Realizations and feeling .....

[SL]

I dunno. I'm having some kind of ........something. I just got done over in the clothes section in this "simple" (I thought) thread and realized something. Now I dunno what the h it is I'm experiencing.

Somewhere along reading all the good responses which I was reading and thank everybody for, I suddenly had this lightbulb that said "everythings all the same to me". What I mean is, I didn't feel like I was CDing. Does that make sense? I look "the same" all the time. And while I rationally know that to any stranger I walk into in CVS or something I'm CDing , with myself I'm just dressed. Is that crazy? Is that normal? Has anybody else had this?

I dunno. And this is 'hard' to talk about or whatever but, I recognize that different times different people have different frames of mind, or "modes" or whatever but I honestly don't know/think that I have. I have times when I act more feminine than typical for me (rare and hearthurting to admit) and times when I'm more masculine than I typically am (which I actually don't like cuz it feels like your "trying" to be something then, and I'll admit that too) but mainly I just feel like "me". And theres no switching or back and forth.

Anybody else? And if you don't want to post it here yahoo me. Or PM me . Or whatever.

[CaptLex]

I suddenly had this lightbulb that said "everythings all the same to me". What I mean is, I didn't feel like I was CDing. Does that make sense? I look "the same" all the time. And while I rationally know that to any stranger I walk into in CVS or something I'm CDing , with myself I'm just dressed. Is that crazy? Is that normal? Has anybody else had this?
Makes perfect sense to me, SL, my clothes are just my clothes - not men's clothes or women's clothes, just whatever I feel like wearing that day and whatever I'm comfortable in.


mainly I just feel like "me". And theres no switching or back and forth.
Sounds like you're figuring out what makes you . . . YOU. And if you feel differently one day to the next and your clothes reflect that - nothing wrong with that. :happy:

[melissaK]

SL,

Yeah, Cap'n has it right. A friend of mine told me that mid way through transitioning she had realized she had transitioned when she realized she didn't think about transitioning anymore - - A wonderous moment for her.

Took me I don't know how many years of counselling to figure out my personal penchant for constantly overscheduling myself is a mechanism of denial or avoidance. I stay so busy I don't even have time to think about being me - as that entails transitioning. And BTW overscheduling doesn't work forever . . .

So HUZZAH to you for making it to a point you are just being you!

Hugs,
'lissa

[ZenFrost]

I don't think that's partcularly unusual. Especially for someone in a process of discovering his/her gender identy. For me, it's not quite the same but I only really feel like I'm CDing when I'm in women's clothes. And I've started to think of my breasts as severe male gynecomastia.