Shopping in drab, dealing with hecklers.

[Jenn2716]

Just a short note on a quick shopping trip during my stay here in Pennsylvania:

I had a couple of hours to burn off after work today so I decided to go to the local mall. I browsed through Bloomingdale's, Macy's and Lane Bryant en drab and I saw lots of nice stuff, but didn't feel very comfortable staying too long among the racks of women's clothes as I seemed to be the only guy in the area. I know it was probably in my head, but I felt like all eyes were on me.

So, disappointed I decided to go back to my hotel. But on my way out of the mall, I spotted a Marshall's across the street and decided to go over for a look. Again I was the only guy browsing through the ladies clothes, but they had my size and very good prices so I kept on looking. I picked up a couple of things and was looking at some jeans, when I started hearing comments that were directed at me. Two women came down the aisle next to the one I was in and were clearly talking loud so that I could hear them: "Ok, so this IS the women's section? I wasn't sure" and "Just look at this (nodding in my direction)" and finally "Hey Yolanda, come check this guy out". Laughing and snickering the whole time.

I started to turn really read, but then I decided, you know what. She's got some nerve, I'm not doing anything wrong. I ignored them and browsed for a few more minutes and then went and looked at some shoes. They left me alone after I left the clothing area, but I decided that to prove to myself that I had every right to shop for whatever I wanted, I walked up to the fitting rooms and asked for a room. I had to show the sales clerk how many items and I didn't hesitate to show her the blouse and women's jeans that I wanted to try on. She noticed they were female items, but didn't say anything. I got my key and tried on my selections. The blouse fit but the jeans were a little snug. So I walked out with my new blouse and my head held high. I am so glad I didn't let those rude women spoil my wholde day.


Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I just felt like I overcame a lot of shyness and guilt today. I'm proud of who I am and I'm not letting anybody bring me down anymore.

[bellbettjones]

Jenni,

I cant believe they noticed you...your pic looks so natural. I havent went out yet, now i'm even more scared LOL !!!

Tracy

[Mary447]

Go girl.........
I feel uncomfortable shopping sometimes for that reason....but sometimes its a real turn on....especially when I go to the cashier and I get that mixed glance from the cashier...some with an accepting smile...others, almost interested....who knows...probly all in my head girl....anyway...sounds like you had an interesting day.......:happy::battingeyelashes:
kisses
Mary

[Jenn2716]

Thanks Bell, but just to clarify I wasn't shopping dressed as Jenni. I had gone in as my male self and just thought everybody would think I was shopping for someone else. I can only imagine how much ridicule they would have thrown at me if I gone in full femme mode.

Anyway, It's not going to bring me down. I think I'll go paint my toes tonight.

[christiecd]

It's certainly sad that some people just can't their own business while you shop. I think if it was really bad heckling and you felt very uncomfortable, you probably could have told an employee. You have purchasing power as much as anyone and they don't want to lose a potential customer.

Glad to see it hasn't gotten you down though...

Christie

[Donna506]

I think you did the right thing in not confronting those rude women in Marshalls.

I do most of my shopping in male mode. Generally, I ask the person on duty in the Fitting area if they have experience with CDers. In some cases, I have gotten help from them or another associate. In a recent shopping experience, one of the young lady managers helped me pick out things in a Wal-Mart. She put me in a handicapped dressing room. They are much bigger and unisex. She also suggested getting two sizes of each item to try on and let them put the ones back I could not wear. I was able to accomplish a lot that day. I have found that SAs are not willing to risk their jobs or the reputation of their store by heckling you. I bet you could have gotten the manager on duty to help you deal with the rude women, if you chose to pursue it.

The bottom line is, don't be ashamed to shop in the Women's Department. Also, don't be ashamed to tell a SA that you are a CDer. Making up some story about your wife or girlfriend will not likely be believed by SAs who have heard it before. It is best to be honest with them and let them know that they are dealing with a confident young man who happens to wear women's clothing. In my case, they are looking at a grandfather.

Best of luck in future shopping experiences.

Donna

[Tamera]

Hold your head up and keep doin what your doin'.
And that is what you did.

I shop in both modes all the time. I may get looks but nothin verbal. And I really don't care!!!!!!!!
Tamera

[rebeca_abigail30]

I am not that confident in my CDing, yet. Plus, if my DW found out I was buying more clothes (especially since she has to pay back at $9,000 USD, because of a job change that made her keep her sanity), she would absolutely get rid of me.

[whitney]

Good on you Jenni!
We all have every right to shop where we like and buy what we want. Period.
I will now beam with pride for you. :)

[BethCD]

Went to JC Penney's last night with wife ( who is supportive).
She helped me find a top,then started looking for herself as I tagged along. I saw many skirts and tops that I wanted to look at a bit closer, but for some reason there were at least a half dozen female SA's reracking clothes,etc. Bad timing maybe, but i felt like I was being watched and could not bring myself to pick items up for a closer look....:doh:
Gotta find a way to get over this....
Good for you Jenni !!!:D:yrtw:

Beth

[Jenn2716]

Thanks alot for all of the kind words girls. You have no idea how much your support means to me. I've shopped in boy mode tons of times back home and haven't run into any issues like this. Being away from my comfort zone is part of the reason why I didn't want to press the issue with store employees or the women themselves. I am nervous enough just being a stranger in an American city, nevermind the fact that I'm shopping for women's clothes.

Even so, I can't hide in my hotel the whole trip. There is a DW Shoe warehouse not far away. I might go check it out tomorrow and see if their prices/sizes are within my range. :heehee:

[Rikkicn]

I had a few experiences like that during the first few years of going out(I realize that you were in drab though). I wasn't as brave as you. My first reaction was to get away from the problem as fast as possible..like running away.
It's so exciting that you were able to stand up for yourself against those bullies that harassed you. Way to go girl!
My negative experiences turned positive when it brought me to analysis my presentation so as to continually approve it.

[barbarajeanne]

For me, I have found a few sales girls that have been very helpful. One of the Lane Bryant stores in the Chicago suburbs has been great. Several girls call me by name and help me shop. They also seem to know when I am ready to try things on and they always drop in to the changing room to see how things fit. I actually feel like one of the girls. While I am in the store we chat about clothes--what they like in the store, what fits and what doesn't. I usually have a lovely shopping experience. I have also had limited success at the Avenue stores, but it really depends on the store personnel. The customers are a different story.

[ArleneRaquel]

That I have never had to deal with hecklers while shopping, but while walking and being out & about in general there has been some hairy times for this Old Gal, usually involving youthful males, those times are when I have been enfemme. :love: & :hugs: Trina - Old, but still hot !

[Suzy Harrison]

I'm surprised that they said anything in the first place - as you might well have been shopping for a for a present for a female friend. Okay once you asked to try the things on it was clear they were for you - but they made there comments before hand. You would have thought they had better things to do with their lives.....
In any case what are we talking about here - clothes, that's all. Who said you need to be a female to by female clothes? -
do you need to be a baby to buy baby clothes?!!
You did the right thing - stand your ground and ignore them
You look great by the way
love suzy xx

[steffie39]

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I just felt like I overcame a lot of shyness and guilt today. I'm proud of who I am and I'm not letting anybody bring me down anymore.

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
Good job! This is a free country and we have the freedom to be who we are inside!

[Billijo49504]

Heck, I would have walked up to them and asded if they we3re paying for your purchases. If not, then they should shut their mouths and mind their own businesses. Just my Humble Opionon..BJ

[Joy Carter]

"Sticks And Stones." "Sticks And Stones." :rolleyes:

[Eva Marie]

Your report reminds me of the only similar experience I've had. I was browsing amongst the clothing racks when a small girl-child loudly inquired of her mother, "What's a man doing shopping for women's clothes?" The slightly embarrassed woman hushed her child and moved along.

[Sheri 4242]

Congratulations!!! You did GREAT!!!!!!! You handled yourself quite well and I feel your pride!!!!!!! I have been shopping like this for a long time, but can think back to the first times, which were scarey back then. You were not only within your rights, but you were a true lady!!!!!!!

[Mitzi]

My wife had me exchange some bras at Penny's a while ago. She'd given me specifics as to what she wanted. So here I was en drab, searching through all the displays for the right ones. Occasionally, a female customer would look at me curiously, then go on. The SA helped look, and was very nice. At first, I was a bit self conscious, but as the search went on, I forgot the oddity of the situation...

In another vein, I'd picked out a gown at Sears (en drab) and was about to purchase it. Don't recall how it came about, but I said something like, I wished I could see if it'll fit me . At first the SA thought I was kidding, but when she realized I was at least part serious, she led me to the ladies dressing area and picked out a stall. The gown was a bit snug. When I came out of the dressing area en drab, there were now three SA's, all with big smiles. "How did it fit?...Oh, let me find another one for you, what size?" So back I went and tried on a couple more she'd picked out. I wound up buying one. By then the other two were gone, but the SA ringing up the sale was really curious...the usual questions...but the line waiting behind me was getting long, so we had to cut the FAQ session short.

Mitzi

[Sweet Jane]

oh......I have never been heckled, so thats something I have to look forward to I suppose.....maybe I look like a guy buying for a woman?????...haha. I have seen other shoppers looking at me, but hey the women are buying for their husbands (?) in the menswear so alls fair!

[AmberTG]

I'd have probably said something to them along the lines of "what, I'm not allowed to shop for my girlfriend,(wife)?" Usually that makes them feel a bit foolish. It's really not about your dignity, it's about their intolorance and rude behaviour.
Many years ago, I had a guy call me a freak because I was buying stockings for my first wife. Some people are just ignorant.

[Rachel Morley]

Well done Jenni :clap: Going into a fitting room with women's clothes on your arm in drab mode is totally "putting it out there" and an awesome thing to do.

I'm glad you ignored the women who were seemingly ridiculing you, you could have been buying women's clothes for anyone, not necessarily yourself. Even my father, who is the most old fashioned, conservative guy you could possible imagine, buys my Mom clothes for her birthday and Christmas presents.

For me, I know what you mean about "feeling the stare" when I am looking through racks of skirts or blouses or whatever (seemingly knowing what I'm doing) and people (usually women as that's who tend to be in the women's section) look at me and kind of give me that weird look as if to say "what are you doing looking at that?". Even when I get to the register I've had the checker occasionally say to me "you know this is womens' wear right?" and I say with a smile on my face ... "err ..yes, I know" as if I'm saying to her "well yes, of course it is, what else would I be buying?".

However, I gotta be honest ... for every time I've had a situation like the one I've just described I've had at least 6 or 8 that have not been like that at all .. meaning no one cared one bit about what I was doing. My point is, (for me) it does happen .... but it's in the minority.

[carolinewalker_2000]

Well done Jenny; I think I would have lost my nerve and bolted!

[Carin]

:cheer::cheer::^5::cheer::cheer:

Way to go. You definately deserve to celebrate at DWS

[Chelseaswpa]

Just seems so sad that GG's would do that! hugs to you honey

[Stephenie S]

Jenni's experience not withstanding, I think (no, I know) that 99% of this fear is not real. It is in our heads. With apologies to Jenni,I suspect that she manufactured a good bit of her own distress also. Only you can make your self feel uncomfortable. Think about this. How would you have reacted to those hecklers if you had been buying a vaccuum cleaner? You would have treated them with disdain and perhaps pity for displaying such poor manners. Perhaps you would have ignored them completely as you would have absolutely no guilt or shame from buying a vaccuum cleaner, and you might have wondered what their problem was but you would have wasted NO time on it at all. Fast forward to the lingerie department. There you are, looking throught the size 40 bras, trying to pick out a nice C cup. If you haven't internalized your absolute right to be there, if you are still suffering from discomfort from guilt and shame, it will be very easy to see everyone else as staring at you, giggling about you, making snide comments about you, etc. The FACT is ladies (and gents), you have EVERY right to be there. Not only that, but as long as you are BUYING, the STORE wants you there.

Please try and understand that you are actually WANTED by that store. They need your business. They want you to come in and spend your money with them. You are not just wanted, you are needed. Our whole western economy is based on shopping freely for what we want. GGs can buy a wrench or a hammer, CDs can buy dresses and lingerie. Your fear is ALL in your head. Come on now, "FEAR?", you, a big strong man? Afraid of a couple of of biddys in a shopping mall?

OK, sorry about the rant. I gotta go to work now. Have a great day all.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[KatieZ]

You could look them in the eye and say, "I'm sorry your husbands aren't secure enough in their own sexuality to buy you something nice". And then go on about your browsing.

[SherriePall]

First off, I must apologize for the rude behavior you encountered in my state. (Although I suspect they were from out-of-state.) Second, congratulations on not allowing them to bully you from doing what you were doing.

[Marla]

This discussion only points out how incredibly screwed up our society is when it comes to sexual orientation! My wife shops for me and other male family members all the time with no one thinking a thing about it! Just the fact that we may feel a little self conscious about shopping for an outfit or undies or shoes means that we should completely ignore comments or looks. It's the rest of society who needs a good therapist not us! Marla

[Lorna]

There is a fairly narrow dividing line between what a man can buy without attracting the wrong kind of attention and what is regarded as strictly for women to buy. Here in the UK I never hesitate to buy stockings or tights because it seems quite normal for a man to buy such things for a woman. Bras and girdles, on the other hand, are not normally bought by men for their wives or girl friends. What about slips and panties? Around Christmas or Valentine's Day it seems quite common for men to buy such items (though usually these would be at the "frilly" end of the spectrum rather than every-day styles). However, every woman has a birthday - so why not buy then as well, which means it could be any day of the year. I have bought my wife dresses and skirts without giving any thought to whether it seemed odd - so perhaps it's all in the mind.

[Chelseaswpa]

First off, I must apologize for the rude behavior you encountered in my state. (Although I suspect they were from out-of-state.) Second, congratulations on not allowing them to bully you from doing what you were doing.

I don't know Sherrie, some of the people I have run into in this end of the state- well they were probably locals hon! I am still appalled that GG's would do that. :(

[joann07]

Good for you Jenni.
You didn't let some ignorant female shoppers discourage you just because you're a male in the women's department. This is a free country and you can do whatever you want.
I'm sure they don't represent the majority of shoppers at that Marshall's so it may have just been one of "wrong place wrong time" situations, but you handled yourself very well and you got something you liked.
I'm proud of you. :thumbsup:

[tracigirl_tv]

First off, I must apologize for the rude behavior you encountered in my state. (Although I suspect they were from out-of-state.) ....

Sherrie, I agree. Rude behavior by Pennsylvanians? Uh-uh!

(Possible exception: fans at Eagles games):heehee:

[Lisa Golightly]

I can honestly say I've never been heckled in a store... Had a few people look and go bright red on eye contact but that's all... They must be incredibly dozy people the two you met, after all who knows why you were there?

Glad it didn't spoil your day :)

[tracigirl_tv]

I think for many of us, our initial response is to bolt when encountering rudeness. I'm so glad you resisted, girl.

I do my shopping in drab, and enjoy it so much. I am always aware of the women around me....half-hoping (ok, 3/4 hoping) that someone will notice and say something, in a positive way.

I agree with the comments above that said that much of the tension in these situations is self-generated. But those women in the store with you were just so ignorant. :thumbsup: for you, :thumbsdn: for them.

:hugs:

[KimberlyS]

Jenni, GREAT JOB of holding your ground and just going about your shopping. There will always be rude people in this world. Rude people are just bullies that are usually dealing and hurting with some personal issue. Who knows maybe she has a CDing hubby at home. And you just showed her it was ok to be out and shopping in male mode. IMHO when ever we are out we have a chance to educate others, even if we do not talk to them, we can present a good example and image. And you did GREAT.

[SherriePall]

Marla -- You brought up a valid point. I think I have bought my own male underwear only once in my life. My wife (and before her, my mother) have always purchased them. However, if some guy is looking through panties (either for himself or his SO), he will be looked at.
Chelsea, I've always heard that folks out your way are warm and friendly.
Traci, Ditto for down your way. I have been down Philly-way many times. Driving down there scares me, though, because they don't drive by NEPA rules. LOL. BTW, are they going to have that courtroom set up at the stadium this season again?

[MustangGirl]

My father would take me to buy Christmas and b'day presents for my mom, almost always clothes, starting at about age 6. I think because of that I have never felt out of place in the ladies department. I have been asked if I would like to try things on, but I was never that brave. I always shoped in guy mode. I love shoping for women's things for me or my wife.

I hope your experience was a fluke, and does not deter you from shoping more in the future.

[tracie674]

I frequently shop for my womerns clothing in drab, often wearing a bit of make-up and my femme underthings including breast forms (38D). I've never had a negative comment from other women shoppers or SA's. I have had a few women say "that's a pretty dress" or a freindly tease like "that woulld look good on you". I actually enjoy these comments. They let me poke my head a little further out of the clothset. Who knows, some time you might get picked up for a date. Don't let the jerks bother you. No need to make up stories about some femme item being for your girl freind or wife. IT'S FOR ME!!!

[tracigirl_tv]

....Traci, Ditto for down your way. I have been down Philly-way many times. Driving down there scares me, though, because they don't drive by NEPA rules. LOL. BTW, are they going to have that courtroom set up at the stadium this season again?

Sherrie, the court has not been functioning since Veterans Stadium was imploded a few years ago. IMHO, it was largely a publicity stunt, and very successfel. The judge who took ownership of Vet Court is now on PA Supreme Court. :rolleyes:

[TxKimberly]

Way to go! I do a LOT of shopping in drab and have never really had a problem. Last week my wife and I were in Neiman Marcus and i was looking at the shoes. Two gorgous young ladies came up and one looked at me and giggled while she asked "Are you looking for a pair of sassy heels too?"
I grinned and told "Damn right!"
She laughed and said she was having trouble because of her size. I wanted to tell her I would kill to be her size but that didn't seem approriate. :-)
So, not sure if she started out to pick on me or was just being friendly, but we parted chatting with each other.

[DonnaT]

Glad you stood your ground, and continued shopping.

Running would only have been to their satisfaction and given them a laugh.

I think I would have returned a comment, such as, "What, you don't shop the men's department for someone in your life? On second thought, you probably don't have men in your life."

You can tell when some banter is meant to ridicule or not.

I was with my wife as she was getting a makeover. A mother and daughter came by, the mother stopped and asked, "What color are you planning on getting?" I responded, "Sand!" She laughed and gave me a thumbs up.

[Deborah Jane]

I think I would have returned a comment, such as, "What, you don't shop the men's department for someone in your life? On second thought, you probably don't have men in your life."

:D:D lol love it!

[clemsontv2002]

very cool

[angelfire]

Wow, I'm so proud that you managed to stick it out. Like some other people, I probably would have taken off.

Its unbelievable the nerve of some people. They should just mind their own business and keep their mouth shut. So far, I've only had 1 bad experience with a cashier questioning my purchase, but thats about it.

[Jodi]

I shop openly in drab all the time. I brouse through the racks and check items just as a gg would do. I have never had a problem. I have never even felt the "stare" that was mentioned. I agree with Stephanie in that you can only be humiliated if you allow yourself to be humiliated. I am always ready with some humor for any stupid questions. If a question is asked badly, I am ready with some sarcasm. Jenni's mistake was to turn red. That implies guilt. We have no reason to feel guilty for shopping for our things. If someone were to say to me--"you know, this is the women's section". I would smile and reply--"no shit, I thought I was in London".

Any problems are in the mind.

Jodi

[paulaN]

You handled your self very well. I am happy for you.
The first thing that entered my mind is "HAY!!!! BI**H EVER SHOP FOR YOUR HUSBAND"

[Jenn2716]

I know that I turned red, but I think it was more that I was being singled out at all. I'm a naturally shy person and I never want to be the center of attention, whether I'm in girl or guy mode.

I'm hoping that the stores in Center City philly are more t-friendly. I wouldn't mind trying on some shoes. Or even getting a manicure. I don't know if Philadelphia has a gay neighbourhood, but if it does then maybe there are stores/businesses there that would be more easy going.

[DonnaT]

Turning red is not something we can easily control, and lots of times have no control over it at all. I'm with you there ;)

Didn't sound like you had an issue with the stores you visited, but instead just one or two people. I've not had a problem shopping in drab for women's clothes in any store.

Looking in certain areas or in specialty stores merely results in paying more for similar items found elsewhere at cheaper prices, usually.

Stick to your guns, it does get easier.

[Margot]

good for you. I think many of us have a case of the nerves when shopping. I usually shop with my wife except at Christmas. One time I was by myself looking at panties and a woman saw me looked curiously smiled at me and left. I bought what I wanted that day.
Last WINTER I went to buy boots with my wife who disappeared behind me at the counter when I was cashing out. The salesperson asked if I wanted any protectant and my wife said" no thanks he'll only be wearing them inside". The sales person glanced up, smiled and packaged my boots. No one else in the line said a word.
I think our own fears make us nervous. I try to focus on the articles when I shop rather than who is around me. It makes me feel much better.

[Suzy Harrison]

I think Stephenie made a good point earlier that we feel rather nervous ourselves, so sometimes we might be a bit edgy. Ususally no one is staring or even interested in what you buy. They are just getting on with their lives and have usually have enough to worry about themselves, rather than worry if a guy is buying girls clothes.

If we were just poping out to the shops to buy 'wepons of mass destruction' then fair enough - but after all - these are just clothes aren't they?!

I remember once going into a department store en-femme to buy a lovely black lacy bra. I went to the check-out and handed over the goods. The girl there hardly looked at me, scanned the goods, took the money, put it in a bag, handed it back to me - just totally bored out of her brain. I felt that if I was in a monkey suit she wouln't have noticed.

[uknowhoo]

I'm sorry to hear you weren't shown the hospitality you deserve.:o

I'm glad to hear how well you handled yourself though.

Nicely done, Jenni ;)

[Chelseaswpa]

Marla -- You brought up a valid point. I think I have bought my own male underwear only once in my life. My wife (and before her, my mother) have always purchased them. However, if some guy is looking through panties (either for himself or his SO), he will be looked at.
Chelsea, I've always heard that folks out your way are warm and friendly.
Traci, Ditto for down your way. I have been down Philly-way many times. Driving down there scares me, though, because they don't drive by NEPA rules. LOL. BTW, are they going to have that courtroom set up at the stadium this season again?

Sherrie-I agree to a point- I am in the middle of mayberry here hon- alot of very nice people, until you put your skirt on - giggles. There are more gays about here and more open about it so we are off to a good start, but very few dresser's. I do not shop in femme or evn go out locally as it would not work- but have heard about some dresser's at the local Wal-Mart from a friends wife- so they are probably for mout of the area and come here to shop.:love:

[WendyCD]

I too shop in PA (drab). Lately I seem to get more cold and unfriendly sales clerks at department stores.

While not heckled, earlier this week in a Kohl's there was some definite eye communication between a guy (middle age - my demographic) behind me in line and the sales clerk. Initiated by the guy. Kind of "you poor girl" - rolls eyes...

I was buying a Villager belt, trouser socks and a shaper AND some mens's slacks, ties and shirt.

Up until lately, it seems to me anyway, there was always this "plausible deniability" - ie for my wife, etc...which allowed for enough potential that these items are for my wife, that it was not uncomfortale for anyone.

In a Boscov's recently - I *was* buying for the wife, Mother's Day (she likes lingerie gifts) and I had a sales clerk who was "in my face" cold almost rude, although the Sun Dress I bought for my wife was not a problem with the clerk in the misses dept...She thought it was perfect (it was - she looks great in it...)

That never happened 10 - 15 years ago...I think that the internet has shown society that CDing is not that uncommon AND there more CDers are buying for themselves. This, IMHO, (no flames please...these are only my opninions and if yours differ I'll listen) has made those people who are not minding their own business in line but who might think to themselves...could be for wife (mother, sister...)...to, now...wonder if he's one of those....

Jeez, heckled - that would ruin anyone's day..

[Lorna]

About 15 years ago I was keen to get a corselette - just wanted to try one. Marks & Spencer sold them at that time and I waited for an opportunity. For me, that meant when I was well outside my own area and on my own. I was en route by car to a meeting and passing through a large town about tea time. I was quite smartly (male) dressed and so I used a technique which I think is used by many (but probably doesn't fool many!) to try to buy what I wanted. On a scrap of paper, in small writing intended to look feminine, I wrote a note purporting to be from my mother. It asked me, if I possibly could, to try to get several items for her. The list included several innocent items and then, at the end, "she" asked whether, if I happened to be near M&S in [name of town] to see if they had "the underwear I couldn't get when you took me to [name of another town] last week." I then wrote the details of the corselette I wanted and ended the note with "Don't worry if you don't have time. Mum."

It was within half an hour of closing time when I entered the lingerie dept of M&S and there were not many shoppers around. I could see where the girdles and coselettes were, hanging in boxes on racks. I considered finding an assistant, showing the note and allowing her to find the item for me but there was nobody nearby so I went to the rack and found exactly what I wanted - an extra firm control open corselette with front zip - size 38B. I held my note in front of me as if reading from it whilst searching, then carried the box, with the note to the till which was some way away. There was nobody else waiting, so as casually as possible I showed the cashier the note from my Mum and asked her if she thought I had found the right thing. She said: "Yes - well done! That's right." Out of nowhere, at that moment, two teenage lads appeared and made a comment. I can't remember exactly but it was along the lines of "Do you like ladies' underwear?" Before I could think of anything in reply, the cashier told them to mind their own business and clear off. Then she added: "This gentleman is buying something his mother ordered. What are you boys doing here?" They didn't hang around but headed off, laughing. I managed to maintain my composure and exchanged a few words with the cashier about the boys' behaviour. I thanked her and, having paid, made my way out. I admit that, having seen which way the youths went, I decided to go down a different staircase and leave by a side door because I didn't relish another encounter with them.

The sad part of the story is that the corselette was a disappointment. It was too big in the hips and after a few wearings I discarded it.

[martyvs120]

Good job Jenni, I would probably have been too scared and leave.

[Edwina]

A couple of years ago when I plucked up the courage to buy my first bras (black and white lace, what else? :D ) The young lass at the till tried to be clever, probably for the benifit of the young male SA standing next to her. She asked if I had the right size and would I like to try them on first. I know I turned sa little red but I replied that I was sure and that was it. :o
Today I think I would respond that I would like to try them on but only with her assistance. :D

Edwina

[Joy Carter]

One girl here related in another thread to being heckled by the male SA after buying shoes. I myself would have told that SA "Business Must Be Good !" Then asked for a refund.
As far as another shopper. I would ask them "just how does this affect you ?" Then give em a big smile. :D

[Alex!]

Bravo. You have more courage than I. And I especially like that you took a challenging situation and turned it around. That's what "upper hand" is all about and what individuals and nations can't seem to get straight most of the time. It really is all about respect and dignity.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Well done Jenni, I would have asked there opinion as to if they thought "this outfit would look good on me", and naturally I would have picked out the most sleeziest of articles to show them. Then I would direct them to a site on crossdressing to get some knowledge since they are obviously ignorant of the community. Also you could have asked them if they are sure that there husbands are not out shopping for womans clothes since statistics say that there are about 5-10 percent of us. Maybe that would get them to thinking.
Thats just me though since I try not to take any crap from anyone and I do my best to educate the ill- informed out there.
I also shop en-femme most of the time, at least once or twice a week but i have gone en drab before and have not cared about the looks from others.

[Nastasha]

We've all been there, and we've all had looks and or comments.

You did the best thing you could do by continuing to shop.

Finding a store with understanding SA's is important, and fun.

If you let them know up front, most will help you shop and give you advice on fit and style.

Just be glad this isn't the mid 80's when I really started buying ... I got laughed out of more shops than I care to hink about. But like I said, when you find the right store .. it's great.

[Mitzi]

Don't know whether this is the experience of others, but the few times I've told an SA (always female) that the femme purchase (while en drab) was for me, either she becomes very helpful if she's used to dealing with CD's, or very curious if she's a newbie to CD's, probably because I don't fit the stereotype they expect.

A number of years ago, I bought a pair of sexy heels at Macy's. The male SA asked whom they were for. He smirked when I said they were for me and asked whether they were the right size. I said I'd return them if they weren't.

Mitzi

[Jodi]

Mitzi, I was told just recently that the SA's in the shoe dept at Macy's work solely on the commissions they make. Must not have been the case in your instance. Had I noticed a smirk, I would have asked for another SA to complete the sale and get the commission. I would have also followed up on the website and bayoneted the smart ass SA.

Jodi

[Mitzi]

Jodi...

At the risk of being censured by the moderators for making this into a dialogue...this happened pre internet, and political correctness still off beyond the horizon.

What would I do if this happened now? Not being of a combative nature, probably just try to disarm him with a humorous comeback. But honestly, I don't know...

Mitzi

[Lori SC]

Jenni,

Were you placing the items next to you body to see how they would look on you? Otherwise, how would the ladies know the clothes were for you and not your wife?

I have never had an issue when shopping for womens clothes, en drab, for either myself or my wife.

You must have done something that was a tip-off that they were for you. Not that this is your fault, it's just to let other CDs know that shopping for womens clothes doesn't get this response, unless you do something to tip off the other customers. For the most part you are "safe" if you treat it as "buying for your wife".

If this made you uncomfortable, what did you do that was a tip off to the customers? Not that you don't have the right to buy any clothes you want, but realistically, what is easier to change? Your behavior (if the comments bother you) or how many million small minded Americans?

I'm just being practical her ladies. We have to live in a world with sympathizers and bigots. If you don't want to hear the bigot remarks, you need to change something.

I appologize to our visiting Canadian for the disgusting American behavior.

Hugs, Lori

[Jenn2716]

Lori,

The only thing I could think of that might have tipped them off was just taking my time to browse and check the sizes I was looking at. I didn't hold the clothes against my body or anything like that. Again, I wasn't horrified that they were calling attention to my browsing in the ladies section, I'm just a private person in general and prefer to be left alone. I got over it quickly and it certainly won't deter me from shopping in drab in the future.

Also, I didn't get the impression that all of the Americans that I met were like these two women. In fact a wonderful sales girl at Ulta helped me pick out the correct shade of Dermablend cover, even going so far as to test it on my face to make sure it went with my skin tone. I thanked her for her help and made sure to email the head office to praise her understanding and professionalism.

[Shevan]

I went shopping today but decided to avoid the women section because it was CRAZY being a Sat... I did just order three new pairs of heels off ebay :P