When the CD doesn't want the accepting GG

[Country girl]

I've thought about this a long time before posting so if there seems to be some rambling I hope y'all will forgive me. It's just that I'm wondering exactly why it seems that at times no matter what we do it is just never good enough? I guess this could apply to anyone in any situation but I'd really like some help here. No relationship is perfect so I'd be the first to say that everyone has their share of problems, but when you throw CDing into the equation well that opens up a whole different set. Having said that let me say that I didn't have problems with the CDing. In fact I enjoyed getting to know that side of my man. Shopping with and for him/her. Dressing up, staying in and going out. Helping with makeup, sharing tips with each other. Y'all get the picture. I was and am a totally accepting GG. But it wasn't enough. Something was lacking. So we split up. He is now with someone else who doesn't know and even he said probably wouldn't accept if she did know. His solution? To not tell her. Another relationship based on lies. So why would a CDer with a totally accepting GG leave the relationship for a different relationship with a non accepting GG? I just don't get it. Can anyone help me understand this? Thanks and sorry for the long post. Oh yeah, one other thing. It has been awhile since this happened, I'm not looking for sympathy, just answers. Thanks again. :hugs: CG GG
I need to clarify so I am adding this to my post. I guess the real reason I am posting this is because of all the times I've read how you gurls, the CDers would do anything to have an accepting SO, yet he HAD an accepting SO and in essence threw me away. I just kind of found it to be an ironic twist of sorts. Therefore I wanted your thoughts on my plight. BTW just so y'all know it has been a few months back so this didn't just happen. Thanks again. Y'all are a great group of gurls and I'm proud to be a member of this forum!

[Frankie-Dear]

Well, people crossdress for a variety of reasons. Perhaps part of the allure for him, was to dress in secret -- That part of his enjoyment stemmed from having this little secret that no one knows about, so it seemed more forbidden... I honestly don't know... My wife may not be enthusiastic about helping, but she is accepting, and I am so grateful. I'm sorry that things have happened as they have for you and your SO. :hugs::hugs:

[brittanny]

wow I don't know other than mabey it was somthing totaly unrelated to the dressing mabey there was somthing else about the two of you that was not compatible but a totaly accepting gg is hard to come by and hard to let go of

[Cynthia_0101]

maybe there was some other underlying issues. But it still does not make sense, In my case my wife may not help alot but she lets me dress and does get me stuff, I would never let gor of her for all the world.

I think it's you ex who is loosing out

[Sharon]

Who can figure some people out? It's possible that your former SO could just never get used to being out to you, no matter how supportive and understanding you were. Perhaps it was because of some self-doubts he has never come to terms with.

Or maybe he's just an idiot.:p

[Country girl]

Well, people crossdress for a variety of reasons. Perhaps part of the allure for him, was to dress in secret -- That part of his enjoyment stemmed from having this little secret that no one knows about, so it seemed more forbidden... I honestly don't know... My wife may not be enthusiastic about helping, but she is accepting, and I am so grateful. I'm sorry that things have happened as they have for you and your SO. :hugs::hugs:

Frankie, I thought about that, but then why tell me in the first place? Why not just keep it a secret? He kept it a secret from his ex wife for 25 years. When he did tell me he said it was a relief to finally have someone to share that part of himself with. We had a lot of fun with his CDing so...I'm stumped?

Brittany, We had so many things in common. I really didn't want to go into the relationship and I realize I'm asking a question that could have a million answers. I am just hoping to get some opinions here. The truth is we had a great relationship with almost everthing in common. Enough diversity to keep it interesting. The one real problem we had was his children. He was married 25 years and they can't accept their dad with anyone else, but that won't be any different for him with any relationship he's in. I should also state, I'm not looking to "win" him back. There were other issues and it is best the relationship is over, Again, I'm just wondering. :hugs:CG GG

[Marlena-4now]

Gosh Country Girl, it sounds to me that your former SO had found nirvana and decided he perfered hades. The only thing I can figure is that he could not accept the knowledge that he was a girly man and needed to do girly stuff. It is excruciatingly difficult for some of us. By living a lie he can sink back into denial and not have to "fess up". But if you ask me - he/she had it made and blew it big time. I can't imagine he/she is happy now. Your SO threw something rare and wonderful away.

[Country girl]

Gosh Country Girl, it sounds to me that your former SO had found nirvana and decided he perfered hades. The only thing I can figure is that he could not accept the knowledge that he was a girly man and needed to do girly stuff. It is excruciatingly difficult for some of us. By living a lie he can sink back into denial and not have to "fess up". But if you ask me - he/she had it made and blew it big time. I can't imagine he/she is happy now. Your SO threw something rare and wonderful away.

Marlena,

Thanks. The part about living a lie and not having to fess up or accept himslef seems to be so true.

It was posed to me that he was unhappy because I "allowed" him to dress, but isn't that what CDing is about? I mean at least partially? The dressing in women's clothes? And being an accepting GG would also mean not minding or "allowing" if you prefer the CDer to dress? :hugs: CG GG

[Bobbie cd]

I don't know Country Girl, some people just can't seem to be happy unless they have something to be miserable about. I would agree that it sounds as though he has unresolved issues of his own surrounding the whole CD thing. I don't care who you are, no relationship is ever totally perfect, but it sure sounds to me as though you were giving it your best shot.

I know that doesn't really make it any easier to gain perspective on the end of the relationship, but for what it's worth, it doesn't seem likely to me that he is going to find whatever he is looking for elsewhere until he comes to terms with himself.

In the meantime, all I can say is, hold your head up and hopefully you will find someone who really deserves you and will stand up with you and for you all the way down the line.

:hugs:
Bobbie

[Marlena-4now]

Marlena,

Thanks. The part about living a lie and not having to fess up or accept himslef seems to be so true.

It was posed to me that he was unhappy because I "allowed" him to dress, but isn't that what CDing is about? I mean at least partially? The dressing in women's clothes? And being an accepting GG would also mean not minding or "allowing" if you prefer the CDer to dress? :hugs: CG GG

Country girl, please don't beat yourself up about this ! If he was unhappy because you allowed him to dress - I think he is bound to be unhappy no matter what. IT"S NOT YOU ! He should have been on cloud nine to have found the acceptance you gave him. He's messed up and couldn't let his internal war go and it ended up causing him to push you - and peace, love and happiness - away - and for what ? More lies and denial and hiding. I'm really sorry, it sounds like you tried so hard and you really dug him.

[Karren H]

Very wierd if you ask me!!! Sounds more like he has a personality defect that seeks out refection of some kind on some level.... Not anything you did..... We'd all die to be in the situation he walked away from.... Sorry to hear about your breakup....

Karren

[Glenda58]

Country Girl some people can't live where things work out good. They feel that they don't deserve to be happy. So they wreck things so they can said "see I told you it wouldn't work." And they're happy being miserable. I think there are a lot of us who would love to have someone as nice as you us.

[Lora Olivia]

Hey CGGG this post really grabbed my eye. I know I don't have your answer. Maybe the "other" issues were the problem. I know that i feel for you as a sister :hugs: its just kinda a bummer that so many cd'rs do long to have acceptance and don't. I thank the "force" everyday for my gg, she is a girls best friend. Who knows maybe you'll find a better best girlfriend, and in the meantime you can be another of our denmothers:heehee::hugs:

[sandy1975ad]

very sorry to hear this---most of us would love to have a so that feels as you do-I am lucky to have a so thats like you accepting---and I agree stay with us be a denmother

[nancy58]

Country Girl, I don't know what the answer is, because I'm not your ex. He might know, but he may not, as well. It may hard for you to believe, but sometimes men are irrational and make mistakes. :eek: Each of us has our own emotional baggage, and sometimes we don't admit things to ourselves. I lived with my wife for 13 years before I admitted to her that I do this, and since coming out to her and to a therapist, I've found out a few things about myself that I would never have thought of or admitted before then.

I'm wondering what you are looking for here now that it's over with him. I'm glad to have you here, but I'm wondering if crossdressing men are your future or your past.

I can recommend a good book that helped me a number of girlfriends ago, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. I want to say it's by Erich Fromm, but I'm not sure that's right.

Hang in there!

[teresa jeen]

i just cant imagine that she would throw the whole thing away? does she not understand the results will be the same? gawd to have a GG like you would be a godsend to a majority of us. im really lucky my wife understands completly. it may have been money, that seems to cause a lot of problems most-often. one day she'll realise what she lost!! keep your haed up and go foward girl friend! dont look back!!!!!!!

[nancigirl]

Hi Country Girl GG!

As for moi, i absolutely cannot imagine why a cd or tg would leave a good relationship with an understanding/supportive GG!! I am in a relatively good relationship with a non-understanding GG and i would give anything if i could magically change her attitude to accepting/supportive!

The 'cost' of being in a non-supportive relationship is very, very high. And i know that both she and i pay that price every single day of our lives, despite the fact that we do carry on and try to make the best of it and do have some happy times together.

Nancy

[Sally2005]

Maybe he wasn't accepting of himself and was in the relationship to prove to himself that he could be a guy.

[trannie T]

So many of us have been secret crossdressers so long that we have a hard time even admitting our crossdressing to ourselves. The secrecy becomes a habit, and we live in terror of being 'outed.' Your ex may have been uncomfortable being out even to an understanding partner.
Then again he may be an idiot.

[Daintre]

Let's face it, his dressing even with your support, was not the only thing going on in the marriage, I am sure there were many other facets that came into play. We know he was a cross dresser, was he also immature, or selfish, or even just shy?

All I am trying to say is that a marriage is a combination of many things with communication being most important. I agree with you that he needs a boot in the bum for not telling the current SO.

The thing I like about you CGGG is that you are very open and not afraid to say your piece. Your ex let a prize slip away, don't beat yourself up over it. As you have read, the majority here are saying ...wish she were my GG

[brina_cd]

Being one of the cd's with a completely unsupportive SO, I think your ex must be pretty messed up. Self-loathing is not uncommon in the this community.

Most of us come from traditional, or mostly traditional, roots where gender or sexual variance is grounds for mockery @ best. So these desires make some of us feel "unclean." I suspect you were more accepting of your ex than he was.

[Sheri 4242]

Who can figure some people out?

Country Girl GG: maybe the first sentence of Sharon's post says it all!!!

FIRST THOUGHT: I cannot begin to fathom why any CDer would not be estatic to have an accepting wife!!! Even when I was extremely young, accepting girls was something I wanted, though I didn't know how to articulate it. I would dream about this group of girls (we were all about 6-7 y.o.) who would (in my dream) only allow me into their group if I wore a skirt, blouse, panties, and mary janes. (Oh - and little white socks with lace at the top.) Later in life, I realized that if I could ever find an understanding, accepting, and encouraging wife, in re my CDing, that such would make me estatic!!!

If you wlll, allow me to ramble just a bit: Just over 50% of all first marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. The percentages go up for subsequent marriages! In the main, there are a lot of us carrying around baggage from failed marriages, not to mention other life traumas!!! As I'm sure you know, good marriages don't just happen -- they require committed work!!! Maybe he wasn't committed to do the requisite things, compatibility notwithstanding!!! IMHO, from what you've said -- and things you've said all along on the forum that I have read -- it leads me to believe that CDing wasn't the issue -- something else was subtending his denial, and/or his moving on to someone who doesn't even know, etc. It may be so deeply burried within him that you could make yourself a wreck trying to figure it out and still never hit on the correct answer!!!

THOUGHT TWO: Perhaps you have a "little snag on your sweater, but if you pull on it, it will unravel all the knitting and thus reveal some thought-provoking possibilities." What do I mean??? You said, "There were other issues and it is best the relationship is over . . . " Well, is it possible that these other issues were ones you, obviously, could handle and were committed to work through, but that he either didn't accept that they were real or existed, OR that he wasn't willing to work through them?!!! Just a thought . . . I know my first wife, and my wife's first husband were "birds of a feather" -- they were in strong denial, were self-centered, and cared mostly about their pleasure at all costs. This may not even be close to what's going on in your ex'es head, but is simply given to illustrate a point.

:love: Sheri

(And, don't you ever go leaving this form!!! You are way too valued for not only your acceptance of CDing, but for your keen insights, unambigious and/or articulate style, AND for your sense and sensibility!!!)

[jennCD]

I would only assume that the problem was something completely separate from his crossdressing and your acceptance of it, since it doesn't make sense to give up something like that, which so many of us seek simply based on the fact that you are accepting of it. Has to be other underlying issues at play which he must have felt at odds with. I do appreciate your "rambling" as it's something I tend to do in r/t myself even more so (tho you really weren't going off as much as you may have felt).
In fact, I have a special place for you in my heart, in that it was your specific responses to my initial post about wanting to come out to my wife that actually gave me the most strength to do so last month.... it's been the best decision I made since we got married and I honestly cannot thank you enough....

wishing you the best

[Country girl]

Country Girl GG: maybe the first sentence of Sharon's post says it all!!!

FIRST THOUGHT: I cannot begin to fathom why any CDer would not be estatic to have an accepting wife!!! Even when I was extremely young, accepting girls was something I wanted, though I didn't know how to articulate it. I would dream about this group of girls (we were all about 6-7 y.o.) who would (in my dream) only allow me into their group if I wore a skirt, blouse, panties, and mary janes. (Oh - and little white socks with lace at the top.) Later in life, I realized that if I could ever find an understanding, accepting, and encouraging wife, in re my CDing, that such would make me estatic!!!

If you wlll, allow me to ramble just a bit: Just over 50% of all first marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. The percentages go up for subsequent marriages! In the main, there are a lot of us carrying around baggage from failed marriages, not to mention other life traumas!!! As I'm sure you know, good marriages don't just happen -- they require committed work!!! Maybe he wasn't committed to do the requisite things, compatibility notwithstanding!!! IMHO, from what you've said -- and things you've said all along on the forum that I have read -- it leads me to believe that CDing wasn't the issue -- something else was subtending his denial, and/or his moving on to someone who doesn't even know, etc. It may be so deeply burried within him that you could make yourself a wreck trying to figure it out and still never hit on the correct answer!!!

THOUGHT TWO: Perhaps you have a "little snag on your sweater, but if you pull on it, it will unravel all the knitting and thus reveal some thought-provoking possibilities." What do I mean??? You said, "There were other issues and it is best the relationship is over . . . " Well, is it possible that these other issues were ones you, obviously, could handle and were committed to work through, but that he either didn't accept that they were real or existed, OR that he wasn't willing to work through them?!!! Just a thought . . . I know my first wife, and my wife's first husband were "birds of a feather" -- they were in strong denial, were self-centered, and cared mostly about their pleasure at all costs. This may not even be close to what's going on in your ex'es head, but is simply given to illustrate a point.

:love: Sheri

(And, don't you ever go leaving this form!!! You are way too valued for not only your acceptance of CDing, but for your keen insights, unambigious and/or articulate style, AND for your sense and sensibility!!!)

Sherri,
You know, you might have just hit on something here. I believe there were other issues, ie; his kids, that he wasn't willing to come to terms with. I also know that my oldest daughter, who is 22 and has some minor dissabilities, was a problem for him even though she will be getting married and be out of the house sometime in the next 2 to 3 years, [about the same time my youngest daughter finishes high school and leaves for college]. So to be completely fair, no all the issues weren't just about CDing but in what relationship are they? Thanks again for your input.:hugs: CG GG
PS. I'm not going anywhere, so don't worry about that! I love y'all to much.:love:

[Chiana]

Country Girl, his CDing lifestyle with you was something that most, if not all, of us would love to have. I think it has to be other issues, not related to cross dressing. There might be several minor reasons for him moving on. Most likely, nothing really major. Since he is not telling his new love interest about his CDing seems to further indicate that cross dressing is not the most important thing in his life at this time. It sounds like you are dealing with it well, and that is wonderful.

Whatever happens, please stay active on the forum. We all enjoy you as a valued member of our little community.

[AmberTG]

One thing that I do know is that people with self-distructive personalities will somehow sabotage every good thing they have, probably not knowingly or on purpose, they just can't seem to help themselves. If he couldn't accept himself for what he is, he probably couldn't accept the good things in his life.
Of course, this might have nothing to do with it, it's just 1 possibility.

PS, I'm thinking I might suddenly want to move to Texas.:heehee:

[rustynail]

Country Girl - you sound gorgeous, i do hope it works out for you!

[RobertaFermina]

Country Girl,

Perhaps your acceptance created a space where he/she could see farther down her road than she could before. Maybe CDing was just a stepping stone....and sensing the bigness and differentness (SRS? 24/7? Living OUT her CDing) and scariness of the possibilities (which you might support) she decided to turn tail and run in the other direction ?

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[BarbaraTalbot]

Frankie, I thought about that, but then why tell me in the first place? Why not just keep it a secret? He kept it a secret from his ex wife for 25 years. When he did tell me he said it was a relief to finally have someone to share that part of himself with. We had a lot of fun with his CDing so...I'm stumped?



If Frankie was right, I'd guess that he THOUGHT he would prefer to be out because it is easier not having to hide and lie. Maybe the reality, while it had its benefits, he had hard-wired in his brain a need for having private little naughty secrets. Along these lines I recall a recent thoughtful post by a CD'r who reported that he felt a lowered interest in dressing with the wife after he came out to her, and he was struggling with his feelings about that.

Another unrelated thought I had is that it seems like a male trait to wonder 'what else is out there' also and a lot of us do really stupid things when not considering the bird in hand.

[Ekatcha]

About the best any of us can do is offer guesses as to what was going through his head and some consolation for CG GG. None of us really knows his reasoning, so we can merely stab at it.... but certainly something seems a bit off to me. I'm tempted to say that the reason he ran off wasn't directly related to CDing, but given the fact that he intends to keep it secret from the current SO and did from the former SO tends to indicate it's at least somewhat related. I can only think that there is some rush in the unknown for him (risk of being discovered, etc)... which, if that's the case, begs the question as to what else may fall into that vein for him?

So, I think, in part, for him there was something not satisfying with acceptance. While that wouldn't conquer all (hell, if love doesn't, acceptance probably wont either)... one would think that it would at least be a consideration. At the very least, had it been satisfying, it would seem likely he would try the acceptance route with current SO. Result: something not right in boys head.

The other part I would wager is/was... there's a lot more going on than just the CDing. My ex was, at least theoretically (told her bout it, never acted upon it though) accepting of my CDing. Would have been interesting in some regards to carry that through to a variety of places, but the reality was there was a whole heck of a lot more going on that caused the downfall of our relationship (neither of us were really mature enough I don't think for one). I would guess that there is more going on here as well... certainly the issues with the children allude to it (my father and step mother have a whole ton of issues related to her kids and his kid). Seems a lot of stresses in 2nd marriages are related to money and children... hate to know the figures when you toss CDing into that mix.

Did you do it all right CG GG? Dunno, I wasn't there, can't say for certain. Did you do what we'd all dream of an SO when it comes to CDing? Certainly. I don't think you former SO is entirely right in the head and I don't think that is your fault. I don't know all the ins and outs of the relationship and quite frankly it's none of my darn bidness. You cared enough for him to accept him as he was and that's a heck of a lot more than most people are willing to go. I think he missed out and can't quite understand his reasoning... but then some are just gluttons for punishment. '-)

*shrug*
~ Eka

[barbra]

i wish i had a wife like you that understands and wants to help.my wife thinks i am sick in the head and i am not normal.thank you for beying so great of a true lady that you are.may your day be filled with joy.

[varinia]

Country Girl, I thought about this in a reverse roll. Reason is that even though we were not married at the time. I told her about it and for a great while she was not only ok with it she helped me find items and allowed me to explore this side of myself futher. Then I came home one night and it was as if someone had flipped the light switch. She began to somewhat distance her self from me and stated that this was too strange for her and that it gave her a feeling of no longer being with a man, but a woman instead. I later learned thru watching her drift away that she was in search for a Manly Man, Not what I was. I now realize that things had changed and I could no longer excite and give her the kind of relationship she desired. Which unfortunately for me would have meant to giving up who she had helped me become. While we are still freinds and chat about things, I know I can't fill that spot anymore. It was hard for a long time as I felt I had lost someone who truely understood who I am.
So I have to wonder if just maybe in your case that when you became so accepting of it as you did that if this changed how it felt for him. For some the risk of being caught is a very strong motavator and can add a thrill to it all. I know many a time that a woman who still means the world to me and that I would give my life for still to this day would love to make love in places that at any moment we could be caught in the act. I have to admit it drove me as well and was one of the best sex relations I had with anyone.
I am not saying in your case it was sex but instead saying your acceptance changed it for him and after a time may have lead to his thrill seeking elsewhere.
Another thought that had crossed my mind was forth coming about what really was the issue. I believe that alot of people keep secrets, including married couples. While some of those secrets are harmless others keep some that can turn worlds upside down. Why? Fear. One show I believe that deminstrates this well is House. His favorite line...Everyone lies. I have to wonder if there was something that he has not told you for fear of hurting you or didn't want to admit too. I am not trying to be mean in this post just trying to consider alturnatives to what would make a person who in my opinion was one of the luckiest CD'ers on the planet to throw away such an awesome gem as yourself. I truely believe that the blame is not yours to carry. It sounds like to me you did everything any one of us CD'ers could have ever wished for. From the rest of us thank you for being who you are. We all wish there were more like you.
Var.

[Marla S]

So many of us have been secret crossdressers so long that we have a hard time even admitting our crossdressing to ourselves. The secrecy becomes a habit, and we live in terror of being 'outed.' Your ex may have been uncomfortable being out even to an understanding partner.
Then again he may be an idiot.

My thoughts follow the same line.

Additionally:
We have/had a long time to learn that we are kind of a "victim" of our CDing. Self-victimization is quite common among CDs IMO.
That situation is not only bad, but has some advantages too.
You can blame everything that doesn't work out on the non-acceptance. Once you are accepted (by yourself and by others) you might miss something and realize that there is more to do.
Personally I was quite astonished that self-acceptance didn't resolve all of my problems or all things that made me unhappy.
Realizing that you lost your sometimes comfortable situation of being a "victim" due to accaptence, but still still being faced to other issues could lead to the wish to close the closet again.

I guess quite a few CDs would not be too happy about complete acceptance, because at least the "thrill" will diminish and some might ask: What's the point of it without the thrill, what's the point of doing something non-forbidden, what's the point of not being special anymore?

[Cheryl J]

Country Girl some people can't live where things work out good. They feel that they don't deserve to be happy. So they wreck things so they can said "see I told you it wouldn't work." And they're happy being miserable. I think there are a lot of us who would love to have someone as nice as you us.

I hope you were smiling, Glenda58, when you wrote that about me!
I am not allowed to be happy!
Don't ask me why, it is my nature. It would probably take a professional therapist to explain it. I try very hard not to punish myself but some times the self pity is overwhelming. I suffer alone when I don't dress. My wife doesn't have to put up with my dressing. She is so tolerant these days, I don't deserve her. See there I go again. All I can say is, Country Girl, is that you are quite normal and a lovely person (just like my wife) and I wish you a wonderful life. At least today I am sitting here in my favourite skirt and top. Fortunately the unhappy part is gradually becoming less a part of my life. You may want to look at my thread "Wife's support". Sorry about rambling on.

Hugs

Cheryl

[KatieZ]

It sounds like he went into denial.
What he fantasized about for so many years (having an accepting SO that would allow him to dress when he pleased) may have turned into an obession of sorts. He was afraid he was losing his masculine side because of your acceptance and left to prove to himself that he is still a man.

Being that you are a very attractive and accepting GG I'm sure you will not have any problem finding a new "girl" friend.

[MsJanessa]

Well first of all Honey it certainly wasn't because of your looks--assuming that's you in your avatar photo(and I am)you are gorgeous. It appears to me that your boyfreind is the type that will always sabotage whatever relationship he happens to be in---some guys are just like that---push things to the limit and then wonder what went wrong---also you should remember that cd, tgs etc are just like everyone else---there are good ones, bad ones and in between ones---most of us fall in the inbetween catagory--and like in most non cd relationships there are issues that don't have anything to do with crossdressing but more to do with other facets of our personalities---some men have to have variety---think Bill Clinton--it doesn't mean they are evil but it does mean I wouldn't want to be in a commited relationship with one(because he couldn't keep the commitments)---My take on the matter is that you are better off without him---you went far beyond what most GGs would do taking an active pleasurable part of his dressing---most either condem it or at best tolerate it but don't really enjoy it. you went the extra mile---this is on him, not you----if you still want a relationship with a cd I"m sure you could easily find one to your liking---most of the girls on this site would jump at the chance to have what you offer. Good luck Janessa

[Lovely Rita]

I've thought about this a long time before posting so if there seems to be some rambling I hope y'all will forgive me. It's just that I'm wondering exactly why it seems that at times no matter what we do it is just never good enough? I guess this could apply to anyone in any situation but I'd really like some help here. No relationship is perfect so I'd be the first to say that everyone has their share of problems, but when you throw CDing into the equation well that opens up a whole different set. Having said that let me say that I didn't have problems with the CDing. In fact I enjoyed getting to know that side of my man. Shopping with and for him/her. Dressing up, staying in and going out. Helping with makeup, sharing tips with each other. Y'all get the picture. I was and am a totally accepting GG. But it wasn't enough. Something was lacking. So we split up. He is now with someone else who doesn't know and even he said probably wouldn't accept if she did know. His solution? To not tell her. Another relationship based on lies. So why would a CDer with a totally accepting GG leave the relationship for a different relationship with a non accepting GG? I just don't get it. Can anyone help me understand this? Thanks and sorry for the long post. Oh yeah, one other thing. It has been awhile since this happened, I'm not looking for sympathy, just answers. Thanks again. :hugs: CG GG
I need to clarify so I am adding this to my post. I guess the real reason I am posting this is because of all the times I've read how you gurls, the CDers would do anything to have an accepting SO, yet he HAD an accepting SO and in essence threw me away. I just kind of found it to be an ironic twist of sorts. Therefore I wanted your thoughts on my plight. BTW just so y'all know it has been a few months back so this didn't just happen. Thanks again. Y'all are a great group of gurls and I'm proud to be a member of this forum!

Everyone is an individual and I cannot for the life of me understand what happened. I will not judge him either since I don't know him, but from reading your posts and knowing that you have been there in support of him it just sounds like your man did not appreciate what he had.

Most CDs would give their right arm to have a GG like you in their lives.

Fact is stranger than fiction, the more I live the more I believe this.

[Sarah Rabbit]

Let's face it, his dressing even with your support, was not the only thing going on in the marriage, I am sure there were many other facets that came into play.
Go to go with Jen on this.

Cross dressing may have been a part of the relationship, but not the whole. Was there other factors. Put aside the Cross Dressing, would you still be in the relationship today? or was something else amiss (No blame on anyone's behalf) My first marrige crashed in a burning heap, and she knew nothing of Sarah, (Sarah was not a factor of my life at that stage) Yet my second marriage thrives, with my SO in full knowledge

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Emily Ann Brown]

Hey Country Girl,


I think the big thing to remember is that we as a group have some things in common (love to dress for whatever reason, have all hidden for whatever reason, etc) but we are all unique in at least one point. Your ex probably is not understandable to most of us because we don't have that one unique point that he does. If I had to guess what happened I would bet on those OTHER issues you mentioned. Something was bothering him enough that he was willing to give up his CD freedom to be rid of that issue.

Don't think twice about his problem hun....sounds like you are better off without him. And if you want another CD I suspect you will find plenty of eligible sisters here to pick from. Sweet beautiful accepting women are in short supply in the world .


Emily Ann

[Mitch23]

Marlena,

Thanks. The part about living a lie and not having to fess up or accept himslef seems to be so true.

It was posed to me that he was unhappy because I "allowed" him to dress, but isn't that what CDing is about? I mean at least partially? The dressing in women's clothes? And being an accepting GG would also mean not minding or "allowing" if you prefer the CDer to dress? :hugs: CG GG
Maybe the buzz was the lies and the secrecy. When that thrill was no longer there it became routine and mundane.

So hard to understand - there have been a couple of relationships like that here in recent weeks where the CD response made no sense. If any of you girls want to get in touch ....

Mitch

[CathyLee]

I must agree with Sharon S/He must be an IDIOT for throwing you away. I personally would give my eye teeth for a understanding S/O:2c::drink:

[Bonnie D]

Hi CG,

A couple of questions. Does the new SO have children living at home?

The reason I ask is because I had an issue with my own children being at home. It was not so bad when they were both in high school because their days were quite standard. I could be pretty sure that they were going to be at school all day. Because I was in the closet I had to schedule my dressing to a day off here and there. I would book a day off or call in sick, then drive my SO to work and come home. My kids would go to school soon after I got home and the rest of the day I had to myself until it was time to pick up my SO from work. Occasionally one of my kids would decide not to go to school on one of my rare days home. I would be quite upset about it but kept it inside and wouldn't give them a hard time. When the older one started college here in the city it got worse. Classes were sporatic and he was home more often. Then my daughter started college and if she was at class then my son was home, or visa versa. Dressing was rarer for me and I was getting frustrated. I like my kids being home and they can stay as long as they need to but it does interfere with my freedom to dress.

If his new SO works and doesn't have kids then his days off would be all his to dress however he wants to. I'm not sure how ****ty you allowed him to dress. It may be an issue.

My second question may seem strange since he left you for another woman. Is it possible he likes men and he has been cheating on you? Moving in with this other woman would give him the appearance of being straight but it might be easier to cheat on her with men. Again, not having children at home would make this easier. I know this is not something you could answer but it's just a thought.

I cheated on my SO with men. I told her when I came out to her about my dressing. I am leaving but not to be with another woman. We will not be telling anyone the real reason I am leaving except my children, but only the gay part. My SO doesn't want anyone ever knowing I dress. The gay part is different if anyone finds out. Your former SO may not be able to tell anyone so the SO would be a cover up.

I'm probably wrong and hopefully so. Just something to question.

If your kids were the issue then you don't need him around. Your kids come first even if they will be leaving in a few years. I'm sure you will find someone else before they leave so you won't be alone.

Bonnie

[sherri]

First, some of the posters are under the impression that Country Girl was married to this guy, but I don't think that was the case.

Like many gurls on this forum, I have often longed for an accepting GG, but that can't be the only basis for the relationship, at least now that I'm old enough to know better. In my younger, guy days, a girl's being pretty was enough for me to plunge right in, but boy, that is so not enough, and I have the battle scars to prove it. :D The same thing goes for CD acceptance, at least for anything more than a very casual relationship.

Sometimes, when someone rejects us, we have to consider that maybe he/she "just isn't that into you". Could be a chemistry thing, could be he/she has a character issue, could be a mitigating circumstance, could be that there is something about me that wasn't that attractive to him/her, or it could be some combination of these factors. There's no point in slamming any doors, but the most important next step is to evaluate what happened as honestly as possible, accept the fact that the relationship is over, and move on, this time with a new and improved game plan.

Your ex-bf's problem could be all about his CDing, but my hunch is there was more to it than that. Maybe y'all just weren't meant for each other. And maybe you will discover some day that was a good thing.

[aka.laura]

Hi Country Girl.
A lot (not all!) of the posters in this thread are very quick to put the blame on your partner and most of them wish they had an understanding and supporting partner like you. But we know only one part of the story. Your part. You yourself admit twice that there have been other items connected to your parting and the subject was not your partners CDing.
When you write <...why it seems that at times no matter what we do it is just never good enough?> (my emphasis) I think you actually mean "what I do " in stead of "what we do". The "we" makes rather a big sweep over all the CD-partners and I don't think that's fair. In my opinion you are using your partners CDing as an alibi for your parting or you are just not being honoust with yourself.
Don't forget that you are responsible for 50% of a relationship. What we've been reading about here is your side of the story, tragic as it is.

@ all.
Ladies: before you throw stones at CG's hubbie, let's first hear his part of the story, that would be fair.
Stone me.

[Samantha B L]

Hi Country Girl, I think the guy/girl is a real clown but there could potentially be explanations for what he did. For one thing there are some people who are actually nice people who really don't feel sentimentality and relationships very deeply. Another possibility is that this woman he's with now has got money or there are other advantages like a big Camaro he can drive and he couldn't resist all this. And of course he could be in denial about his cd'ing which is kinda ridiculous considering his circumstances. I don't mean to butter you up,Country Girl,but he was one lucky guy/girl considering this country is teeming with women who'd never have him and cruddy apartment buildings and boarding houses that would throw him out for 15 cents. I don't know,maybe he wants to fade into L.L.Bean fishing and hunting gear "averageness" or Sunday afternoon widescreen football game blandness and forget about crossdressing. Well,I don't know if all this helps things much,Country Girl. Like I said, there are some people who's feelings and attachments and sentiments don't run very deep. Forget about him. And I'm real sorry this had to happen to you, Samantha

[Country girl]

Hi Country Girl.
A lot (not all!) of the posters in this thread are very quick to put the blame on your partner and most of them wish they had an understanding and supporting partner like you. But we know only one part of the story. Your part. You yourself admit twice that there have been other items connected to your parting and the subject was not your partners CDing.
When you write <...why it seems that at times no matter what we do it is just never good enough?> (my emphasis) I think you actually mean "what I do " in stead of "what we do". The "we" makes rather a big sweep over all the CD-partners and I don't think that's fair. In my opinion you are using your partners CDing as an alibi for your parting or you are just not being honoust with yourself.
Don't forget that you are responsible for 50% of a relationship. What we've been reading about here is your side of the story, tragic as it is.

@ all.
Ladies: before you throw stones at CG's hubbie, let's first hear his part of the story, that would be fair.
Stone me.

Laura,
First let me say that no one should throw stones at you.We are all intitled to our own opinions Second, let me also say, mu ex and I were NEVER married, he didn't leave me for another woman, she came much later, and third I'd haven't told my side of anything really, just posed a question with a few bits of info. I wouldn't mind him putting in his :2c: at all but he seems to have dissapeared off the site. Wonder what that's all about? Also when I said "we" never seem to do anything right I was refering to the GG in the CDing relationship. in this case ME. It is a statement I have heard often from other GG's on this site. So next time if you need clarification, just ask, I'll be happy to clarify.
BTW I'm very aware of the fact that we are all responsible for our share of whatever happens in a relationship we are involved in. I don't believe I in anyway ever said or implied that I was blameless. That isn't the point of this thread. I'm not trying to lay blame or find fault. But thanks for your comments anyway. :hugs: CG GG

[RebeccaLynne]

CCGG, for almost two years I've been an avid reader of the many posts made on this site. I've learned a lot, and had my eyes opened in many areas. I know your ex was previously married, and children were involved.
In light of his history, might a long-term commitment headed toward marriage possibly have been more than he could handle?
I was married for 13 years, and my ex-wife and I were together over 18 years total. Half of my life had been spent with her, and the breakup was devastating for me (her decision).
Consequently, I decided to never marry again. However, 16 years have passed in the interim. I would no longer rule out marriage as a possibility.
Many divorced men avoid that possibility so as not to be hurt again.
Maybe he just wasn't ready.

[WINDDANCERS]

:eek: IRONIC'' YES'' WOULD LOVE TO HAVE AN ACCEPTING S/O AS YOU..

[Susan.]

Being from Texas, I think I have some pretty good guesses why he left for greener pastures. First off, I'd leave you in a second 'cause you like country and western music. Can't stand the stuff, never could. Only rap music is worse. Though I do have a soft(?) spot for Shania Twain, Louise Mandrell, et al.

Seriously, coming out in Texas ain't like coming out in California. Don't know if you went too far (too "progressive") but you could easily with me, even as beautiful as you are. We are pretty deep in the closet in my part of Texas.

Another possiblility is his age, he must be around 50 or so. I am also qualified to give an answer regarding age too, being an old Texan. Since hitting 50 I just do just about what I want; well at least behind the thick curtains of my windows. My wife is too old to complain. I couldn't hear her anyway with my hearing aid turned off. :p

[Country girl]

Being from Texas, I think I have some pretty good guesses why he left for greener pastures. First off, I'd leave you in a second 'cause you like country and western music. Can't stand the stuff, never could. Only rap music is worse. Though I do have a soft(?) spot for Shania Twain, Louise Mandrell, et al.

Seriously, coming out in Texas ain't like coming out in California. Don't know if you went too far (too "progressive") but you could easily with me, even as beautiful as you are. We are pretty deep in the closet in my part of Texas.

Another possiblility is his age, he must be around 50 or so. I am also qualified to give an answer regarding age too, being an old Texan. Since hitting 50 I just do just about what I want; well at least behind the thick curtains of my windows. My wife is too old to complain. I couldn't hear her anyway with my hearing aid turned off. :p

Pamela,

Thanks for your honesty. He never lived in Texas [he's on the East Coast]. I moved to the East Coast for 2 years and then moved back to Texas. The place he lives though is very small townish and he himself has always said he would be run out of town if anyone ever found out that he was a CDer. Where I live it would have been far more accepted. But that is a moot point. Ironicly though his favorite kind of music just happens to be C and W. :hugs: CG GG

[Rachel Morley]

I must admit I'm as mystified as the next person as to why a cder would give up on accepting (and participating) GG girlfriend. Accepting and happily participating GGs (from a crossdressing standpoint) are the rarest women on the planet!!

I guess my point is, going on what I know about you from your posts etc .... to turn down an attractive, funny, interesting, accepting and participating GG .... well the guy must be insane! Or that there is something that is such a huge problem for him in the relationship that he wasn't even prepared to "work at it" !??! ... it's a total mystery to me. :(

[rory]

Hi Country girl GG,

This may sound a little to simple. But sometimes relationships , end. No real reason has to be attributed. As far as not being not able to do anything right I really doubt that was the case.

Sometimes I think the Cder just reaches a point and pops, forgets about the really important people. I think popping is like a coping mechanism. It's a move on strategy that happens in the sub-conscience level.
Looking for answers when it to comes the cd can really overwork ones logic and emotions. (I speak from experience on that):D

At least you haven't jumped off the world and are still hanging in there with us. I'd say that points to a lot of right thinking on your part.

Chin up girl, and remember to spoil yourself on a regular basis. Your worth it !

[Country girl]

Hi Country girl GG,

This may sound a little to simple. But sometimes relationships , end. No real reason has to be attributed. As far as not being not able to do anything right I really doubt that was the case.

Sometimes I think the Cder just reaches a point and pops, forgets about the really important people. I think popping is like a coping mechanism. It's a move on strategy that happens in the sub-conscience level.
Looking for answers when it to comes the cd can really overwork ones logic and emotions. (I speak from experience on that):D

At least you haven't jumped off the world and are still hanging in there with us. I'd say that points to a lot of right thinking on your part.

Chin up girl, and remember to spoil yourself on a regular basis. Your worth it !

Well thanks Rory, and yes, I suppose it could be that simple. As far as me going anywhere, never fear, I love y'all and I plan on sticking around for a long time. Unless I'm told I'm no longer wanted! :hugs: CG GG

[Star]

Country Girl Darling,
Why did he leave you? Probably because whatever he found interesting in the relationship lost it's importance. It sounds like cding was an important part of the relationship and he is now denying it. Perhaps he is purging the thought of being a cder and at the same time you along with it. You know he isnt going to be able to quit forever so the question remains how will he feel about ending his relatonship with you then?
Hugs,
Star

[Edwina]

Hi CG
I am with Rachel on this. He has got to be NUTS!

:love:

Edwina

[Khriss]

from My point of view....
increadibly freekin' sad ....:(
move on eh ?? :thumbsup:

[ubokvt]

I don't know what was happening between you or him, to give you any answer why it might have come apart.
I can say I am one of the lucky ones with an accepting SO. It is wonderful but it also has it's problems. The act of putting womens clothes as she watches is very hard on me. She maybe totally unaware, talking about the day and what we have to do, as if me putting on a Bra is the most normal thing in the world, but "I" am aware that this is not normal, all the years of guilt and shame are there. I am aware on many levels I am not as good as she is with what is happening and thats hard. That he continues to dress and hides, says volumes about his acceptance of himself, rather than your acceptance of him. It easier to hide, than look at youself, and if he can't be honest with himself, how can he be with you.

[Billijo49504]

Well Country Girl, I think the proper term is, STUPID!!! Any guy that has a lady that is excepting, has to have other reasons for not being with her. But that is just my opinion!!! I wish you well and hope he get's his stuff in order. If not, I hope you find someone that is good for you...BJ

[Sheri 4242]

Country Girl GG:

Well, the one thing I got wrong way back on Page One was that you and this guy weren't married. That fact notwithstanding, I still stand by what I said -- just change terms like married to relationship. IOW, here is one of the points I was trying to make, now revised:

In the main, there are a lot of us carrying around baggage from failed relationships, not to mention other life traumas!!! As I'm sure you know, good relationships don't just happen -- they require committed work!!! Maybe he wasn't committed to do the requisite things, compatibility notwithstanding!!! IMHO, from what you've said -- and things you've said all along on the forum that I have read -- it leads me to believe that CDing wasn't the issue -- something else was subtending his denial, and/or his moving on to someone who doesn't even know, etc. It may be so deeply burried within him that you could make yourself a wreck trying to figure it out and still never hit on the correct answer!!!


My first marrige crashed in a burning heap, and she knew nothing of Sarah, (Sarah was not a factor of my life at that stage) Yet my second marriage thrives, with my SO in full knowledge. Sarah R.

Your first sounds exactly like my first -- and your second like my current (second) marriage!!! NOBODY could have worked harder at making a marriage work than I did my first go round -- 24 years. And "Sheri" was not a part of it! Sheri existed -- but only on business trips -- and only with complete purges before returning home.

I literally thought I was going to die when my first marriage came crashing down -- out of nowhere on a calm Christmas Day she says, "by the way I've been meaning to tell you: you can have the house, kids, cars -- I'm gone." Nobody could believe this, especially me!!! (Merry F-ing Christmas, huh?!!!!?)

You wouldn't believe some of the stories I could tell you about the next days and months!!!!!!!

But, the bottom line is this: today I am so very, very glad b/c I found peace and happiness in an absolutely accepting, funny, pasionate, and loving GG!!!!!!! Had my first wife not turned out to be a drunken, amoral, sl#t, I would be stuck in a miserable situation b/c, in retrospect, that is what it was -- I was just blinded by psuedo-love and mistaken that we agreed on the sanctity of the marriage vows!!!!!!!


Don't forget that you are responsible for 50% of a relationship.

Laura: I absolutely understand what you are trying to say when you say that CG GG was responsible for 50% of the relationship, so please don't take this as argumentitive, but within the context of "a relationship gone south," that's not always an accurate way at looking at things. Many times when one partner in a relationship "opts out," it has nothing to do with any failure of the other partner!!! I've known too many relationships, inclusive of my first marriage, where one partner did everything humanly possible to make for a great relationship -- who gave way over 50% -- but for naught b/c the other partner was too selfish, or had mental health issues, or any number of things!!!!!!!


Accepting and happily participating GGs (from a crossdressing standpoint) are the rarest women on the planet!!

For those who love to give fragmented, one-line comments, Rachel has given a good one to respond to ( :lol2: ) -- so, Rachel, "Ditto, gf."

[Billijo49504]

damn, you hit the head of the nail...BJ

[jasmine75]

Wow reading through what you have said I can't work it out? Some people do strange or funny things for no reason and you can go nuts trying to wonder why and you just can't. That kind of a relationship is something I would not let go of in a hurry.

[Corinne]

Well, there is a whole lot of advice here, and I think that this might have been basically said, but regardless of whether a man is a CDer or not, they still make some sumb decisions! And obviously this is one of them!

Probably has very little with the CD side of it, just human nature kicking in!

By the way CG, you are the best! I love reading your posts! You are honest and cool! Keep em coming!

[Kelsy]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted you all to know that I am that nasty former SO. I don't take to airing my private affairs on a public forum. Thank you to all who , in an unjudgemental manner realized there may be more to this story. Cding is not a foundational basis for a relationship and my buisness is just that my buisness. Anyone who would like to discuss the reasons why things are the way they are can contact me directly. I will say though I was hurt and a bit dismayed by some of the responses. Sad:(

Jennifer

[Katie Moore]

CG,

Good afternoon, hope y'all are doin ok. Always wanted to say y'all, now I feel better.

Anyway, Having gone thru one marriage and working on my second I can only speculate that this guy has no clue what he wants. Maybe to him after a while a relationship is boring. Maybe there wasn't any chase left for him.

There is no good answer except the one he told you and I doubt it was the truth. And if it was then accept it and move on....

Next time get a dam yankee!!!:love:


Wishful

[Kelsy]

Next time get a dam yankee!!!:love:

Can't get anymore yankee than Massachusetts!!!:rolleyes:

[Country girl]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted you all to know that I am that nasty former SO. I don't take to airing my private affairs on a public forum. Thank you to all who , in an unjudgemental manner realized there may be more to this story. Cding is not a foundational basis for a relationship and my buisness is just that my buisness. Anyone who would like to discuss the reasons why things are the way they are can contact me directly. I will say though I was hurt and a bit dismayed by some of the responses. Sad:(

Jennifer

No one said you were nasty, least of all me. And as for airing dirty laundry in public, I have maintained and still do that we had a fairly good relationship. I just never have been able to figure out why a CDer would leave an accepting GG for one who probably won't. What's sad is that you have to refer to yourself as the nasty former SO. I've nevr had anything unkind to say about you on this forum. I'm sorry you feel as if you have to go down this road. CG GG

[Sheri 4242]

Can't get anymore yankee than Massachusetts!!!:rolleyes:

Massachusetts is a country all-unto-itself!!! :lol2:

[Kelsy]

Massachusetts is a country all-unto-itself!!! :lol2:


Tis true for sure!!!

Jennifer:happy:

[Country girl]

Well, there is a whole lot of advice here, and I think that this might have been basically said, but regardless of whether a man is a CDer or not, they still make some sumb decisions! And obviously this is one of them!

Probably has very little with the CD side of it, just human nature kicking in!

By the way CG, you are the best! I love reading your posts! You are honest and cool! Keep em coming!


Thanks Corrine, I try to always answer with as much thought and honesty as I can. I know that you gurls are serious when asking for advice and I don't take that lightly. I try very hard to help where I can. I appreciate the fact that y'all allow me to be a part of your wonderful forum. :hugs: CG GG

[Sheri 4242]

No one said you were nasty, least of all me. And as for airing dirty laundry in public, I have maintained and still do that we had a fairly good relationship. I just never have been able to figure out why a CDer would leave an accepting GG for one who probably won't. What's sad is that you have to refer to yourself as the nasty former SO. I've nevr had anything unkind to say about you on this forum. I'm sorry you feel as if you have to go down this road. CG GG


As I've said, there are a lot of us carrying around baggage from failed relationships!!!

Now that we "know" the identity of Country Girl GG's former SO, what does that change???

I don't think it changes anything!!! (Well, except that I've never known of an accepting ex and a CDer to be on the same forum -- ya gotta say it is a bit unusual!!! That said, you both are articulate and active -- and IMO, needed on this forum!!!)

We've been taking stabs at the possibilities regarding Country Girl GG's inquiry, but truth be known, that is exactly what they were, guesses -- stabs in the dark. CG GG didn't really express anything more than that she was curious about a CDer turning away from an accepting SO -- she didn't slam her former SO, she just essentially wondered about what would make someone turn from an accepting SO GG for the arms of somebody who didn't, and might never, know.

Country Girl GG clearly acknowledged that there were factors outside of CDing that could have negatively impacted their relationship. What those other components were, we really don't know and were not told. We don't know if Jennifer was committed to doing the requisite things to make the relationship work -- we "think" CG GG was -- but have no idea about Jennifer, which isn't a negative statement about Jennifer, just a simple statement saying we don't know. I stated that, IMHO, from what CG GG said -- and things she's said all along on the forum that I have read -- all led me to believe that CDing wasn't the issue -- that, indeed, something else was subtending Jennifer's denial and/or her moving on to someone who doesn't even know. It may be so deeply burried within her that one could make themselves a wreck trying to figure it out and still never hit on the correct answer!!!

I personally believe that CG GG is the type who gave way over 50&#37; to make things work!!! Jennifer, in a self-defacing way, doesn't respond to that aspect, just that she's the former CDer that CG GG was speaking about. I don't feel I know as much about Jennifer, which isn't to be judgemental, just that I really haven't had in-depth dialogues with Jennifer.

So, what do we have at this point in time? A feeling of being stuck in the middle comes to mind. :D Many on here, myself included, have come to appreciate CG GG's attitude and opinions. And, Jennifer has certainly been active and well-spoken. Perhaps, since at least one of you truly needs (and, IMHO, deserves) some closure, maybe the two of you should communicate privately so that some obvious wounds can begin to heal.

[Jaquelyn]

Ummm, let's see, how do I say this: HE"S NUTS!!! No, seriously, there is/was obviously something there he is not telling you about, dealing with, whatever you want to disect it. I feel bad for you, here you are faced with a challenge to your relationship, you meet it head on, and, he bails. Not cool.
However, you cannot dwell on why. He left because of HIS problems, not yours. Asking yourself why is normal; contining to dwell on why, that's self abuse. So, it is time to pick up the pieces and move on. I doubt that anything that has to do with his CDing, has anything to do with leaving. You will figure it out in time. It will come to you, like a ton of bricks. You mentioned your teenage kids, and that he is seeing someone he will never be honest with. Sounds like someone with severe commitment issues to me. His new relationship will never last, and inside, he knows this: it's safe. Your relationship required commitment, and help raising of two teenagers: a task that will challenge most of us in life. That would sound like torture to someone who fears commitment. It was easier to bail, then do what is right. So, he chickened out. I regret, that this is a trait alot of us males have, fear of commitment. Alot of us learn to deal with it, baby steps at a time. Some, never do. I hope this helps a little.

[Alice B]

It is unusual, but I think there may be another reason that has nothing to do with his CD'ing and you acceptance of it. It may be possible that he was having a secret relationship with his new girlfriend and got so caught up in it that he decided or was convinced to move to her. After all, he has a history of keeping secrets. It is not the first time a relationship that seemed great went south. I would not blame yourself if all you say about the relationship you had with him was true. An awful lot of songs have been written about "your cheating heart". Just move on and look for Mr/Mrs. right. You may even find that person here?:love:

[ChrisP]

Country Girl,

I can't speak for your ex, but I've experienced something similar, years ago when I was in medical school.

If a CD/TG hasn't fully accepted this part of himself/herself, then sometimes
the acceptance of it by a loved one "scares" him, and causes him to withdraw.

It's the conflict over his desires and transgender feelings that causes him to recoil and run away. The intimacy of the relationship heightens the fear and anxiety over this unresolved bit of the self, because it's now out in the open (in the context of the relationship).

In other words, it's himself/herself he's running from, not you.
And that would also explain his running to a GG who isn't particularly accepting of TG issues. She's safe in the sense that he won't have to confront these desires for the time being.

It's sad to see, and I'm sorry to say I experienced this once myself.
Most of us CD's have a little healing to do on the inside over the torment we feel from our desires ( I know I still do). But it's who we are, and the sooner we come to terms with it, the more capable we are of true intimacy.

I wish you good luck with this.

Chris

[kristytv]

country girl you want to come to IL? ;)

[michelleliz]

He just must not be all ther at the time it happened. Does he even know how luckey He WAS
by the way you allways look great
Michelle liz

[Holly]

I've spent quite a bit of time reading and rereading this thread. I personally have met both Country Girl GG and Jennifer Keely Smith. We spent the better part of a week earlier this year (along with my wife) at Diva Las Vegas. I'm sad that so many of you mis-used this thread. The original poster asked a question, trying to get some perspective on the mind of a CDer and what might cause us to leave an accepting GG to assume a relationship with a non-accepting GG... not HER CD. Many of you took this as an opportunity to belittle and berate the ex CDing BF :(. You assumed (wrongly) that the break-up just recently occurred. That is not factual. I respect the privacy of both parties and will not comment on that issue any further.

Even more sadly, some took this as an opportunity to pit one against the other. What is that all about? Especially in the light that facts were unknown. Some assumed the relationship was a marital one (it wasn't). If we couldn't get that right, how on earth could we possibly comment on why these two were no longer a couple? This was never supposed to be an issue of who was right and who was wrong. So why were sides being taken? Why did some try to characterize the principals as "nasty" or a "clown?"

The following observations are not aimed at either CG GG or Jennifer. Relationships based one one dimension cannot be sustained... no matter if it is CDing, sex, money, whatever. If other aspects of a relationship are not in order, then trying to focus on just one aspect will not bring satisfaction. One or both parties will feel cheated and/or unfulfilled. Even some people who love one another can't make each other happy. So to answer the original question, CG GG, a CDer might leave a relationship in which he was feeling incomplete. And it more than likely, in your case, at least, have absolutely nothing to do with cross dressing. For specifics in your prior relationship, you really need to talk with your ex. If that is not possible, chalk it up to her discontent and move on.

[Sheri 4242]

I admit I first thought they were married, but later corrected this within the context of my statements.

I clearly made note that CG GG had told us, "There were other issues and it is best the relationship is over . . . " To that I added, " . . . is it possible that these other issues were ones you, obviously, could handle and were committed to work through, but that he either didn't accept that they were real or existed, OR that he wasn't willing to work through them?!!! Just a thought . . . This may not even be close to what's going on in your ex'es head, but is simply given to illustrate a point."

I believe I also noted two or three times that the issues subtending their not being a couple probably had less to do with CDing and acceptance of such, and more to do with these other issues, something that CG GG pretty much sustained.

In the final analysis, we (those of us responding to the thread) were taking stabs in the dark!!! Some got a bit side-tracked! I admire CG GG's attitude and her articulate expression of her acceptance of CDing. I have not, perhaps, paid as much attention to Jennifer, except to indicate that the heart of the problem seemed, IMHO, to lie outside the issue of CDing!!!

It seems, with the identification of Jennifer as the ex in question, we were close to being drawn into business not our own. The fact remains that Country Girl GG asked a simple question of a generalized nature -- and I don't think it was her intent to get us into taking sides on issues which we were not privvy!!!

[Mitch23]

I have read the original post again and still think that country girl was asking 'why did this particular CDer leave her, a supportive partner'. So the kind of responses she was getting were reasonable in the circumstances (IMHO)

There is a danger in giving any kind of opinion on someones elses relationship from the outside, looking in. Looking at the speck in someone else's eye while ignoring the plank in your own the Bible would say. Hopefully the wisdom of my years means that I wouldn't say anything about a person which I'm not prepared to say to their face. I recognise a lot of pain in this situation and my thoughts are with both Country Girl and Jennifer in equal measure

Mitch

[Sheri 4242]

There is a danger in giving any kind of opinion on someones elses relationship from the outside, looking in. Looking at the speck in someone else's eye while ignoring the plank in your own the Bible would say. Hopefully the wisdom of my years means that I wouldn't say anything about a person which I'm not prepared to say to their face. I recognise a lot of pain in this situation and my thoughts are with both Country Girl and Jennifer in equal measure. Mitch


Very well stated, Mitch!!!!!!! Articulate and meaningful!!!!!!!

[Marcie Sexton]

I really can't speake for him, but sounds like he has a bad case of dumb a**, maybe bordering on terminal:tongueout

I will say this that my first wife left me for what appeared to be greener pastures and on numerous occasions since my wife and I have been married she< the "x" > has approached me about trying to rekindle the fires...

That leads me to my conclusion and perhaps yours also...the only fire my ex kindled up was the bridge she burnt 25 years ago, and the grass in my pasture is plenty green enough...

I do so wish you luck, not many keepers in this world who will accept us as we really are, you're special and deserve a lot better...Good luck and thank the man above for providing the light to see he is not a keeper...

There is no doubt in my mind there will be that guy that will put the googlie look of love back in those pretty eyes...

[Sharon]

This thread has run its course and too many replies are being made now where it is obvious that all the relevant posts have not been read. To flame an unknown person is one thing, but to do so when the person is known, and where their point of view is being ignored, is another one entirely.