Dealing with son

[stephanie12]

I am about to be divorce from my abusive ex-wife. I do have 2 kids from my ex-wife, an 8yr old boy and an infant daughter. I myself started to wear women's clothes when I was a child. I would wear my mom's clothes when I was home sick from school since I was alone. Well now my ex is telling me that my son is starting to play with her clothes and is trying them on. I myself have no problems with this, but his mom is freaked out about it. What should I do? Personally I want to be supportive of him and tell him it's ok, but if I do that his mom will find out and come after me over it. Any suggestions on how I can handle this? Thanks a bunch.

[DonnaT]

Kids are curious, and his playing with her clothes does not necessarily mean he is gender variant. You'll need to gain his utmost confidence so he can honestly tell you why he is doing this. Note that it is not unheard of where both the father and son are trans.

Check out the following http://www.dcchildrens.com/dcchildrens/about/subclinical/subneuroscience/subgender/guide.aspx

[Hippy Chic's Chick]

There's an interesting thread on the subject of children trying out dressing here.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=64087

I personally think it's something that all kids do, it's just experimentation. My thoughts on this are that they should be allowed to experiment and try things out, let them find out for themselves what they like and don't like. :)

Whatever you do, I do think it has to be an agreement between you and his mom otherwise your son will be getting mixed signals and get seriously confused.

[Satrana]

Personally I want to be supportive of him and tell him it's ok, but if I do that his mom will find out and come after me over it. Any suggestions on how I can handle this? Thanks a bunch.

You should be supportive. Whether or not he turns out to be a CD, crossdressing is a natural form of self expression and a fun activity. He needs to know that what he is doing is OK. If you don't stand up for him then he will inherit your wife's prejudices and believe that he is a bad kid. He will end up pushed inside his guilt ridden closet. Is that what is best for him?

You should never be afraid to stand up against wrongful actions especially if they are harmful to your own children. Don't let your wife scare you away from having a heart to heart with him. Whether or not you feel you should tell him you are a CD depends on his maturity. You don't have to tell him but what you can do is be supportive of him and reassure him he is not a bad kid.

As for your wife, point out to her that a CD cannot be cured, the feelings come from within. If she tries to stop him, all she will do is drive a wedge between them. If she has his happiness at heart then she should allow him to experiment and discover for himself if this is important to him. Would she be equally freaked out if your son was a daughter instead who was experimenting with a tomboy look?

[Robin Leigh]

Brilliant article, Donna T. Thanks for the link. I think reading it's probably the best thing Stephanie can do right now. If her wife could read it as well, that'd be brilliant, but I'm not expecting miracles.



Whatever you do, I do think it has to be an agreement between you and his mom otherwise your son will be getting mixed signals and get seriously confused.
That's going to be difficult, HCC, since she is abusive & they are about to be divorced. She doesn't sound like she's a big fan of CDing, and with the impending stress of divorce, I expect she isn't likely to be too rational on this matter. This could easily get nasty, for all concerned.

I really don't know what to suggest. But I send you my best wishes, Stephanie. If your truly wife loves your son, she will want what is best for him, but if she hates your CDing, she will probably do everything in her power to discourage your son from following in your footsteps, even though we know that such actions will only cause temporary repression &/or sneaky behaviour.

Good luck!

:hugs:

Robin

[sterling12]

I'm also in agreement with Donna T . If possible, have your wife read that article. It seems sensible, to the point, and appropriate for the situation.

Having said all of that, don't be surprised if she resists.....STRONGLY! Even though she brought this subject up, she will probably deal with things by using denial. I can make an assumption that she brought this up because she wanted to "guilt-trip" you. Or, she wanted to ventilate and doesn't want any feedback at all. If that's the case, you will lose. I don't know your soon to be Ex's Motives, but bringing this behavior up at this time, might be a ploy to try and get visitation rights taken away.

I would certainly wait until later, to see if the child will be transgendered. If that is the case, and you will know, then your quiet support will be a very positive thing.

Good luck, these things are almost always messy. For the kids sake, try and get along and work together.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[RobertaFermina]

Do you trust your ex's statements implicitly?

You say she's abusive...so she may also be manipulative.

Sounds like a tactic fit for divorce proceedings.....introduce unfounded theory backed up by concocted 'evidence' that father can and does 'infect' child with cross-dressing fetish...voila:unfit father! Outcome: very advantageous terms of divorce settlement and custody arrangements for the mother.

Sadly, I've seen lots of divorce-court flak and conspiracy and parental-alienation....enough to be wary of almost any stupid-like-a-fox tactic.

If this CAN'T POSSIBLY be true, forgive me for introducing bad vibes.
:rose: SIGH! :rose: