Just thinking out loud (cause of CD?)

[Carma]

I've read a lot of people ask some similar questions, and I'd have to admit that I've asked myself some of the same ones. Some questions I haven't asked myself, but I perhaps should, but I digress. One subject is holding my interest at this particular moment though. And that would be the question that goes sort of like this:

Where does the cause of my desires to crossdress lie? Was it some external event that took place and triggered some latent hidden desire from deep within me to well up and burst controllably to the surface? Or, was it some scientifically proven event that has to do with some hormonal imbalance while in utero? Is there another reason, perhaps, specific to me that caused these desires? Perhaps I'm only halfway to being able to be classified as a transsexual? Or perhaps I was a female in a past life? The list of possibilities goes on infinitely.

The reason why this is on my mind isn't because I want to discredit these types of questions. I believe these questions to be healthy, introspective actions taken by individuals to create order out of the internal chaos. My question to these questions is this:

Why does there need to be a reason?

I too am guilty of needing a reason, don't get me wrong. I have learned that there are so many others here just like me (which is a huge comfort to my feelings of solitude). I have learned that the chaos in my mind thirts for the answers as well. I suppose we look for those reasons to move from chaos to order, as I stated above. But I wonder why I just can't accept the fact that this is the way I am, for whatever reason, whether I know what that reason is or not. Perhaps the chaos is all literally, "in my head."

Perhaps we feel guilt (myself included) for indulging in our desires. Perhaps that guilt is created by our own minds. And perhaps the chaos, the need for answers as to "why," is also created by our minds. Therefore, perhaps the need for an answer to that question, the very search for an answer, is just as futile?

As we tell others (and ourselves) there is no need for guilt for the ways we feel, perhaps there is no need to find those answers as to why we are who we are.

Who is guilty of "needing" these answers, even as we reason with ourselves that we don't need them?

I, for one, raise my hand. I am guilty. But perhaps, that guilt is all in my head as well.

Hoping to find some peace tonight,
Carma

[Sheri 4242]

We've discussed this topic a great deal - and I presume will continue to do so. About one page into the most recent threads you'll find one entitled "Another "Reasons" Thread ??" which may give you some answers.

I don't think it hurts to discuss it -- not that we'll ever know "the" definitive answer. I think self-acceptance is a much more important goal!!! I am glad that up-to-date medical and psychological thought and theory is aimed at accomodation and acceptance, and NOT at some sort of cure through aversion therapy or what have you.

There are many theories out there, some which make more sense than others. Longstanding is the nurture v. nature debate. Personally, I subscribe to the latter, though I don't discount that the former could play some role in some situations.

In discussing the "nature" side of the the coin, there's the hormone wash (aka, the hormone bath) which does take place in the womb. We know this hormone wash happens, so it isn't a far reach to think that "if" during this hormone wash there was an over-abundance of female hormones, that such would have to effect the developing fetus.

Rather recent medical research (which has a long way to go) shows that a certain specific cluster of cells within the brain in GG's are a certain size (v. what they are in GM's) -- and that in a few CDers studied, the cluster is the same size as in the GG's.

So, there is a lot of speculation -- and a lot of study to be done. Truth be known, many subscribe to one realm of thought, while others subscribe to another, etc., and we may never know the reasons. Some say socialization, others say CDing often manifests itself at too young an age for that to be correct. In the main, I have my opinions and thoughts, but what I think is most important is that we concentrate on acceptance of ourselves -- and then acceptance by others who are signficant to us. Even those in psychology and medicine are, as I noted, finally saying that accomodation and acceptance is the course of action for CDers. If we accomplish just that much, we will be doing okay!!!!!!!

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[Mary Morgan]

We all need a reason, if not for ourselves, for those who ask us why. Wouldn't it be nice if we had an explanation as to why, and wouldn't it be great if it was genetic so that we did not have to take any responsibilty for it, and everyone would understand and accept us as a normal part of society?
Probably not going to happen in my life time. It's kinda funny, my late wife had an explanation for it and my current wife seems to go along with it. Here goes. She believed in kharma and she believed that God made us live our lives over and over until we got it right. She believed that women were closer to the ideal that God had in mind, and therefore no man could achieve salvation. First he had to graduate to womanhood and mastered that.
Her explanation of me, and perhaps you, was that we were almost at the level of a woman, and that maybe in our next life we would achieve womanhood. If I must come back, let me come back as a woman. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

[sissystephanie]

Way too deep for me! My reason is because I like the feel, fit, and comfort of female clothing. I am 75 yo, and have been a CD for well over 60 years. I have, in the past, thought about becoming a complete woman (SRS). Now I have a internet lady friend who loves and accepts me the way I am. So I now have no desire to actually become a woman, just dress often as one. BTW, my friend is married and lives in Scotland so nothing will ever come of that!

Sissy

More girl than man sometimes

[BarbaraTalbot]

I realize that the "why" doesn't matter. Not for dressing, not for a myriad of other pluses (and minuses) in my personality. (personalties?).

But as you said that doesn't stop one from wondering, searching for answers.

As far as Cd'ing and guilt questioning why and rationalization. these are familiar cycles to me for other issues too.

I do kind of think that when the why isn't uppermost in my mind is when I am healthiest about self acceptance.

So maybe why is a symptom not really a question.

[Eva Marie]

" . . . my friend is married and lives in Scotland so nothing will ever come of that!"

Never say "never". You know better than that!

You realize, if we ever did arrive at an answer the this question, we'd have eliminated one very valuable topic of conversation that always appears at one of our gatherings. Nonetheless, what does it matter? What does it matter what is your favorite color or favorite pizza topping. All that counts is that it's YOU. Granted, in our society, we feel the need to be prepared with acceptable answers to certain questions. Those questions are sometimes framed to put us on a defensive posture, and we, as a group, feel vulnerable as a result of our social mores. After due consideration two conclusions are reached; (1) I don't know why I behave as I do, and (2) I don't give a ratsaz who knows what about me or what they believe. Perhaps that makes me sound belligerant or anti-social. I'm not. I take my place in my community and meet certain responsibilities. Some folks closer to me probably suspect my "hobby"; how else would I explain being absent for a week to attend a crossdressers' convention?
To return to the question, I don't think it's the best use of our time to expend a lot of mental resource trying to explain the how's and why's of our behavior as long as we're not contributing to the delinquency of our society. One of my favorite responses to any number of questions is, "Because I choose to".

[Dana317]

I don't think I have ever asked myself why I dress. I don't think I have ever needed to know why. I do know that it feels really good to me and I like the way I look when I dress. The closest that I have ever gotten to this question is am I abnormal? I think this question is more from how we are socialized and what are considered as societal norms. I don't think that I am abnormal and am happy with how I am.

Dana317

[Angie G]

Most cameras don't see what we do my reason is maybe that my dad dressed or maybe not I don't care I dress and love it so I don;t need
a reason :hugs:
Angie

[Tamera]

Hi Carma,
Some of us(not all) want to know why we have female tendencies and where do they originate from for our own satisfaction.

Part of the reason is to Educate ourselves and Educate others that will come up to me and have questions such as "Why do I Dress"? or "Are You Gay"?

It also seems there are a lot more of us today then there was 20 years ago. Or maybe there isn't more just the world becoming more accepting.

My beleif is our behavior starts in the womb. A lot of things go on in there. For instance People are born joined together, missing toes, etc. Some peoples Chromosomes get mixed up as well, as another example.

Just a thought on your question.
Hugs,
Tamera

[Marla S]

The reason why this is on my mind isn't because I want to discredit these types of questions. I believe these questions to be healthy, introspective actions taken by individuals to create order out of the internal chaos. My question to these questions is this:

Why does there need to be a reason?
I think you have answered the question yourself.

The "Why" is a fundamental question, a question that makes human beings human beings.

This question is the attempt to create order out of chaos. It's the question that makes us religious or not, it's the question that drove the development from the stone age to a high-tech society.

As long as there is no striking evidence to answer the why one will search for the answer that is most believable for oneself.

If you found one, and be it 'the Why doesn't matter', it's a resting point as well as a starting point for further explorations. An answer is just necessary to develop. Development means to make order out of chaos.

So, yes I am still curious about the Why, but I have found a provisional answer for myself that makes me able to develop and break some old circles of thoughts.
This development could induce to the change the perspective and to find a more believable answer to the "Why".

[Sapphire]

Hi Carma,

As for why you have a desire to crossdress, clearly there are many possible reasons. As for feeling guilty about wanting to crossdress, guilt is what follows from causing offence to others, and if you have not caused offence to others then you quite simply have no reason to feel guilty. Of course there are societal problems associated with crossdressing and it behoves each crossdresser to deal with these problems in a responsible and ethical way; in this respect we are not fundamentally different to anyone else who in one way or another varies from the norm.