The Dangers of Dressing....at leaste for me

[Lovely Rita]

I have an obssessive and addictive personality to begin with. Match that up with crossdressing and you have a recipe for disaster.

As I have written on other threads. All us crossdressers are trail blazers. We walked this road alone. We make our personal discoveries about dressing. We share our experiences here but for the most part no one was there to show us the ropes.

I am an individual and so the dangers may be different for me than for many of you. There will also be some of you who relate to my experience.

The dangers for me are when crossdressing becomes all encompassing. It can overwhelm me with a prominence in my life that can very easily be at the expense of other things in my life.

I have undertaken the decision to develop more discipline regarding my dressing and the time devoted to it. I am working on enhancing my self control and not let the desire to dress control me.

I have many other facets to my life and need to focus equal attention on them if not more. Like I wrote in the beginning these are my challenges but maybe you can relate as well.

I have undertaken to practice more self discipline. I am working on controlling my dressing, if that is possible, and not have the dressing control me. I love crossdressing so much I could easily drown in selfishness if I am not careful.

Thanks for letting me share as this is very healthy for me to do.:love:

[Karren H]

Great advice Rita... I know I wish I had better self control but luckily for me my life is soooo busy that I don't have time to get out of control, lately.. Self control via proxy.. Lol.

Love Karren

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Great points, I need more self control for my out of control spending habits for buying fem items. Jocelyn

[Mitch23]

Yes Rita, a timely post by you. I think I'm still in pink fog mode where my desire to CD is pretty consuming - probably because of all those years of guilt, shame and self imposed repression. Now, my limits are imposed by my social circumstances only, ie work, family and friends and perhaps I need to step back and strike a balance. Otherwise I fear that I could be doing all the crossdressing I want - but on my own!

Mitch

[Kate Simmons]

Well Rita, I recently reached the point of controlling the dressing and not vice versa. You know any time you (and anyone else) is free to PM or E-mail me if you want to discuss anything. I do have to make the statement, however, that CDing has a very spiritual aspect to me and that is how I was able to be in control.It is part and parcel of my overall being.:happy:

[Lovely Rita]

Great advice Rita... I know I wish I had better self control but luckily for me my life is soooo busy that I don't have time to get out of control, lately.. Self control via proxy.. Lol.

Love Karren

As usual you remain my heroe in so many ways. Knowing you has been a wonderful highlight. I know how deeply you care for the other parts of your life, so I am not worried about you.

Karren...You Rock!!!!:hugs:


Great points, I need more self control for my out of control spending habits for buying fem items. Jocelyn

Exactly Jocelyn, the first part of my treatment is to cool down the shopping. I am working on my resistance. :D It really is no joking matter.


Yes Rita, a timely post by you. I think I'm still in pink fog mode where my desire to CD is pretty consuming - probably because of all those years of guilt, shame and self imposed repression. Now, my limits are imposed by my social circumstances only, ie work, family and friends and perhaps I need to step back and strike a balance. Otherwise I fear that I could be doing all the crossdressing I want - but on my own!

Mitch

Hi Mitch, Consuming is the right word. My SO has been fabulous and I want her to stay that way so I need to be mindful and considerate. Thanks for sharing your insights. I guess these are some of the benefits of friendship. Watching out for one another.:hugs:


Well Rita, I recently reached the point of controlling the dressing and not vice versa. You know any time you (and anyone else) is free to PM or E-mail me if you want to discuss anything. I do have to make the statement, however, that CDing has a very spiritual aspect to me and that is how I was able to be in control.It is part and parcel of my overall being.:happy:


Salandra, Love just flows out of you. You are such a wonderful person to hear from. You always have a wonderful view and insight.:love:

[Michelle (Oz)]

I identify with your thoughts Rita. Problem is that my wife and children are away for a month with just a week to go.

I might just wait another week before I try exercising self control ... then I won't have much of a choice. In the meantime ...

Michelle (Oz)

[Brianna Lovely]

I have undertaken to practice more self discipline. I am working on controlling my dressing, if that is possible, and not have the dressing control me.

I had never really given the "control" issue, much thought. Since my dressing is a matter of being myself, I choose to dress fem, every day. I don't thing that GG's worry too much about their clothes controling them, why should I?

However, I do try to dress in a comfortable, practicle and "fit in" style, for my day-to-day errands. And reserve the extra makeup, wig and forms, for special occasions, just like many GGs do.

Since I don't wear "male" clothing any more, CDing really isn't an issue, for me.

I do hope you find a place, where you feel comfortable and at ease.

[susie evans]

RITA
you are so right but it can happen with any thing in life one of the hardest things to acomplish is balance no matter what we do are where we go,. sounds like you are learning another great lesson in the journey of life .
you have good wisdome and i realy enjoy reading you post's

:love: susie

[chucks]

I do have to make the statement, however, that CDing has a very spiritual aspect to me and that is how I was able to be in control.

i'm wondering, how is it spiritual? what is the benefit?

[Dana Carlton]

I have been to that point of having it overwhelm me. In fact, to the point that it cost me my job earlier this year. No, I wasn't "discovered" by anyone, that would be a lawsuit for discriminiation. I just lost all focus on everything else around me. Spent hours at work browsing the internet for breast forms, shoes, pictures, make-up techniques, etc. I rushed home to dress almost everynight. It was too late to save my job, but I was able to save everything else (most importantly, my wife).

I have no choice but to be disciplined with dressing now. I guess I learned the hard way. But, I will never stop dressing, cause like you, I LOVE IT TOO MUCH!!

You can do it Rita. You have the discipline within you.

[Wendy me]

lol I have an obsessive and addictive personality too lol out of control ?? yes for sure .... not only in cding but every thing ..... i can't just get buy in what ever i do it's all OR not....

as far as controlling cding or all the other things .... i can't lol just can't .... good luck ... let me know how it goes for you..........

[Jodie Wexler]

I had it under control till I became a member of this community. Now I want to dress or think of dressing almost all of the time. I am not saying this is a bad thing, for me the opposite. For many years I struggled with it, now I am finally comfortable with it. This is mostly due to the kindness of fellow members who replied to my posts and some private conversations. I guess I am just trying to make up for lost time. "Recipes for Disater"
was one of the headlines in my first True Crossdressing picture post, but I only find that true if we supply the ingredients.
Jodie

[Joy Carter]

This is really a poignant thread and so true in my case. My lovely wife and I got into a argument over my spending on Joy. "More her telling me." She told me that I over spent on so many things in our lives. Cars, hobbies and tools. She told me, "And now dressing up as a woman !:Angry3:" I told her it was because I wanted to "me" for so long, that I immersed myself into other things trying to forget who I was. That included hours spent on the job working extra.
I just couldn't let myself dress. And take the chance on being found out. But you know she hasn't mentioned it once since that day. I think she finally has come to realize this who I am. Everything in moderation now. Except work.:rolleyes:

[Lovely Rita]

I identify with your thoughts Rita. Problem is that my wife and children are away for a month with just a week to go.

I might just wait another week before I try exercising self control ... then I won't have much of a choice. In the meantime ...

Michelle (Oz)

Michelle, If I were you I would take full advantage too.


I had never really given the "control" issue, much thought. Since my dressing is a matter of being myself, I choose to dress fem, every day. I don't thing that GG's worry too much about their clothes controling them, why should I?

However, I do try to dress in a comfortable, practicle and "fit in" style, for my day-to-day errands. And reserve the extra makeup, wig and forms, for special occasions, just like many GGs do.

Since I don't wear "male" clothing any more, CDing really isn't an issue, for me.

I do hope you find a place, where you feel comfortable and at ease.

Thanks Brianna, I guess you are in a different position dressing full time. I don't so I have to do the old balancing act.


RITA
you are so right but it can happen with any thing in life one of the hardest things to acomplish is balance no matter what we do are where we go,. sounds like you are learning another great lesson in the journey of life .
you have good wisdome and i realy enjoy reading you post's

:love: susie

Thanksw Susie, you are a darling. I always love hearing from you. I agree wholeheartedly and that is what I am working on. The balance.


I have been to that point of having it overwhelm me. In fact, to the point that it cost me my job earlier this year. No, I wasn't "discovered" by anyone, that would be a lawsuit for discriminiation. I just lost all focus on everything else around me. Spent hours at work browsing the internet for breast forms, shoes, pictures, make-up techniques, etc. I rushed home to dress almost everynight. It was too late to save my job, but I was able to save everything else (most importantly, my wife).

I have no choice but to be disciplined with dressing now. I guess I learned the hard way. But, I will never stop dressing, cause like you, I LOVE IT TOO MUCH!!

You can do it Rita. You have the discipline within you.

Hey Dana, i would love to hear what you changed inorder to stay clear of the "danger aspect" loss of job etc. Did you limit your time? Shopping? Surfing the web?

lol I have an obsessive and addictive personality too lol out of control ?? yes for sure .... not only in cding but every thing ..... i can't just get buy in what ever i do it's all OR not....

as far as controlling cding or all the other things .... i can't lol just can't .... good luck ... let me know how it goes for you..........

I will definitely keep you posted Wendy.


I had it under control till I became a member of this community. Now I want to dress or think of dressing almost all of the time. I am not saying this is a bad thing, for me the opposite. For many years I struggled with it, now I am finally comfortable with it. This is mostly due to the kindness of fellow members who replied to my posts and some private conversations. I guess I am just trying to make up for lost time. "Recipes for Disater"
was one of the headlines in my first True Crossdressing picture post, but I only find that true if we supply the ingredients.
Jodie

Thanks for sharing Jodie. I understand what you mean. It is almost like some of us go through various phases.

It is very interesting to hear from all of you. It would be good to hear how some of you have dealt with the various challenges. There have been reports of job loss and I am sure there are other repercussions for those of us who don't dress 24/7.

I would love to hear more about how you cope, adjust, manage.


Remember, that we need to be the family to each other that we never had out there. We need to be the supportive and nurturing friends we never had because no one else really understands us.

So all you gals with the wisdom of experience please chime in. We need to value good advice.:thumbsup:



Let me share my personal concern. If I cannot control and decide when I dress but live at the mercy of urges, at leaste for me, it will be anti productive. It will affect many other parts of my life. This is just my experience and my opinon. I value all the various points of view on the subject.

I do not like the idea of being a SLAVE to my urges and I must admit that dressing and the urge to dress is very powerful for me. There have been times that I have put other important things aside to satisfy my need to dress.

I do not like to be a SLAVE to anything. A SLAVE by definition is not free but under the control of something else.

I am working on my discipline and self control because I will not be a SLAVE to anyone or anything.:love:

[Miranda33]

I too have the urges to dress and sometimes it overwhelms all of my thoughts. I also have an obsessive compulsive personality that controls the basic core 0of all of my actions, even more so with my dressing. What an eyeopening experience it is. Once you have everything you think you could ever want (or think you want) then all you have is a big mess and only you to pick up the pieces. Just my thoughts XXXOOO

[SandyR]

Boy howdy! Most time I do real well, have learned to control it for the most part. Its all balance. But its been almost 4 weeks, and time to get pretty. Will be on a Business trip all next week and this girl plans to do some outings....

Hugs!

SandyR

[Betty H]

Yes Rita, this does take a lot of discipline.:straightface: I have become so disciplined I went to 5 stores today after work looking for the gold shoes I need for the new dress I bought for an upcoming party this saturday.And it only took me about three weeks to find the dress I'm wearing :eek:Obsessiveness - no way- I have it all under control- I only bought two different pair of gold shoes today - now if I was obsessive I would have got four. :^5: Don't ya just hate it when you cant find all the right accessories- drives ya crazy :wall: Crazy ..oops did I say crazy.er..forget I said that :shh: Give in to the dark side of the force Rita Skywalker:devil::devil::devil: put on that dress.


Oh , Ok maybe I am crazy :silly: But its a helluva alot of fun, I have made quite a few good friends and many aquaintances. It is the major portion of my social life now.I don't look upon dressing as being separate from me- I don't dress just because i feel like dressing;it is now a necessary part of my self expression. I dress to get out and socialize and have fun as the person who I perceive myself to be. It is me .And at least in my case it is at no one elses expense or at the expense of my lifes major responsiblities.

So I wish you success in your effort to exercise discipline toward your dressing . But I have to stop this little diatribe now becasue I just may be able to hit another store before they close-those gold shoes were not exactly what i was looking for.:heehee:

[Lovely Rita]

Thanks also for the lighthearted responses. You are all great sports.

I do understand that this subject can be looked upon with good fun.


I am very aware that many on this site can dress full time and may not have the obligations that I do, like SO and other pending committments that can at times be in conflict with being able to dress.

Many here may also not need to be disciplined about this subject but I am on a different quest. I realize I need a balanced and controlled outlook on things because crossdressing is not everything I am about, and it is also not the most important aspect of me or my life, though a very important one.

I am glad I can write openly about my journey and the directions I am choosing to go in with regard to balance and discipline. I plan to Crossdress for the rest of my life and I am also aware that if I plan to maintain the quality of life I now enjoy with my most beloved SO and family I need to have balance.

I also understand that many here do not require this kind of balance and so I understand the flippant attitude on the subject.:hugs:

[SandyR]

Rita,

I love your posts, and I am pretty sure under dog wore nylons....

Understand our plot, I am lucky to drress once a month or so....

Hugs!

SandyR

[gennee]

Good and sage advice, Rita. I have a balance in my life because I have so many interests. Crossdressing is just another part of it.

Gennee

:happy:

[Amanda Shaft]

Okay Rita I’ll try not to be flippant! I’ve always found my self very focused on whatever activity I was interested in at the time: whether that is sports, hobbies, work or pastimes. I’ve dedicated my energies to them sometimes to the detrimental exclusion of other things I confess! The one thing that has remained constant is my cding and although the degree to which I have devoted my time and resources to it have fluctuated, being part of me it’s obviously always been present. I can’t equate cding in the same way as other ‘hobbies’: if I were to limit my dressing it would be like suppressing ‘me’ and that would be a kind of oppression.

Amanda x

[tall_brianna]

Wow. Timely post Rita. Reading your manifesto and the replies to it made me stop and think about why I'm on here right now at 6:30 in the morning. Why am I here? I fell completely off the face of this community for months and now I'm right back in the fog. Okay, well not quite as bad of a fog as last Oct.-Nov., okay well, no where NEAR as bad as that. lol. But here it is: I think obsessing about this is caused by not giving into it. It's only when I try and repress it that I think about it. I'm actually in my bedroom with the door shut and my teenage son is in his room sleeping. My six weeks of mandatory boy mode is on week three.

[Lovely Rita]

Rita,

I love your posts, and I am pretty sure under dog wore nylons....

Understand our plot, I am lucky to drress once a month or so....

Hugs!

SandyR

If Under Dog did not wear nylons. At leaste he wore tights like all the other tight wearing super heroes.:D Love hearing from you Sandy


Good and sage advice, Rita. I have a balance in my life because I have so many interests. Crossdressing is just another part of it.

Gennee

:happy:

Hey Gennee, I appreciate your description of balance. What you wrote is precisely what I am trying to achieve, but I have noticed that some of my other interests have taken too much of a back seat.


Okay Rita I’ll try not to be flippant! I’ve always found my self very focused on whatever activity I was interested in at the time: whether that is sports, hobbies, work or pastimes. I’ve dedicated my energies to them sometimes to the detrimental exclusion of other things I confess! The one thing that has remained constant is my cding and although the degree to which I have devoted my time and resources to it have fluctuated, being part of me it’s obviously always been present. I can’t equate cding in the same way as other ‘hobbies’: if I were to limit my dressing it would be like suppressing ‘me’ and that would be a kind of oppression.

Amanda x

Thanks Amanda for your post. I guess like anything else how we express and enjoy our CDing can be as different as the variety of individuals we are.

Please understand that I am not trying to pontificate my views. I began this thread with the title of Dangers of dressing and how they corresponded to my particular experience.

However you or anyone else experiences the crossdressing aspect of your lives may be very different from my crossdressing experience.

I posted my thread in the event there were any others on this site who could relate, so that we can expand and learn from our commonality.

My challenges may not be the same as others but in the event there are others out there who understand my particular experience then we can be in support of each other.:D

I believe this site can serve our community in a very powerful way. It can be a place of support and nuturing. Our experience can be a solitary one in so many ways but here we can meet the friends that will be a positive and fulfilling part of our lives.

Opinions are like elbows everyone has one including me, but good advice is something we need to be able to distinguish from the bad. It is like panning for gold. I have read wonderful words of wisdom and encouragment here.

Good advice is also something that is particular to the person and their journey. One person's food can be another person's poison.

For me bad advice usually sounds very selfish, self indulgant and has a devil may care attitude about it, but that is for me and this does not detract from the people giving it but it just may not be the best advice for me. This is something I alone must distinguish for myself.

[LaFem]

I think you are on the fast track to transsexuality, or at least heavy duty dressing and acting like a woman more and more. I hope your wife can deal with the inevitable.

[Drucilla]

Rita,
Best of luck in your quest to achieve balance !!! I strongly believe that we each individually have to determine what's right for our lives and then live by that.
All too often I see advice give here that is based on what's right for the person giving the advice---not the person who ask for help. I know we all wish you well and hope you find the balance you are looking for.

[Lovely Rita]

I think you are on the fast track to transsexuality, or at least heavy duty dressing and acting like a woman more and more. I hope your wife can deal with the inevitable.

You seem to be wanting attention from me. Is there anything I can help you with?
What is the matter? Are you hurting or something. I would really like to know how I may help you.

Please email me if you like. I know something is wrong if you are writing me in such an uncaring and judgmental way. You must know that you can not possibly make such as statment without knowing me.

I believe I detect some anger or resentment. Please let me know how I can be of any help to you.

I really want to thank you for the good news you gave me about being on the fast track to transexuality it really made my day.

[Lovely Rita]

Rita,
Best of luck in your quest to achieve balance !!! I strongly believe that we each individually have to determine what's right for our lives and then live by that.
All too often I see advice give here that is based on what's right for the person giving the advice---not the person who ask for help. I know we all wish you well and hope you find the balance you are looking for.

Hi Drucilla, I absolutely agree with you and I have to admit that I am guilty of the same. I am working to change that in myself, but it takes work.

Thank you for your encouragement and understanding.:love:

[LaFem]

I really don't give a spicy Taco Bell Fajita what you think I'm trying to do. I just see what I see and I comment on it. If you do not want me to comment on my interpretation of your words, well, I have no solution for you. I will reply within the rules of the forum whenever I want. You asked for advice, and you got it. If what I say does not reinforce your expectations of what you wanted to hear, there is nothing I can do about it.

[Lovely Rita]

I really don't give a spicy Taco Bell Fajita what you think I'm trying to do. I just see what I see and I comment on it. If you do not want me to comment on my interpretation of your words, well, I have no solution for you. I will reply within the rules of the forum whenever I want. You asked for advice, and you got it. If what I say does not reinforce your expectations of what you wanted to hear, there is nothing I can do about it.

Come on LaFem, why all the hostility? Just as you said according to the forum rules I am responding to your comments, but you seem to be very angry for some reason.

I must have overlooked one of your posts on the subject of self control, discipline or balance because, for the life of me, I cannot find any advice on the subject from you.

What I do see is a lot of judment and anger, which you know is neither healthy or productive. I don't mind your comments and, in fact, I welcome them. I am always open for discussion, healthy debate and even civil and courteous dissagreement, so please by all means continue to comment.:D

[Alice Torn]

LR, Thanks for bringing this up. Like any compulsion, or addiction, or fantasy, cding, can take over our lives, and destroy other parts of our lives, or even kill us! Two years ago, when I first fully dressed, I was in such a fog, that everything else, was ignored , and, being single, I was isolating more, and more, not even going fishing, shooting baskets, bicycling, hiking, swimming, and more. I have spent hundreds of dollars, on film, and developing, that I wish I had. I have not spent more, than a hundred dollars, on clothes, as I usually buy used, and that is good. I have not gone out, in about a year, and three fourths, don't dress, but once a month or so, but, spend a lot of time looking at Lucille pics, on the computer. I admit, that I do that way too much. Rambling now, yes, we can let it rule our lives, and losing a job, SO, business, friends, God, family, can be a painful price to pay. One good thing, though, unlike alcohol, or drugs, it is not hazardous to dress, and drive!

[LaFem]

I have not posted, ever, on self control, balance, or discipline, so you have not really overlooked them, since they don't exist. I don't even really know what the spicy Taco Bell Fajita you are talking about. If you have really watched my posts you would know this. I just see what I read and I see that you are trying to hide something, justify something, not admit something, or are not being fully honest about what you are saying. There is certainly no way I could "really" know you, since you are only words on my brand new 21 inch LCD display. My opinion is just that, my opinion. Anger? I don't think so. Just a penchant for truth and honesty.

I do not feel that adding "emphasis" to a post by another man who dresses and acts like a woman, is really an honest reply. It is cheating, nothing less. Don't you think that others are capable of reading the thread and making their own decisions about what is important?

Come on, you are a man that dresses up and acts like a woman, and from your posts, there is no doubt at all that this is very troubling to you. I can see (read) what is going on. I hope you can work it out and get some peace in your life. I also hope your SO can learn to accept it.

If you are a member of the mutual admiration society, that's just fine. I'm not. I call em like I see em.

[Lovely Rita]

LR, Thanks for bringing this up. Like any compulsion, or addiction, or fantasy, cding, can take over our lives, and destroy other parts of our lives, or even kill us! Two years ago, when I first fully dressed, I was in such a fog, that everything else, was ignored , and, being single, I was isolating more, and more, not even going fishing, shooting baskets, bicycling, hiking, swimming, and more. I have spent hundreds of dollars, on film, and developing, that I wish I had. I have not spent more, than a hundred dollars, on clothes, as I usually buy used, and that is good. I have not gone out, in about a year, and three fourths, don't dress, but once a month or so, but, spend a lot of time looking at Lucille pics, on the computer. I admit, that I do that way too much. Rambling now, yes, we can let it rule our lives, and losing a job, SO, business, friends, God, family, can be a painful price to pay. One good thing, though, unlike alcohol, or drugs, it is not hazardous to dress, and drive!

You hit it right on the head. My aim is always pro-crossdressing but like anything in excess there are consequences, so I am working on the balance aspect so that I do not face the repercussions of CDing in excess, which we all know at times can have dissasterous consequences.

[Lovely Rita]

I have not posted, ever, on self control, balance, or discipline, so you have not really overlooked them, since they don't exist. I don't even really know what the spicy Taco Bell Fajita you are talking about. If you have really watched my posts you would know this. I just see what I read and I see that you are trying to hide something, justify something, not admit something, or are not being fully honest about what you are saying. There is certainly no way I could "really" know you, since you are only words on my brand new 21 inch LCD display. My opinion is just that, my opinion. Anger? I don't think so. Just a penchant for truth and honesty.

I do not feel that adding "emphasis" to a post by another man who dresses and acts like a woman, is really an honest reply. It is cheating, nothing less. Don't you think that others are capable of reading the thread and making their own decisions about what is important?

Don't quite get you on this one. Your rationale here seems very convoluted.

Come on, you are a man that dresses up and acts like a woman, and from your posts, there is no doubt at all that this is very troubling to you. I can see (read) what is going on. I hope you can work it out and get some peace in your life. I also hope your SO can learn to accept it.

If you really had read my posts and threads you would know that my SO is very supportive, if you go by what I write of course.

If you are a member of the mutual admiration society, that's just fine. I'm not. I call em like I see em.

Firstly, I try not to make judgments of others if I can, so I do not for a second entertain any of your analysis of me, since you are 100% incorrect so far.

I consider myself a member of a mutually supportive, respectful and nurturing group which has been helpful for many.
It can also be very helpful for you.

My suggestion is that you really take a hard look at your self and stop looking so much at others.

Ask yourself why you hate yourself so much that you want to lash out at others with your negative diatribe.

Ask yourself why you choose to judge others instead of really showing any genuine and sincere care.

Then maybe you will stop looking at others in such a judgmental and negative way and start looking at yourself.

You are the only one you really have to worry about. Who here is honest, or hiding something or justifying something is really not your business in the end. You can't help people by alienating them, so if this is a way for you to get your jollies then you really have a lot of work to do on yourself.

We are all works in progress including you, that is for sure, but negativity has never been helpful to me on my journey and so if that is all you have to offer don't waste your time anymore.:thumbsdn:

[ClariBarton]

Rita, all I can say is that your responses to LaFem are in themselves a clear demonstration of your self-control.
-Clari

[LaFem]

What is wrong with judgements? after all this is a forum where you make a post and you get replies, about gender and sexual things. If you don"t like what I say, well that is YOUR problem, not mine. If you were a "real guy" (and I'm definitely not one either), you wouldn't be here.

I have identified myself as a transvestite, a man who dresses up and acts like a woman with an erotic, sexual factor. I wish I had been born a woman, I wish I had the balls (He, He, LoL) to have done something about it long ago. I am totally accepting of myself for the last 20 years. It sure seems to me like you got some pretty severe gender identification issues, and you should consider yourself very lucky to have a wife that can deal with your issues, at least for now.

If you have a problem with my replies, advice or opinions, then you have the option of ignoring whatever I may say. It is very clear to me that you have got some very deep concerns about your sexuality, or gender, (or whatever is the currently acceptable phrasing for your personal definition of transvestism, or cross-dressing) I really do feel your pain.

I have been through what you have said a long time ago, and I see where you are going. Your wife may be accepting right now, but if you keep pushing it, she probably will get totally disgusted and you will end up without an SO at all. And you know what? You will reap as you sow. The odds are against you. A woman wants a man who acts like a man, unless she is a lesbian, and then you will only be a poor substitute for a real woman. Fully accepting wives are very rare. Children and family concerns often give the illusion of acceptance. I fooled myself and lost a wonderful real woman. I hope you are not fooling yourself like I did so long ago.

You sure appear to want advice and opinions that confirm your personal expectations, and disagreement seems not at all acceptable.

Support is not always about agreeing, nor is sincerity or genuine caring. it is often about bringing up the uncomfortable things that you may not want to admit to yourself, or the things you have not yet experienced, or how your wife really feels. I've been there. I know. No bullpucky here.

Is it negativity? Or is it just a different perspective? A perspective of experience and life lessons learned the hard way, which I am trying to share, for your benefit, and anyone else who reads this.

Speaking of being judgmental, I do not hate myself. I love myself. I just wish I was young enough to love myself more often.

I really do care about you, and I want you to have a good, happy and fulfilled life. Honest.

[christina marie]

alrighty then, that was refreshing, now back on the subject... full well in the knowlege that specific solutions work for specific people, here is what we have found to help maintain balance in my house. money for girly things and girly time are both earned, not given freely. i imposed this upon myself as a way of beating back the pink fog which was really becoming a problem, and my wife agreed wholeheartedly. day to day chores dont really get me much, but the big stuff really pays off! painted the house this week and wife gave me the rest of what i was saving to get my new boots! when she goes out, if i have been good she will take kids, if not they stay home. this is just the basics of a complicated and often unspoken agreement, but you get the idea. hope it helps!
smoochies, christina

[Lovely Rita]

What is wrong with judgements? after all this is a forum where you make a post and you get replies, about gender and sexual things. If you don"t like what I say, well that is YOUR problem, not mine. If you were a "real guy" (and I'm definitely not one either), you wouldn't be here.

I have identified myself as a transvestite, a man who dresses up and acts like a woman with an erotic, sexual factor. I wish I had been born a woman, I wish I had the balls (He, He, LoL) to have done something about it long ago. I am totally accepting of myself for the last 20 years. It sure seems to me like you got some pretty severe gender identification issues, and you should consider yourself very lucky to have a wife that can deal with your issues, at least for now.

If you have a problem with my replies, advice or opinions, then you have the option of ignoring whatever I may say. It is very clear to me that you have got some very deep concerns about your sexuality, or gender, (or whatever is the currently acceptable phrasing for your personal definition of transvestism, or cross-dressing) I really do feel your pain.

I have been through what you have said a long time ago, and I see where you are going. Your wife may be accepting right now, but if you keep pushing it, she probably will get totally disgusted and you will end up without an SO at all. And you know what? You will reap as you sow. The odds are against you. A woman wants a man who acts like a man, unless she is a lesbian, and then you will only be a poor substitute for a real woman. Fully accepting wives are very rare. Children and family concerns often give the illusion of acceptance. I fooled myself and lost a wonderful real woman. I hope you are not fooling yourself like I did so long ago.

You sure appear to want advice and opinions that confirm your personal expectations, and disagreement seems not at all acceptable.

Support is not always about agreeing, nor is sincerity or genuine caring. it is often about bringing up the uncomfortable things that you may not want to admit to yourself, or the things you have not yet experienced, or how your wife really feels. I've been there. I know. No bullpucky here.

Is it negativity? Or is it just a different perspective? A perspective of experience and life lessons learned the hard way, which I am trying to share, for your benefit, and anyone else who reads this.

Speaking of being judgmental, I do not hate myself. I love myself. I just wish I was young enough to love myself more often.

I really do care about you, and I want you to have a good, happy and fulfilled life. Honest.

You have not provided any advice in support of my quest for balance, discipline and general well being as I navigate life, since, as you say, I am not a real guy because I am on this site.

You have not given me one bit of constructive advice on the things I should watch out for, or do, with regard to maintaining a happy and healthy family life.

You have not shared one piece of positive wisdom on the subject.

You have basically been the prophet of doom and gloom. You have only engaged in criticising and prognosticating.

People don't care about how much you know until they know how much you care.:D

I wish I could believe you cared, I really do.


I repeat.....We are all works in progress including you, that is for sure, but negativity has never been helpful to me on my journey and so if that is all you have to offer don't waste your time anymore.

[Mitch23]

Hey, this has become an interesting discussion. Unfortunately I think it would work better in a pub over a pint rather than on a public group with hours between posting and lots of opportunity to misunderstand and deliberately provoke. You guys go ahead, but I don't think you'll get anywhere :->

Sort of illustrates Rita's point about balance in life ...

love

Mitch

[Stacy Lyn]

I agree with you and find I have these same struggles and challenges.
It bothers me that I can allow dressing to be so consuming. I'm trying to find a lifestyle balance that will satisfy my needs in a responsible manner.

[Lovely Rita]

Hey, this has become an interesting discussion. Unfortunately I think it would work better in a pub over a pint rather than on a public group with hours between posting and lots of opportunity to misunderstand and deliberately provoke. You guys go ahead, but I don't think you'll get anywhere :->

Sort of illustrates Rita's point about balance in life ...

love

love:

Mitch

Hi Mitch
Yes, I agree with you. I never like to go down this road but I also cannot just allow this kind of diatribe to go unanswered.
I have had to face all the baggage heaped upon me by society, culture, regarding my crossdressing. I have had to find healing from all the misguided views.
Part of my healing has been taking a cold hard look at myself and how, unconsciously, I bought into all the poisonous clap trap.

I feel it is very important that I respond to any one whose views I find potentially damaging to myself and others.

Personally, I hold nothing against LaFem who has every right to express her opinions. I also have every right to respond.::love:

[Lovely Rita]

I agree with you and find I have these same struggles and challenges.
It bothers me that I can allow dressing to be so consuming. I'm trying to find a lifestyle balance that will satisfy my needs in a responsible manner.

Music to my ears. Thanks for posting. It is always good to hear back from others with a common purpose.

Dressing is so very pleasurable and delightful that I can get carried away. Because of my circumstances I can dress everyday. I am working to strike a balance inorder to achieve that balance which will keep me living responsibly. I always want to remain considerate of others in my life and do not want to allow dressing to consume me to the detriment of my most important relationships and obligations etc.

Thanks for sharing:love:

[renee99]

You sure appear to want advice and opinions that confirm your personal expectations, and disagreement seems not at all acceptable.
Not all criticism is useful or even welcome. Didn't they teach you that in school? Leave your benevolent scolding at the door and learn to offer real advice, if you really care so much about helping as you claim.

[Lovely Rita]

Not all criticism is useful or even welcome. Didn't they teach you that in school? Leave your benevolent scolding at the door and learn to offer real advice, if you really care so much about helping as you claim.

I appreciate your post. Positive advice is the best gift I can receive. Advice that will encourage and build us up.

There has been too much negativity in my past and so I guess I am a tad sensitive to it.

[Tracy_NM]

Rita, Dana thank you for your posts. I think I have like many of you, crossdressing as some sort of sex addiction. I went to counseling over this 2 months ago and agree with what the therapist told me. Yes, you can let it take hold of your life if you let it - and that is what addictions do. Dana on your next job I would be careful about any kind of internet surfing for any CD stuff, like breast forms, etc.... someone who sees your browser history might get the wrong impression and start thinking of it as some type of perversion or kinky behavior, even if it might not feel like that to you. The rest I'm sure you learned your lesson. I was fired from a job in 01 for not covering a few assignments and part of that was because I was home making sure my wife wasn't snooping around my CD items. My current job has been stressing and surely a good part of it is the limitations it puts on being able to crossdress and wears me out so much that when my weekends come and can CD and even do semicloseted CDing I am too warn out to even begin.
Basically because of my health I have started to slow down some. Is God punishing me or something? I don't know.....but now everytime I dress I have to act out and lose so much energy over that, that too makes it hard to perform my job.

[Dana Carlton]

Rita, Dana thank you for your posts..... My current job has been stressing and surely a good part of it is the limitations it puts on being able to crossdress and wears me out so much that when my weekends come and can CD and even do semicloseted CDing I am too warn out to even begin........

Putting aside the little "cat fight" going on, this thread has been good with advice and to realize that alot of us seem to fight the constant urge that we get to dress.

I am hoping that others who read this understand how the balance that we are trying to achieve, or have achieved, is so important. I do not wish to see others having the desire to dress, take them to the point of hitting rock bottom. I've been there. That in itself has caused me to control my dressing.

My new job hasn't made it any easier. I now work from home 2-3 weeks out of the month, and do alot of traveling. The urge is always there. No one around to push me into doing my job. No one watching over my shoulder. Hotel rooms and strange cities where no one knows me. Having the entire house to myself for 8 hours (until my wife gets home from work). The ability to dress everyday, all day. Though this may sound like to perfect senario, it only adds to the capability of letting it consume me.

When I think back to when I did not have enough money to pay to my bills, the thought of losing my home, and everything else I have that I do not want to lose.......and that my dressing had a lot to with it.........that reality sets in.

As I said before, I LOVE dressing. I will NEVER stop. I am still learning how to balance into in my life. I learned the hard way.