valery
07-26-2007, 08:38 PM
how many backslides came up in your life with the idea to bury your girl-identity, and to turn back into lies(normal life). How often did you do or try that and how long could you stand it before turning back to yourself(real life)?
And most important for me: for what reasons, at which situations, did that happen to you and how did you deal with that.
So, to give an insight to my soul where this question is comming from and it's a really, really importand question for me:
I'm part of this forum now for quite a short time (8 days) and the first days I did not even sleep and eat browsing through it by finding so much lovely people with their exciting and experience stories and awesome characters. So many similarities wich often turned into déjà-vus for me, made me feel not so allone and getting stronger. So the first contact to the living as valery.
Immediately I felt home like I never did before, although this was absolutely a big step for me. The only people in the whole world who know valery are you.
The last two days I was staying at my sisters house - she asked for my help to incorporate her new kitchen - so what the folk would call >a man's business<. I'm quite good therein, so this is one big picture everybody has about (around) me.
My sister is the only one left from my family and therefore we have a specific, caring, great connection. She would be the first to meet valery if I will ever have the power to come clean. During those two days I had the idea to tell her about me, but the fear, that this maybe could destroy or stress our connection. This made me think about to turn back to all those lies and to repress valery...but at the same time I was making big compliments to her about her shoes, thinking I should have a pair of those, and the big desire to turn home to my computer to turn back here, not to loose myself, now that I've truly found and accepted me for what I am.
So what are your experinces when you maybe had those ideas to cover everything up again (you know like the brain tells you: "no damage/disgrace so far - so better stop it now") and how did you defeat it?
And most important for me: for what reasons, at which situations, did that happen to you and how did you deal with that.
So, to give an insight to my soul where this question is comming from and it's a really, really importand question for me:
I'm part of this forum now for quite a short time (8 days) and the first days I did not even sleep and eat browsing through it by finding so much lovely people with their exciting and experience stories and awesome characters. So many similarities wich often turned into déjà-vus for me, made me feel not so allone and getting stronger. So the first contact to the living as valery.
Immediately I felt home like I never did before, although this was absolutely a big step for me. The only people in the whole world who know valery are you.
The last two days I was staying at my sisters house - she asked for my help to incorporate her new kitchen - so what the folk would call >a man's business<. I'm quite good therein, so this is one big picture everybody has about (around) me.
My sister is the only one left from my family and therefore we have a specific, caring, great connection. She would be the first to meet valery if I will ever have the power to come clean. During those two days I had the idea to tell her about me, but the fear, that this maybe could destroy or stress our connection. This made me think about to turn back to all those lies and to repress valery...but at the same time I was making big compliments to her about her shoes, thinking I should have a pair of those, and the big desire to turn home to my computer to turn back here, not to loose myself, now that I've truly found and accepted me for what I am.
So what are your experinces when you maybe had those ideas to cover everything up again (you know like the brain tells you: "no damage/disgrace so far - so better stop it now") and how did you defeat it?