The Pink Team

[helenr]

I spend a great deal of time on introspection, as I am sure most of you who are reading this do, too. I probably will be wondering until I die what motivates me to want to be a girl. I liken it to being on the 'pink team' which would be for girls only. I am not sure if this is largely a rejection by the boy's team-I didn't have a place on it-and that girls tend to be more nuturing-for the most part-and inclusive. I read by a Canadian psychologist -think his last name started with a B-that the brain of the transgendered is so focused on being a girl that if all people wore 'identical' one piece outfits, and the only difference was that the girls had one more button on the front than the boys, we'd want the extra button style! I think he has something there. I prefer ladies shorts -Lizsport are really femme-with no rear pockets and the fly opens up on the left side. Isn't that silly? But I am aware of the difference and I guess that is what is all about. What do you other gurls think?

[AmberTG]

I guess I'm a bit like you in that I still haven't figured out what motivates me. I guess that's the classic transgender question, "Why". I do know that now that I'm on HRT, I'm not nearly so driven by the compulsions of cross-dressing, I tend to wear what's comfortable, in a femme sort of way. Most of the things I wear daily, other than for work, are sized for women, in a not-in-your-face way. I've changed a lot of things about the way I live now, subtle things that make me happier and more comfortable with myself.

[Scotty]

Me too, I wear panties, every day - and generally that's the only femme thing.

At night I have short short shorts that are PJ's, and I wear a female tank top...

SOME clothes are more comfortable, I've been finding my womens jeans are FAR more comfortable than my mens jeans now, but I've also gained 2 inches in the hips and quite the backside....

But as far as asking Why - I don't do that anymore, I just accept who I am and that I am happy living in both worlds......

Now the question of dating may come up soon LOL - this should be interesting and someone ELSE may ask WHY but I'll deal with that if/when it comes..

I recommend finding your comfort level, you know TG is a chemical and biological difference - accept that and find your comfort level of having a femme body and staying male or crossing over and going all the way - either way is good :)

That's just my experience...

[Cai]

Hope you don't mind this guy's perspective.

I've stopped asking "why?" too. For me, there isn't a "why". There's just an "is". I am this way, no amount of wonder what happened to do it will change that.

[CaptLex]

I spend a great deal of time on introspection, as I am sure most of you who are reading this do, too. I probably will be wondering until I die what motivates me to want to be a girl.
Well, do you want to be a girl or are you a girl? That's the difference for me. I don't want to be a boy, I am a boy . . . I just want to look like one.

[Scotty]

Well, do you want to be a girl or are you a girl? That's the difference for me. I don't want to be a boy, I am a boy . . . I just want to look like one.

Excellent perspective.

I view my mental state as a woman and my body as 10-20% male the rest female which really, it is now...

Once you admit it, come to grips with it, your confidence level soars...

[Teresa Amina]

For me, there isn't a "why". There's just an "is".

And once this point is reached the question becomes "What do I want to do about it?"

[CindyFinalyFree]

You know, I mentioned something like this to my mother one day when we were discussing my TG status, path, and goals.... I remember telling her that 'I just find the environment appealing'. When she asked what I meant, I explained by telling her that all my life, I've longed to live in an environment where I was allowed to interract and be percieved and treated as a female rather than a male. I was put on the wrong team. I'm not a traitor. I'm not out to sabatoge. I just want to be on the team that 'I' believe thinks and acts the way I think and act when in a natural state. How better can one put it?

[Nicole]

Well, do you want to be a girl or are you a girl? That's the difference for me. I don't want to be a boy, I am a boy . . . I just want to look like one.

I want to be a girl, because I think I may be one. Hence the conundrum.

Some people, like you Lex, are 100% certain of what they are. I am not so lucky. So I find the what are you question more confusing than it is helpful because I don't know the answer. Call me confused and cast me in with the herd.

In the meantime I will default to this: I think, therefore I am. :hugs:

[AmberTG]

Nicole, you're certainly not alone in your feelings! I have felt the same way all my life. I think I'm more girl then boy, I've always wished that I had been born a girl, but I cannot say with certainty that "yes, I am a girl" on the inside. That is the reality that I live with every day.
"I think, therefore, I am! At least, I think I must be!"

[Nicole]

Nicole, you're certainly not alone in your feelings! I have felt the same way all my life. I think I'm more girl then boy, I've always wished that I had been born a girl, but I cannot say with certainty that "yes, I am a girl" on the inside. That is the reality that I live with every day.
"I think, therefore, I am! At least, I think I must be!"

I have been reading a lot of Kate Bornstein's writings which have been very helpful. She doesn't like MTF/FTM terminology because it implies making a switch completely from one end of the binary to the other. For people like me who are "somewhere in the middle" (and we are legion), that is refreshing to hear. It certainly takes the pressure off of being a "perfect 100% woman or else"... which I am not.

However, in order to be happy I DO need to "turn up the woman-o-meter" when it comes to my overall appearance. Otherwise I might remain a slave to the "gender light switch", flipping it on-off-on-off-on-off hoping it will finally "stick" somewhere in the middle. That's the problem I have with CD'ing. That persistent feeling of being "almost there" as a man or a woman. When it works, I feel great. When it doesn't it sucks gigantically & I feel lost.

I am predominantly a feminine spirit, but not entirely. I'd say more like 70% woman, 30% man. What I hope to do is unify my two sides via my appearance. You "own" your "look", so if you can make your outside reflect your inside... why not?

The problem is that ambigendered-looking people like Kate Bornstein are relatively rare in the public space. People still want to see a man or a woman and that's that. Fortunately, this is changing, but will take some time nevertheless.

My friend Dani gives me hope. She is a "transgenderist" like myself. No facial hair, dresses comfortably on the feminine side, and no plans for SRS. However, she does take hormones but only in limited amounts... enough to preserve her male function. This works for her & I appear to be headed in a similar direction.

Dinner is on... must go. :)

[helenr]

Good morning. many thoughtful posts. I am so grateful there are others 'out there' (and the actual number surely is far higher than the 'experts' would estimate) with similar mindsets. I guess someday examinations of the hypothalmus (or whatever part of the brain is being analysed) may show that 'we' have a biological reason for how we feel-not just our varied childhood experiences. I am sad that, in my mind, that GGs will never welcome TGs to their team-I am not sure if they feel that we don't experience such things as monthly periods, possibly being raped with pregnancy resulting, or something intangible. I think GGs feel that we want the frilly part of being feminine without the drudgery, taking care of kids, getting paid less for comparable work,etc,etc. But what do I really know. best to you all. helenr

[AmberTG]

I think that women can "get away with" the ambigendered look much easier then men can. Men are supposed to be men, but women can be anything they want to be, from ultra fem to serious tomboy, and nobody really reacts to that in any large way. It's much easier to be a "butch" woman then a "femme" man in this society.
Because of that reality, if I can at least look like a "butch" woman, that's better than what I am now, in looks. For now, I'm just letting the hormones do their thing and waiting to see what happens to my body. At least I'm making progress, and I'm happy with that for now.

[Ashley Lynn Swift]

Well, do you want to be a girl or are you a girl? That's the difference for me. I don't want to be a boy, I am a boy . . . I just want to look like one.

well put, i would have to say that i agree. i Don't want to Be a GIRL, I AM A GIRL, who was just born in this prison that i call my boy body, for me while i've accepted that i'm more than likely never going to be able to afford to transittion completely i do believe that one day i will be to a point where i'll be comfortable just living as taylor, i guess thats why i love to dress as much as possible, because when i'm dressed well taylor unleashed and allowed to surface, and it just feels Sooooooo!!!! right

[JamesAlan]

I read by a Canadian psychologist -think his last name started with a B-that the brain of the transgendered is so focused on being a girl that if all people wore 'identical' one piece outfits, and the only difference was that the girls had one more button on the front than the boys, we'd want the extra button style! I think he has something there. I prefer ladies shorts -Lizsport are really femme-with no rear pockets and the fly opens up on the left side. Isn't that silly? But I am aware of the difference and I guess that is what is all about. What do you other gurls think?

I had to chuckle when you mentioned the fly and buttons. My girlfriend gets peeved at female clothing because things are "on the wrong side" as she says. She's getting more used to buttoning and zipping female clothes, but it's taken some practice for her. She wishes that all clothes were standard buttoning/zipping on one side. I tend to wear men's clothes myself (very comfortable) but I also wear a lot of things that are female too.

[Siobhan Marie]

Well, do you want to be a girl or are you a girl? That's the difference for me. I don't want to be a boy, I am a boy . . . I just want to look like one.

I would have to agree too. I don't won't be a girl either, I am a girl and I'm currently trapped in the wrong body, am producing the wrong hormone and have the wrong genitalia. It's wrong, so wrong but I will make it right, I have to.

:hugs: Siobhán x

[Renee Talia]

I would have to agree too. I don't won't be a girl either, I am a girl and I'm currently trapped in the wrong body, am producing the wrong hormone and have the wrong genitalia. It's wrong, so wrong but I will make it right, I have to.

:hugs: Siobhán x

I agree too but I also agree with the others as well. I feel I am 100% Female, I was just born with a 'birth defect' as i like to call it. The gender spectrum is so broad that there is no way to classify everyone to a certain portion, rather to the whole spectrum itself. The way I've always dealt with the "why" question is simple. If you question your gender, than you are transgender. All of my friends and family say they have never questioned their gender, so that is a good enough proof to the "why for me. :)

[AmberTG]

Renee, I have to agree with you on that one. That's something my therapist and I talked about. She has never questioned her gender, and apparently, most people don't ever question it. I guess that's what makes us transgender, we do question it. After that, I guess it's just a matter of degree.

[Malissa Madison]

I Am a Girl, well actually 90% of us inside the body and Mind are girls. We think like girls act like girls. So Why not be girls in Body as well as mind and heart.
Malissa

[Siobhan Marie]

I Am a Girl, well actually 90% of us inside the body and Mind are girls. We think like girls act like girls. So Why not be girls in Body as well as mind and heart.
Malissa

Malissa, I couldn't agree more hun. We need to be who we really are on the inside.

:hugs: Siobhán x

[Marcie Sexton]

I guess to over simplify things I simply answer with...

Why ask why ? Iam happy and content and my wife accepts me with out question, with no harm coming to any one...

To even more simplify it...

If it feels good do it:2c:

[Malissa Madison]

Our biggest proplem in T (therapy) is the fact that we are DID/MPD, I am the gate keeper, then there is Dawn, Erika, Melody, Candi, Kyla, Stephanie,Dianna, Tiffany, and Donnie. We are the ones that are most seen. The ones out Shrink is concerned with. And yes each one of us has made the decision to transition, our T would like us to Integrate first but thats her plan not ours.
Malissa

[Maggie Kay]

I wonder often about my gender identity. When we were tiny tots, we had no concept of gender. Our parents began that process. My mother a single mom, told me I was a boy and had no reason to question it. She did say I was a mistake and supposed to be a girl. My name was supposed to be Margaret. She was openly disappointed that I was a male and let me know it regularly. I remember being told by my mother what men are like and what sex was ( I was six). After that, I never wanted to be a man. I dreaded it and when I had my first wet dream, I woke up in tears. There were no other siblings around and no men in the house. I played with the girls in the neighborhood, playing horse and doctor. I had a dozen big stuffed animals in my bed until I was a teenager. I never had an interest in sports and found it weird that my male friends suddenly wanted to play baseball or football. I felt that they changed. They were becoming men. To me this was becoming a monster.

For most of my life, I went with the thought that I had no choice but to be a man. I knew I was going to become a monster. As a pre-teen, I developed an interest in horror movies and pretended to be the Wolfman at night in the neighborhood. It was an attempt to reconcile my gender. All my life, I did what males were supposed to do but found it extremely difficult and foreign. Now that I know better, I am still that little kid, inside trying to be, who She is. When I hear some say "I always knew I was a girl", I am amazed at the clarity.

[AmberTG]

"All my life, I did what males were supposed to do but found it extremely difficult and foreign. Now that I know better, I am still that little kid, inside trying to be, who She is. When I hear some say "I always knew I was a girl", I am amazed at the clarity."

Kay, you've come very close to my life experience with this statement! I couldn't describe it much better if I tried. I just couldn't figure out what was different about me from the other boys until I was high school age. Then I started getting some idea, but I thought it was very wrong and something was wrong with me. Something I was ashamed of and felt guilty about for many years. Thank God for therapy!!

[melissaK]

I Am a Girl, well actually 90% of us inside the body and Mind are girls. We think like girls act like girls. So Why not be girls in Body as well as mind and heart. Malissa

Malissa, your pm is not enabled. I've struggled with some DID as well. Just wanted to say you aren't alone, nor are we the first. Perhaps a thread under mental health issues would be sensible.

hugs,
'lissa

[Malissa Madison]

'lissa', how do i enable my pm? I've tried but cant find the link. in my control pannel to enable it
Malissa