Are our desires to dress...(influences?)

[jenni_xx]

Are our desires to dress caused by some external influence, or did some external influence release a dormant desire within us?

I think I was about 4 or 5 years old. My family was over at my Uncle's house, and my 2 cousins (both female), my sister, and I were playing about in their bedroom. I was the youngest (my sister is 2 years older, and my cousins are 7 and 9 years older). Being the only boy there, they decided to have a laugh at my expense. I was told to close my eyes, which I did, and they put a pair of clip on earrings on me. They tried to grab me and take me out to where our parents were to show me off, but I refused and snatched off the earrings. Then they would tell me to close my eyes again.

I knew what was coming (they were gonna put the earrings on me again), but instead of not letting them do it, I just closed my eyes again, on went the earrings, followed by them wanting to show me off again. This happened about 4 or 5 times.

The reason why I let them do this over and over was simple. I absolutely loved it. I can't quite describe the feeling, but I had never felt it before and it felt so wonderful.

I often wonder to myself, was this the moment when I "became" a CD? Did their actions toward me, and the resultant feeling, cause me to desire all things feminine, or did it just release a strong feminine side contained within me?

But I do know one thing. That every single time I dress, that wondeful feeling that I experienced for the first time that day comes rushing back to me.

[DonnaT]

Personally, I think that there is an internal trigger we are born with that is pulled when acted on by an outside influence. For CDs. TSs seem to have an internal realization of their gender identity. Neither is the same for everyone, but I think I can confidently use the phrase 'in most cases' for both CDs and TSs.

For me, the trigger was cocked when I first saw a girl dressup her brother. It was pulled when I first tried on a nightie.

Note that some people start CDing at what seems to many of us as a late date. One example, a CD who started after he was 70 yrs old. Donning a certain fem item just triggered his desire.

[Dita_B]

Are our desires to dress caused by some external influence, or did some external influence release a dormant desire within us?

The reason why I let them do this over and over was simple. I absolutely loved it. I can't quite describe the feeling, but I had never felt it before and it felt so wonderful.

I often wonder to myself, was this the moment when I "became" a CD? Did their actions toward me, and the resultant feeling, cause me to desire all things feminine, or did it just release a strong feminine side contained within me?

But I do know one thing. That every single time I dress, that wondeful feeling that I experienced for the first time that day comes rushing back to me.

Yes I know that feeling...

I was a young boy visiting an Uncle with my parents and his 2 beautiful daughters about my age and a little older decided to play wedding... and I could only watch them dress like bride and bridesmaid. They made me reluctantly the groom, but I remember that I desperately wanted to be the bride...

That was the first time I remember having those desires for cross dressing.

IMHO an outside stimulus awakens feelings that are already latently present in us. I think we are born with it, and it is part of our life contract, at least in my case I am convinced of that.

:love:Dita.

[Tamera]

From a previous post I had. It seemed the foudation of this community comes from when you are in the Uterus. At some point after you are born, something is triggered leading you to lead this life.

A website I found sort of interesting is:
http://www.translife.net/tg101/harrybenjamin.htm

Hugs,
Tamera

[Vicky_Scot]

In my humble opinion I think that we are born crossdressers. I believe that it is predetermined in the womb as is the colour of our hair or eyes etc. Wether we do not get rid of enough of the female hormones during our development I do not know.

But I firmly believe that nobody chooses to be a cd/tv, its just who we are.

[NovaScotia]

Being new to the forum, I have been taken by the many references to early age cross dressing. In fact, in another thread online today, it was mentioned that crossdressing in early childhood counters a belief that sexual gratification is a trigger to dress.

We are all different in desires, tastes and confidence; but I too believe I was destined to be who I am.

[Dixie]

Ask a hundred people and you will get a hundred answers. The bottom line is that as people as well as crosdressers we are individuals and as such we all have our own reasons, some may be shared others not, aint life grand?:drink:

[jackieo]

I think god just made me this way and my loving and bitter mom just helped along and I would not change a thing.
love
Jackie
PS I had some blood work done a few weeks back and my estrogen level was sky hi and I have not taken anything for about 10 years the doctor want to fix it I said no thanks I'm just fine.See someone up stairs is taken care of me.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Are our desires to dress caused by some external influence, or did some external influence release a dormant desire within us?

I think I was about 4 or 5 years old. My family was over at my Uncle's house, and my 2 cousins (both female), my sister, and I were playing about in their bedroom. I was the youngest (my sister is 2 years older, and my cousins are 7 and 9 years older). Being the only boy there, they decided to have a laugh at my expense. I was told to close my eyes, which I did, and they put a pair of clip on earrings on me. They tried to grab me and take me out to where our parents were to show me off, but I refused and snatched off the earrings. Then they would tell me to close my eyes again.

I knew what was coming (they were gonna put the earrings on me again), but instead of not letting them do it, I just closed my eyes again, on went the earrings, followed by them wanting to show me off again. This happened about 4 or 5 times.

The reason why I let them do this over and over was simple. I absolutely loved it. I can't quite describe the feeling, but I had never felt it before and it felt so wonderful.

I often wonder to myself, was this the moment when I "became" a CD? Did their actions toward me, and the resultant feeling, cause me to desire all things feminine, or did it just release a strong feminine side contained within me?

But I do know one thing. That every single time I dress, that wondeful feeling that I experienced for the first time that day comes rushing back to me.


It could be that you were embarrassed or "humiliated" and THIS too has been known to evoke a "rush" or quasi-erotic feeling, Not unrelated to the "Thrill" of "being shot at to no effect" as described by Winston Churchill when relating his old soldier day war stories. This is a common brain reaction connected with self preservation. It usually is strong enough to prevent us from violating it, but when we overcome it and survive, it produces a thrill or rush in most people that many feel very pleasueable. In the former case it is one's PRIDE/EGO that is threatened, and in the latter, one's LIFE.---

Don't just always assume a gender or sex connection with CD. Humiliation. identity escaping, and fetishisim can also lead to CDing---the clothing being the "props" that have been oft times DISCOVERED to work.

I am convinced of at least two general "famlies" of CD reasons. First, the most obvious, some degree of Transsexualisim, where one eitheir feels that they are a member of the opposite sex as their bodies or at least have an important "side" of themselves being the opposite sex. ---The urge to CD in this case is quite easy to see. And usually manefests itself at a very early age.

The other family of CDing has to do with usually indirect connections to gender or sex. They would include fetishisim, SM humiliation, and other types of "Taboo tripping" and "thrill seeking". Then there is "escapisim" where one breaks or "takes a vacation from" his normal identity and becomes someone else---and CDing may intinsify the effect , separating from the biosex as well. The result is "very relaxing" and can account for nearly half of CDing.

The benificial effects of CD in the second case are usually DISCOVERED, rather than inherent, and usually around the age of puberty---when one my CD out of simple curiosity or some social situation, like a school skit where CD is required.---Of course it may happen at an earlier age as described in the quotation where a child is forcefully CDed---and makes the discovery earlier.

It thus becomes obvious where profound confusion can arise concerning one's CDing. We dont initially realize where the good feelings come from and might always assume it is related to the FIRST family (TS). But when it really is a non-gender related "discovery" and TS principles or ideas are applied to it, it when things become very confusing and make no sense. Many CDs retain this confusion until they realize other less obvious factors may apply to CDing---and that their fears and angsts about being somehow "gay" or TS are groundless.

[Marla S]

Are our desires to dress caused by some external influence, or did some external influence release a dormant desire within us?
Good question, which can't be answered with the current knowledge.
I think it is rather the release of a dormant 'desire' than a triggering traumatic experience (positive or negative one).

I think of it as a seed. It will sprout once the right conditions are there, but these conditions don't make an oak tree a rose or vice versa. How good the sprout develops depends on it's further nutrition and other outer influences.
Because the latter are usually restrictive and most of the time there is a state of deficiency this prevents a 'natural' development. The non-natural development will determine if the rose is experienced as Self, fetishism, escapism, and what not.
The seed is the same, the development and perception is different for everybody.

[Sapphire]

I also vividly recall an incident in my early childhood that seemed to trigger my crossdressing. However I am now inclined to agree that this proclivity was probably already part of me. Nonetheless there may be cases where without the occurrence of such an incident the individual develops normally; the timing and circumstances of the incident may be critical – all the more reason, in my view, why parents and older siblings should discourage such occurrences in the first place. It is not that being drawn towards crossdressing is a bad thing in itself, it is just that life is complicated enough as it is.

[Rhonda480]

I grew up with sisters and female cousins. I was the only male and although I love being the only guy sometimes, it would have been much more fun to play dress up and being on the inside instead of sitting off to the side and watching. I do not know that i think I was destine to dress, but the first time I dressed i knew i was destined to do it again. The first time I was told to dress by a girl friend was another real turn on that made dressing an almost everyday desire. I do think humiliation is a driving force at times, but sitting here in panties is just plain comfortable without anyone ever knowing. One of you have said along the way "do it as long as it's fun" and I will.

[Rachel Morley]

IMHO I think that we all have the potential to be a crossdresser but those that are predisposed to it because of (whatever?) there's usually is a trigger somewhere in early childhood.

My own story is that there was one thing that happened to me when I was six years old that I shall never forget. All my earliest memories of wanting to crossdress came after this happened.

The kids in our street often played games in large groups. There was one time that I remember when about twelve of us were playing hide and seek. I remember running and hiding in my parents garage with one of my friends Rebecca, who lived a few doors down from us. I can’t remember the exact details of how it happened but, while we were hiding, Rebecca insisted that she dress me in her cardigan sweater. I can still recall to this day the intense feelings of excitement and fear that I had when she was doing this to me. I think I was excited because I really liked Rebecca, she was one of my best friends, and I enjoyed her attention. Also I think the fear was borne out of doing something (wearing a girl’s cardigan) that was somehow “forbidden” and also the fear of getting caught. We could have been found at any minute. All I know is that after this event, my desire to want to dress up in girl's clothes grew stronger and I still love to wear feminine cardigans and twinsets today.

So yeah, I'm totally with you on this one Jenni. I completely understand the feelings you had/have and how (seemingly) one event in the past when you were a child, effected how you feel regarding being girly as an adult. :happy:

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I was born with it, at least thats my humble opinion. I am the oldest of 7 and can remember back a long way wanting to wear womans clothes and had no real life defining moment that triggered it as I can re-call. I am hetero and happily married and just love to wear the clothes and feel like a woman, GO FIGURE!!!

[Jenny Wilson]

I'm an only child so I didn't have sisters' clothing to take advantage of. I did have almost nothing but older, female cousins on my Mom's side though, but I didn't have the guts to raid their closets. The traffic in and just didn't give me a safe opportunity to do so. As a result my first experiences with crossdressing was with Mom's stuff. Since I had a lot of time at home alone it was easy to go into the basement closet and try on shoes and dresses when I was about 10 to 12 years old.

I recall that when I was younger, around second grade, I viewed "girl clothes" with a bit of disdain, yet ironically, at the same time I was also fascinated by girls' clothes. It seemed to me that girls wore more stuff that "we" did... slips, jewelry, hair bands, bobby pins, hair clips, gloves (not ones for staying warm while making snowballs), purses, matching hats and muffs in the winter, etc. My second grade classmates didn't wear bras yet, but my cousins sure did, along with stockings, garter belts, girdles. I especially loved black patent leather maryjanes and I have a fetish about them now. I have over a dozen pairs of MJs. I really wish I had gotten to wear them back when I was a kid. I also wish I had gotten to wear frilly party dresses and everything that went with them, barettes, etc.

Oh well... what's done is done.

Jenny

[Karren H]

Why does it matter?? Even if you knew you would still love to dress... So why waste time on something that has no impact on you life going forward....

Karren

[susie evans]

done it so long now i don't want to change :hugs:

susie

[Sheri 4242]

Jenni,

This question -- in some form -- seems to get asked frequenty on the forum. Your thread is, for example, the third on this topic in the last week. That said, I don't have a prblem with this subject getting brought up numerous times b/c it is (a.) something that many want to know, and (b.) IMO every time it is discussed it is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Personally, I generally agree with skirt_lover:

. . . I think that we are born crossdressers. I believe that it is predetermined in the womb as is the colour of our hair or eyes etc.

To go further, I always read everthing that Marina has to say!!! She is obviosly well-read, articulate, and intelligent!!! I enjoy discussing things with her, whether we agree or not. Most of the time I think we agree, but sometimes we don't. Either way, I think we both try to put an educated spin on any topic we discuss.

Regarding your thread, Marina has made a most interesting assertion:

Don't just always assume a gender or sex connection with CD. Humiliation. identity escaping, and fetishisim can also lead to CDing---the clothing being the "props" that have been oft times DISCOVERED to work.

IMHO, you should read Marina's entire post b/c it is educated "food for thought," and therefore valuable for any serious examination of the topic.

I recently articulated my opinion on what you are asking in another thread. Basically I said:

First, I don't know if we'll ever know "the" definitive answer. I think self-acceptance is a much more important goal!!! That said, I am glad that up-to-date medical and psychological thought and theory is aimed at accomodation and acceptance, and NOT at some sort of cure through aversion therapy or what have you.

Second, there are many theories out there, some which make more sense than others. Longstanding is the nurture v. nature debate. Personally, I subscribe to the latter, though I don't discount that the former could play some role in some situations.

Third, in discussing the "nature" side of the the coin, there's the hormone wash (aka, the hormone bath) which does take place in the womb. We know this hormone wash happens, so it isn't a far reach to think that "if" during this hormone wash there was an over-abundance of female hormones, that such would have to effect the developing fetus.

Fourth, recent medical research (which has a long way to go) shows that a certain specific cluster of cells within the brain in GG's are a certain size (v. what they are in GM's) -- and that in a few CDers studied, the cluster is the same size as in the GG's.

So, there is a lot of speculation -- and the idea of a "triggering event" that puts into motion what is specifically encoded in us who are somehow thusly "wired in the womb"
makes a great deal of sense!!! But is that the answer?!! Nobody knows -- and that brings me back to two important things that I DO believe: we should concentrate on acceptance of ourselves -- and then acceptance by others who are signficant to us. Even those in psychology and medicine are, as I noted, finally saying that accomodation and acceptance is "the" course of action for CDers. If we accomplish just that much, we will be doing okay!!!!!!!

[Hippy Chic]

Thank you Marina Twelve for that, broadly speaking I would agree, & probably fall into your second category. Having said that I am also aware of there being an underlying desire/curiosity to dress before I'd tried it, so perhaps there isn't a rigid one or the other rule, and its more of a trend.

I know these days, & my partner has made observations about this too, that I do have tendancies to be more likely to wear it when stressed or upset (I'm currently looking for a job so do it lots at the moment) or when I'm fairly secure but not 100%. Its like there is a linear scale going from really down/depressed to hyperactive and I'm unlikely to feel the desire to dress when at either end of the scale or the bit in the middle, but either side of it I'm very likely to. Does that make sense or am I whittering?

[Cindi Ann Kelly]

I was born with it, at least thats my humble opinion. I am the oldest of 7 and can remember back a long way wanting to wear womans clothes and had no real life defining moment that triggered it as I can re-call. I am hetero and happily married and just love to wear the clothes and feel like a woman, GO FIGURE!!!

It does go back to childhood for me also.

Cindi