, but at least I've finally admitted that much to myself... and from here, we (the plural me) move on with no idea where it's going. Me, personally, it's not a matter of I can't quit (though I don't think I can without severe personal consequences), but I'm not willing to. Not really an answer to the question at hand though I suppose.

Is it possible? Yes. Does it happen? most certainly. Do we necessarily hear about it? not necessarily.

[SandyR]

No! I have tried.

Hugs.

SandyR

[Jenna Lynne]

So, if one quits dressing, and purges every visible trace of their femininity, then is it not the case that all they are really doing is getting rid of the triggers that enable them to connect to and display their feminine side, as opposed to actually succeeding in getting rid of their "feminine id"? Wouldn't consciously quitting therefore only result in pushing our feminine side deep into our subconscious and denying it? And wouldn't such denial, over time, only result in a very important side of our personality being forced to "seep" out in a different way - a way which may subconsciously force someone to externalise it via another, potentially even harmful way?
(1) Yes. (2) Sort of, but not really. (3) Not that I'm aware of.

The third question is a version of the classic Freudian "fluid pressure" metaphor. This metaphor has acquired almost the power of a myth, but that doesn't make it an expression of eternal truth. Let me ask you: If a man enters the priesthood and gives up sex entirely, is his libido necessarily going to "seep out" in a harmful way? I don't think we can assume that.

I stopped for 20 years. I didn't purge -- all my stuff was still there, in the closet, for a long time. I just didn't engage in the behavior. That didn't change my basic personality. I always knew who I was. So maybe that was how I avoided the more drastic effects of stifling such an important part of myself.

Now, if I had died during that period, you could say I had quit "once and for all." But I'm still here. What a rush!

In case anyone wonders why I quit, it was because I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be able to walk down the street or walk into a room and not be uncomfortable because people were staring at me. What I _actually_ wanted was to be able to be a woman all the time (but not with the surgery, thanks). I felt that I was doomed to be a freak instead, and I didn't want to be a freak. I felt people would tolerate me, but that I'd never have true friendships.

Oh, and I also wanted to date women, and didn't want to have to explain anything. Well, that never worked out too well.

Spending $500 on a professional makeover and learning more about wig care would probably have been a WHOLE lot more sensible than prolonged abstinence. But there you go -- sometimes in life we make sucky decisions. On the whole I've been very happy for the last 20 years. But something was missing....:battingeyelashes:

***Jenna***

[Karren H]

I'd say that there are two sure fired ways to quit....

1) Die... Not perferable
2) SRS... If you become a woman then you won't have to crossdress anymore....

Karren

[Dixie]

I tried and quit, quit trying to quit that is.:drink:

[Sheri 4242]

is a part of the person who is transgendered. Whether you have the clothing or not, that transgendered piece continues. Is a CD still a CD without the feminine clothing? IMO yes. Can a CD stop the dressing? Yes. IMO most CD/Transgendered will come back to the feminine. They need that piece to feel complete. Louise.


Oh gosh, of course it's possible for a person to ABSTAIN. For one hour for one day, for one week, for many years. Remember, if you stop wearing femme clothes and your still thinking about it. If you still have "Girly Thoughts," your still transgendered. I can't make it any more clear than that. Joanie

Within the above two statements lies the truth!!! It is a part of the person, mentally and emotionally. The clothing is just an outward expression of what's on the inside, so to speak. So, you can stop wearing the clothes, but that doesn't change who and what you are!!!

When I was younger, I went for very long periods of not dressing. I cannot begin to add up the value of the clothing that I have thrown in the dumpster during acts of purging all my femme things. I cannot begin to relate how many times I swore I wouldn't do it any more -- and prayed that it was gone. Personal oaths and hours of prayer!!! BUT, in the end, even when I wasn't dressing -- even when I was without any femme clothing -- even when I was swearing I wouldn't ever do it again -- "even when" all of this was in play, I was dichotomous inside, with a masculine side and a feminine side -- and I couldn't deny myself who and what I am!!!

Thank goodness I got off the roller coaster and finally came to self-acceptance (it surely is cheaper -- lol) -- because today I am extremely happy with what I am!!! I wouldn't want to be any other way!!!!!!!



Therein lies the problem. In order to really quit, one would have to stay away.

IMHO, you can stay away but that doesn't change who/what you are on the inside. You can abstain from it, but if it truly is a part of who and what you are, then you are just controlling the outward, visible expression.

Sheri

[Sandra]

You maybe able to abstain for a while weeks,months etc but to be able to quit forever I don't think so, it's part of who you are.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I know of a group of sisters that have quit....okay, some admit they are or have backslidden.....the ones that have "successfully" quit seem in a constant inner battle to stay "quit". So my opinion is some can never dress again successfully, but the desire is still there strong.....they are not "practicing" dressers but they are still dressers.


Emily Ann

[Rachel75]

For me, the desires just become stronger as the years pass. As time goes by and I continue to dress, it just becomes more and more a part of who I am. Stopping would be a fairly traumatic experience for because I'd lose a part of my personality and I'd have to turn into somebody completely different. It is kind of weird to think about, but stopping would change me way too much and I wouldn't be nearly as happy with my life. I'm not saying I would never do it, because you can never say never, but I would only be living in denial if I did.

[livy_m_b]

I've quit while on a heavy dose of Prozac. Of course, Prozac is known to suppress testosterone as well as to relieve depression, so which effect was in play? There have been a number of reports of individuals who have lost the urge to cd after orchiectomy or even after srs - we probably have to assume those are real cases. From those that cd as a key to sexual stimulus we would expect no greater ability to quit than to quit sexual activity, I think. For those who cd only in times of high stress, we can imagine that they quit when their stress goes away. But, having said all that, the overwhelming 'statistics' are that you cannot quit permanently.

[julie w]

you may quite but its always in you mind , you see a women wearing a nice skirt an it triggers you desire ,now that I can dress most days I have gone through stages off dressing all the time then suddenly taking everything off
and not feeling like dressing ,I find I dress most when I have time on my hands
But I know I am confused and always have been .I still think If I passed 100%
I would live as a women without srs ,but I know thats not possible so I will
continue to live in conflict in my mind

[Missy]

and the ansewr is YES if one really want to
but it not easy it takes a lot of work and understanding of ones self why we started and want nedd we are really tring to fill then set up a plan and way to get to finally go with out dressing up and not having any urges to crossdress

[Eva Marie]

You've received some valid responses to your question(s); now a question for you: why did you present the question? It seems when you're ready to make a change, whether purchasing a new automobile or any other conscious decision-making process, the decision becomes autonomous and self-driven in itself and the individual is just along for the ride, inputting some executive guidance as the process evolves. Therefore, would not the appropriate course be to "go with the flow" and let nature take its course? It could be argued that such a change in lifestyle is more emotionally based than a casual purchase of an expendable commodity. There I believe the question comes down to individual values.

[jenni_xx]

You've received some valid responses to your question(s)

Yes I have, and thank you to everyone. I have to say that I found Livy's point about prozac really interesting.


now a question for you: why did you present the question?

My question came into my mind after reading another thread here about how a poster intends to quit. I thought about it more deeply, and on a more personal level - i.e. would I be able to quit? Hopefully I worded my questions in such a way that it would seem fairly obvious that I myself don't think I can, but maybe the reason why I think that is because I don't actually want to quit. At a risk of imposing my own belief (About myself) onto others, I don't think it is possible for any of us to quit, but having said that, I am admittedly ignorant of any cases which would prove me wrong. Also, upon reading the many replies here, this has given me an insight into what others think/believe/know, all of which I have definitely taken on board in terms of my own perspective.

Your point about "conscious decision-making processes" is, I believe, a very good one. In terms of going with the flow however, I'm not sure that "quitting" (with all its inferences) would be the best word to use - I think "changing" seems more appropriate somehow. Just as we don't "quit" being a child, or someone who goes bald "quits" having hair on their head.

[Plain Jane GG]

Just my :2c:

My SO had some clothing before we married. Purged when I moved in, well really I found a black nightie and thought it was from some other girl. Didn't realize the gurl was the one I was living with.

When I moved in he purged me too. He told me that he did not like any of that girly, lace covered stuff. "Don't buy that it does not do anything for me" Now I know that if I did not have it in the house, she would not be tempted. She never gave me clothes, NO Girly presents for me. She tried to kept a distance to anything fem.

Did not work, ended up taking my boring girl stuff anyway. Now that I know I can go back to buying what I like, and it is really what she likes.

She is not allowed to borrow my stuff. :tongueout

[VTDresser]

I totally agree that when you purge, the urge comes back. Just like weight loss, the more you rapidly (purging) lose when you diet, the more you will gain (spend) in a few years.

I purged about a $1000 worth of clothes, only to return 6 months later to spend twice that amount in half the time. But I did lose 30 pounds during the "I won't be a CD ever again" period.

It's a good thing I make big $$$ and my wife makes even better. Maybe I'd be a little more conservative if I didn't have the money and time to shop.

When you purge, the urge can make you splurge till you submerge.

Anyone want a peanut? (If you can tell me the line in the movie that is from, we should talk!!!)

[KandisTX]

Anyone want a peanut? (If you can tell me the line in the movie that is from, we should talk!!!) The Princess Bride :)

"Inconcievable"

"You keep using that word, I don't think it means what you think it means"




Kandis:love:

[Maggie Kay]

I abstained for 10 years while I was a stay at home Dad for my baby daughter. I didn't want her to be confused if she accidentally saw something she shouldn't have. When she got to the age of High School and I was no longer her primary care giver, I started again and this time it became a major part of my life. So did I quit? Nope. While it was going on did I intend to restart? No, I thought it was over. Then one day my wife gave me a pair of panties and it was like somebody hit the warp speed button. Since then I had three major purges and all were just a waste of money. Quitting for me is out of the question. It is me. I cannot quit me.

[JoAnnDallas]

Up till 2005, I hardly dressed or even thought of going out dressed. Oh I did occasionly wear my wifes panties, bra, and slip. Her dresses are too big for me. Then I came to Dallas and while staying at my sisters house, she had a clothing drive for her church. I got looking at the bags of clothing one day and next thing I knew I was getting all dressed up head to toe. Then I bought a wig off ebay and have not looked back since. Then I found this site and later a couple of more, made some great friends, went to a CD convention dressed, joined Tri-Ess, and now shopping. I don't think there is anything that could make me stop dressing now.