What to do?!

[colema62]

Hello all... new to this forum. Here's my dilemma. I love to wear pantyhose and tights and have since I was 14. I am now 24 and I am engaged with a daughter on the way. My fiance has no idea I wear on occasion.

For a couple of years now I have had this curiosity/fantasy of wearing pantyhose or tights and being with another guy wearing pantyhose or tights or with a full cd. I often look at pictures of cd's having sex and men or women in pantyhose and tights and think about how I want to try it and experience it. I have this strong feeling to try it once just to see what its like.

I'm afraid to tell my fiance about any of this. I don't know if I should just forget about it or if I should just find someone and try it and fulfill my curiosity and have done with it... Please help me!!

[JamesAlan]

Personally, I feel that you should tell your fiance. If you are wanting to share you life with her, then she needs to know. Especially now that you have a child on the way, she definately needs to know everything she can about you. About finding someone to fulfill your curiosity with...think how it would affect your fiance. I know I would feel betrayed if I was cheated on, especially when I'd be carrying that person's child. Honesty is the best option. Though be prepared for her to not be very accepting when you first tell her. Most women aren't as accepting of CD than others. I was fine with it when my girlfriend told me, but then again, I've dated other CD's before. But you -have- to tell her. It will save pain later.

[Samantha B L]

Hi Colema62, If you were to ask me go ahead and tell your fiance and just possibly if the reaction is adverse let the chips fly and take it from there. You never know what she might say. And I don't mean to sound bossy but she could be very put out with you in the future if you keep any of your CD business a secret from her as time goes by. "Why didn't you tell me"?,etc. Also,she could be very receptive! Many women are! A tights and pantyhose thing isn't that uncommon either.

[Holly]

Ever wonder what it's like to fall off a 200 foor cliff? I'm afraid the result of this fantasy and your fantasy would be very similar. How much respect do you have for your fiance?

[SallyStone]

I think fantasies are wonderful things. I'd also be very careful about revealing those fantasies to someone else. Fantasies are personal and you shouldn't feel obligated to confide in anyone else about them. If you feel compelled to act on them, that's another matter. Acting on a fantasy is most likely going to affect your relationship at some point.

I do agree that telling your fiance about your desire to crossdress before you get married is a very good idea. If you wait, your silence could damage her trust in you, longterm!

Best wishes,

Sally

[Kristen Marie]

Wow...that is a fantasy of huge proportions. Imagine if she had one where she dressed as a lumber jack and well....fill in the blanks.

I think you need to take small steps and maybe start with your wearing nylons....and maybe she'd enjoy that as well....

[Tamara Croft]

I am now 24 and I am engaged with a daughter on the way.

I'm afraid to tell my fiance about any of this. I don't know if I should just forget about it or if I should just find someone and try it and fulfill my curiosity and have done with it... Please help me!!Your engaged, with a baby on the way, yet you want to go out there and cheat on your fiancee? If you want to fulfill your fantasy, then you shouldn't be engaged, let alone be having a baby with her. My advice, grow the hell up, you have responsibilities now, not fantasizing about other men for Gods sake :thumbsdn::thumbsdn::thumbsdn::thumbsdn: I pity your fiancee, if she knew what you might be planning to do, you'd be in for a big shock... shame on you!!!!

[Stephenie S]

I kinda have to agree with Tamarra, here, hon.

Your fantasy about wearing panties and tights seems a harmless activity, doing no one any harm at all. Your fantasy about having sex with another while engaged to be married and expecting your first child is problematic to say the least.

You owe it to your fiance to end your fantsy now, or give her the oportunity to end this sham of an engagement before you both go any further.

Stephenie

[Dita_B]

I have learned that fantasies have their way to become reality no matter what the circumstances and time it will take to fulfill them... So IMHO you are going to do this anyway, may it now, or in 10 years from now.

You are NOT ready for commitment. If I were your fiancee I would have serious doubts to continue my relationship with you in this stage.

If you talk to her about your fantasy you risk she dumps you, as a girl that is pregnant wants security for herself and her baby. She might chose to live with her parents instead of with you.

If you don't tell her, and live out your fantasy in secret and she finds out... (you may attract a sexual transmitted disease), you will probably be dumped as well.

You are in a catch 22, because she's pregnant. If she wasn't it would be easier. So your choice is to grow up in a hurry and accept your responsibilities or suffer the consequences of not accepting your responsibilities.

You should have lived out your fantasy before having sex with her resulting in a pregnancy. Since you didn't you have to realize that you are not a bachelor any more, things have seriously changed, so get real and get a life...

:love:Dita.

[colema62]

I appreciate most of your replies. The honoesty was nice to see. What I don't apprecite is the people who were rude, making opinions of how my relationship is. That to me is unacceptable, none of you know me or my fiance and cannot base any judgement upon it. I thank you all for your input and I will certianly take it to heart... I think I will refrain from doing anything and just let it die away.

[KandisTX]

I appreciate most of your replies. The honoesty was nice to see. What I don't apprecite is the people who were rude, making opinions of how my relationship is. That to me is unacceptable, none of you know me or my fiance and cannot base any judgement upon it. I thank you all for your input and I will certianly take it to heart... I think I will refrain from doing anything and just let it die away.

colema62,

In all sincerity you must realize that while the comments of some may have seemed rude, they were most likely what many of us may have been thinking. Being a CD and having an understanding SO is a goal many of us strive for, but fewer actually achieve. If your fiancee is okay with you living out this fantasy than that is fine, however she does need to know BEFORE you are married, it is so much easier than living a lie down the road as I am sure you have read on some other threads in this forum where SOs have found out and things went quickly downhill.

I personally do not condone infidelity, I am a firm believer in the vows I took when I married my wonderful SO (GlitterGG). I have never, and will never, give her any cause to not trust me, honesty and open communication is one of the truest keys to a successful marriage. When you bring a child into the mix, these two are just as important as sharing the work of raising that child.

I wish you luck in your situation and hope you find the answers you are seeking.

Kandis:love:

[Marcie Sexton]

Trust and truthfulness is the most important in a lasting relationship...

Let those day dreams of yours be just that a fleeting thought...I again quote the wise person who said that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence...

... or to put it another way

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush...

[Stephanie Clarke]

...killed the cat
Tell her about your appreciation for tights and leave it at that. Anymore and she will probably get spooked. As for the fantasy about doing it with another guy, leave it at just that, a fantasy. Sometimes fantasy is better than reality and then you dont have to live with that kind of guilt.

[Kieron Andrew]

Colema, Ive read all the comments on this thread & i dont think anyone was actually being rude to you, they were giving you honest forthright opinions, which when you start thread like this one you have to expect it good or bad.....for what its worth I agree with those that say it is wrong to be even think of cheating on your intended....and thats exactly what it would be if you fulfill this fantasy, and the fact you have a beautiful child on the way makes it even more a no no

[KimberlyS]

You have several things within this post.


Hello all... new to this forum. Here's my dilemma. I love to wear pantyhose and tights and have since I was 14. I am now 24 and I am engaged with a daughter on the way. My fiance has no idea I wear on occasion.

In my opinion tell your finance about your love of PH and tights. She may enjoy it you never know. If she can not handle it better to know now than after you are married.


For a couple of years now I have had this curiosity/fantasy of wearing pantyhose or tights and being with another guy wearing pantyhose or tights or with a full cd.

I my opinion:

Fantasy = Fairy Tale and we know in our mind it is never going to happen.

Now if it is curiosity and something you are possibly going to do, I hope you have all of the marriage guide lines worked out with your wife before hand.


I'm afraid to tell my fiance about any of this. I don't know if I should just forget about it or if I should just find someone and try it and fulfill my curiosity and have done with it...

My take on this is you do not plan on having an open marriage. And to most gals and many guys, once they become your finance, they are expecting the commitment from you and the actual marriage is just a technicality. IMHO it does not matter who it is, a one night stand / cheating is not a good way to start your marriage.


IMHO, for a better and stronger marriage, start now with open and truthful communication. It may not be easy at times but I believe it is the way to go.

[Tamara Croft]

I appreciate most of your replies. The honoesty was nice to see. What I don't apprecite is the people who were rude, making opinions of how my relationship is. That to me is unacceptable, none of you know me or my fiance and cannot base any judgement upon it. I thank you all for your input and I will certianly take it to heart... I think I will refrain from doing anything and just let it die away.Rude? you're lucky you haven't been hung, drawn and quartered.... Sometimes a good slap in the face is what people need to wake up to reality, if you can't take that, then you should think twice about what you do in the future shouldn't you?

[Wendy me]

a one night stand / cheating is not a good way to start your marriage. now if it was her doing this would you think it was ok???? and if you knew she was thinking abought doing that would you still enter the marriage.??????....

[SatinDoll00]

There are many here on this forum that will tell you that cheating is wrong. They are right. I almost did it myself recently. With that said...

You need to decide what is right for YOU. You aren't married yet, and despite what anyone tells you, you can meet your obligations to your child and NOT marry your fiance.

NOT THAT I AM TELLING YOU TO DO THAT!

Just think carefully about what you are doing, or could find yourself in a situation that you will regret. Is she more important to you that this fantasy? Do you think you could be gay? Maybe Bi? If so...you have hard questions to answer to yourself. Fantasies are one thing, actually doing them are another. Believe me...if you let it go too far, you may wish you hadn't. So, don't make a mistake, if you really do not want to marry her...don't! It's better that you don't go through with it than to have to divorce later.

Morgan

[_Cecilie_]

Many wise ppl here, and it will do good to listen to them. Personally I put honest openess in front of everything. Talk to the people this concerns. If it then blows up in your face, then sooner is better than later.

You have already made one of the most serious decisions in life; to create new life. To me, engagement or marriage basically means nothing compared to having children together. That said, you can be a good father and/or husband no matter what you choose to do; hide it or talk about it.

[Karren H]

I'd say forget about it, and this site!! Go get married and be a good father to your new daughter!! Were beyond hope but you can still save yourself!!! Run away... Run away!!!

Karren

[KandisTX]

I'd say forget about it, and this site!! Go get married and be a good father to your new daughter!! Were beyond hope but you can still save yourself!!! Run away... Run away!!!

Karren


Leave it to Karren to be silly :devil::D:devil:

Kandis:love:

[SatinDoll00]

I'd say forget about it, and this site!! Go get married and be a good father to your new daughter!! Were beyond hope but you can still save yourself!!! Run away... Run away!!!

Karren

While it is funny, it is probably the best advice he has gotten here!! :)

Morgan

[Julie York]

I appreciate most of your replies. The honoesty was nice to see. What I don't apprecite is the people who were rude, making opinions of how my relationship is. That to me is unacceptable, none of you know me or my fiance and cannot base any judgement upon it. I thank you all for your input and I will certianly take it to heart... I think I will refrain from doing anything and just let it die away.

I won't be rude (which is a refreshing change for me.:D) The reason they were rude is the fidelity issue.



What people have misunderstood, including you, is that crossdressing, at the fetish level has a tendency to 'transpose' erotic imagery onto other people, items, and scenarios. Although it is hard to tell from what little you have written, your fantasy is based on the mixing up of maleness and female underwear. It doesn't mean that you would actually wish to do it (and might even find it distasteful) but that the IDEA of it is erotic because it has the same elements which are your own triggers for being turned on.

Don't tell your fiance a thing until you know yourself and your urges better.

[Karren H]

Leave it to Karren to be silly :devil::D:devil:

Kandis:love:

Lol.... The silly part is that I wasn't kidding!! Lol

Karren

[Mitch23]

I cannot tell you what to do. I can only share from experience that I had the opportunity to fulfil my fantasy and did so. I realised that at whatever level, I was cheating on my wife and I love her dearly. So my fantasy had to stop, my wife was made aware of my CD, and although there are problems, i feel clean, wholesome and honest in my relationship with her

Mitch

[rhayna]

A wise saying: Don't ask the question if you're afraid of the answer you might get.

It seems to me that you have three choices. One, act out your fantasy and then tell your fiancé after the fact and get her reaction. I’m guessing you’ll be offended again. Two, don’t tell her and keep it a secret forever. However, if at some point later in your life you reveal to her what your fantasies are, she’ll wonder why you didn’t have the type of relationship where you can share everything. The third option is to be completely honest with her on the front end.

My experience is similar to others here. There can be a lot of pain in telling your SO about your inner self. But there is even more pain in overcoming infidelity, lying and secrets on top of everything else. Just my 2 cents worth since I have done it both ways and it is a stronger relationship being truthful right up front.

[Linda C]

Don't do it - either get married and forget about the sex part - or get it over with before hand and know your decision was the right one - there are too many divorced people out there. I am straight and married - so take my advice for what it is worth... :eek:

[Samantha B L]

You know,you're fiance could be very receptive and understanding. It's just possible that she won't be uptight about it at all. But please don't look for "outside" sex partners. Your very lucky to have just one person to yourself and to be with for a long,long time. There are people who prowl singles bars and dating services for years and they come up with zilch. I had a very,very close soulmate relationship with the same GG for years until she passed away 2 years ago. We never had enough money between us to get a house or apartment and live together. She was very supportive of my CD'ing. She had moved into a new house before she passed away and she was going to give me a "guest" bedroom that would be mine with wall length mirrors and a Vanity. I don't mean to lecture but all this is to illustrate that people aren't always judgemental about crossdressing. Anyway,I was reluctant to tell her but I came out and did it and everything was cool. So really your fiance might be OK with it. If not,at least you know where you stand and you've saved yourself the arguing and carrying on that would ensue if she were to find out later on.

[teresa jeen]

if your gonna act on your fantasy youd better do it befors hand, once your in the commited zone theres no turning back!!! i think yall are rushing this getting married thing, could it be cause shes pregnant! its never good to get married for the wrong reasons. live your life take responsible care of your baby and be sure of what your doing before you act.

[Tina P Hose]

Forget the cd fantasy and live a REAL life.

[psion128]

Let her know in a gentle fashion about CDing. I suggest talking to her in a relaxed environment. Like maybe while you both are watching tv. Let her know that you got something important to tell her.

The part about another dude. That I think could be a deal breaker for her. I suggest dropping that. Unless you want to tell her.

[Butterfly Bill]

I don't think you need to tell her about your fantasies, but you do need to tell her about your wearing hose and tights, because that's not fantasy, that's fact that someone might observe.

[GlitterGG]

As far as your CDing goes, tell her now!!

As far as the fantasy goes.... people aren't being rude because you have a fantasy. People are giving you their honest opinion of you thinking of screwing around on the woman that you are planning on PROMISING to spend the rest of your life with, a woman who is pregnant with a child YOU HELPED CREATE. These two things are HUGE for your SO.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman? Do you want to grow old with her, have financial difficulties (as all of us do) with her, wake up next to her every morning, discuss whether brand A dishwasher liqid is better than brand B, toilet seat issues, discussions or arguments about how many children she's really raising, flare ups about you going out and having fun with your friends while she's stuck at home with the baby and still cleaning up after you? These issues will come up, but they are tempered with the love you have for each other and your child and all of it's first moments. These are serious questions that only you can answer. If you don't want to deal with all this hassle, end the relationship now and avoid all the anger and tears on both sides. But no matter what you do TAKE CARE OF THAT BABY!!

[Robin Leigh]

What people have misunderstood, including you, is that crossdressing, at the fetish level has a tendency to 'transpose' erotic imagery onto other people, items, and scenarios. Although it is hard to tell from what little you have written, your fantasy is based on the mixing up of maleness and female underwear. It doesn't mean that you would actually wish to do it (and might even find it distasteful) but that the IDEA of it is erotic because it has the same elements which are your own triggers for being turned on.Well said, Julie! I think this needs to be framed and put up on the clubhouse wall. :thumbsup:

The time to explore our fantasies is before we get into committed relationships. I think that this is important for all "erotic" CDers. To understand ourselves, we need to work out the relationship between our gender & our sexuality. We need to understand what desires are realistic, and what are fantasies.

Yes Colema, it can be fun to have a guy treat you like a woman. But if you're basically hetero, you won't get much fulfilment, and as Julie says, the whole experience may end up being distasteful. These days, I sometimes fantasize about guys, but have no intention of doing anything like that in reality, even though I'm single. Having sex with guys makes me feel like a gay guy, and I'd rather feel like a straight guy, or a gay girl. :D

Tell your fiance about your attraction to hosiery. If she copes, you may be in for some fun. If she tells you that she thinks CDing is disgusting & that all CDers should be lined up & shot, then you'll have to seriously think about whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this person.

:hugs:

Robin

[Cindy43]

You will eventually become engaged in a heated argument. If you tell her now, at least you can say I told you about it - why is it a problem now? She can never come back on you if you are honest (if she doesn't leave you that is). Be a man or whatever.