Shiny
07-30-2007, 05:53 PM
This was my original post, I called it a CD overdose of sorts. What I was saying I guess was that I am who I am, I realize that now. But there is still the guilt and the shame of dressing fem for me, cross dressing. It's always there and the less I dress the more I think about it!
But every now and then I get the chance to really overdo it, to take my fetish to the limit and sometimes go a bit beyond. Now the Psychs call it a sensory overload where the L-dopa, seratonin or the Dopamine in your brain gets you to that point of equilization, as a phychology major for a while I learned this. That is, to feel normal.
I very much enjoy my fem side but I never, ever asked for this!! It's a curse to me that has taken time away from other things and has affected my life in a great negative because of all the implications associated with it. The clandestine bulls*** and the obfuscation and all the other convoluted stories that add to wasted time!
So, this past week when I had the time off I dressed constantly, constantly, forcing myself to get those brain endorphins really rolling to satisfy, and satiate my urges. Then the other morning I got up, took off the garb, put it away carefully and closed the closet and then for the first time in a long time did the rest of the weekend as my guy self, in drab with not a thought of the lacy, frilly, nylon things I love.
For the first time in weeks, maybe months my recent overdose helped me overcome my fetish and my constant thoughts and I felt normal once again. I am a guy and I didn't want to, or even think about dressing! That was very liberating although I realize my thoughts, my genetic thoughts will once again, soon return to haunt my reality as well as my dreams and then, yet again my actions.
If I'd had the chance to choose my reality I would gladly turn over the mantle, the stigma of Cross Dresser to someone else and not myself. But I would wish this unusual and most likely biologicial stigma on no one.
I was just searching for a moment of normalcy.
Thanks and take care my friends!
Shiny
But every now and then I get the chance to really overdo it, to take my fetish to the limit and sometimes go a bit beyond. Now the Psychs call it a sensory overload where the L-dopa, seratonin or the Dopamine in your brain gets you to that point of equilization, as a phychology major for a while I learned this. That is, to feel normal.
I very much enjoy my fem side but I never, ever asked for this!! It's a curse to me that has taken time away from other things and has affected my life in a great negative because of all the implications associated with it. The clandestine bulls*** and the obfuscation and all the other convoluted stories that add to wasted time!
So, this past week when I had the time off I dressed constantly, constantly, forcing myself to get those brain endorphins really rolling to satisfy, and satiate my urges. Then the other morning I got up, took off the garb, put it away carefully and closed the closet and then for the first time in a long time did the rest of the weekend as my guy self, in drab with not a thought of the lacy, frilly, nylon things I love.
For the first time in weeks, maybe months my recent overdose helped me overcome my fetish and my constant thoughts and I felt normal once again. I am a guy and I didn't want to, or even think about dressing! That was very liberating although I realize my thoughts, my genetic thoughts will once again, soon return to haunt my reality as well as my dreams and then, yet again my actions.
If I'd had the chance to choose my reality I would gladly turn over the mantle, the stigma of Cross Dresser to someone else and not myself. But I would wish this unusual and most likely biologicial stigma on no one.
I was just searching for a moment of normalcy.
Thanks and take care my friends!
Shiny