Was it too much? (told a very good friend)

[DAVIDA]

Jean and I have a very good friend that lived next door for 10 years. He still comes by often and that makes for some quick change events. Well, the other day he called and said that he was going to stop by. I said OK, but to be prepared for a shock! I was dressed and decided that I was not going to change. I mean, if he is as good of a friend as we think, why not?
Well Jean came home from work and I said that he was coming over. She just said that I could do what I thought was right.
When he got here, he came in, and I don't think that he paid much attention to me at first. He said that he was thinking that Jean and I were splitting up.??? When he saw me, he just said that he didn't care and gave me some T-shirts. (He is a liquer and beer salesman and I get a lot of shirts)
He talked mainly to Jean, saying something about being sick and only went to the store for meds and to drop off the shirts and this time some hats.
Well, he left soon after he got here, which is rare. I was just a little uncomfortable with the amount of time he was here. Jean says that he told her that he was feeling worse at the store. She thinks that he really doesn't have a problem with anything. She called him after he left to ask about things, and again he said he did not care.
Well, the problem that I am having now is, did I dump on him too much at one time? Was I insensitive to him? Jean said that she thinks that we should have talked with him before hitting him with the full picture.
I can't take back what I did and I am afraid that I may have done the wrong thing.
OK, I know that I am asking for it, but I am interested to hear what all of you think!

[TxKimberly]

Well I imagine time will tell. You've already done it so its a bit late to worry about if it was right or wrong, or "too much", now the only question is how is it gonna turn out.
Personally when it comes to telling people, I think that it is better to do it drab. You are already going to be giving them something of a shock. Forcing them to not only learn about it but also witness it at the same time is kind of a double punch.

[Kate Simmons]

Hard to say Davida. What is done is done anyway. People deal differently in different ways with such revelations. As Kim said, I usually prefer to prep people first while telling them when I'm in drab, after which I usually get the "Yeah, right!" reaction. Later, when I actually show them my femme look, I'm usually pretty busy picking the jaws up from the floor. Even then most still don't believe if after which come the usual 20 or 40 questions. As far as your friend, you will just have to see how things turn out. I'm sure it will be fine Hon.:hugs::happy:

[Sandra]

It must have come as a shock to him and perhaps he just didn't know what to say to you. I do think that perhaps talking to him first might have been a better but you know your friend better than any of us and did what your thought was right. I do hope he is ok with you, also if he was feeling under the weather that might have had something to do with him not staying long.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I've never been one for the shock and awe approach so I think a little notice would have been good but I also don't think that his short visit was any indication that he was blown away by your appearance. Give him some time to digest the situation and if he is truly a friend he will have questions and will come around as before. Be open and honest with him when the questions start. Good luck!

[DonnaT]

Possibly, it may have been too much at once. But sometimes that is the only way to get it done. Talking to him may have been so hard that you might not have ever got it out. Hard to say from the bleachers ;)

I suggest apologizing, even if he says he's OK with it, just to let him know you weren't trying to be indifferent to his feelings.

[Ruth]

What's done is done so there is not a lot of point in wondering if you did the right thing. Myself I agree with most who say that when you make the revelation you do it in drab. Only then if your "target" expresses interest in your femme persona you can appear en femme.
But in your case I agree it may be best to wait till your friend is feeling better then apologise for giving him "too much information". From what you reported him saying, maybe he doesn't really want to know.

[Sarah Rabbit]

Too late to take back what has been done. Go with the flow, but in future small doses may be the more prudent way to go.

Sarah R. :bunny:

[DAVIDA]

Thank you all for your responses. I knew what was going to be said when I wrote this thread. (or had a pretty good idea) I agree with all of you too. I haven't spoken to my friend since, but I will be talking to him soon.
Donna is correct when she said that it might be to hard to talk about. There were several times when Jean and I were going to talk with him, but I chickened out each time.
I did offer to change and he said again that he didn't care.
I might not have gone about it the best way, but I think that everything will be OK in the long run. He and his SO are both very open people.