Advice on going out?

[Kiera20mi]

Hey girls i have never gone out! ugh and it is driving me up the wall? But i really dont know how or when to do it. any tips?

[paulaN]

Small steps would be my best advice for you. Post a pic in the pic forum and ask for honest opinions. Stay away from places with young kids, malls. Go to get some gas,go for a ride,go to a casino. I wish you the best. now get dressed and get out there. It's a blast. Oh and last but not least if you can take a friend. safety in numbers.

[Marcie Sexton]

My advice exactly Paula...

Baby steps first...with company if possible, perhaps a SO or a friend who you trust and knows.

[KandisTX]

DON'T DO IT Because once you do, there'll be NO going back in the closet for you honey ;)

Seriously, like the others have said, take it slow and easy. Maybe a quick jaunt around the block in the car, to the gas station to "Pay at the pump"(in you pumps). Once these small tasks become "second nature", moving to clubs and bars will seem easier.

Maybe look for a support group in your area and attend one of their meetings or gettogethers. Sometimes helps if you feel/realize you are not alone in this.

Kandis:love:

[Mitch23]

I agree with Kandis, once you've done it, life will never be the same - it's seriously addictive. Lots of threads on this if you do a search - some amazing stories and one or two issues too.

I did some drives, picked a distant mall, did a quick walk through, then a little light shopping and now full shopping, changing rooms, makeover etc. I joined a support group, went to a couple of cd friendly events. Got a lot of good advice from this community and positive feedback on my piccies

Mitch

[JoAnnDallas]

Are there any support groups near you like Tri_Ess. Hooking up with a support group can really help you. You can even go out with another member or a group. You will also get a lot of help and tips from the group.
On of the main things you want to remember is your dress. One your first outing, dress to blend in. Check and recheck your makeup and wig. Again don't over due it with your makeup. These will help minimize anyone clocking you. Above all take baby steps, don't just go strieght to the Mall. Start by taking the mail out to the mailbox or take the trash out to the outside trash can. Then try taking a drive around your neighborhood. Look thru past postings of outing. A lot good advise and tips will be in those too.

[joann07]

Hi Kiera,

Sorry, for making my post a little lengthy, but yes. Take baby steps and practice practice practice before make that first step going out.
If there is a local Tri-Ess support group chapter in your area. Its a great place to start and you'll be among others you are experienced, in addition to being great people for giving advice as well as taking you under their wings.
Plus, you'll learn a lot and get valuable practice time walking, talking, developing mannerisms, etc, etc.

Other things you can do is research and observe.
Before I started fully crossdressing, I had never done makeup before so I did a great deal of online research and found tips on how to properly apply makeup.
In addition, I looked at various pictures of women, for me Asian or Pacific Islander in particular, and studied them carefully to figure out what makeup colors and shades would best fit me my skin tone.
I tell ya, the first time I did it, it took me 2 1/2 hours to get it all on. Now, I can do it in 45 minutes or less.

Being observant and studying what women wear is another key. Know what genetic women your age, body size, height, etc. wear during the week. For example, during the work week, women wear their work clothes which means business casual skirts and tops, pants, suit tops, and dresses. On the Saturday, its dress down. Majority of the time, you won't see a lady in a short mini skirt, revealing top, and 4 inch red spiked heels at a Wal-mart or Mall. Its mostly, shorts, a tee, jeans, tank top, capris, bouse, gauchos, etc, etc.
Sunday is my favorite since you can dress up a little more because its church day. Its ok to wear a dressy skirt and top, or dress, because most people go to church so you can go anywhere pretty much dressed up. However, when it gets later in the day, then you may have to change into something more casual.

I practiced a lot at home and once I felt like I was ready to take that first baby step. I went out in my local neighborhood, in the cover of night of course, practicing my walk by going over to pick up the mail or walking out to get something in my car. Just little things like that to get me a little comfortable.
Next, I ventured a little further, still at night, and drove a few miles down the road to the post office to get some stamps or drop off a letter in the drop off bin. I combined that with going to an ATM and drawing some money.

Once I felt comfortable doing these things, I felt like I was ready to go out in public so I talked to one of my well experienced sisters and asked if I could go with her shopping for a day.
She took me under her wings and brought me to places (i.e. thrift stores, Mall, restaurants) were she's been to because she knew those kinds of places would be great for newbie like me.

She knew I was nervous, but talked to me and made reassurances that I was doing fine and that I have no problem passing.
After spending almost the whole day with her, I couldn't wait to do it again. Because she was so experienced and confident in herself, it inspired me to be like her.
I have been out about a dozen or more times now and its amazing how much I have progressed in only 5 months.
I owe it to her as well as my fellow sisters for their support and encouragement. If it weren't for them, I probably would still be at home closet dressing.
Every time I go out, I always do a write up about my experiences and share them with the hopes that they can encourage and inspire others to do the same. While, at the same time, I enjoy reading about other people stories because they offer me new ideas.

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a PM.


Hugs!

[KandisTX]

Start by taking the mail out to the mailbox or take the trash out to the outside trash can. Then try taking a drive around your neighborhood. Look thru past postings of outing. A lot good advise and tips will be in those too.

This reminds me of myself before I got up the nerve to actually go OUT and about. I would dress in my apartment, then I would open the front door and step outside (not much challenge there as I was at the "back" of the complex so not much chance of being seen. Then I would walk down the sidewalk a little bit, and each time I'd take a step or two more and go further down the sidewalk before turning back and almost RUNNING back into the apartment. It seemed to take forever the first time I went out fully dressed. I think I was the most nervous when the security guard came around the corner one night when I was out for my "walk" and was a building length away from my apartment door. It was dark out so he couldn't tell that I was a man, and I know my make-up was hideous, but I still got a "Good Evening Ma'am" from him.

Kandis:love:

[KimberlyS]

Kiera, I am going to give you a way to do it that is most likely different from everyone else here. But it worked for me.

First, are you really really really sure you want to get out. Getting out is not for everyone.

If you really want to get out, plan a trip to a larger city far away from home and those you know. For me it was a business trip to Milwaukee, far from where I live. I say far from home and those you know because I had the attitude that I was going to do it and did not really care what others thought. If they even thought at all. And anyone that did see me, I would never see them again.

Evaluate what you have for clothes and shoe and decide what you need. Go to a local thrift store and get what you need. A little big is better than too small. Go to a drug store and pick up some makeup. Foundation, eye color and lipstick.

When at your location, check out where you will be going. Public place with people, but not too many people. A mall about 1-2 hours before close is usually good. Fewer people, yet public.

Give yourself 3 hours to get ready. Do a good close shave, put on foundation garments, slap on the makeup, put on clothes and shoes, and do it. Get out there, you will be nervous as hell, but do it. You will relax as time goes on. Yes you will get some stares and maybe some comments. But there will be no torches and pitch forks and you will make it through it. Spend 30 to 60 minutes there, slowly walking from one end to the other will usually do it. If you need a second to breath, turn and look into one of the store windows to check out what is displayed in the window. This also works good when are large group of people are coming that you do not want to face head on.

More details on my first outing. I picked up blouse, skirt and shoes at a thrift store on the way to the airport and did not have much time to pick things out. The night before my outing when checking out where I would go, I got my makeup and some PH. I Thought the PH would be nice to cover up my leg hair. I got the darkest I could get and it kind of looked better. Back in the room, I tried on the blouse which is tight but wearable, and the skirt is snug, but ok. Night of my outing, shave, start to put on makeup, shave again, put on makeup, put on under garments and clothes, fix my makeup. This is my first time fully dressed enfemme and first time ever having makeup on. Took me three and a half hours. Then head for the door and stood at the door for 30+ minutes, checking myself in the mirror near the door and making sure I have my room key along, before going out. Yes I was a bit nervous. I finally thought the hall was clear and it was till about 2 doors down someone comes out of their room ahead of me, but good heading the same direction. I almost went back but didn't. I walked down 11 flights of stairs to avoid people. Come out of the stairs onto the sidewalk and meet face to face with a couple walking down the sidewalk. I avoid eye contact and head the other direction towards the mall. But I see the guy do a double take and say something to the gal. The gal says "So" and pulls on his arm to keep going. When I get to the mall it has been closed for 15 minutes and the doors are locked. This is when I realize the time and how long it took me to get ready. The time would also explain all of the people that I came across walking from the mall as I went to it. Kind of deflated that the mall was closed, but I made it this far. I turned and head to my return route home. I end up following a bit behind a couple that seems to be going the same way. This makes me more comfortable. I pass a few more couples coming from the direction I am heading. I get a few looks but that is it. Turning into an open park like area that has some bars and restaurants around, there is a group of maybe 5 older teens and several more couples going different ways. BTW, the teens had the gothic, punk, rebel type of attire. I almost do a u-turn but keep going. One teen makes me almost right away and of course they suddenly all know. As I am walking closer they seem to be having their laughs, but one of the girls then seems to start scolding them and they settle down some. I get a few more looks from other couples as we pass, mostly the guys. But nothing has been said. Two guys really seem to get a kick out of me and even one stopping as we pass to really get a look at me. But I keep going and make it through the open area and proceed the few blocks back to the hotel, meeting fewer people along the way. I use my key to get in the side door and then up the 11 flights of stairs. My feet were hurting at the bottom and killing me by the time I got up to my room. Stairs are not smart or very safe as an after thought. I removed my shoes and collapse on the bed for the rest of the night.

The biggest thing I learned was I could do it. With a close second of, I needed to look a bit better. But even with my bad look, I did it.

[slamddoger]

if there is a suport group in your are then get hook up whith them thay can help you out of the close .

[Dita_B]

Going out in public is the biggest challenge EVER! But... It also gives you the greatest rewards! Greatest rewards? FABULOUS, INCREDIBLE, PHENOMENAL rewards!!

Have I made myself clear?

That means that whatever happens, it will be worth while.

The first time I decided to go to the Mall, I was almost wetting myself. I parked in front and sat in the car for at least 30 minutes figitting with my hair and makeup to make sure I was looking my best. Than I scanned my terrain of action, how many people were there, how many cars etc. There was a picnic table slightly on the side of the entrance where some SA's were having their break and I didn't like that at all, because they would have plenty of time to observe me and gossip about me. Finally I decided that it had to happen, so I got out of the car (keeping my legs together as a good girl and swinging my legs together out of the car). Than, started walking towards the entrance. Across the parking lot and now across the street. Several cars drive up and the first one stops to let me cross... Than it occurred to me that I forgot to walk my female walk, so there I swing my right arm, and tried to walk with my legs as close together as I could, placing my feet in front of each other instead of beside each other to make my hips sway, my purse tight over my left shoulder as most females seem to do these days.

I see from the corner of my eyes that I am being observed, but look strait ahead and do as if I don't notice. I get to the entrance of the Mall and want to look for a place to catch my breath outside of the immediate view. Just as I get to the entrance, a couple of guys come from the inside through the doors. They stop and gallantly hold the door open for me. I say a "thank you" and I find myself inside the department store at the entrance of the Mall in the Lady's fashion section, and dash for the first full length mirror to check my appearance. Well, aside from the fact that my hair has blown away from carefully being draped to cover my un-plucked eyebrows, everything looks still fine. So I rearrange my hair like I have seen women do so often and try to relax. Than I try to find my way to the cosmetic department, which I can't find right away because I am so nervous. I find it finally and hide in between the aisles to catch my breath again...

I do as if I study the cosmetics and in the mean time I look from the corners of my eyes if someone is staring at me. Nobody is paying particular attention to me, although I am suspicious of every time I hear someone laugh. Close by or far away, I am just paranoid. Then I decided to head back to the entrance again and back to the safety of my car. It works flawlessly. I cross the street again, past the SA's on their break, they observe me but nobody seems to pay particular attention to me. A car stops again to let me cross and the teenagers in it bang with their hands against the car door and say: "Hello?" I just keep walking with my heart banging in my throat. Finally I am back in my car and need a few minutes to catch my breath again.

In hindsight I observed that I stayed in my car before venturing out, waiting for the right moment to get into public view. But once out, there is nowhere to hide, so you just have to front the situation as it comes. But once the first trip is done, the exhilaration wells up and in my case, I couldn't help myself and I drove away to the next Mall to repeat it all over again.

And now I am hooked... I can't wait to go out again. Since than I go to the Mall twice or three times a week and I think the SA's there by now have grown used to see that tall girl passing by every time. I still get looks, especially from old ladies and young girls, because I think they read me right away or they have their doubts, but I don't care anymore. When out and about, I am having a great time and I enjoy every minute of it. Sometimes if they stare, I stare back and they than quickly look the other way. But mostly I just ignore them with a smile on my face...

I have never been harassed, although once while passing a packed food court, I heard somebody say "queer" a bit louder than necessary. But that is the worst that happened to me so far.

I find that it is the easiest to pass as a woman when men are involved, it is more difficult to convince women. However, most women just go about their business and don't pay attention.

Hope this helps in preparing yourself for your first outing. If you have any questions, PM me, I will be glad to help if I can...

:love:Dita.

[Jodi]

When going out, think presentability. That is--how presentable are you as a female. What you wear and your makeup is important, but are small items. Your hair (wig) is a big item. Bad hair will bring all kinds of looks upon you. Make sure that your wig is right for you and is styled properly.

The biggest part of presentability is your confidence. With this, goes how you carry yourself while out. Your walk, your arm movement, your posture, your facial expression, your gestures, and how you stand are all items that will make or break you on being out. These are items of emphasis. On this board, I have seen girls post pictures where their outfit and makeup are great, but in the picture, they are standing like an NFL linebacker. Dead giveaway--man in a dress.

Don't go out for a walk late at night. Yes, the darkness is great cover, but any lone female out after midnight is a target for assault or to be stopped and questioned by the police.

Your safest bet is to go out in the daylight where normal people roam, ie a park, a museum, the mall, or just walk the main street.

Good luck.

Jodi

[Butterfly Bill]

If your trip is making the world think you are female, I can't help you. If you want to be able to be a man and still wear women's clothes, don't waste hours putting on makeup and a wig, just go out wearing the clothes, use your normal voice, and don't worry if you get called "sir." Rather than somebody trying to be something he ain't, which bothers lots of people, you can be a liberated man who demonstrates a sincere belief in the equality of the sexes, and gain the respect and comradeship of many progressive people.

Go to places where you will be around intellectual and liberal people. Go to concerts, plays, art shows, lectures. Don't go to malls where there will be lots of teenagers (likewise the main drag on Friday and Saturday might). Don't go to bars or any other place there will be drunks and darkness. Go shopping in the daytime.

[TxKimberly]

Well, I was very happy and pleased with my first outting so I of course recommend that route. I met Tgirls online that I chatted with for many months and got to the point where I felt I knew them. The three of us agreed to meet at a T friendly bar (AKA Gay bar). So, I had chatted with them for months, and three of us met for our first night out. Odds of BOTh of them being freaks were pretty low. As it turned out, they were both great people and I had a ball.
Good luck~!

[Reba Kay]

The first time I went out, I just got out of the car and walked through a small park, with my wife. It made me more confortable having her with me, even though I am the brave one. and if you come across other people they don't look as close if there is more than one lady walking in the park at night alone.
Reba Kay

[leggy_tiana]

Yes, take it slow and as you get more comfortable your confidence will increase. My first outing was simply a walk around the block at night. I guess I was somewhat lucky in that I lived in a quiet, urban neighborhood. The setting was perfect for my first time. It was truly an exciting experience as I never thought I would make it in my heels, but at the same time, the chance of crossing paths with someone else was small. After I became comfortable walking short distances in the neighborhood, I began to drive and run errands in my car. I would take short trips to the post office, fill up my tank, etc. As I continue to gain more and more confidence in public, I have finally reached the stage where I am comfortable going to quiet, unassuming places, such as bookstores, libraries and coffee houses. Eventually, I would love to go shopping at a mall.

[Kiera20mi]

I dont think i have what it takes yet, mostly i dont have alot of money to spend on clothes and a wig, but i do own a few things that wouldn't be ... good for public use. I am not currently working and am running low on money i get gas and food so i can job hunt. thats about my biggest problem. But when i can and when i do you ladies will be the second one i tell! (my so will be the first, haha)
Thank you all for being so helpful and supportive

[Eva Marie]

There's some really sound advice in these posts; well, most of them. Allow me to add a couple of points. First, go out on your intended route, be the mall, the park, theater or whatever, but dressed in drab (if you please). Identify a "target" person (preferably female, and one you'd like to identify with), take up station about thirty to fifty feet behind that person and generally emulate her style and behavior. I mean, the pace and stride of her walk, hand and arm gestures, the way she carries her purse, etc. A word of caution, don't focus intently on your "target" or you'll surely be observed and become an item of interest to someone. Select new "role models" every few minutes. Then, get out of there.

Next, when you're ready for the "real thing" either join a support element or perhaps enroll in one of the ever-growing number of conventions. There's definitely a sense of security in numbers. But, remember that even in this environment sometime you're going to have to be alone, even briefly. Therefore, at all times be thinking ahead. Proceed as if you owned the place and never indcate indecision. Concentrate on the basics, "I'm NOT going to turn my ankle on those steps; I know exactly where my car and room keys are located; I'm going to make a left turn at the end of the hall, whether or not it's correct", etc. Exude self-confidence; be polite and kind to people, and only slightly aloof.

A variation on the first paragraph here is to have a (qualified) observer follow YOU about at the appropriate interval, taking notes, and later debriefing you on your deportment as you moved about in a public place.

Finally, again thinking ahead, one of our favorite topics, the public toilets. No one has one hundred percent good advice on this problem, therefore, whenever you begin to sense impending need it's time to start carrying out the plan you've already formulated. You DO have a plan -- don't you? And, a plan for the car that won't start (slacks and decent walking shoes in the trunk). And, a plan to extricate yourself from a "situation" (again, emulating our GG friends). Enjoy.

[Mitch23]

the advice from everyone and the personal stories from Kimberley and Dita have been just amazing - brought back the memory of those first nervous efforts. It's amazing how it quickly becomes routine, and the more routine it is, the greater the confidence. And you start to interract with the world and make some interesting new friends

Mitch

[kerensa]

I spent weeks nervously contimplating about going out, got far as the front door plenty of times before wimping out, in the end my wife at the time just opened the door and chucked me out, i can remember it was brilliant and it seemed as if i was out for hours even though i new it wasnt, to top it off as i was going back home i got a woof whistle off my next door neighbour, who the next day came round to ask who the gorgeous blonde was who had come down my footpath the previous night, yeah ok it was very late at night when i went out first time and he was drunk but you can only imagine how good it felt.

[Eva Marie]

". . . in the end my wife at the time just opened the door and chucked me out, . . ."

Sounds like a fledgling chick getting tossed out of the nest.

[Jenny England]

What i did was take a walk to a secluded area that people rarely use, there's a reservoir a little up the road from me. People only tend to walk their dogs up there, early morning to whatever time at night. Though ive never seen anyone up there later than 11pm. Anyway my first time out was about a week ago now, i walked up there in man mode at about 1am and got changed when i was up there, just a skirt and blouse plus some 5" heels. I had my bra and panties on underneath anyway. My hair is pretty long so thats one good thing but i didnt bother with make up for some reason lol...Anyway after walking around dressed up there i figured it was time to head home.

I dont know what possessed me to do it but i walked home dressed, and if someone saw me there was no way i could have passed even with longish hair (shoulder length). But being 2am i thought i would be ok. Damn the heels are harder to walk in then i thought as well, got to the bottom of the hill waiting a little bit from the road trying to get my nerves together after 5 mins i went for it. Got halfway across the road and two guys come around a corner, must have been 10 metres away from me. Luckily nothing was said but it sure as hell scared me! But it was also exciting being seen.

All i can say is dont go out walking, like everyone else has said for the first time go out at night, and in your car for a drive. Below is what i was wearing minus the headdress, i had it specially made then imported from china.

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a55/KaworuXVII/17534902_o.jpg