Straight in a gay bar. Anyone ever done this?

[SweetCaroline]

A curious question I need to ask as a straight man. Have any of you who are straight, ever been in a gay bar, either in male or female mode, I kinda need to know both.

The thing is, since becoming more open about my other persona, I've been looking to find some other groups and meet other's like me, and have joined several clubs, at least via the internet, and I want to go out and meet them. The thing is one of them meets in a gay bar and ...

A) I've never been in a gay bar.

B) I'm not gay, and have no interest in becoming gay.

I'm not homophobic, and I don't mind "being seen" at a gay bar, part of me coming out is for me to overcome the fear. I plan on going the first time in male mode, but I do tend to look quite effeminate even then (I have long hair and all).

I'm just curious what to expect. Whether there were any signals or types of clothing I should avoid. How are the other gentlemen there going to react to having a straight man among them.

I'm open minded, and I think it would be a positive learning experience for me and all, but it's still a bar. Any any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

Thank you,
Pete

[KandisTX]

yes, I have in both male and femme modes. Honestly there is nothing to worry about if you are not interested in advances, you can tell them and they will pretty much leave you alone (as has been my experience). They may question your motives as to why you are there, but if you are dressed, odds are they'll know you are just trying to be out someplace. Go on gurl, put on your heels and kick them up for a bit. ;)

Kandis:love:

[Joy Carter]

Never had a problem yet. But then I guess it could be my looks that keeps them away.

[loki_uk]

I met my wife in a gay bar and she's never once asked if I was gay, still it took her 12 years to ask the next obvious question are you one of those trannies lol

But seriously, for a lot of us before the internet came along, gay bars were about the only safe place to go out dressed and really I mean safe, I've been hit on far more in tranny bars than any gay bar...they dont fancy trannies they like blokes to be blokes in general so its pretty hassle free

The only worry is that some lesbians might take offense if you use the ladies loo, luckily its not always like that (as that's where I met my wife....)

But still you'd be safer as bloke in a dress, go in bob mode and you're more likely to get chatted up as they're not likely to think oh it's a tranny in bob mode ;)

[Jessica1]

Hi Caroline,

You really don't have anything to worry about as gay men are attracted to masculine features by and large (if you're in a dress / make-up / wig / etc you're not really on their radar). The t-girl admirers: that is an entirely different matter ...

Have fun :D

[SweetCaroline]

Thanks for the replys so far everyone. I just want to make sure I'm following the proper decorum. I believe the bar is slightly "upscale" so I doubt there would be any problem with fellahs not taking "no" for an answer. I think I'll check it out. Tho I'm planning on doing it in drab, I might bring along my purse. :heehee:

[angela2112]

When I was in Philadelphia on holiday with my girlfriend we were looking for a cheap restaurant......end up in Hamburger Mary's,had no idea it was a gay bar until we clocked the waiter/barman,even got our bill in a stiletto shoe......brilliant!

[Charleen]

Yep, met some girls at a gay bar in Orlado during "Gay Days". Not a problem. Even used the Ladies room without a hassle. Go. Enjoy yourself!

[Emily Ann Brown]

GO DRESSED......they will all know why you are there.

And I have never had anyone be offensive. One guy came over to chat, but he seemed to know I was there as the TG in GLTG. You will see some interesting sights there for sure.


Emily Ann

[KimberlyS]

Caroline/Pete,

Can a straight/hetro person go to a gay bar/club?

Have Gay people ever been straight bars/clubs?

I think you are asking the wrong question here. When I go out enfemme, the question I ask myself is the place I am going safe. Would I let my daughter or wife go there alone? And in your case you are meeting people and being part of a group. I would think the group already has a safety level with the place. When I get out in Kim presentation, being a gay bar/club, straight bar/club, a mall, a store..... where ever it may be, safety is my own question.

If I am not sure on the safety of a place I will first check out the place in male mode. I do this most of the places I go out enfemme. Checking out a place before hand does two things for me. The first is to check out my feel of the safety of the place. And second I can check out the clothing attire of those that are their so I can dress of similar attire to blend in.

[Rita Knight]

Hi Caroline,
First I must say that I have never gone into a gay bar in male mode. Second, dressed as a CD, I never experienced overt prejudice towards me. However, I refuse to go to a gay bar to "hang out' if I do not know that other CDs will be there. I will make exceptions for drag shows, Halloween and meeting other CDs at such a club. It is just the vibes I get from maybe being the only CD in such a club.

[Dixie]

You'll be fine sweety, nothing to fear but fear itself. If asked out a polite no will send your message without a hassle.

[sterling12]

Well, having been in quite a few GLBT Bars, I would suggest you DON'T WEAR YOUR GUY CLOTHES. If you look effeminate, and your dressed like a guy your gonna get hit on....a lot!

When I go with The Gurl's to a lot of these places, we usually get ignored, or people are cordial, but not overly-friendly. Most Gay men know that CD's are straight, and they aren't attracted to someone who looks like a woman.

One caveat, at a lot of the gay places I will often run into gurl's who are alone, and they are there looking for something. Not every CD who comes by themselves is like that, but it's often the case. So if you go alone, probably will get hit on.

Here's the fun part, just tell the guy your straight and not interested. Watch how quickly they move away, looks like they have been shot out of a cannon.

OK, now you know most of The Ground Rules. If you feel like you need friends with you, join a Support Group. Just about always some of The Gals go out to a club after a meeting and often will get together and go out during the month.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Kristen Marie]

In June I went to two gay bars as Kristen. I couldn’t have had a nicer time or treated with more respect.

On my trips coming up to Chicago and Orlando, I have some trips planned to gay bars. They both have special evenings for TGirls as well.

[Stephenie S]

Well for goodness sake, hon. A bar is a bar. A gay bar is just a bar where gay people go. The real question you want to ask is not, "Can I go to a gay bar?", it's is the bar safe? There are gay bars and then there are gay bars. There are some pretty rough gay bars (just like there are some pretty rough straight bars) and there are some really upscale gay bars you could take your mother to (just like there are some pretty upscale straight bars you could take your mother to).

If the CD club is meeting there, it's bound to be a safe bar. You don't have to worry about "gay protocol" any more than in any other bar. There is none to speak of. Gay people are real people, just like you. They act and feel just like you. They just sleep with others of the same sex. That's it hon. Other than that they are just like you.

If you are aproached in a bar, what do you do? If you want to interact with the person who aproached you you go for it. If not, you say no. You do exactly the same in a gay bar, dear. If someone aproaches you that you do not want to interact with, you tell them so. Easy, isn't it?

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Alice B]

I am not in the least bit gay, but have been in many gay bars. Most are no different than your average bar, but I've been to a couple where I had to fend off many an approach. These were always when I was with a friend that is gay and he helped keep the wolfs at bay. It can be fun and is nothing to fear.

[SweetCaroline]

Again, thanks all. I think you pretty much answer my questions. The group I'm meeting is T-gendered, so I think I'll be safe, among them. Yet I'm still new to this "going out" thing, and I just want to meet people, and belong to a group, for the first time in my entire life.

Interestingly, I have been around a couple "biker" bars. And have found them to be among the most down to earth, honest people I have ever met. LOL.

The difference was they liked Harleys, I liked hosiery.

[Kitty Kat]

i'm not gay but i think gay people can be really supportive, the last time i went to a gay bar i felt so unsure of myself as i was dressed as a Lolita maid and was wearing my hair falls, a gay man came up to me and started to buy me drinks all night to help me calm my nerves, awwww he was so sweet ^^

[hotbobbie]

Go for it dressed as you will find it to be a very good feeling.

[Kitty Kat]

i agree with Hotbobbie, it does feel very liberating

[Betty H]

Hi Carrie,

I'm sure this is difficult for you - but there is really no cause for concern. I started going out in public dressed approximately one year ago.A gay bar was the first place I ever went to- I went alone.It was a very good experience. Now my CD friends and I frequent various local gay and gay friendly establishments (always dressed) approximately 2 or 3 times per week ( some straight places too) to dance,dine, socialize and/or watch drag shows.I feel very much at home at these places and have always had good experiences. You will experience a variety of responses form the regular crowd ranging from lack of interest, to friendly interaction ,to getting wonderful compliments on your appearance and sometimes having advances made.What is probably more important than the clothes that you are wearing is your own behaviour and personality. People generally react to how you present yourself to them.If you are confident and friendly etc...you will be treated in the same manner. I like to dance and there are times when my friends are not availabe to go out.During those times I will go to gay clubs and search out dance partners somtimes guys sometimes girls.I have had some nights that i thought might be a dud turn out to be a blast. If someone shows more interest in you than you care to have directed to you you can always decline gracefully.I have never had anyone be rude or obnoxious as yet. Just one caveat to all the above though; and that is : each club/bar has a different "personality" and sometimes that personality also depends on what night of the week it is.There are different theme nights.So, for example you would not necessarily want to go on a night that is a guy / guy flirt night. You may wish to go on a dance night when the crowd is a bit more varied.You have to do your research and also experience some of this for yourself to see what you feel comfortable with. Now honey just put on your dancing shoes and get out there-you'll have the time of your life.

[Kitty Kat]

i'd get beaten up if i went to a straight club/bar.... England is such an unforgiving place...

[SweetCaroline]

i'd get beaten up if i went to a straight club/bar.... England is such an unforgiving place...

America is much the same.

Luckily I'm, like in New England. The place founded by a bunch of men in tights, buckled shoes, and powdered wigs. LOL!

:D

[vbcdgrl]

Hi, Carrie. I haven't posted in a while...been too busy with my drab life, but I thought I should reply to your question. I am also straight, but, as a CDer, I have gone to gay/lesbian clubs many times. Most of the clubs that welcome CDers are really gay clubs. I have never had a problem with this, although the gay guys kind of ignore us for the most part. The lesbians seem to warm up more easily to CDers. I wouldn't go to any club just "cold turkey", make sure if/when they welcome CDers. Have fun!

Vikki

[trannie T]

What a scared little bunch of bunnies we are. I'm afraid to buy panties. I'm afraid to wear panties. I'm afraid to dress up in my house. I'm afraid to go outside dressed. I'm afraid to go to a gay bar.
Just take a deep breath, pull up your panties and do it!
I have had the same fears myself, overcame them and have had great times.

[Katrina]

While I don't have a lot of experience with gay bars, I have been to one specific one in DC several times now. It is a somewhat upscale one and I had a good time each time I went. I was in drab each time and with a group that was mixed straights and gays. The gay people I met at the bar were more than friendly and happy to have straight friends in the bar. Great music and dancing. One caveat, some bathrooms are places for more "intimate" contact so prepare yourself for that.

[Rachel Morley]

Gay bars are the greatest of places to go for lots of reasons. The people there are so tolerant and cool. Plus there is always such a great vibe going on at these venues. Plus great music and they are always so non threatening. I've been to so many straight bars that when things get boisterous they make you feel as if a fight could break out at any second. I never get that feeling in gay bars. Also gay bars are such great places to go if you are en femme or dressed in a gender variant way. :happy:

IMHO .... and from personal experience a couple of times a month, Gay bars (and gay nightclubs especially) (or at least the ones in Sacramento) seriously rock! :D

[charlie-50]

As a young man i had joined the navy and one time me a few buds from off the ship where on liberty in north maime beach, fla. we had left the boat and walked up to where the cab stand was we got in and told the cabbie to take us to nearest bar so that we would have far to come back right .( little did we know) so any way dude,drops us a the bar and we git out and walk up to the place. im tellin yall yall here this place looked like any other bar i mean no off name or any thing( like odd fellows hall) so we go in and we see the bar at one end of the room and head toward it . we git up there and we waiting for the bartender and up walks this girl right and shes got nothing on but her pantys and bra with a neckless that said (BUTCH) i see this and say to myself this is kinda different as i look around the i see couples of men and a few other woman togeather being rather fimilar with one another. so we drank our beers (maybe a lttle faster than normal) looked at each other and gave a collective nod towards the door and headed down to the next place. dont git me wrong or any thing it was a nice place nobody body messed with us . i will saywhat probably saved us was the fact that we had our dress blues on (crackerjacks & dixie cups) guess they figuered grate more sailors LOL.......charlie....:heehee:

[Joy Carter]

Just a note Hun. I'd call the establishment and ask them what kind of "clientèle" frequents there. I'd not offer that your CD.
Another thing don't go to a "leather gay bar". They might not like "girls" as customers. Just something I read once.
Another thing a GG here said, that you should be as cautious as they are. You are presenting as female. That might make you a target in the wrong place.
Lastly get on the net and look up the place your going. It just might tell you if your welcome or not.

Have fun but be safe.

[jo_ann]

I have been to three gay bars, one in chicago (gentry) which had a great piano bar, two in DC (one was called fireplace?)


I have been to one specific one in DC several times now
What was it called? Fireplace was small and not much going on but video screens, the club a block away had a giant dance floor and this giant 6 foot high heel just above the entrance door.

I must say, in all 3 cases, all in male mode, I never attempted to get hit on (I think gaydar exists), and I must say gay people sure do know how to pick good music.

[Fab Karen]

Well, coincidentally there are certain movements very nervous straight men sometimes make that announce to everyone in a gay club "I'm easy" so be careful...
Though it could be I'm pulling your leg.:devil:

[sterling12]

Now you have done it Fab Karen! I will get the asking out of the way, cause' a lot of people are going to want to know....what are these nervous movements? Please describe so that those who are straight can avoid, and those who are, (open to new ideas?) can emulate!

Joanie has certainly been "hit on," in straight and GLBT Bars, just want to make sure it's something I am or am not doing!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Katrina]

I have been to three gay bars, one in chicago (gentry) which had a great piano bar, two in DC (one was called fireplace?)


What was it called? Fireplace was small and not much going on but video screens, the club a block away had a giant dance floor and this giant 6 foot high heel just above the entrance door.

I must say, in all 3 cases, all in male mode, I never attempted to get hit on (I think gaydar exists), and I must say gay people sure do know how to pick good music.

It was called "Cobalt".

[Alice Torn]

I have been considering going out ressed alone, to a bar, that is CD friendly. Thanks for the advice, experiences. So far, Halloween, though I am not a fan of it, is when, I might go out. I was considering a bar, in Kent Wash., but i see, it has been boarded up.

[SweetCaroline]

Just an update, I did it, I went out and saw my sisters for the very first time. Unfortunatly, I sat alone, away from them, and didn't talk to any of them. I was in drab anyway, but was "wearing" my purse, so it's quite possible they didn't know that's why I was there. Coming out, and being new to the group is tough in any circumstance. Add to that the fact that I'm a man, going out in public as a lady for the the very first time in my life, what I did tonight was huge.

As for the gay gentlemen, they hardly noticed me ( except for the bartender of course). One did make a comment about me "swinging it" when I went out on the street to put some money in the parking meter, but the comment actually made me smile.

I think I shall go back. :D

[Chiana]

I went to a gay bar in Dallas several years ago. They had a really great drag show. I don't have ay idea what the name of the bar was. I was in drab and I got hit on several times but there were certainly no issues. Loved the drag show. Fell in love. LOL. There is a local club here in town that is supposed to have a drag show on Saturday nights. But I haven't been yet.

[Emma England]

I have never been to one. Where are they in my area, I do not know!

I would assume if a gay guy started talking to you, they would soon know from your reaction (or body language) whether you are interested or not. Just say no thanks, you are straight.

It would be nice if a lesbian girl started flirting with me thinking I was a real girl too. Ahh, must go off and practise my makeup again!!

[MarinaTwelve200]

I would think that going to a gay bar would only serve to reinforce the general public misconception that CD=gay. Something that is a pet peeve of mine and that I wouldnt want to contribute to.

BTW, I dont personally go to ANY bar, straight OR gay. Nothing moral here (I prefer to drink at home) I just dont like the "primative", "non-Intellectual" bar scene.

[Marcie Sexton]

Kandis hit it right on...one of the few times I got to go out in my area and really enjoy myself in a club scene, was in a Gay club...the patrons were extremely friendly, several of the guys even took me out to the floor and shared a dance with me...:heehee: That was a sight to behold, like a one legged spider...but I did enjoy myself and felt no pressure or endured no reprecussions, uhhhh other than a head ache the next:rolleyes: morning...

[SweetCaroline]

Thanks again everyone for your advice and observations. My fears were pretty much nothing, as I'd expect. Most of the blokes there were in their twenties. I'm thirty-five. And while I like to think I'm rather youthful looking, there is no way I'd pass for twenty-something, so I was most likely well off their radar.

I think of it as an experiment. And while I may not have found a cure for the common cold, I think the experiment was a success. Successful enough at least that, next time, I might take things one step further.

I don't want to change the world. Basically I want to simply go out, and walk in the sun, as myself. As Caroline. For the first time in my life.

If I make friends along the way...well there's the icing on the cake.:hugs:

[nephthyr]

My sister's a lesbian so I've been to the local gay and lesbian club on numerous occasions and have always had a blast. Been hit on a couple of times but told the lads I was straight and they were completely ok with it. Really you have nothing to worry about at all... Go dressed if you'd like!

[Debbie47]

Go on out and have fun. I go to gay and lesbian bars dressed all the time and have never had any trouble. I am not a big bar person but where else can you go dressed? My wife and I even like to stop at the area lesbian bar for a late beer and then dinner. They had a straight country band a few weeks ago and it was more fun than the times we have spent in straight bars.

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Caroline Go dressed you will have no more trouble than getting hit on by some one who thinks you are good looking. Most gay bars kind of shun CD's the men who are gay, we as CD's are not liked because we for the most part are not interested in the sex aspeck of the dating seane. I had a very nice black dude that was very interseted in me he loved big good looking women, every time I went to this club in Hartford Ct Polo He was beside me. I told him that I was very flatter that he wanted me as a girl friend an lover but I was taken. My friend was a preformer there an we alway went together. Well you have these men that will not take NO for an answer. One night as we walk in the club my friend went back stage to change, I headed for the bar, like my beer. There he was right there to buy me the beer,yes he love to pat my rear. So I turn to him grabed him by the you know whats an said OK HON lets go nice an loud I will do you right outside in the parking lot . You can even ty to put this little peanut in , by this point it was no more than a pimple. Did he get red an every one around us was looking, well he pulled away an moved away into a small courner. Later he came to me an said that he was sorry,we have become good friends an I do let him a pat now an then. I now know how women feel that are bugged by men that they like as company but not wanting to go out with. Due the unexpected when you think the person you are with needs to be told in stronger terms . Other wise go have fun .



Josephine

[Jenny Wilson]

Here's a photo of the Gay Bar in Gay, MI. Gay is up on the Keewenaw Peninsula of the Upper Peninsula where the "Yuppers" live.

I didn't have time to go in to check the place out as we were on a timed transit leg of a car rally. www.www.lsprorally.com

I don't think I would have been hit on. I was wearing Nomex and I think "hunter orange" is more the fashion in that place.

Jenny

[Jenny Wilson]

Trying again with the photo....

[Billijo49504]

Thhe one I went into, dessed as male, I didn't have a problem, I just told them I was a CD'er. They said I was very welcome dressed. Juat what I found out...BJ

[immike]

A curious question I need to ask as a straight man. Have any of you who are straight, ever been in a gay bar, either in male or female mode, I kinda need to know both.

The thing is, since becoming more open about my other persona, I've been looking to find some other groups and meet other's like me, and have joined several clubs, at least via the internet, and I want to go out and meet them. The thing is one of them meets in a gay bar and ...

A) I've never been in a gay bar.

B) I'm not gay, and have no interest in becoming gay.

I'm not homophobic, and I don't mind "being seen" at a gay bar, part of me coming out is for me to overcome the fear. I plan on going the first time in male mode, but I do tend to look quite effeminate even then (I have long hair and all).

I'm just curious what to expect. Whether there were any signals or types of clothing I should avoid. How are the other gentlemen there going to react to having a straight man among them.

I'm open minded, and I think it would be a positive learning experience for me and all, but it's still a bar. Any any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

Thank you,
Pete
I love to dress&hit a good gay club,the guys pay little or any attention
to CD's&I make other CD friends.

[Bobbie cd]

Interestingly, I have been around a couple "biker" bars. And have found them to be among the most down to earth, honest people I have ever met. LOL.

The difference was they liked Harleys, I liked hosiery.

Yes, hon, and some of us like both! :D

[SweetCaroline]

One caveat, some bathrooms are places for more "intimate" contact so prepare yourself for that.

Like I said, this bar was slightly upscale, and right in the middle of a "club district", so I'm sure they prided themselves in being a clean, reputable establishment.

One thing I did note about the bathrooms is that there were NO DOORS, any one could see in. It didn't take me long to figure out why. LOL!

Anyways. Now that I know it's a safe place, I'm planning to go back next week, in full Caroline mode. Wish me luck girls.:hugs:

[christianna]

You answered a question that has been haunting me for years... not all crossdressers are gay. Hallelujah. Now how does a woman go about meeting straight crossdressers... the only crossdressers i know i've met in gay bars and that seems an inappropriate place to be hitting on men... correction... it didn't seem inappropriate until I saw the lesbians glaring at me.. and I hate lesbians glaring at me. They don't like it when you walk past them to hit on queens and tvs and the like. and well some of my best friends are lesbians so i try to stay in good with their friends and friends of friends if you know what i mean because this is a somewhat small community... and what was my point ?
Ahhh yes. So there are straight crossdressers... I knew it. Everybody told me to forget about it but here you are busting out with I'm a straight crossdresser. Thank you.

But how do you meet people like yourself?

[angelfire]

I have never been to one, but I know of a bunch in my city. Although curious enough, one of my gay friends frequenst straight clubs more. There are no 'CD bars' in my city, but 1 club does have a drag night every week. I've been to the club (It happens to be a straight club), but never on that night. I've been kinda curious to go. My main issue with going was a friend of mine's cousin got assaulted leaving a gay bar for no reason one night. I also take public transit, so I have a funny feeling the bus ride back, at 2am with all the drunk guys would be a 'blast'.

[SweetCaroline]

You answered a question that has been haunting me for years... not all crossdressers are gay. Hallelujah. Now how does a woman go about meeting straight crossdressers... the only crossdressers i know I've met in gay bars and that seems an inappropriate place to be hitting on men... correction... it didn't seem inappropriate until I saw the lesbians glaring at me.. and I hate lesbians glaring at me. They don't like it when you walk past them to hit on queens and tvs and the like. and well some of my best friends are lesbians so i try to stay in good with their friends and friends of friends if you know what i mean because this is a somewhat small community... and what was my point ?
Ahhh yes. So there are straight crossdressers... I knew it. Everybody told me to forget about it but here you are busting out with I'm a straight crossdresser. Thank you.

But how do you meet people like yourself?

How do you meet people like yourself? Well this site is a good place to start. Ask around.

I only found this group I joined because, in another thread, I mentioned I was from Massachusetts, and one of the ladies mentioned a group called "The Sisters of Boston" which I soon found out had chapters throughout New England, including one closer to me in Worcester.

You might have to travel a little, but if you just want to go out and be yourself. Ask about. Unless you're in the middle of nowhere, I'm sure there's a group within driving range.

Good luck! :hugs:

[loki_uk]

You answered a question that has been haunting me for years... not all crossdressers are gay. Hallelujah. Now how does a woman go about meeting straight crossdressers... the only crossdressers i know i've met in gay bars and that seems an inappropriate place to be hitting on men

But how do you meet people like yourself?

Ironically gay bars, because we're less likely to get hit on by blokes at a gay bar than say a tranny bar

If it's any consolation I met my wife in the ladies loos of a gay bar (albeit not dressed up at the time)

[SweetCaroline]

Oh and welcome to the site cristianna. I've found this to be a very good group for learning and understanding, and getting to know others.

That and, surprise! surprise! A good number of us are straight, with wifes, girlfriends, kids, etc.

We're just a little more fey. LOL!:D

[joannaoshea]

There really is nothing to worry about in which ever mode you attend the gay bar in.

It's probably better to go dressed, as some have said, but really, just go. Gay folk are lovely.

xxx

Joanna