OMG! What did I do wrong?!

[SatinDoll00]

CLOCKED, BUSTED, CALLED OUT!! ON THE FIRST DAY!!

I woke up this morning feeling confident. I went to work. I got off early today because of circumstances that are not important. I came home, bathed, shaved again, did my face, dressed, put on my wig, and took a good look in the mirror.

"Okay Morgan, you look good. Not great, but not like a guy in a skirt and blouse." Grabbed my purse, got into my car, and simply pulled out of the garage. I had no idea where I was going. At the end of the entrance into my subdivision, I decided to go shopping for a new top. I live close to a Lane Bryant, I am still fighting weight (size 18). I figured Lane Bryant was the place LEAST likely to make a scene or call me out. And I should have stuck to the plan!! But...there is a Burlington Shoes between here and there, so I decided to go there first.

I walk in...no one around. I make my way over to the ladies shoes. I find the most FABULOUS and SEXY pair of red pumps I have ever seen!! (pics tomorrow). I see my size, I grab them and start toward the counter. A little bell goes off in my head 'try these on stupid!'. So I go back over to the isle, sit down, take off my shoe and try one on...perfect fit!! SCORE! So I box them back up, and stride up to the counter confidently. Two young male SAs are working there. I hand the box over...and the one running the register smiles and begins ringing the sale. No problems so far. The other is doing some sort of paper work and doesn't seem to notice me, I think I am good. The one running the register gives me the total and I hand him cash. He doesn't seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn't say anything. The one doing paper work looks up and does a double take. His look says it all. He read my like a book. The one running the register hands me my change and says "Thank you". I turn to walk out, nervous. As I open the door and start to leave, the little ******* doing paper work YELLS out "Have a good day SIR!!" and the both crack up laughing :(

I take off as fast as I can to my car, split my hose getting in, and get out of there as fast as I can.

My first time out of my hosue dressed, and this is what I get. So much for my self image. I never expected to pass...but I didn't expect anything so rude. I was so upset, I didn't even go to Lane Bryant. I just went home and changed. :(

Sigh. I really thought I was ready for all this. I need to re-think things.

Morgan

[Lovely Rita]

SatinDoll,
Firstly, take a bow for the wonderful way you took the step to go out like you did. You are a success. You got the red shoes right? What those rude people did should not take away from the great step you took.

So what they read you. You scored one for our community.

You did what many only think about doing. You went out enfemme and purchased the shoes you wanted.

Most all of us will get read by some one at some time, the difference is we don't all encounter the rude and crude losers you did.

[Stephenie S]

You just need to prepare a snappy comeback. Face up to it, you are going to be read. We all are at some point. You are going to be read. Got that? You are going to be read. So prepare. If you know it will happen, it won't be so devastating when it does. Prepare some witty reply. Personally, I just smile. SMILE. I try to greet every encounter with a big smile. When people see a smile they tend to smile back. Once someone has smiled at you they have difficulty being mean. So I smile a lot when I am out.

Also, I don't care. I am not trying to pretend I am a woman, I am a woman. I have always known I was a girl, now woman, as long as I can remember. So now this is the way I dress. SO? Ya got a problem with that? Sorry, that's your problem, not mine. Have a nice day, hon, or guy, or whatever. So perhaps it's a bit easier for me. I feel like I am CDing when I butch it up for my wife when we go on a date.

But seriously, hon, you need to come up with some comebacks, because it will happen again. I recomend a big smile.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[SatinDoll00]

I need to develop a thick skin for this sort of thing...but it really irked me because they waited until my back was turned. You know, if I were in drab and someone had done something that rude, I would have let them have it (verbally of course). I guess I need to let my strength carry through to my fem side a little. I almost cried on the spot...and did for like 20 min at home.

On the upside...the shoes are AWESOME!!! :D

Morgan

[RobertaFermina]

It is their insecurity, their wobbly fearful egos that drive their rudeness. You can work through the upset and wounding by their callousness, but please don't stop there!

It is their cowardly, shameful behavior that loudly cries out for our pity and prayers!

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[vivianann]

I would have told them to screw themselves, and asked for their bosses name and number to report them.

[SatinDoll00]

Thanks Roberta and Vivianann!! You sisters are like, well, sisters to me!! :)

I have decided not to let those little A-Holes get me down. So I got made. I deserve it. I rushed into something I wasn't ready for. I needed to post pics here, get feedback, find a friend in RL that could tell me what I needed to do. But it doesn't matter now. I have experienced the worst and I am over it. Tomorrow (today for me) is a new day. I have the entire day off work, and my wife is working, so I will be enfemme all day tomorrow. I will try my best to figure out what tipped me off so easily...but I am sure it is my size and build. I am 5'10", 220lbs...hardly lady-like!! :(

Oh well...1200 cals per day and lots of water!!! I WILL get to where I want to be!

Morgan

[Shelly Preston]

If the company has a head office

Send them an email

Stating your disgraceful treatment and how they waited untill you we on the way out.
I think their customer relations needs improving

I have a feeling when the company find out what happened they will be in some trouble

[vivianann]

I agree with shelly on this one. Satindoll we must be sisters I am 5'10 also, and 220lbs.

[sheezim]

We Brits must be so polite, I went into Walmart and never saw anyone bat an eyelid. Thinking I was doing great made my way to the tills and lost it.The only way to go was the self-serve tills, big mistake?.Not having used them before I put my handbag (purse as you across the pond call it), on the shelf not knowing the bloody machine was trying to weigh it. An alarm went off and over came an assistant to ask if she could help. I was so dumbfounded,all I could do was talk in my normal voice but she just carried on talking to me as though Iwas just another female customer. I've been out lots of times and had funny looks or looked back and seen shop assistants telling other customers that I'm a guy. Get used to it and just carry on as if nothing has happened that way you'll make them doubt their own judgement of you. Happy carefree shopping girl.





'

[DawnL]

have to agree with Shelly, a note to the management is in order

[SatinDoll00]

Thanks Sheezim!

I must admit, I am jealous! Brittish accents are the sexiest IMO. There is nothing sexier than a woman speaking the Queen's English (no pun intended here of course) hehe!

I have been developing my fem voice using a microphone and computer software. In fact, I have been practicing German, since I speak it somewhat. German women tend to have slightly lower voices, or so it seems. At least that way, if I do not feel comfortable talking, I can claim I only speak German!! :)

Morgan

[SatinDoll00]

have to agree with Shelly, a note to the management is in order

...I would ordinarily agree. I just don't want to get involved in the whole complaint aspect of things though. A manager will call me...I will have to explain, perhaps corporate will call me. I guess I am just not there yet. I might write an anonymous letter or something, or an email, but I don't know if I am ready to admit to someone that I don't know that I am a crossdresser. Hell, I haven't even told my own wife yet!!

Morgan

[yms]

A number of years ago, when I was first going out and still terrified, I was with a CD friend, Cathy, at a Payless. We were both crossdressed. There was a family there in the same aisle with a small boy, maybe seven or eight, and the boy kept saying "Hey, hey mister." We ignored him and I was in major panic mode. Cathy looked at me and smiled broadly and laughed, and after that everything was OK.

I had a run-in with the help at a JC Penny. Here's the link to that story:

One Ignornant Person (http://www.yvonnesplace.net/yvonne/oneignorantperson.htm)

After that incident I did write a letter to the store manager. I felt better when she replied.

Don't give up. It gets easier.
Yvonne

[BarbaraTalbot]

by all means say nothing, those snickering idiots, are just the employees a poorly run company deserves.

If on the other hand, you like their merchandise, and in general think the company deserves to live it corporate life, calmly call up ask for a manager, explain that you are a reluctant crossdresser who shopped at that store recently and wanted to relate your experience. The manager will not ask for your name except to offer you some kind of make-up gift which you can decline of course. They will pay attention and those two will be fired.

I wouldn't have gotten away with that degree of contempt for a customer back when I was a bill collector.

[Teresa Amina]

Well, young males are are jerks (with some exceptions- like us when we were that age :D) Definitely write that letter to Management, these guys need to be in some Bubba construction or maintenance job where they can be jerks without ticking off paying customers :Angry3:

[MsJanessa]

I need to develop a thick skin for this sort of thing...but it really irked me because they waited until my back was turned. You know, if I were in drab and someone had done something that rude, I would have let them have it (verbally of course). I guess I need to let my strength carry through to my fem side a little. I almost cried on the spot...and did for like 20 min at home.

On the upside...the shoes are AWESOME!!! :D

Morgan

So are your legs darling---and don't let rude salesclerks bother you----I suspect the reason you might have been "read" is that you were dressed to the nines with flawless makeup ---next time wear a pair of girly jeans, lighter eye makeup and a very simple wig-and flats--I suspect nobody would say anything---you might also want to consider making a complaint to those two jerks boss--If its a lady I think you get some results--something along the lines of "I shopped here the other day, bought your merchandise but I won't be back as long as those two work here---I don't like paying money to an establishment and then be ridiculed by their sales staff"-and finally if its any comfort youre probably twice the man those two punks are---and certainly three times the woman---after all their career path has them working in a ladies shoe store fondling women's feet all day--think Al Bundy--lol

[Karren H]

Well congrats on getting out but here's what I would done a bit differently... When they made that comment and laughed.. I would have stopped, wheeled around and gone back to the counter and said

"I'd like to return these shoes, please". "Ohh and could I speak to YOUR manager......"

Being rude is being rude no matter how your dressed... And I'm sure their company would be less than happy that they alienated a customer....

I've shopped in drab and enfemme all over and have never had a rude comment thrown my way! Least none tat I've heard... Maybe I need to get my hearing checked!! Hehe. But if you have a Shoe Carnival, give them a try... Had the male clerk helping me pick out heels and I was in drab... He didn't care if I was in a dark male business suit with off white pumps walking around the store.. Kept trying to get me to buy an additional pair!! A true salesman and a true gentleman...

Karren

[Tasha T]

I was sexy shoe shopping in Vegas over the winter in drab and got laughed at by the two salesmen (in their 20's). I felt humiliated and just left the store. Sometimes people are just jerks.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Morgan dear.....


Keep everything in perspective. You WENT OUT DRESSED !!!!!!!!!! Take a quick poll here and you will find you are probably suddenly in the group of maybe 25% that have ventured out. WAY TO GO. So you got read.....I did my second time out....it's a rite of passage sis. Better to get it over the first time and know you can take it.

Reminds me of when I bought my boots...in drab. Tried them on in the store. Good fit. Got up to the counter and the saleslady started to wait on me, then the moron male manager came over and told her he'd do it. Knew right then he had seen me try them on! After I handed him the money he asked me if I had a pretty outfit to go with them......BUTTHEAD!.....so I told him I thought so but if I didn't I'd bring them back and find something that did match my dress. Saleslady snickered. I figure men in shoe stores are all Al Bundys !

So, where are the photos sis ????? You gonna wear them out for our first venture out together? If you think your big sister is gonna let you off the hook after one butthole comment you are sadly mistaken.

Emily Ann

[Angie G]

Maybe you should report them that no wat to treat someone it may help you
or someone that shops there.
And don't give up hun you are a brave lady don't lrt them take that from you
:hugs:
Angie

[Wendy me]

well good for you on getting out .... OK you got read by some kid working at the store .... and yet you lived through it??? well done .... with time you can thicken up a bit ... even come back with a witty remark to the rude s.a.....

now remember two important things here ....

1) you got out dressed.....

2) you bought some killer red pumps .....


nuff said .... mission complete .....

[KandisTX]

AWESOME that you went out.

Try this response next time honey ;)

"Thank you I will.. and by the way, I am more man than you'll ever be, and more woman than you'll ever get".

Kandis:love:

[StephanieH]

:2c:This is easy for me to say because I haven't gone out fully dressed... yet. However, in such a situation as this, I'm assuming these were younger MTV generation idiots working at the shoe store, so for future reference, as they say, I'd never let 'em see ya' run. That only encourages future stupidity like this. I'm not fussing at you or anything, but it's a whole lot more fun to mess with bullies and idiots than it is to run away.

I've taken to having loads of fun with phone solicitors now and my daughter loves it. I used to see a salesman call on the caller id and just not answer, but now I pick it up and act like an idiot or a foreigner who they can't understand; it's loads of fun. The counter guys need the same kinda' jazz I think. Next time, if somethign funky like this happens again, try turning the tables.

For example, idiot twirp says, "have a nice day sir!" - turn around and stroll over to him and reply, "well, are you asking me out?" When he says "no" and gets defensive, announce that you only came there because you saw his pictures on that gay dating internet site and really wanted to meet him, (obviously even if you're not gay) then leave. It'll leave paperwork boy looking like a total idiot himself and make HIM the butt of the jokes in the store, not you. :D

Don't get discouraged, this is kinda' a hobby, so have fun with it when you can and where you can. Confidence is key I think, so keep on going out, I'm sure you'll meet with successs, and good luck with the dieting too!

Take care and God bless! :happy:

[bobi jean]

Once upon a time,,,, actually about 2 years ago, I had ventured out to a Burlington's, ALMOST THE EXACT same thing happened to me, my shoes were black and I had on a pair of jeans, but when the little creep made the "sir " comment, I actually turned around, looked him straight in the eye and asked to talk to the store manager please. There were three or four people standing in line waiting when this happened and one lady, MY GUESS IS, she was about 60-65 years old, actually started chewing the kid out. I mean she was really on him bad when another associate asked what is the problem. By the time this woman got finished with these two, I think I could have died. I'm standing here in heels, jeans, top(filled), clearly a guy in a dress so to speak and this woman, her name was Ruth, I found out later, is taking on the whole damned store in my defense. GOD BLESS HER HEART. Any way when the manager arrived at the register and asked what the problem was she started to take him on too. one of the kids said something about her butting in, and all hell broke loose then. EVERYONE in line jumped in, everyone except me. By the time all was said and done , I had said maybe 10 words in my own defense, the kid that made the "sir" comment was no-longer working the register, the people in line were all clapping, and the little lady gave me a big hug and told me that I looked fine. So, a real good day went Bad, for about 5 minutes then turned out to be one of the best shopping experiences I've ever had.

[SatinDoll00]

Wow...I know why I joined this community now.

After reading all the stories and support, I genuinely feel better about it all. (The bottle of wine I drank last night gave me a little perspective as well!!)

I am not going to let this stop me. I will say this; I did learn something from it. First of all, I am going to dress exactly as I did yesterday (assuming I can get the makeup exactly the same again), take a pic, and post it here. I really do want constructive criticism. Secondly, I am going back out today, but not to that store :)

Thank you all again!

Morgan

[Mitch23]

Hi Hun,

can't add very much to what's already been said. Your first day - you did the biz and we're all proud of you - after all we've been there ourselves. Very unusual to encounter such rudeness in a store - very unprofessional in my opinion. Guess it's going to happen to us from time to time and we need to be a little lighthearted about it. Not happened to me yet but I suppose it will and I'm not sure how I'll react. So when's your next time out girl?

love and hugs

Mitch

[susie evans]

MORGAN
YOU DID GREAT you can't win the race if you don't go to the track and you won big time next time will not be so diffacult keep your confidence up practice makes perfect some day i will master it

:love: susie

[JoAnnDallas]

What would really get them, would to go back and ask for thier names. Then tell them that you plan to tell the Corp office how rude they are and that Corp WILL not take it kindly. When they realize that thier jobs can be affected, I bet they change thier tune.

[AmberDay]

I would have turned a 180, walked back to the register, demanded a refund, demanded their names, and walked out, and never returned to the store. But that is just what I would do, I think you handled it just fine.

Amber

[BarbaraTalbot]

In the cold light of day, I could see this being a trigger for a purge. To stop, to give up, to feel ashamed.

I am so proud you didn't.

[sterling12]

Since we got comments from a couple of you about the same sort of treatment. I think I shall stop at the local, get the Store Manager's perspective on treatment of transgendered persons, and ask if they know what their company policy is?

If Burlington isn't paying attention to this sort of thing, if it's widespread within the company, we should be letting them know how we feel about things.

I bet as soon as The Powers That Be find out about it, they will be RUNNING to all the local stores with Sensitivity Trainers, within a matter of days. Most everybody in retail knows how much we spend, and they don't want the bad P.R.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Sally2005]

Congratulations! There is nothing like the first time out, high pulse rate, sweating... that's too bad about the one negative that happened, but what about the positives. The preperation, the first step outside after locking the door behind you etc... Take baby steps, first try going somewhere public but where you can judge reactions without having to interact with people first. Study your photos to see what you can improve. Anyway, I think you got the biggest hurdle covered so the next time should be easier.

[SatinDoll00]

I took some pics today. They did not turn out well...I didn't turn out well today. I was sort of rushed this morning. I will not be posting pics here today...at least not of my face! :)

I will post the red shoe pic as soon as I can figure out a way to cut it down in size!

Morgan

[Cathy38c]

I've never had that problem. Of course when I'm trying things on, the sales girls all know of my male gender, but never refer to me as ma mm, or sir. They all know me as Cathy.

[SatinDoll00]

Well...these are the shoes. You can see why I didn't want to turn around and return them now! ;)

Morgan

[SatinDoll00]

My makeup was not as good as yesterday, and my stockings are showing...they weren't then.

Looking back at the pics, I know now that I need to get a more realistic wig, and tone down the clothes a bit if I ever hope to pass. Not mention loosing a BUNCH of weight.

Again, I was not really upset that I didn't PASS, just that someone was rude enough to point it out.

Morgan

[renee99]

Beard shadow is a give away. Also IMO, the top doesn't do much for you. With your shape, I would try a wrap dress, or a faux wrap top, and if you wear a skirt make sure it's at least knee length.

[BarbaraTalbot]

blue shadow is probably not as bad as the camera flash makes it appear, but it is the hardest part. I havent got that figured out well.

Hem length as well. We all love to sneak a peak at a gg's stocking tops, but they manage to make it look like an oops. Not something a CD will ever get away with and pass.

I think the brain sees that and says if it looks to good to be true...

[Jodi]

I took some pics today. They did not turn out well...I didn't turn out well today. I was sort of rushed this morning. I will not be posting pics here today...at least not of my face! :)

I will post the red shoe pic as soon as I can figure out a way to cut it down in size!

Morgan

Satindoll, From your pic, the dead giveaway is the size of your bustline. Your breasts are much too big for your body structure. You may want to adjust this for future outings. Also, dress down for future outings. For your height and weight, your skirt should be no shorter than knee length. Any skirt as short as yours, worn with high heels, will draw undue attention. Then the rest of your presentation will fall apart.

Jodi

[Jillm]

First off don’t let this hold you back; I went through this several times. Lucky for me my SO talked me through some of these down times. I did have a similar experience once at Sears. I did not want to complain for the same reasons you have. Very few people know that I crossdress and I do every thing I can to keep it that way. I even have fear of being seen on this site. I did however file a complaint through the Sears web site. I did end up talking to someone in Chicago, not my local store, which made me feel a little better, but I did come to realize real quick that the man I was talking too didn’t care at all about me being a crossdresser, all he cared about was the green stuff that was in my purse and the fact that I told him I would never shop there again. I did end up receiving a 250.00 gift card. Not that , that made up for it, but I did spend it. Any way try not to let this hold you back. It’s so much fun to go out shopping, and if you look around you may find a way to complain, way up the ladder, over the local store level. Good luck in whatever you decide to do, but keep on shopping.

[SatinDoll00]

When I went out yesterday, the tops of my stockings weren't showing. I was wearing a different garter belt today.

As for the beard shadow...I can get rid of it about 1/3 of the time. I just have to get the right blend of concealer, foundation, and orange lipstick mixed in. Any advice on that front would be REALLY helpful.

One of the biggest problems I have is that all of my clothes were purchased because I thought they were sexy...not necessarily passable. I need to go out shopping and pick up some things that will blend in better. I ordered a new wig that is shorter and not blonde...the only other one I have is a goth/punk black and blonde sort of thing. I like it, but I would only wear it out to like a CD club or something.

I am really thankful for those of you that have responded. I know much of this has been covered here before...but I am new, so I still have a lot of questions and need a lot of help OBVIOUSLY!! :)

Thanks a bunch!

Morgan

[Jenna Lynne]

Next time, blow 'em a kiss and say, "See you at the club tonight, sweetie! You looked so cute last week in those spike heels!"

***Jenna***

[Joy Carter]

I would have commented to them "Business Must Be Good ," as I asked for a refund. At least they would have gotten the message.

[JackieInPA]

Well i have been read a few times...mostly with just a smile..but two times very rudely..the first time two men at a sports kiosk in teh mall started yelling after me that i wsa 'Sick" and that i should "Act like a man' well i ran away...that was the last time i ran, or will run. The next one was a guy at walmart with his girlfriend who walked up to me and said "Well if you arent a man in a dress no one is." He just made me angry. I just crossed my arms and stared him down...he was looking to bully me or scare me..or embarras me..after a few seconds of the stare down i cracked a very evil grin, this kinda broke him he called me a 'fag' and walked away looking over his shoulder as i kept my eyes riveted on him till he was out of sight.
Don't react the way they want you too. Give them a dignified frown, or a mischievious grin, or but dont let them fluster you..and i can just about guarantee that you will stymie them, and leave them feeling frustrated by your calm cool demeanor.

[RachelDenise]

Morgan, focus on the positive....you were out and dressed. I think that is an amazing accomplishment in itself. Many of us wouldn't even get that far! Keep your head held high, You deserve it.

[Sally24]

Just remember that these little ***** could have done that same thing to a manly looking woman and ruined her day too! Jackasses come in all sizes and shapes but their behavior doesn't reflect anything on their victims. It's hard sometimes but maintaining a smile usually ruins their joke. If you had turned and smiled at them and said something like "Oh I will honey", they would have been deflated for sure.

You might complain to the manager. I've have had problems with rude clerks who would not do their job and had them fired before. Companies can't stand to lose business.

Good luck on your next trip out and hold your head high and SMILE.

[Michelle_NY]

So What gf. You finally made it out dressed. The same thing almost happened to me a few years ago. Now you will have more confidence the next time you go out. XO Michelle

[MsJanessa]

Satindoll---saw your photo and the good news is that you can pass---the bad news is that you probably can't pass dressed like a hooker---but then few of Us can---don't be offended --I think your outfit is fine for going out to the local TG clubs but for going out shopping in the daytime at a local box store or mall you really need to tone down both the dressing and the makeup in order to pass---you see the key to "passing" is not drawing excess attention (and therefore close scrutiny) to yourself---let Me suggest the following---feminine jeans with moderate heels or flats, a better foundation makeup to cover your beard shadow(e-mail Me and I will give you some suggestions) less eyemakeup(and no blue eye shadow----I haven't seen a GG wear that since the 70s) use brown eyeshadow---and some more practice on applying it, and a muted shade of lipstick---small earrings and a shorter style wig---I have three wigs two long, blonde and red and one short blonde Lady Di style wig----I always wear the short one when I go out in the day---Amazingly it was My first wig---I've had it for years and it still looks good. I save the heavy make up, the short leather dresses and skirts and big hair for dates and going out to the clubs---when I go to the mall I dress like a lady or at least a soccor mom. Good luck if you would like more specific advice feel free to e-mail Me.

[SatinDoll00]

[quote=MsJanessa;947832]Satindoll---saw your photo and the good news is that you can pass---the bad news is that you probably can't pass dressed like a hooker---

You think I could pass as a hooker?

I have been thinking about changing lines of work :D

Morgan

[Julogden]

I would have gone back in and asked to talk to a manager. They were rude and need to be corrected if they're going to work in a business like that.:2c:

Carol

[jeniinnylons]

I personally would call and speak to a manager so they don't do this to the next lady like us.

[SatinDoll00]

I am going out again today. I think I look less noticable. Jeans and a loose fitting top, better beard concealment, flats, and less eye makeup. I am going to a Wal-Mart that is near a different Burlington Shoes. I may go in and ask for the manager there and explain. I can't go back to that store...those two turned me off of there forever.

On the upside, I happened to have found out who the District Manager for this area is, and I think she may be sympathetic if I tell her it was a friend of mine!

Morgan

[Ashley Lynn Swift]

don't feel bad its happened to all of use, even thoughs of us who haven't work up the courage to go out en femme, just the other day at work i was read, being in my drab uniform, and i had a customer when i just to the table to get there drink order he just look at me and say "we want a different server, we can handle having a male, or gay server, but i personally can't handle the thought of a guy who would rather be girl."

i was horrified, i went up to another server and i her to take them, that they wanted a different server, and i wasn't going to deal with his bull****. i just could beleave that i was that transparent, although i forgot that i did have glittered lip bulm, it was a dare from the above mentioned server

[MsJanessa]

I am going out again today. I think I look less noticable. Jeans and a loose fitting top, better beard concealment, flats, and less eye makeup. I am going to a Wal-Mart that is near a different Burlington Shoes. I may go in and ask for the manager there and explain. I can't go back to that store...those two turned me off of there forever.

On the upside, I happened to have found out who the District Manager for this area is, and I think she may be sympathetic if I tell her it was a friend of mine!

Morgan

let us know how it goes darling

[KimberlyS]

Satin Doll, Sorry I did not get to this thread sooner, I was out having my own femme time the past 7 days. I am so glad you are not letting this one time discourage you from more. Sorry you started out with a non-accepting person. I have found that non-CD-accepting people often are often narrow minded and not accepting of a lot of things. Remember that some people still believe woman should not vote, and the blacks should still be slaves. The world if full of all types of people.

From my experience I have found most people are very accepting or at least tolerating. If it helps at all, I find gals more accepting or at ease with my CDing than guys. Not that the guys are not, but just I have found them to be a bit more uneasy in general if they are. So if I have a choice I will tend to ask gal SA's for help or go to them when paying for my purchases.

And yes some people are just rude. And not just to CDers. This last week a SA was helping another customer, well kinda of. Well my wife was near by and gave jumped in to give the the SA an ear full about not being very helpful. I happened to be away from the area, but could still see what went on. The SA did not look very happy to be getting it from two of them after my wife started in. LOL

[Darla in Pa.]

Some little old Ladies are not nice! I was at wallyworld buying a bra in drab, but with inserts so was well endowed and she says are you going to wear them I turned around mortified but grabbed my breast and said yes I need them. But then was horrified that she would follow me to the checkout. Haven't bought anything since *S* Darla

[KandisTX]

While what SatinDoll experienced is not funny, does anyone else find it rather humorous that the Lane Bryant was staffed by these two ******s? I mean seriously, would you expect some male, other than a CD to be working in a womens clothing shop? ;)

Kandis:love:

[Chace]

.Just wanted to say .that is a super big leap you made ..Please dont let what a silly clerk says bring you down..As a few have said You made a leap 4 us other sisters.and i give you full credit .keep your chin up and a letter to management may be in order..But relates to being reluctant at same time..let the jerks who said that to you go fly a kite ..you did great and id sure love to see them shoes...smile gurl cuz you r worth it....:D

[TxKimberly]

A couple of things! In your post you ask "what did I do wrong?". Simple answer for you - NOTHING! You behaved like a reasonable and decent human being. The young lady that tried to demean you on the other hand was rude and thoughtless.
The next thing I would tell is for goodness sake don't let it get you down. I know it hurts, but try to roll with it. If you have read any of my threads you will know that I have a lot of practice these days, and STILL get read. You just need to decide if it is worth it to you. In my opinion your day was a success, you were out, you went shopping, you found and bought shoes you like - sounds like a good day to me!
For myself, I try to make it fun, or at least amuse myself with it. What the heck - you just gave them something to talk about for the rest of the day.

Well done - now be sure you get back on the horse so this doesn't fester! :-)

[MsJanessa]

just a couple of corrections --Satin Doll was not at Lane Bryant but Burlington Shoe and the sales clerks were male, not female---as far as I know Lane Bryant is very TG freindly--

[Kimberley]

You did nothing wrong!

What you should do though is write to Lane Braynt, tell them of the experience and make sure you include the time and place where you shopped. Then ask if they have a diversity policy. Then state you are a member of an online community of about 20,000 transgendered people who would love to know of your "positive" shopping experience.

My bet is heads will roll and you will get some discounts for your next trip.

Retailers are programmed to take your money not scare away future sales.

Dont give up!
:hugs:
Kimberley

[rhayna]

A similar event happened to me when I was with my GF in Sephora. I was dressed in 1/2 mode; sandals, jeans, blouse, big black belt..had French nails done and toes painted, and a little makeup. The SA spent an hour and a half with me selecting products. I ended up with a basket of Vincent Longo products, and as you know they are not cheap. I kept the makeup on after she did the consultation and we walked around a bit buying more stuff. I saw out of the corner of my eye two younger, (early 20's) female sales associates watching and giggling with others. But I couldn't be sure they were really looking at us or it was just my paranoia.

When we went to pay, $267.36 worth, one of the gals stepped up and took over the register. The other two were now clearly mocking me. My GF walked up and confronted them. She was polite and asked why they were laughing. They rolled their eyes and mocked her as well. All I heard was laughing and something like, "what's your girlfriend's name sweetie"? All I wanted to do is leave ASAP. Ohhhh.. Nooo. She wanted the manager................

The store manager was at lunch and another senior associate came up front.
We explained what happened. My GF made a point that if they treated us like that how do they treat everyone else that is different from them? The SA was mortified. She had us fill out a form in the office and assured us we would hear from the manager. Two days later we actually received a call from the district manager who interviewed us over the phone that night.

A month later we received a very sincere letter from Sephora. It stated that they confirmed our complaint by reviewing in-store cameras and interviews with other employees. They said the issue had been resolved internally, which we can only assume to mean they were fired. They also included two $100.00 gift certificates for our next visit.

So like in your case is sucks to be embarrassed. But sometimes reasonable confrontation helps everyone. 2 cents worth

P.S. We recently used our gift certificates and we have never had that experience again....

[Toyah]

You didnt do anything wrong as such, but guess what your story makes me happier to be in the closet :hugs:

[Dita_B]

Don't worry, it happened to me too...Twice.
Once the girl at the checkout from Zellers said: "Have a great day...SIR!" and the other time I was at Value Village and in the store a couple approached me from which the man asked me if I was a man dressed as a woman.

The first time I was upset with the remark of the cashier because it hurt my feelings in that I didn't pass that time and I like to think that I pass most of the time. The second time, with the couple, I found myself put on the spot but decided to admit: "Yes I am a man dressed as a woman". That took the wind out of their sails and he asked me why I would do that, because "he would never do a thing like that". Well I answered that I do it because I like it and that was the end of the story.

I still shop at Zellers and I have never found it necessary to complain about the incident, but the next time it would happen, I would tell her that I don't appreciate her attitude. When I dress like a woman, I want clearly to be addressed as a woman and if she has a problem with that, than don't address me at all.

In my opinion it all comes down to self confidence. The guys in the store feed off your insecurity. When you display no insecurity at all, and instead set them on their place, cover blown or not, they will soon find themselves in the corner instead of you. There are a lot of valuable come backs in the previous messages and you may just pick one you like.

However, being read is par of the course. Don't let it get to you, concentrate on the great time you are having. Somewhere I read that coming out in drag takes more courage than going into battle. I salute you for your courage, keep up the good work. And BTW: Those shoes are awesome. I wish I could go to the store and find my size (12W). No such luck.

:love:Dita

[CDBillyJean]

Bravo for going out. Thats a step I haven't been able to do yet, except for really late at night.

[Cindi Johnson]

Sorry you got read, Morgan. It happens to all of us, I suppose, but the joy of being out in the world is well worth the fleeting pain.

I venture out most every day and sometimes get read, usually because of my voice.

Something that has happened to me on a several occasions is that a girl at a cash register will say, after giving me change, "thank you, sir". Generally this is done by young hispanic girls, at places like McDonald's. But what I wanted to point out (and I realize this was not the case with the two young males Morgan encountered) is that the girls did not mean to disrespect me. No, they were just confused and honestly thought (not having time to ponder the situation) that to call me "ma'am" would be disrespectful. After all, the last thing a girl wants to do, particularly in the macho Latin culture, is to call a man "ma'am".

The quandary I'd unwittingly placed these young girls in, most of whom were recent immigrants into our USA culture, became clear when I observed their apprehensive and confused facial expressions. They weren't laughing or smirking or smiling, not at all.

I just wanted to say that not every "sir" is a slur.

Cindi Johnson

[Khriss]

In the cold light of day, I could see this being a trigger for a purge. To stop, to give up, to feel ashamed.

I am so proud you didn't.

reguardless ...respect should be shown to any customer !!!
Stay Strong babe !! xx"K"

[SandyR]

Ok, keep reading this and telling myself "no need to respond the girls have given great advice". But, you should know, I think you did a great job and "don't give up". Hey, at least you got the shoes.......


Big Hug!

SandyR

[Jodi]

Only one time was I asked by a guy if I was a man dressed as a woman. My response was a big smile and saying, "more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever get". The expression on his face was priceless as I walked away.

Jodi

[MsJanessa]

Only one time was I asked by a guy if I was a man dressed as a woman. My response was a big smile and saying, "more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever get". The expression on his face was priceless as I walked away.

Jodi

What a great comeback!!

[Kether]

I think this thread is fantastic, I would recommend this thread to anybody who was thinking of going out for the first time. Who cares what some unenlightened twerp says, when ya can come back home and come and tell ya girlfriends on this site and get such to tips and support, from how to react next time to how to look better. Thank you all, what a family.:hugs:

[KandisTX]

Only one time was I asked by a guy if I was a man dressed as a woman. My response was a big smile and saying, "more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever get". The expression on his face was priceless as I walked away.

Jodi

and if you look at post #23 on this thread I already offered that advice. :) I too have used that line and it was truly a priceless moment to remember. :)

Kandis:love:

[Kristen Kelly]

Morgan dear.....


Keep everything in perspective. You WENT OUT DRESSED !!!!!!!!!! Take a quick poll here and you will find you are probably suddenly in the group of maybe 25% that have ventured out. WAY TO GO. So you got read....it's a rite of passage sis. Better to get it over the first time and know you can take it.

Emily Ann

Kudo to you....over the years I have had many reactions mostly positive, so don't give up. I have offered to go out with many girls for their first time as moral support, you would not belive only 2 have gone through with it so good for you.

My best story of turning the tables was I was in Atlantic City playing the slots when an older gentleman sat down at the machine next to mine, and after 5 mins turned and asked, " Are you a Man," to which I replyed, " Yes and thanks if you had to ask"

[LA CINDY LOVE]

Sigh. I really thought I was ready for all this. I need to re-think things.

Morgan[/quote]

You need to do a lot of re-thinking love, for some reason you came home and felt you had game to go out and got played so you got to your car as fast as you could drove home and cried because you were found out.

The world looks at us ALL for what we do...they do not like you and they do not like me, so when you walk out that front door you better have your game ready thick skin and a killer instinct........or they will eat you up again.

The first thing you did wrong is you did not stand your ground. you let those two m***** F****** punk you, when you stand your ground you not only do it for you, YOU DO IT FOR ALL OF US.

Second you need to work on your wardrobe, what you wear at home is one thing but when you go out the front door you need a look that fits you and helps you and just because it looks sexy it may not be for you.....but at home.

Third is make-up we all have or favorite but for me I love MAX they support us and also hire us in the mall stores here in Calif, if there is one were you live just go there tell the SA you want help and they will hook you up.

And the last one is for you, I have to say I love what you did going out for the first time show you GOT WHAT IT TAKES never let no one put you down you are a lot stronger the you think love.


LA CINDY LOVE

[Sheri 4242]

There is no excuse for the rudeness you describe and it needs to be dealt with -- probably at the corporate level. That said, regardless if whether the tops of your stockings were showing or not, IMHO you have missed the main point about plausible passing . . . what gg would go to the store dressed as you were dressed? Very few, if any, IMO!!! To attempt to pass you need to first and foremost dress as gg's would generally dress for the same venue. My advice, for what it is worth, is become a people watcher -- go to department stores and malls, and Wal-Marts, etc. and pay attention to how gg's dress. Emulate what you see and over half the battle will be won!!!!


I know now that I need to get a more realistic wig, and tone down the clothes a bit if I ever hope to pass. Not mention loosing a BUNCH of weight.

Of course, I think you are already on the path to passing. Yes, a more realistic wig will be a major investment that will pay-off in "passing dividends." Spare no expense -- and go age-appropriate -- it can still be sexily styled.

Regarding the blue beard shadow, I have the same problem -- but thanks to the TG-friendly people at MAC, I have an answer. First step: shave with a great gel and fresh razor blade. Second: shave again with a Norelco electric razor that uses the Nivea cool skin cream (internal pump in the razor as you shave). Third, don't get orange lipstick, get MAC A96 red lipstick (Ruby Woo) and put a very little on the places where the blue shows through first (chin and slightly upward), then using a MAC concealer that matches your skin tone (the MAC consultants will help you) massage this in very well, then follow with basic MAC foundation. Again, this is well worth the dividends in the long run!!!

MistressJanessa is right about the eye shadow. Give yourself a lot of time for your eyes -- you may not need heavy eye shadow, but you probably will need to work at really getting it right. Believe it or not, I use a combo of three MAC eye shadows that sound like they wouldn't work, but really do (((good brush, light hand, carefull blending))). The three I use are (in order, bottom to top): cranberry, cosmic pearl, and Claire de Lune. Like I said, these don't sound like they'd blend well and not look outlandish -- my wife was aghast that the consultant thought they were a good combo for me -- but when she saw them properly applied on me, she couldn't believe the great results.

Well, you asked for suggestions -- hope this helps!!!

[SatinDoll00]

And the last one is for you, I have to say I love what you did going out for the first time show you GOT WHAT IT TAKES never let no one put you down you are a lot stronger the you think love.


LA CINDY LOVE

Thanks gurl!!

I have to admit, when it all first went down, I didn't feel strong, but coming here and getting support like this has really made me feel good about (most) everything!

Thanks,

Morgan

[SatinDoll00]

There is no excuse for the rudeness you describe and it needs to be dealt with -- probably at the corporate level. That said, regardless if whether the tops of your stockings were showing or not, IMHO you have missed the main point about plausible passing . . . what gg would go to the store dressed as you were dressed? Very few, if any, IMO!!! To attempt to pass you need to first and foremost dress as gg's would generally dress for the same venue. My advice, for what it is worth, is become a people watcher -- go to department stores and malls, and Wal-Marts, etc. and pay attention to how gg's dress. Emulate what you see and over half the battle will be won!!!!



Of course, I think you are already on the path to passing. Yes, a more realistic wig will be a major investment that will pay-off in "passing dividends." Spare no expense -- and go age-appropriate -- it can still be sexily styled.

Regarding the blue beard shadow, I have the same problem -- but thanks to the TG-friendly people at MAC, I have an answer. First step: shave with a great gel and fresh razor blade. Second: shave again with a Norelco electric razor that uses the Nivea cool skin cream (internal pump in the razor as you shave). Third, don't get orange lipstick, get MAC A96 red lipstick (Ruby Woo) and put a very little on the places where the blue shows through first (chin and slightly upward), then using a MAC concealer that matches your skin tone (the MAC consultants will help you) massage this in very well, then follow with basic MAC foundation. Again, this is well worth the dividends in the long run!!!

MistressJanessa is right about the eye shadow. Give yourself a lot of time for your eyes -- you may not need heavy eye shadow, but you probably will need to work at really getting it right. Believe it or not, I use a combo of three MAC eye shadows that sound like they wouldn't work, but really do (((good brush, light hand, carefull blending))). The three I use are (in order, bottom to top): cranberry, cosmic pearl, and Claire de Lune. Like I said, these don't sound like they'd blend well and not look outlandish -- my wife was aghast that the consultant thought they were a good combo for me -- but when she saw them properly applied on me, she couldn't believe the great results.

Well, you asked for suggestions -- hope this helps!!!

Thanks!! I do really appriciate the advice.

I have been talking to a friend of a friend that is the theater business. He has recommended a few things. I have them written down. It sounds like your advice may be a little better, as in easier to obtain the supplies. The items he suggested are pretty expensive, and from what he told me, impossible to remove in a hurry.

One of the problems with my waredrobe is that I have been collecting lingerie and sexy clothing for a while now, but have only recently started buying anything even remotely wearable outside the house. Believe me, I know that going out dressed like I did was not a realistic attempt at passing. I guess for me, I wanted to prove to myself that I could go out, not really present as a GG.

I am going to do some shopping (in drab) next week, and hopefully I can pick up a couple of nice outfits that blend better.

I must say though, I cannot see myself dressing like a soccer mom on her way to a PTA meeting. Just not my style. It wouldn't be my style if I were a GG either. I dress kind of edgy as a guy!!

Morgan

[Sheri 4242]

I know when my wife and I did our wedding renewal out in Vegas with me as the bride, the professional make up artist spent 2 hours on my make up -- expensive but worth it. BUT, it took forever to get off!!! (He even had a special spray-on device -- made for a great look, but getting it off was incredulous!!!)

As far as wardrobes, I know my wife thinks I should dress more age-appropriate and it isn't always that easy when you've got an UBER MINISKIRT mentality like I do. That said, so as to make her more comfortable, still look sexy, and basically try and blend more, I have found some great outfits at White House / Black Market. A little pricey at times, but this one outfit I got there was well worth it b/c it can be worn in so many setings, looks good, isn't over the top, and -- thus far -- hasn't drawn any undue attention! It definitely isn't "soccer mom" -- I wouldn't want to go there either. But it is good looking (even chic), blends well in a crowd, and feels GREAT!

By the way, I hope you don't think I was being too critical in one of my earlier remarks b/c that is not what I intended!!! (I guess you'd have to know my history.) I truly believe, though, that a great rule of thumb is if you can't do whatever you are doing with your wife right beside you, then you shouldn't be doing it at all.

Work on that make up -- our gg's didn't get proficient over night -- they've just had years to perfect their own techniques, and get faster in the pocess. The more you practice, the faster you'll become (once you've got the make up that suits you best). And, remember, I have yet to see -- or hear of -- a MAC cosmetic countr that wasn't TG friendly -- and their make up is good quality, too!!!

OH! By the way, the MAC concealer I use is "Studio Finish Concealer" -- NW25.

[KandisTX]

And, remember, I have yet to see -- or hear of -- a MAC cosmetic countr that wasn't TG friendly -- and teir make up is good quality, too!!!


I should hope that MAC is TGurl friendly. RUPAUL was their spokesperson for a year or so for pete's sake.

Kandis:love:

[SatinDoll00]

They have really nice clothes. I work in a mall that has one of those, so I stroll through on breaks. I need to lose more weight before shopping there. So far, I have dropped from a size 24 to a size 18! I am almost out of Lane Bryant and in the mainstream stores! :dances:

My wife and are are both losing weight, so I am getting some of her "fat clothes"...even though she doesn't know it. I know, I know...its wrong...but there are some nice things there, and I only BORROW them...no stealing!

She has dropped from an 18 to a 10! I am so jealous!

Go news though is that I can wear her 18 jeans now and they don't look painted on!

Morgan

[KandisTX]

My wife and are are both losing weight, so I am getting some of her "fat clothes"...even though she doesn't know it. I know, I know...its wrong...but there are some nice things there, and I only BORROW them...no stealing!

She has dropped from an 18 to a 10! I am so jealous!

Go news though is that I can wear her 18 jeans now and they don't look painted on!

Morgan


Just curious Morgan,

Have you considered talking to her about it? You may have posted about that already elsewhere, but I don't recall.

Kandis:love:

[SatinDoll00]

Oh yeah, I think about it daily! Thing is, she is not a very accepting person. I have sort of tested the waters by talking to her about other people doing this, and her reaction was not even CLOSE to what I would want it to be before telling her.

While I think it would be the most amazing thing to have her on board with it, I don't think that can happen. Even if I could, I am not sure that I would. I know I would love for her to accept me, but I am not sure if it is really fair to ask her to have to. This is my thing, she is happy now, and if I tell her, the outcome would likely not be good, even if we don't divorce. For now at least, I think I will try to find support where I can, enjoy dressing part time, and dream of the day in which I could do it 24/7. Who knows what will happen in the future.

Morgan