Re-told my wife about my crossdressing

[Kelsie]

This past weekend I decided to talk to my wife about my crossdressing interests and my need to have her more involved in them. She knows that I like to crossdress and has indulged me occasionally by inviting me to wear some sexy lingerie. While that was good enough for a while, we have such a close relationship in all other aspects of our lives that I was feeling a profound emptiness that I wasn't able to share all my crossdressing interests with her.

She was very supportive and very encouraging. She told me that although crossdressing wasn't #1 on her list of interests or turn-ons, the fact that it excited me made it exciting for her.

Folks, what do I do next? How should I interpret what she has said? How should I best proceed? Any advice?

Hugs,

Kelsie

[GlitterGG]

This sounds very promising hun. Baby steps. Go at her pace. It seems that communication is very open at the moment, and this is a good thing!! If her pace seems like it is as slow as molasses on a cold morning, oh well. The key here is not to go charging full bore like a bull in a china shop. Tell her things you would like to do, what you would like her involved in, but don't heap everything on her at once unless she asks. And even then, if she starts to look uncomfortable, stop. You've had quite a while to come to terms with everything you're feeling, therefore you've got to give her time to come to terms with each new thing.

[Sandra]

I would say you gotta talk more with her ask her how far can you go but don't push it, tell her you would really like to share the cding more with her but at her pace.


She told me that although crossdressing wasn't #1 on her list of interests or turn-ons, the fact that it excited me made it exciting for her

Her saying this maybe her way of hinting that she is willing to share more with you.

[Stephenie S]

Geez, Kelsie, as others have already said, ask her, not us!

We can say stuff like, "You go girl", but when you want to know what a person means, ask 'em!

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Kelsie]

Stephanie:

I will definitely talk to her some more but was looking for advice about what to say. We have chatted several times in the past few days and she has made it very clear that she is prepared to very supportive. As I have told her, I want to fully explore my crossdressing interests but I am not quite sure where it will lead.

She did ask whether I wanted to have a sex change. I said "no", absolutely no interest. She asked how I could be so definite. I don't quite know how to answer that question other than to say that the thought has never crossed my mind.

So, any concrete suggestions for a next step?

Hugs,
Kelsie

[bobi jean]

Kelsy
You are asking the wrong bunch! Not that anyone would intentionally stir you wrong but your SO is who you need to talk to.. If what she said is correct, I believe you just achieved what most of us can only dream of. A LOVING ACCEPTING, SUPPORTIVE WIFE/SO,AND YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF THAT RELATIONSHIP as they don't come along everyday.
The very very best to you and your wife, you gotta love her!!!!!!!!!!

[Tree GG]

...my need to have her more involved in them. .... She told me that although crossdressing wasn't #1 on her list of interests or turn-ons, the fact that it excited me made it exciting for her....
.

Balls in your court, sweetheart. What is it you need from her in relation to your crossdressing? Are you prepared to accept exactly what she offered? (Participation, not necessarily enthralled enthusiasm.)

IMO, you've got the green light. Try to figure out what you're looking for (going out, dressing around home, romantic "girl" dinners, cleaning the house :heehee:, etc) and get the show on the road.

[Kelsie]

For me, crossdressing is largely a sexual thrill. When I travel on business I often get all dressed up including wig, makeup, etc. To date, my wife has accepted my wearing lingerie from time to time in our lovemaking. I'm tired of hiding my other interests from her. So, right now, I'd like to get more dressed up more often for lovemaking.

Hugs,
Kelsie

[traceyanne]

kelsy,
have to agree with everyone on this, communication with your s/o is so important. its so good to have an understanding partner, im so fortunate that my wife is the same way. take it small steps at a time and it will work.
i started with lingerie till she happy, now were on to outer clothes and some light makeup, she has her boundaries ( she says i dont suit dresses ) which is fine with me, maybe sometime in the future that may change, but i wont rock the boat.

traceyanne

[Shadeauxmarie]

Tell her you'd like to dress up like a maid and clean the kitchen.

Tell her you'd like some help applying make-up.

Tell her you'd like her help picking out a tasteful outfit.

Some other variation.

Pick one and go for it. I would not try it all at once. Baby steps is GREAT advice. That way she can tell you when she is uncomfortable.

It would not be my first choice to dress while making love. Too many GGs have stated this makes them feel like a lesbian.

In any case, tell her how much you love her and are thankful for her support in exploring this facet of yourself.

[Kelsie]

It might help if I explain that she knew that I crossdressed before we were married. I was very open about it since it was a HUGE problem in my first marriage. For whatever reason, my crossdressing with her never progressed beyond occasionally wearing lingerie while it went meant much further on my own.

Crossdressing is mainly a sexual thrill for me, at least right now, and I feel a strong need to explore it. This group has encouraged me to be open with her about how I feel and to explore our mutual feelings on the matter. Hence, my courage to raise the matter this past weekend. I am simply tired of hiding a part of me from her. We share everything else in a very strong and supportive relationship, so I felt an strong urge to do the same with my crossdressing.

Hugs,
Kelsie

[CathyLee]

I must agree with everyone on this communication with your S/O is what you need at this point! I envy you at this point to have a S/O that will talk and help I could only dream of. YOU GO GIRL

[SandyR]

Kelsie,

For me it just plain took time, I have said before, I am one of the lucky ones. Mine accepts me mostly with open arms, every once in a while she still freaks a bit, but never puts it my face. Sorry not much advice....

Good luck hun.

Big hug!

SandyR

[Kitty Kat]

i'm really sorry but i have never been with another person in my life.... so i wouldn't know how to tackle such a problem, but i think it was used in this thread a while ago, just gently ease you're wife into this world of your's of gosh... i hope i didn't make a total idiot of myself... *Meow's unhappily*

[paulaN]

Sex and cding IMHO is the hardest barrier to break. I wish you all the luck in the world on that one. It might be much easer to have an all girl weekend and try to fit sex in.

[Sodapop]

In my situation, I only came out to my wife less than one year ago. We talk about it routinely. I always make sure to ask her before I borrow her things, or get made-up. She still does not want to participate. She says "I never mind when you do it." and she means it. She's happy to share make-up with me, we talk about cosmetics and clothes and she wanted me to go bra shopping with her this week, although we didn't get anything for me, she was completely OK with me browsing for myself. I could have bought a skirt that was on the sale rack, but it didn't have an elastic band and I didn't want to make her shopping trip about me.

I suppose the point I want to make is to let her set the pace. Communication is the most important part of our marriage (all marriages I think) and I make sure she knows what I need her to know. I make sure to find out what she wants to know.

I had to make sure she knew I wasn't gay. It took her months to eventually pursue the conversation and ask me how I knew for sure. I told her I've never been attracted to a man, so that solves the question right there.

I had to make sure she knew I wasn't interested in a sex-change. I can't imagine life without a penis. I like the feeling of being a man most of the time and I'm good at it.

I had to make sure she knew that I wasn't going to allow crossdressing to damage our hard earned future together or the good positive upbringing of the kids. Marriage, family, career all come first. Crossdressing for me is a hobby and a fetish, largely sexual and almost certainly not something I can quit. I CAN keep it in check, which I do.

She knows that I want her to participate. She knows I want to go girlstuff shopping with her and I want her to do my nails and make up. I show her how I look when I get dolled up and I know she doesn't find it disagreeable. She did find it strange for a while, but it's normal enough now to see me with makeup and a dress once in a while. She knows I want to bring crossdressing into the bedroom and do it together. She's getting closer to accepting all that stuff, but it's all baby steps. I ask her before I go get dressed if she wants to participate, and she says no. I don't pressure her and everything around here goes just fine.

I told her : "You are my feminine model. Crossdressing is part of me, and I want to share it with you. Your support in this aspect of my life makes me happy."

She has said she feels bad, sometimes, because she knows I want her to participate, but she does not. I tell her that simply accepting it is wonderful, and although her participation would be appreciated, I wouldn't want it to interfere with our good relationship.

This has been my experience with my spouse.

Sodapop

[LaFem]

You will probably lose her if you push it too far.