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View Full Version : how many backslides in your double-life did you had?



valery
07-26-2007, 08:38 PM
how many backslides came up in your life with the idea to bury your girl-identity, and to turn back into lies(normal life). How often did you do or try that and how long could you stand it before turning back to yourself(real life)?
And most important for me: for what reasons, at which situations, did that happen to you and how did you deal with that.

So, to give an insight to my soul where this question is comming from and it's a really, really importand question for me:

I'm part of this forum now for quite a short time (8 days) and the first days I did not even sleep and eat browsing through it by finding so much lovely people with their exciting and experience stories and awesome characters. So many similarities wich often turned into déjà-vus for me, made me feel not so allone and getting stronger. So the first contact to the living as valery.
Immediately I felt home like I never did before, although this was absolutely a big step for me. The only people in the whole world who know valery are you.

The last two days I was staying at my sisters house - she asked for my help to incorporate her new kitchen - so what the folk would call >a man's business<. I'm quite good therein, so this is one big picture everybody has about (around) me.
My sister is the only one left from my family and therefore we have a specific, caring, great connection. She would be the first to meet valery if I will ever have the power to come clean. During those two days I had the idea to tell her about me, but the fear, that this maybe could destroy or stress our connection. This made me think about to turn back to all those lies and to repress valery...but at the same time I was making big compliments to her about her shoes, thinking I should have a pair of those, and the big desire to turn home to my computer to turn back here, not to loose myself, now that I've truly found and accepted me for what I am.

So what are your experinces when you maybe had those ideas to cover everything up again (you know like the brain tells you: "no damage/disgrace so far - so better stop it now") and how did you defeat it?

KandisTX
07-26-2007, 11:12 PM
If you and your sister have a good, caring, loving relationship, it is quite possible that she will understand. But, you will never know if you do not talk to her, don't just blurt out that you CD, you could sort of work the conversation towards that by talking about things together that are near and dear to you both, which may lead to ice-breaking where you can find your "in" to tell her about valery.

Kandis:love:

sissystephanie
07-26-2007, 11:41 PM
I agree with what Kandis said. Take it slow with your sister, but do find a way to tell her. It will be a lot better for both of you. My only experience with "backslides" was during the time I was in the military. Spending most of my time aboard aship, I could not dress the way I wished. So I did almost give it up! However, the desire was always there. Then I got engaged, and told my fiance that I was a crossdresser, but was going to quit. She asked why, and I told her because I was in the Navy. Her reply, "you soon won't be and I don't care what you wear as long as you look good to me!" We got married wearing matching white silk lingerie, and were married for 49 1/2 years before she passed away.

Sissy

More Girl than man

bgirl
07-27-2007, 01:46 PM
It may seem that its about telling your sister. But its all about how we feel about rejection. "Its all about me!" If you think about how many times you have rejected that part of yourself, is it any wonder what we think someone else will feel or think?
Take your time. Get used to yourself. She will be more likely to be comfortable with your other side if you are comfortable with it as well.
When I told my wife, I was scared to death and my fear scared her as well.
As I have become more intergrated as an individual, I am able to discuss this more openly with her. As a result we CAN discuss it. Still have a lot of work to do but we are working on it.

Karren H
07-27-2007, 03:29 PM
Well I for one don't consider my life as a male a lie any more than I consider the time I spend enfemme as a lie... Never said I wanted to be a girl... Just like wearing their clothing...

And it doesn't matter to me which gender I'm trying to emulate, its still just me...

Karren

teresa jeen
07-27-2007, 08:56 PM
Well I for one don't consider my life as a male a lie any more than I consider the time I spend enfemme as a lie... Never said I wanted to be a girl... Just like wearing their clothing...

And it doesn't matter to me which gender I'm trying to emulate, its still just me...

Karren

thats all i can be, no more no less. i love dressing i love being me, sometimes they dont understand...

Byllie
07-27-2007, 09:35 PM
I wouldn't call expressing the male side as backsliding. I have two sides, two parts o me that I work hard at integrating. And it *is* hard, let me tell you. And fear is a big factor in why I haven't progressed as far as I'd like.

SL
07-27-2007, 09:50 PM
Oh wow. First let me say congratulations. :happy: Coming out in any way is always such a huge thing in my opinion. And you did :happy: Right here when you let us meet Valery.

Backsliding.
I dunno if you wanted an answer from a guy but, I (over years, starting in mid 90's ) "backslid" or got confused many times. Still do get confused or feel like "I don't know what I'm doing". Then again I feel very sound and grounded.

Probably the "easiest" way/place for me to do it at least prior to today (cuz I never know what's up tomorrow none of us do) was work. I've had the experience of "backing down" off my masculinity especially in appearance there. And it sucked. Killed me. Made me feel like I sold myself out and didn't know what to do about it. And afraid to do anything about it. What would the repercussions be? And not just "be fired". Would/could it be violent.

When I worked security, I just really wanted to fit in/not have any problems and we sooooo needed the money. And there I was at 5'8" in a site with a warehouse of all men (that company had a policy of only hiring men for the warehouse) and truckdrivers who came and went originating anywhere.

Before that I worked in machine tooling.

My very first job in machine tooling was in a site that was being monitored by gov't for not hiring women or minorities and I was sent as the
"groundbreaker". 299 really pissed off bio men because I was the wrong sex and the wrong color. I held up as long as I could and that was necessary (45 days) and then left in pretended bravada and then did my flip out.

But probably the one that affected me the most was in my marriage. I married a woman (not according to the state but who cares about them) and within our marriage the issue of gender came up for me. We had to move back to my hometown after being married and proximity to my mother meant/means a constant war about my gender identity. And those times when I would get all screwed up in the head. Or just really need to know "who the hell am I"? and try to find out by "finding"/examining and questioning is there a woman side? finally drove us apart. She left. She's been gone a year and a half now but we are still "joined" according to the church.


How did I deal with it all? I didn't deal with it all :happy: its just one day at a time. And some of them have been really lousey. And some of them have been better. But they are better when I don't isolate myself with all of the issues/questions/etc. Like being on this forum.


Whew lol. Did I say more than I really shoulda?