Out of the Mouth of Babes

[Kristen Kelly]

I was chatting online when this pop-up came up with a Hi from a name I didn’t know, so as usual I checked out the profile. It was a 16 YO girl from New Mexico answered back with a hi, she told me how she had stumbled across my profile and liked my pic, and I thanked her, told me a little about herself, and then asked if she could ask me some questions, to which I said ask away. Her questions were knowledgeable but could tell she wanted to fill in the blanks, they were the usual one’s do I dress all the time, do I go out, where, “DOES YOUR FAMILY KNOW”. Well her reply was, "Why not tell them, are you afraid of what they will think", or “ARE YOU ASHAMED of YOURSELF”. Told her I am proud of who I am and if confronted would tell them but needn’t look to rock my parents world. That’s when she told me she was happier to look and act as a guy (FTM) as was thinking of telling her parents.

We chatted more but the one thing she said stuck in my mind, “IF YOU HAVE TO LIE ABOUT IT SOMETHING IS WRONG”. How many of us are living a lie, either by not being truthful to ourselves, lying to others, or thinking we look much better than we really do. :2c:

[Kate Simmons]

My answer Kristen is that it's easy to ask questions, much tougher to live it in the real world. Sometimes, we have to adjust what we say or do to fit the circumstances. It's not always black or white, that's for sure. As you know, everything looks good on paper but when it comes to actually doing things, physics and Murphy's law comes into play.:happy:

[MarinaTwelve200]

The question was asked, "If you have to lie about something is it wrong?", Well that depends WHY you would have to lie. Would you lie to a sick man, not relling him about the death of his son, for examplem knowing that the shock could KILL him?---It would be stupid and callous to tell him the truth in such a case. Would you lie about your CDing (or simply withold the truth) to a parent or SO who you KNOW is very ignorant and prejusticed, who would react violently or negatively?

It all depends upon your intent. A "lie" told for a good reason may not be a lie at all, but the proper thing to do at the moment. A truth told at the wrong time or out of malice is a BAD thing to do---It all depend on if you are trying to do good or evil in your heart, as to whether a lie is a good or evel thing.

[celeste26]

The truth can be just as much of a weapon as a lie anyway.

[Shelly Preston]

Well I for one dont think a lie is wrong

There are circumstances where a lie is the right thing to do

If this person thinks something is wrong they are right but it whats wrong with society

If it was safe for everyone to tell people they crossdress in the same way someone says I play tennis or bowls

Then we wont have any reason to lie :)

[Kristen Kelly]

For me once is stretching the truth, when you repeat the same story over and over no matter how much you are saying it for the good of the other person it is a lie.

[Teresa Amina]

Lying goes with the territory. We began lying in many cases when young in order to "survive" (as it seemed then) and carried it over into later life. Bad habit, tough to break, but necessary to some degree. We have many contradictions to justify somehow and lies keep the structure of our lives standing.

[KandisTX]

We have all heard the old adage "The Truth Will Set You Free". However there comes a time when deception is truly the better part of virtue. In many of our cases, keeping our secrets is the only way to ensure peace and harmony among ourselves and those around us, be they family, friends, co-workers etc..

Kandis:love:

[sterling12]

My feeling is that you are making an "omission." To me, that's not a lie. You are choosing not to share some information with others. That should be your choice, first, last, and always!

If someone hasn't asked you directly, I don't even see a morale dilemma. However, if you perceive it to be a dilemma, then I guess it would have to be so.

You certainly don't have to listen to a 16 year old girl. If, in fact that's whom you were talking to. It could also have been some vice-cop in Bismark "trolling," for potential predator's.

If you were brought up catholic, you may have run into the concept of "Sins of Omission and Commission." I always thought of that as a very neat trick to get you to confess EVERYTHING. As a boy, that stuff worked very well on me. It stopped, when I became an adult.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[chucks]

i see no point in telling my family, how could they benefit? if they were to find out, i would not resist that. i'm not going to lie about it or hide.

[sandra-leigh]

My feeling is that you are making an "omission." To me, that's not a lie. You are choosing not to share some information with others.

Anyone who has ever worked as a supervisor or in any other position involving confidential data must keep certain information to themselves, sometimes never revealing it at all (short of a court order), sometimes revealing it only to "authorized personnel", and sometimes revealing it only to those with a "need to know".

I once accidentally found my boss's boss's salary in our financial system; was my keeping that (confidential) information to myself a "lie"?

When I was running competitive bidding for equipment, vendors would call me up and ask how they were doing. I often knew precisely how they ranked, but my response had to be, "I'm sorry, but our bidding processes do not allow us to give out that kind of information" -- no matter how much they pushed, they never got any information from me, not even "hot or cold". I don't recall the exact words I used on each occasion; it could be that I may have sometimes said "I don't know" when I knew all of the dollar amounts (but dollar amounts are not the only criteria in a bid). So possibly I "lied" (about not knowing) to some vendors over the years -- but it was strictly against (government) regulations for me to give that kind of information out to the vendors.

Even if you just work for (say) an independent florist as a show-window arranger, without any management responsibility, if someone from a different florist asks how your business is doing, the proper answer is to not give out any information, even if the owner had been talking just the day before about not knowing how the business was going to survive. Just because you know something doesn't mean that not telling someone is necessarily "wrong", even if they ask specifically for the information: you have responsibilities to others that must be kept in mind.

[Sinthia]

We all most continually choose when and to whom we will tell that "little white lie" to protect someone, or someone's feelings. I try to live an honest life, and when someone asks if I crossdress, I will tell them yes. But if my Mom had asked, I do not know what way I would have gone. I know her honesty was beyond question, and that is how she raised me and my siblings, but did she need to know in her later years that she had three daughters, not two. I still do not know what I would have answered her.

[angelfire]

Personally, I try very, very hard to choose my wording very deliberately, as to tell the truth, but only specific parts, so if you believe in "lying by omission" then I am guilty. I often use technicalities in my favour in these circumstances as well.

Quite honestly, I know a few of my friends whose opinions of me would drastically change if they found out. I have 1 friend who hates gays, but only the 'flamboyant' ones (Basically, he refers to crossdressers as flamboyant gays, despite me having corrected him that most crossdressers are not gay, and not all gays are crossdressers). He is a good friend, but I definitely know it is not something he would accept, and thus, I am protecting the friendship by not mentioning it. Don't ask, don't tell.

Even most of my friends who I knew wouldn't think any differently of me I have not told. To a certain extent I want to, but another part of my worries "what if my judgement call was wrong, and they don't accept me?"

[Chiana]

I certainly do not think I am lying to anyone because I haven't told them I wear women's clothes. Just like I am not lying to them if I fail to tell them that I like strawberry shortcake.