Where I've been

[Jamie M]

Hi everyone,

well i guess this post is an attempt to catch up with you all after a long absence. It's been nearly six months now since i was last here properly. I , understandably, let things slide initially after the birth of our first child in january due to simply time demands but then other factors started to kick in and it's taken me while to find my way back.

So what's been going on with me ? Well long story short , i've been having a bit of a mini melt down of late. I don't know whether it's my impending 30th or being a new dad that's causing it but i seem to have last all sense of balance between my two lives. Not long ago i was happy and able to be both julia and james without disliking either. Now i find myself trying to deny julia but in doing so it only makes me realise how much i am her inside which leads me to only try and deny her further and so it goes on . This is something that's causing me great such distress that i'm seriously considering for the first time in my life about counselling. Now that might not sound such a grand statement but those that know me will realise how much pride i take in being able to sort my own problems and so having to ask for help is a tantamount to admission of failure. Oh well so be it.

I guess the main thing stopping me from doing so now is that i've never been able to talk out my thoughts and feelings ( something that i'm sure infuriates kelly to no end ) and so i have no idea what going to someone and not being able to say anything will achieve. I want to sort this out but i don't know how.

Well it's good to be back anyway , there's so much to catch up on i'm sure it'll take me while to get to know all the newbies that have joined since i was away and i'll keep you updated with my progress to regain that long elusive balance we all seek

hugs julia

[PheonaP]

We all take great pride in our ability to resolve problems and to have to ask for help is NOT an admission of failure. I think a few minutes of each day should be given over to Self Assessment. Don't spend hours on each item but assess WHY the balance in your life has waivered from the central point. Is there more than ONE issue that has caused the waiver. Is the waiver domestic related or work related or BOTH scenarios.
What ever it is Julia, don't beat yourself up over it. Think self assessment, ask questions here of the other girls, consider the answers carefully in your own scenario, rethink the self assessment based on the answers you receive.
The balance WILL return but may take time.:hugs::hugs:

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Julia

Firstly :welcom: back

I know how difficult life can be when children delightful as they are take over your life
Its never an easy time and there always seems to be something going on
I went through a similar thing and I know trying to deny who you are can cause even more problems

Even the best laid plans for some free time can go wrong
I am sure you will manage to get the balance back :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

Enjoy your family Julia. They are the most important thing.:happy:

[Jodi]

Turning 30 and you feel bad? How about us gals that turned 60 a couple of years ago. Getting older is the one thing that is out of our control. Better learn to deal with it. Getting older is not going away. Also, think of the alternative to not getting older.

Jodi

[RobertaFermina]

Dear Julia,

I emerged into adulthood as a strong-willed (control-freak-even) person. For me, getting help, and being vulnerable with another person seemed (seems) like functional and emotional suicide.

Who could understand what I have to do to make my world work ?

Who would be able to work with me on changes that I don't understand or trust, and help make changes that bring happiness without bringing my world down ? Is that even possible ?

Who can I trust ? Isn't trust for fools ?

This is my stuff. Was, and still is. Maybe some of it is yours too.

It took desperation to break down and let someone else in.

I hope your desperation is enough now, and you don't have to wait until people get hurt, or alienated before you are desperate enough to do whatever it takes to reclaim emotional health and happiness as your natural and normal state of being.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[5inchHeels]

Hi everyone,I guess the main thing stopping me from doing so now is that i've never been able to talk out my thoughts and feelings ( something that i'm sure infuriates kelly to no end ) and so i have no idea what going to someone and not being able to say anything will achieve. I want to sort this out but i don't know how.

You learn to understand your emotions through therapy. Give it a try, you'll learn to love and live in an entirely new and more satisfying way.

[MsEva]

Who could blame you? Starting a family, contending with inner turmoil, all I can say is that it will most likely get better with time. We all need help. Lord knows I do! So you do what you feel is in your and your family's best interest. I offer you prayers.

Eva

[Sinthia]

When you go to the doctor because of an illness, do you consider yourself a failure because you cannot heal yourself? If a box is too heavy to pick up by yourself, do you consider yourself a failure asking for help to pick it up? NO! A great majority of your life is spent asking for all kinds of help. Going to a therapist is just one of those times. I personally went to one for three months, and I am very glad I did. I learned that the most important thing that I have to do in life is to make myself happy. Making yourself happy involves many, many things, the least of, and most enjoyable, is raising a child. Consider therapy so can learn how to enjoy life to its fullest.