CDing, when to bring it up.

[psion128]

Hi everyone,

I'm single again as of very recently. My ex SO, didn't encourage the whole CDing thing and really wanted me to stop. But she did tolerate it. My deal now, I'm trying to get back into dating again and I need advice on when to actually bring up the topic of CDing to any girlfriend that I find as marriage material. I just want to find a gg that is open enough to accept it.

If I'm dating, should I bring it up after a month or so, or as the relationship starts to get more serious? What is the best way to introduce her to the topic?

[Country girl]

I know you are probably going to get a lot of varied responses to this question so let me tell you from the GG stand point. AT THE VERY BEGINING. Now I realize a lot of the CDers will say I'm crazy, but you just said you're single AGAIN and she didn't want you to CD. WHY put yourself through that again? Of all the relationships on the site, the ones that are the healthiest and work the best are the ones where the GG knew upfront and was accepting. And trust me, there are some of us around. Single, unattached, accepting GG's that is. So, save yourself a ton of heartache and be upfront about who you are. Tell her before you sleep with her, if that's an option, and if sex isn't in the equation yet, tell her by the 4th date. Good luck to you. :hugs: CG GG

[Darla in Pa.]

That is like an impossible ? to answer. I would suggest just play it slowly new relationships are hard enough. And if there is a chance for a commitment then decide.

Darla

[teresa jeen]

first off now that your single and free, like our GG, you should just take things a day at a time. the best way to find love is not to look for it!!! itll find you. take this time to "explore" and define your inner self, when the right one comes along, and she will, then youll be better prepared to tackle the situation. you never know you may meet her while enfemm, wouldnt that be a bonus!!!!!

[SandyR]

Tough question. Having been married for 23 years and only comming out 8 months ago, my advice. Don't do that! I think its best to bring it up at the very soonest you can, maybe not the first date, but when you both start to get comfortable, and before sleeping with her.

Good luck! Big Hug!

SandyR

[sissystephanie]

I know you are probably going to get a lot of varied responses to this question so let me tell you from the GG stand point. AT THE VERY BEGINING. Now I realize a lot of the CDers will say I'm crazy, but you just said you're single AGAIN and she didn't want you to CD. WHY put yourself through that again? Of all the relationships on the site, the ones that are the healthiest and work the best are the ones where the GG knew upfront and was accepting. And trust me, there are some of us around. Single, unattached, accepting GG's that is. So, save yourself a ton of heartache and be upfront about who you are. Tell her before you sleep with her, if that's an option, and if sex isn't in the equation yet, tell her by the 4th date. Good luck to you. :hugs: CG GG

As one who was on the other ( I CD) side, Country Girl is right on. Tell her on DAY ONE and you will know if a committment is to be made. I told my wife-to-be when we got engaged and it never was a problem from that point on. She thanked me for telling her, and wound up buying me white silk lingerie to match hers to wear on our wedding day. How many married men, or widowers like me, can say that? Honesty is always the best policy!!

Sissy

More Girl than man

[Cynthia_0101]

I waited about 3 months. In my mind it was better to get it over with sooner than later.

We are still together 12 years later.

Cynthia

[Stephenie S]

Tell her ASAP. Period, without a doubt! This is the only way. You have to tell her. How many failed relationships do you have to go through before you realize that. Let her know immediately.

That's it, no more to say.

Stephie

[SatinDoll00]

...I would do it ASAP. In fact, if I was not already married, or I was suddenly single again, I would ONLY date a woman that was interested in a CD. When I got married (this time), I made the mistake of not telling my SO. She is a great woman. Intelligent, pretty, funny...but not the most tolerant or understanding person when it comes to "abnormal" behavior. I don't think I will ever be able to tell her...unless I decide that our marriage is at an end. In which case, I wouldn't bother. She can be the vindictive type, so everyone that we know mutually would know as well. Can't have that!!! :)

Seriously, I would make it a criteria!

Morgan

[psion128]

Thanks for the quick replies. Yes my exwife is still a great woman and the awesome thing is that she is not the vindictive type. So, after the divorce- she didn't go blabbing my secret out to everyone. We still talk but I really want to find a GG that is accepting of my "abnormality".

Right now there isn't a special GG right now. I'm just dating to have fun. I might decide to throw a bit of CDing for a intimate encounter just to "spice it up". It might be a way to see if she is accepting of it. What do you all think?

[BarbaraTalbot]

I might decide to throw a bit of CDing for a intimate encounter just to "spice it up". It might be a way to see if she is accepting of it. What do you all think?

I wouldn't throw it in there. It would be like adding Jalapeno peppers to her morning cereal to spice it up, with out telling her! ~smile~

Now if you want to walk into a lesbian bar in a cute skirt, Adam's apple leading the way,that might just work.

[yms]

I wouldn't bring it up unless the two of you start talking about a long-term relationship and a more permenant living arrangement. People who date are entiled to their private lives. Until the commitment is there, you have a right to your privacy.

[Sheri 4242]

I know you are probably going to get a lot of varied responses to this question so let me tell you from the GG stand point. AT THE VERY BEGINING . . . Of all the relationships on the site, the ones that are the healthiest and work the best are the ones where the GG knew upfront and was accepting.


As one who was on the other ( I CD) side, Country Girl is right on. Tell her on DAY ONE and you will know if a committment is to be made. I told my wife-to-be when we got engaged and it never was a problem from that point on. She thanked me for telling her, and wound up buying me white silk lingerie to match hers to wear on our wedding day. How many married men, or widowers like me, can say that? Honesty is always the best policy!!

While I know that Country Girl GG is a wonderful person and also that sissystephanie gives well-intentioned advice based on a wealth of experience, I have to "slightly" disagree . . . but just slightly.

There are many components that go into making a great marriage -- and I fully agree that anybody you might marry needs to know before you even get close to saying your vows. Not telling a person you are interested in marrying is tantamount to making a decision for them -- a decision that is their's and their's alone to make -- AND a marriage MUST be based in no small part on trust, which means honesty!!! That said, I do not believe you have to, or should, tell on the first date . . . or the second . . . or the third, etc. CDing is a major revelation -- and telling someone that you are "just beginning to date" isn't the right timing in most situations.

It takes time when you are dating someone to see if you are compatitable -- if you are heading towards what I have frequently called on here "marriage seriousness." There will come a time in a relationship where you'll know how you are starting to feel -- and you'll get a sense of how she thinks the relationship is going. Tell too soon, like after a few dates when you might later find you are not compatitable, regardless of initial impression, and you might have told someone who will not be bound to keep your CDing inviolate. When you know that you and a GG are getting "marriage serious," that is when to tell!!!

As soon as my wife and I were heading into the realm of being "marriage serious," that is when I began the process of telling her. And, I did so in a manner where I didn't dump it all on her at once, but portions at a time over several weeks. I knew from her initial reactions that I had found a gem -- that she would be accepting. Nevertheless, we moved through the revelations at a deliberate pace! During this time frame, I asked her to marry me and she accepted.

So, at the time of the first couple of dates, no -- too soon. Center on seeing if the other components of a vibrant marriage are there. "IF" they are, then begin the process of telling her.

Perhaps we can all agree on one point -- based on many experiences related right here on this forum -- and that is that a SO needs to know before you get married -- and if you want a happy, solid, and vibrant marriage, you had better make certain that she is accepting before you ask her the question that leads to an engagement ring.

It is late, so I hope I'm making sense! Best of luck -- there are some great GG's out there who you'll find are very accepting. CDing must not be the only criterea for marriage, but since you are a CD, it must be one that exists in truth if you both are to be happy!!!

[psion128]

I like the idea of letting her know when the relationship becomes more serious. Thanks again for all the fast replies to my question.

[Samantha Thomson]

i would say tell her sooner the better as for me i didnt get the chance i walk in to the kitchen from a clum was all dress up girlie and she was there but told me she knew that was cool good luck what ever you decide to do


samantha

[GlitterGG]

first off now that your single and free, like our GG, you should just take things a day at a time. the best way to find love is not to look for it!!! itll find you. take this time to "explore" and define your inner self, when the right one comes along, and she will, then youll be better prepared to tackle the situation. you never know you may meet her while enfemm, wouldnt that be a bonus!!!!!

While this may a bonus, it doesn't always make it better.

When you want to get serious in a relationship I suggest finding someone who spent a lot of time doing RHPS.
This may sound like a flippant suggestion, but I assure you it isn't. Women who have spent time on cast have a tendancy to have a more open mind about a lot of things. :2c:

[phyllis47]

Hi everyone,

I'm single again as of very recently. My ex SO, didn't encourage the whole CDing thing and really wanted me to stop. But she did tolerate it. My deal now, I'm trying to get back into dating again and I need advice on when to actually bring up the topic of CDing to any girlfriend that I find as marriage material. I just want to find a gg that is open enough to accept it.

If I'm dating, should I bring it up after a month or so, or as the relationship starts to get more serious? What is the best way to introduce her to the topic?

vERY GOOD question....... If it was me then I think I would bring it up before getting real serious but at the point where you both feel real comfortable with other... I would think that letting it go too long could be very upsettig to her and you and why waste her/your time. Good luck sweatie...

P.S. have you considered another CD or TV as a partner ??

[jessbcuzz]

I say at the very begining. The gg that I am with now, I told her from the start. Well, within a few days of meeting. We have been together 2 years now. She was the only one that I told from the start. More times that not, you will find a gg who is not supportive, so why waste time on something that would not have worked if you bought it up at the start.