Another Q for GGs:

[Hippy Chic's Chick]

This is really for those who struggle or aren't happy with their SO's CDing and those who did have a hard time but are coming to terms with it.

Do you wish he'd continued to keep it a secret or beyond everything else you feel, are you grateful for the honesty he showed?



This just comes from discussion with my SO. While I have no problems whatsoever with it, I admitted that had he not been upfront from the beginning, I'd have gone mental over his hiding it. I would have been hurt and upset in that instance, honesty and openess is so important to me. So, I'm kind of wondering, is the negative reaction possibly borne of the feelings of dishonesty rather than the actual issue itself?

[Sheila]

apart from the anger over the lies when I first found out 2 1/2 years into our relationship I didn't struggle with his cding at all (well until I discoverd more and more lies)............ what I have had trouble with is the lies, evasions, his inability to talk, and his secrecy .... so much so that at the moment our relationship is hanging by a thread ....... and here I have to be honest, it is not just his lying over his cding .......... it's his lies when they are pointless, stupid stupid lies, ........ they leave me wondering whether our relationship has ever been built on anything other than what he wanted me to believe, and what I was perfectly happy seeing ......... sounds just like the satart of any relationship hmmmmmmmm ..... 52131, we might get through this but if we do it is gonna take some big big changes on his part and they will have to be meant and long term :sad:

[Hippy Chic's Chick]

Thanks for that honest answer Jess :love:

I know HC has been in trouble for dishonesty ('abuse' of the laptop - nudge, nudge ;)) and has wrongly believed that it's what he's using it for rather than his being so damned secretive about it. I have no problem with the activity, would just appreciate honesty and openess - I think we've got that one sorted now.

I'm sort of trying to figure out what the issues are surrounding CDing and the only thing I can think of that would upset me are the lies that would have surrounded it had he not been honest. In fact, since we've been speaking about it and he's been more and more open, things are much better with the whole CDing thing. He's more experimental and I'm enjoying it just as much because of how open we can be.

I really hope you get your SO to learn that being open is the key to not getting in trouble, lol. ;)

I hope to get more answers and it's great to hear that the problem isn't the CDing itself, the issue appears to be clouded with those brought about by the dishonesty when being hidden. Do you think he understands that?

[JamesAlan]

My girlfriend (I believe this is one of her reasons, will talk to her later to verify) broke up with me 10 days into our relationship because of her feelings of wanting to be a woman. When we broke up she told me that she didn't want to hurt me more in the future. That she felt she could never truely be happy with anyone, that it wasn't me at all, but her. That she had accepted years ago that she'd never be able to truely be happy. The next 10 days we had a lot of -long- talks. That is when I found out her feelings of feeling like a woman. She said, at the time, she did not want to have a sex change, but wanted to dress as a woman. We got back together and went shopping the next morning. Over the next couple weeks, she did admit she wanted to become a woman. Even though we hadn't been together very long at that point, there was something about her I had already fallen in love with. I accepted her for her. She had told me all in our relationship she loved me. But when she told me that she was truely happy being with me, I cried.

And I know you are on this forum too, kitty, I misinturprited anything, please tell your side.

[Hippy Chic's Chick]

Thanks for that AlainaNeith GG :hugs:

What a great person you are! :D

[Tamara Croft]

With me actually now being an admin here, you'll probably find what I have to say rather odd :p

But 8 years ago, when Tammy and I first met, I didn't even know what a CD was. When she first told me, I was gobsmacked, didn't like it, thought I could stop her doing it etc.... It took me 5 years, a break up, this forum and a hell of a lot of support and reading to finally come to terms with it. Had she hidden it for all those years, I think I would have done my nut, but I could understand if she had, it's not something that's easy to drop into a conversation.... 'oh btw, I like dressing like a woman'... But I got very much into it :D although sometimes, she can be very vain and selfish!

[Hippy Chic's Chick]

Thanks Tamara :)

It doesn't seem at all odd if it's something you've never encountered or even heard of before - I suppose in that respect I can see why it's scary for some women.

Great to see you're embracing it now though! :D

[hunny67]

Im glad my partner had the guts & trusted me enough to tell me. He told me after a few months of knowing each other by txt, NO it wasnt a chickens way out. He txt me while he was at work & said he needed to talk to me later that eve but because i hadnt known him that long i thought the worst so i kept pestering him as i wanted to know as it sounds serious.
When the txt came through i wasnt shocked but it wasnt what i,d expected,
I love him & when he,s enfemm.
If kept it a secret i would have been very hurt & imagine if i,d found something as we now live together.
He,s my man my girlfriend & my best friend & we have loads of fun fun fun.

Hunny67 GG :thumbsup: :happy:

[Laney GG]

Well, in my case, I wasn't told, I found out. This was about a year and a half ago. At first it completely freaked me out. I didn't know what all of this meant and where it was going to lead. However, instead of running away, I'm trying to learn as much as I can and we just try to keep an open communication. Overall, we're doing OK. I still can't say I "accept" it, but I'm doing my best to tolerate it. I guess alot of my problem is the insecurity of not knowing how far this will go. If it's just the dressing (at home) I think I can accept that, but if it gets to a point where he wants to go public or 24/7, then that I don't know I can handle. Right now he seems pretty content with dressing at home when I'm not around and this seems to be a good arrangement for both of us. We still have a long journey ahead of us, but we're just trying to keep open minds and and talk, talk, talk.

[kittypw GG]

I guess I'm glad that I know. I would not at all appreciate him sneeking around behind my back. I can always tell when he is lying. I get a gut feeling and not knowing what that "feeling" is about would constantly plague our relationship. So I am glad that I know. I even enjoy participating, I just don't share the same enthusiasim for it as he does. My job as and individual in this relationship is to keep my life satisfying and balanced. He has the same responsibility. Crossdressing is only a fraction of the things that I consider important in life. When crossdressing consumes too big of a portion of my time and energy then I start to feel out of balance and resentful that I am neglecting other important aspects of my life. This is where the struggles originate. Crosdressing is very important to him and takes up a big portion of his time and energy. This makes him happy but I feel cheated sometimes because crossdressing takes up too large of a portion of his time and energy.
He thinks my interest in crossdressing is too little and I think that it is just right for me. :hugs: Sometimes I think we will never get it just right. :sad:
Kitty

[chatnat GG]

geez i could write a whole book on this topic. my bf cheated on me. i found out when i was at his house i found a condom wrapper on top of the bin. so i broke up with him only to discover i was pregnant. i moved in with him as i wanted us to work. Only to discover he was a cd. Being pregnant and hormonal i was absolutly shattered. My son is what kept me going. He since told me has was dressed when he cheated. to this day i dont know weather it was male or female. At the beginning he lied constantly and never seem to ave money. He was addicted to buying clothes. His very open now and doesnt lie much but we are in therapy trying to save our relationship. we to are hanging by a fine thread. His used up all his chances. But i still love him so thats why im here for support and to get other people ideas

[Hippy Chic's Chick]

Thanks everyone :)

It does seem that the honesty is a major part of dealing with CDing. I pretty much had the idea that it would be. :)

Finding out by accident must be quite shocking and any breach of trust in a relationship is hard to get over. On the other hand, having listened lots to HC lately, I can appreciate why many would keep it secret - it's just that it exasperates any problems that would arise if it were open.

chatnat, I've seen your story on here before and really feel for you, you must be so confused! It certainly sounds as though your issues are of trust rather than the CDing itself. I wish you all the best. xx

[Sandra]

Well I didn't know until we'd been married about 6 months although the hints were there I was just naive and like Tamara I didn't know what a cder was. I was told I didn't find out by accident and I'm please she could tell me. Reading a lot of posts on here I am one of the lucky ones, because 1: she told me and 2: she has never kept anything from me since, and now we discuss everything about her cding.

[cadon]

Guess I am glad I am finding out about his CD desire very early in our relationship. I can take my time to find out about what both of our experiences may be, the different aspects of bedroom, and what an essential role that honest and open communication take.
Right now, I want the man in my bed. He is the only one I can be intimately involved with (mentally and spiritually). If I know that wearing the lingerie gives him a charge prior thats okay. I have no aversion to having both of us match our garments for the "afterglow" :hugs: