How do they know?

[wannabie]

I was in drab and I needed a compact mirror. I went to the cashiers register at the store and asked if they have any. the sales woman there showed me their selection and said " this will be good for you, its your color"
OK, how did she know its for me? how come she didn't assume that I was shopping for someone else?
this have been happing to me alot lately. Last month I went window shopping and I stopped into the store to see if they have a certain blouse that they had displayed. I was in the ladies section and a sales woman approached and asked if I needed help. I asked what sizes the blouse came in and she walked me over to the womens section and held the blouse next to me,and put it in my hands and showed me other colors it came in. the thing was, it was my size. I didn't know what to feel, I mean how did she know?
what am I giving off to tell people that I'm a CDer?

anything like this ever happened to anyone else?

[SatinDoll00]

I went in, the SA asked if I needed help. I said "no, my wife asked me to pick up a specific item..." and that I knew where it was. She responded with "That's okay...we get lots of males here shopping for their 'wives' "...with THAT inflection (you know what I mean). So I was a little put off, but still bought some things there. The cashier was sweet (and the size of house!)...and she did not let on that she knew it was for me...but something told me that she did. Perhaps it is paranoia, but I doubt it.

Thing is, I have discovered recently that there are far more of US than you think. I think CDing has finally started to become 'acceptable' at least on some levels. As far as SAs are concerned, they just want to sell, sell, SELL!! It doesn't matter to whom or what for. Imagine if you were an SA in a shop that sold metal brief cases, and a person came in and wanted to buy ten of them in CASH. Would you ask why. or argue?? No, you would ring the sale and be happy that your day was made!!! Same with CDs and clothes. We are a market....no matter what people say!!

Morgan

[Kate Simmons]

Yes my friends, it's a big "cash cow" and the business people know it.:happy:

[Angie G]

No not yet :hugs:
Angie

[Tamera]

Some of us carry our Female Characteristics even when we are in Male Mode. Such as the way we do gesters, the way we walk, just carry ourselves in general. Some of us have painted nails while we are in Male Mode.

Just some thoughts without being able to see ya.
Hugs,
Tamera

[DawnL]

Well, I have once, at C.J. Banks, but of course I carry a purse and have long hair and peirced ears so she may have at first glance, thought I was female.

[Laney GG]

I don't want this come off really rude, but what does the fact that the cashier is "the size of a house" have to do with anything? People wonder why eating disorders are so prevalent around here! If she was polite and made you feel comfortable, then isn't it better than a skinny twig looking at you like you're a creep or something?! I mean, come on now....grow up!! :mad: :thumbsdn:

[DonnaT]

How do they know? Maybe other CDs have been in, and talked openly with her. I know I have. That is, even though they assumed the item was for someone else, I told them it was for me. So, maybe they've quit assuming.

[Wendy me]

lol it's a good thingy ..... i have charge cards in quite a few clothing shops .... and i could care less who knows i am shopping for me ....i think what tips off most sales people is when the CD person is buying something that fit the CD lol......

[danielle40I]

and we would often shop together. We'ld always go into the same store. So it got to the point where the Mgr. and most of the SA's new that, given the distinct difference in sizes, that the larger sizes where for me. I got quite comfortable shopping on one side, "Womens Sizes", while my "Ex" shopped the "Misses" area. I do still get nervous now that I'm on my own, now living in an area quite different from the New York metro area (Scranton/Wilkes Barre, PA), But have found for the most part that the store simply wants your cash. Yes my long hair and double pierced ears may surely indicate that I'm a CD. But my money is just as green. I have my own Lane Bryant card and, as my situation changes, will be adding one from Avenue.

Am moving soon to the Raliegh, NC area soon. Anyone from those parts wanna give me a nudge...please feel free to send me a pm.

Dani :hugs:

[Maggie Kay]

With retailers under intense pressure for sales in this soft economy, CD'ers represent a new market to court. Might be different in better times.

[SatinDoll00]

I don't want this come off really rude, but what does the fact that the cashier is "the size of a house" have to do with anything? People wonder why eating disorders are so prevalent around here! If she was polite and made you feel comfortable, then isn't it better than a skinny twig looking at you like you're a creep or something?! I mean, come on now....grow up!! :mad: :thumbsdn:

Actually, I didn't really mean to be mean. I was just describing her. In fact, since I have begun shopping there, I have gotten to know many of the ladies that work there and by far she is the nicest of any of them.

I apologize for my insensitive remark. Sometimes my sense of humor can be a little warped. For example, I have a really good friend that is gay that knows about my CDing, and I call him Fruitcake. He calls me DragQueen now. We don't take it too seriously.

But all and all, you are right...that was a very mean thing for me to say behind her back...because she really is a sweetheart.

Sorry.

Morgan

[Hippy Chic]

Ummm, at the risk of saying something that may offend - surely if someone actually is convincing, you can't tell, so you can only spot the ones that either aren't or give it away.

I've actually done it the other way round & mistaken a real woman for a CD, & I shall avoid getting catty here, but I can think of plenty of female athletes that are very butch.

My point really is, we all do come in all shapes & sizes so who is really to say what a woman or a man look like & what actually is "passable"?

[Dita_B]

How do they know?

By Experience.

When you are a salesperson in one of those fashion stores you have seen it all and a little more. Your colleagues may tell you "war" stories at lunch break about Men who browse the women's department. And perhaps she just guessed and guessed right.

We send out a myriad of of body language signals and when the balance tips in the favor of a male that shops female stuff for himself, as was said above, in the same size as may fit him, than you don't need to be a Sherlock Holmes to figure it out...

Don't worry about it, it is all part of the game...

:love:Dita.

[Melinda G]

There are certain things you do not buy "for someone else". Women generally buy their own shoes, makup, stockings, etc.
Boyfriends buy them skirts, blouses, sweaters, perfume and jewelry on special occasions.

You probably had "Crossdresser" written across your forehead.:D

[Shelly Preston]

Most sales assisstants that are good at their job will spot a CD

They are experts in their job as I assume you are in your and can see when something is not quite as you would expect

[Melinda G]

Most sales assisstants that are good at their job will spot a CD
Looks like that four hour course on "How To Spot A CD, And Make A Sale" is no longer a secret.:D

[Wendy me]

OK think abought this ...... if all these sales people can spot a CD and know when we are buying for our selfs ....... how come we still are looking for accptence??...... they accept our money.....just not us........

[angelfire]

There are certain things you do not buy "for someone else". Women generally buy their own shoes, makup, stockings, etc.
Boyfriends buy them skirts, blouses, sweaters, perfume and jewelry on special occasions.

You probably had "Crossdresser" written across your forehead.:D

Men do sometimes buy sexy heels for their girlfriends on special occasions, but usually I assume from a sex-shop. Same might go with stockings.

But I think the main thing that gives it away is:
-Size. If you buy something that looks like it will fit you, its a dead give away.

[SatinDoll00]

Actually, I have worked in sales in one form or another for most of my adult life. Also being a consumer, I always try to figure out what motivates my customer, so that I can put them at ease with me. With CDs, I think having an SA that puts us at ease by at least acting okay with the fact that we are CDs makes us more likely to purchase things from that person.

I know I would pay a little extra to purchase from a place that was accepting and treated me with respect.

Most places I shop, en drab, don't really even seem to notice what I am buying or even bother to care...but the few places that have noticed or asked or let on that they knew had 1 of 2 reactions. They were like...don't worry, we get that alot, or they seemed totally creeped out by the experience. The latter are places that I do not return to.

Morgan

[Joy Carter]

I still break a sweat when standing in the checkout line. I'm sure that would be a tip off. :o

[Charlene Ogden]

Yup, it's happened to me. It was even a bit freaky.
I was at Lennox mall in Atlanta. It's the big one downtown where all the girls go to shop when they attend So Comfort.
Anyway,.... I was legitimately shopping for my wife at a small makeup store. I was NOT there for myself.
I buy my wife her favorite brand and color of compact face base as stocking stuffers for Christmas.
I went into the store unshaven as a guy and asked for the specific item.
She helped me with it and asked me playfully, "can I get YOU anything?" with a big smile.
I said " no, no thanks."
She looked at me and asked again, " are you SUURE?".
Man, I tell you I couldn't figure it out. I looked like a dude. I'm not one of those guys who heavily plucks his eyebrows and shaves his arms all the time 24/7. That usually gives alot of dressers away. I don't trim the hair till it's time to go out dressed.
I'm not sure what this sista was pickin up off of me but she had me nailed.
I'm not an effeminate man and my disposition is appropriate for my age and gender.
She was so cute and I was so tempted to say "sure why not" but I kept it hidden.
She kept asking me over and over. She knew and I shoulda let her know. It would have been a playful shopping session.
Sales clerks know. Some people say that I'm a bit more thoughtful and sensitive than most men. Women and men pick up on my feminine side which isn't that outgoing.
She probably thought " he must dress" because, after all what kind of man goes shopping for makeup for his wife?
I had a hoisery clerk once tell me that she thought it was veryunusual for me to be shopping for hose for my wife. She looked perplexed and shocked. Most totally don't care.
It's all about the money for them, so don't worry about it.

[Joy Carter]

I have a GG friend who worked for a large drugstore chain. She told me that the biggest tip off that a he was a CD, is that they were buying makeup. Sh said she could see a guy picking up hose or hair care items for a wife or girlfriend. But because of the nature of makeup it was a dead give away.
Gee, why did conversations like this always make me so self conscencious ?

[Mary Morgan]

I agree with you. We all want tolerance but we seem to forget how to be tolerant, besides, who decided what the relationship is between appearance and attitiude?

[SatinDoll00]

I was shopping at the Wal-Mart near me. I needed to replace a pair of stockings (the ones in the avatar photo no less) and had a few other items I needed. I got to the check out and the self-checkout lines were all down. So I sucked it up and went through a line with a live cashier. My cart had the following: a pair of black stockings, 1x (yay, no longer need the 2x thanks to dieting!), a pair of pink light bulbs (they work great behind potted plants or fake plants inside the house...I use them fem or not), about 8 vanilla scented candles, and lastly blue eye gliter. The cashier grabbed the first thing on the belt...the stockings, scanned them...nothing. Then she started scanning the rest and looked at me puzzled. I didn't say anything. She finished the transaction and told me my total. She didn't say anything, but her look said it all. For perhaps the first time in my life, I really did not care nor did I offer any excuses. In fact, with the day I have had, I would have likely told her they were for me if she asked. (yes, it has been one of those days).

Morgan

[wannabie]

Yup, it's happened to me. It was even a bit freaky.
I was at Lennox mall in Atlanta. It's the big one downtown where all the girls go to shop when they attend So Comfort.
Anyway,.... I was legitimately shopping for my wife at a small makeup store. I was NOT there for myself.
I buy my wife her favorite brand and color of compact face base as stocking stuffers for Christmas.
I went into the store unshaven as a guy and asked for the specific item.
She helped me with it and asked me playfully, "can I get YOU anything?" with a big smile.
I said " no, no thanks."
She looked at me and asked again, " are you SUURE?".
Man, I tell you I couldn't figure it out. I looked like a dude. I'm not one of those guys who heavily plucks his eyebrows and shaves his arms all the time 24/7. That usually gives alot of dressers away. I don't trim the hair till it's time to go out dressed.
I'm not sure what this sista was pickin up off of me but she had me nailed.
I'm not an effeminate man and my disposition is appropriate for my age and gender.
She was so cute and I was so tempted to say "sure why not" but I kept it hidden.
She kept asking me over and over. She knew and I shoulda let her know. It would have been a playful shopping session.
Sales clerks know. Some people say that I'm a bit more thoughtful and sensitive than most men. Women and men pick up on my feminine side which isn't that outgoing.
She probably thought " he must dress" because, after all what kind of man goes shopping for makeup for his wife?
I had a hoisery clerk once tell me that she thought it was veryunusual for me to be shopping for hose for my wife. She looked perplexed and shocked. Most totally don't care.
It's all about the money for them, so don't worry about it.

Same situation. Thanks for telling.

[Cindi Ann Kelly]

Don't complain. They know and they will accept (most of the time). Enjoy the moment.

Cindi

[Andrea Elva]

This make me think about last Sunday morning. My SO and myself was in one of the local stores and we purchased a bra for me and no way could that bra be in her size and the Sa at the pay point knows us fairly well, we live in a small town, but nothing is ever been said. I have even purchassed while in drab at the same store and again no a comment at all. It does seem that a sale is a sale...even if they somehow guss that it was for me.

[Jennaie]

If your thinking in girl mode, so to speak, you project an aura, and people receive it. I have been in drab many times, but thinking in my femme mode and have been addressed as being female, followed by a sudden apology of, (oh, I'm sorry, sir).

It's the persona that they sense.

[noname]

I think you may be reading too much into it. Guys use compact mirrors, they just don't pull it out any time. I could totally see an image conscience guy buying a compact mirror to check his teeth and hair.

[rhayna]

I think it's a combination of all these ideas. The clerks know, we send off a signal and checking out by yourself with makeup, a size 14 blouse and pantyhose might just be a "clue". lol

Nonetheless, I have found a few rude SA's look twice, but most really don't care. My GF and I were shopping at Norstom Rack. We had picked out a bunch of clothes- mostly for me. We usually buy the stuff and try them on at home, then return anything we don't like later. This particular day the SA, a pretty and sophisticated woman about 55, asked if we needed help. Before I could say no thanks, my GF said, "can you take these to a dressing room for him to try on please." I felt like I swallowed a car. She escorted me to a room and told me to yell if I needed anything. My GF came in to check out the clothes. I was very nervous. I had not heard from the SA and I was assuming she was off calling security. As I was about to bolt- she came and knocked on the door and tossed a skirt over the top and said, "this would look great with that floral blouse you have".

While I still find comfort in having her with me to shop, I am finding it more common that the SA's don't care- especially when they see $$$. :2c:

[Melinda G]

Well, at least with your girlfriend along, they knew you weren't gay.:D

[Charlene Ogden]

I already posted my reply to this thread earlier but had to make another comment.
It seems so many girls are embarrassed and shy about buying hose.
I must confess that years ago a huge turn on for me was to buy nylons at the hosiery counter from an attractive sales girl.
I would go the mall and hope to find a cute girl working the hosiery section.
I know that sounds weird and perverted but I loved the idea of sharing my fetish and crossdressing with a pretty sales girl.
I remember the day 10 years ago when every department store had a dedicated hosiery clerk with their own register IN the hosiery section. All that has now changed with downsizing.
Nordstroms and Saks are really the only two stores with dedicated hosiery clerks. They're very friendly and always help.
I still go out of my way to drive to Nordstroms in the hopes of dealing with an attractive sales girl. It's the only store I buy my hosiery from.

[Lanore]

I usually shop at some of the same stores quiet often and from the start, I let them know I am buying for me. Like DonnaT said, it stops the assuming. When I am shopping for some items, it's obviuos they are for me.

Lanore

[aprilhearn]

I rember when I was in the 5th grade I was always made fun of for walking like a girl. No one knew that I even liked dressing up.

[Marla]

Love your response! One of the best i've ever ead. Marla