Penis and me.

[chantelle]

Okay total confusion here and I am sure a therapist is going to ask me soon.
When the thing is flacid , its definately not supposed to be there. I hate it more than i hate the worst food on the planet. Anyway, what i am getting is when i am excited it gets excited.
The anger at myself afterward for using it to do things, masturbation to get it down makes me fear that i am not a girl inside. Yet day to day i am faced with it and fear that i hate it more for betraying me like that.
Does having a erect thing << Not going to call it by its name for it is nothing that i want.
Now please answer me . Am i out of my mind or just slightly insane.
I am very confused. I know i like men. That is a fact like day is part of night. What i also know with extreme knowledge is that I am not gay. This thing doesnt respond to anything like gay sex.
Confusion and help will be appreciated/
FOr anyone that is Ftm they can gladly have it.
Hugs ,
Kristy
aka Chantelle..:straightface:

[Sharon]

Relax, the body and mind have little to do with one another. How your body appears, or how it behaves, is secondary to how you think and feel. You may find an erect penis to be upsetting, but all it really means is that blood is flowly freely through your body.

[chantelle]

Thanks. I remeber standing in the bath the other day and busy shaving my legs and as my hand was brushing the final hairs of the top of my legs , brushed it and i had such a fright. For a moment i remember freezing and looking and tapping it and saying loudly to myself "You dont belong here". This i feel was right up there with the response i give most of my friends if they say "You are a man, how do they think?". I just shrug and say that i am not a man.
It is a extremly cruell joke that was made on our behalf to make us with the souls of women and the bodies of men.
Hugs

Chantelle Kristy De wet.

[CaptLex]

Anyway, what i am getting is when i am excited it gets excited. The anger at myself afterward for using it to do things, masturbation to get it down makes me fear that i am not a girl inside. Yet day to day i am faced with it and fear that i hate it more for betraying me like that.
Sharon's right, body and mind are separate. Would it help you to think of it as something else? Don't want to be too explicit here, but I know some FtMs prefer to think of what they have as what they want instead. It's not wrong either since both are made of the same material (erectile tissue) and have similar reactions. Think of it as a larger version of what you should have . . . if you can.


Now please answer me . Am i out of my mind or just slightly insane. I am very confused. I know i like men. That is a fact like day is part of night. What i also know with extreme knowledge is that I am not gay. This thing doesnt respond to anything like gay sex.
No, of course you're not insane. Sounds like you're a woman that likes men. What's nuts about that? Makes sense to me.


FOr anyone that is Ftm they can gladly have it.
Thanks, but I'm holding out for a newer model, if you don't mind. :happy:

Hope you're feeling better about it soon, Chantelle.

[Cai]

Having it, and having it work, doesn't make you not a girl. Again, trying not to be explicit, but my parts work even though they're not shaped right.

And you're not crazy. What you're describing is exactly how I feel about my chest. When I'm wearing a shirt that has my chest easily visible, and I pass in front of a mirror, it nearly always catches me off-guard. Where did those come from? Who is that in the mirror?

The sexuality thing too - you like men, but you know you're not gay. I'm opposite, I like men, but I also know deeply that I'm not a straight woman.

Your body is wrong for your gender, that's all. And some pieces make that more obvious than others.

[Scotty]

I battled this one emotionally for quite some time.

Because of my life situation mine has to stay, or just GO with no replacement.....and I'd be Ok with that too.

But meanwhile, I guess I tell myself that since it's here and despite my body being feminized a LOT now, I still enjoy it so why not.......best of both worlds I guess.

It's my rationalization to deal with it, but if it were gone it would also feel natural - I'm sure we've all tucked it to see what it would look like and I like both looks....

[Siobhan Marie]

Chantelle, this is something I battle with everyday. It's there and it shouldn't be, it also works which is annoying and sometimes distressing, especially when first waking up, it's as if it's taunting you and saying "I'm still here", I just swear at it when it does that and tell it it's days are numbered and do feel a bit better for doing that.

I know I'm a lesbian but even I need a physical release of some kind now and again and do use it for that but it doesn't take away who I am, what I am.

I hope that this goes some way to helping you.

:hugs: Siobhán x

[Ashly]

I managed to ignore "it" for many years. Unfortunately, there is no sex either. Don't know how to explain this. You might know what I am talking about...It is like my brain in my clothes doesn't allow to have something like "it". It is not female clothing alone..or anymore..it seems I became female even my body isn't down there.

[helenr]

Have you considered anti androgens to keep matters 'quiet' down below? I assume that you aren't merely a transvestite seeking the thrill we all are familiar with. There are a variety of meds available, but you need to recognize that there may be no reversal--if you in essence 'sterilize' yourself to avoid erections, you may not regain your ability to procreate---if this is not at all a consideration, then maybe you can try stuff. I am sure others will criticize, but there is a Yahoo group-Doityourselfhormones.com or something like this. I would join it for free, read many posts, get some sense of how it all works and , if you are curious, post a question or two. There are many very knowledgeable gurls there who can tell their own experiences. Caveat--be sure you are healthy-don't want to have any adverse reaction to a diuretic,etc. Monitor your bloodwork, proceed very gradually-more is rarely better. good luck, helenr