Thank You All

[cath]

I havent visited for a while and thought I would stop by to say thank you all for all your help, support and advice(and most of all reading my pretty depressing post in the past).

We are still together-just-but things havent really improved that much within our relationship as he still cant accept any bounderies and doesnt understand how much he hurts me when keeps breaking them.

He is now very keen on having bisexual relationships,down loading porn from gay sites and has several bisexual dvd's as well as the dressing, I think I would have been able to deal with the dressing but as for the rest he still will not discuss it with me and gets very angry if I even mention it.

I am now finding that the only way I can keep myself sane is to steer clear of the whole dressing/bisexual stuff that he gets up to (probably not the best solution but it is working for now).
I have been getting help and have completed some self help and depression courses which have put me in a pretty good place right now. The last year has been incredibly difficult but thankfully we have surrvived.

Sorry that I am bowing out but I have tried and without a little co-operation feel I cant give any more. Thank you all again you are all amazing people.

Lots of love
Catherine
XXX

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Last edited by cath GG : Today at 11:13 PM.

[Valerie Nicole]

I don't seem to remember your earlier posts, but after seeing this one, I don't blame you one bit for feeling frustrated. I hope everything works out and I can see that there is a definite problem here that you alone can't fix.

[Alice B]

While I ha:love:te to say it. If he has not made any effort to deal with his issues and your relationship, I think it is time to bail and save yourself. You are far too good a person to put up with all that crap.

[Sheri 4242]

I just sent you a PM. I totally understand -- he's drained you completely while only caring for himself. That said, I wish you'd stay and get active here!!! We could use your sage advice and experience -- and, while you go through the trauma of what he is essentially forcing on you, we can be your anchor. Many of us have been exactly where you are for one reason or another. We may have some collective wisdom for you, as well!!!!

[Sweet Jane]

Hi Cath...

I just feel so bad for you when I read this....umm, people don't have "relations" bisexual or otherwise, with others when they are in a committed relationship. I can not even begin to imagine the fear and anxiety you must feel over this revelation. I would imagine if he respected and loved you, then he would respect your tolerances of his dressing. He sounds extremely selfish, not very caring and frankly if I were in your position I would have left......please accept my sincere best wishes, and I trust that you can get your life back.

Jane

[Joy Carter]

Cath you deserve a life. She sounds like she's using you. I'd dump the girl now and find one. :2c:

[noname]

We are still together-just-but things havent really improved that much within our relationship as he still cant accept any bounderies and doesnt understand how much he hurts me when keeps breaking them.

My view on boundries is don't set any boundries that one can't keep. In other words. Don't give him rules that you can't keep. If a rule for example was: you may not wear a skirt. Sure. It will however be difficult for him to stick to that rule if you wear pants one day and a skirt the next. Perhaps a better rule would be to not wear anything outlandish. For example. No, you may not wear the 5 inch mini skirt with the polka dotted tights. A bit of an exaggeration of course. Perhaps he should be limited to wearing everyday wear that is complimenting to him. There are 100's of styles out there, but some styles just don't work for some people. I think you'll find he'd more likely not break dressing rules so long as you don't break them yourself.


He is now very keen on having bisexual relationships,down loading porn from gay sites and has several bisexual dvd's as well as the dressing, I think I would have been able to deal with the dressing but as for the rest he still will not discuss it with me and gets very angry if I even mention it.

If you ask me that is very very wrong. He should be back pedalling quickly with mega apologies. No excuse for that.


Sorry that I am bowing out but I have tried and without a little co-operation feel I cant give any more. Thank you all again you are all amazing people.

Sorry to hear he's doing everything but working with you. He's definately stepping outside some boundries. If what you said is true, you might need to lay down the law. Especially with interest in other relationships.

[AmandaM]

If you can't live with the bisexuality, possible STDs including AIDS, etc. then dump him. Find a regular Joe, or at least a monogamous CDer!

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

You are experiencing the worst fears women have about their transgender spouses/partners. Most of us are not bi and the majority of us live up the committed relationships if that is where we are. It is so sad that behavior like that reinformces that fear and does none of us any good

[DonnaT]

Some people just cannot live with boundaries, but that seems to me to be the least of your worries.

Stepping out on one's partner is much much worse, in my opinion. And the worry about him bring home a disease you could catch compounds the problem.

I applaud your attempt to save the relationship, but don't do it at a cost to your health, mental or physical.

[Lissa Stevens]

I am so sorry about your relationship. I hope everything turns out ok for you. You have to take care of yourself first and foremost. You are always welcome here.