Finding aWay

[Veronica53]

For those of you who suggested I come clean to my wife (ouch) I agree with you,but I know I can,t just bring up knot sure why. I do beleive she may suspect something as I have worn a couple of her things and she noticed something a little out of place.

So here it is,I have never showed a feminime side during our yers of marriage and would like some suggestions as to something more on the girly side that I could do with her so I don't
1: shock the @$#* out of her
2: get her thinking I have a femme side
3: possible invoke her to ask some questions

I know this might not be the right way but I don't think I am ready for the short version.

:love:Veronica

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

First off I would say that you should buy your own clothes since it's my belief that woman don't like to share there clothes with there crossdressing husbands. I really don't have a good answer as to how you can ease her into the statement, "oh by the way honey I like wearing womans clothes, a lot". When I finally told my wife it was while we were watching a program about a guy that was going to become a woman, and how it was being accepted by his wife. You will know when it is the right time, if there ever is one.
Good luck!!!

[Shadeauxmarie]

Make her a hot soaking bath with sweet smellums and tell her when she's done you'll paint her toenails.

Besides, you need the practice and maybe she'd offer to do YOURS!

[Kate Simmons]

A nice romantic night out never hurts. Besides when most of us do that, our SO's know something is up. You might start by saying something like:"Honey, what would you do if I were an axe murderer (well, maybe not that but something not too kosher)?" Then you say:"Well I'm not but I am a CD." Kinda softens the blow a little, doncha think? BTW a good friend of mine who is a pretty well known CD and does makeovers actually did this.:happy:

[Alice B]

Since you think she may suspect you can be sure she really does. I would set up a comfortable time and sit down and tell her about your feelings about liking to cross dress. Be sure to assure her that you do not want to change into a woman and that you are in no way gay. Before this do a web search under "cross dressing" and find some of the many articles there are out there about cross dressing that apply to your case. There are a lot of them out there and the TriEss site is a good place to start. Pick the ones you feel are revelant and print them out for her to read and give them to her when you sit down with her.

Expect that she will be shocked, but give her time to digest what you have said and what you have given her to read. Answer her questions with total honesty and if you do not know the answer tell her so. Do not make up answers that you think she may want to hear, but that you are not sure of. After a week or two again sit down and talk to her again, now that she has had time to digest it all. You can then arrive at some quidelines as to what is and is not acceptable. I did all of this with my wife who is a very consertative person. We arrived at an acceptable solution and her acceptance grows slowly, but steadily.

But, the key to all of this is the strength of your marriage and relationship. If it is strong, things will be fine. If it is weak, you may have problems. I wish you all the luck in the world.:hugs:

Alice.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Veronica

I think reading this post will give you some of the best advice you will ever get

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=205772&postcount=1

[Veronica53]

Hi Veronica

I think reading this post will give you some of the best advice you will ever get

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=205772&postcount=1

Great article It will probably help once I can get past the anxiety.

[Melanie Martin]

Having been a dresser for 30+ years my wife finally found out about Pauline just last week, purely by accident she came across some clothes. I obviously couldn't deny it so owned up but asked her to hold judgement until we sat down to discus it properly. It was a few days later and we both had a couple of drinks to calm the nerves and we spoke about my dressing - her main concern was that I didn't love her anymore (yes I did) and was there another man involved (no there wasn't).It was simply a feminine side to my personality. To my surprise she accepted my dressing, but doesn't want the kids to find out. We've arranged to stop off at a hotel in the next couple of weeks so that my wife can meet 'Pauline'. She's even offered to buy some clothes - she knows my size because she's nearly always bought my 'dreary' clothes anyway.

[Veronica53]

I may have to use a combiation of all the suggestions, but I'm really going to have to wait for the right timedue to the stress she is under at work, when that happens I'm going to give it a try.Boy do I wish there was an icon here of a chicken lol.
Once again I am so happy to have found this site as you are all sweethearts and so helpfull.

:love:Veronica


Having been a dresser for 30+ years my wife finally found out about Pauline just last week, purely by accident she came across some clothes. I obviously couldn't deny it so owned up but asked her to hold judgement until we sat down to discus it properly. It was a few days later and we both had a couple of drinks to calm the nerves and we spoke about my dressing - her main concern was that I didn't love her anymore (yes I did) and was there another man involved (no there wasn't).It was simply a feminine side to my personality. To my surprise she accepted my dressing, but doesn't want the kids to find out. We've arranged to stop off at a hotel in the next couple of weeks so that my wife can meet 'Pauline'. She's even offered to buy some clothes - she knows my size because she's nearly always bought my 'dreary' clothes anyway.

Wow I hope everything turns out well please let know how it turns out.
Veronica

[Stephenie S]

Whatever you do, stop trying to come up with "hints". These ONLY confuse the situation.

I liked the idea of a super romantic evening. Please take it easy. TELL her first, don't show her. And then ease into it from there. Take your time. DON'T insist on her "helping" you dress. You are an adult, after all. Do it yourself. And don't surprise her "dressed". Although my dear partner knew, and saw me (I always asked her how I looked before leaving the house), it was a full year before we went out together. Go slow, hon.

Lovies,
Stephenie

Good luck, take it slow and easy

[sterling12]

Why not try something like: "I have something I want to share with you, it's a secret that I've been keeping for a very long time."

Does that sound like a reasonable beginning? It's pretty non-threatening and it may invoke some sympathy. A candid, carefully thought-out conversation will be accepted a lot better than "hints" or the many ways of "beating around the bush."

If you really care to do things right, just be yourself and tell your story honestly. When you answer the questions, don't be evasive and try to give calm, thoughtful answers. Try to put the shoe on the other foot. What kind of conversation would you like to be receiving?

Good luck......

Peace and Love, Joanie

[dakota_ann69]

Wow tough call, I like Joanie's reply. Here are some things to consider who knows your wife better than you. Even if you have only been married a short time obviously you know your wife, her likes and dislikes, what makes her angry, what makes her loving. Look for a way to do this on the positive notes of her personality. If you are 100% honest with her and hide nothing, she may be displeased at first and overreact much as mine did, but I think she will be willing to find a way and make it work. We worked it out.

Keep in mind whatever the outcome is that it really is for the best. Hold your head up high, and keep a stiff upper lip. It is important for you to be happy with who you are, and your SO needs to be happy with who she is.

I know that we have girly girls on this site maybe you can seek some advice from them.

Hugs and kisses.
Dakota

[Sandra]

Just come clean and tell her forget the hints. Sit her down and tell her you have something to tell her. Maybe have some pamphlets about crossdressing so she can have a read if she wants. It's not going to be easy and the longer it is left the harder it's going to be not just on you but especially on yourwife.

[Hippy Chic's Chick]

I've been thinking about this because I've been lucky enough to know from the start. I said elsewhere here that had there been any keeping it from me, then there would have been trouble! So, from my perspective, you're going to be in trouble for the dishonesty rather than the CDing (but if she's angry she'll throw it all at you - so be prepared).

I'd suggest that you make a BIG deal of wanting to be honest, that not being able to share it hurts you.

"There's something I really want to share with you, but I haven't done so yet because I'm scared of your reaction. I don't want you to think any less of me. I hate not sharing this with you because I love you and keeping it secret is wrong."

I know when HC told me, he was doing pretty much the same thing, so by time he'd finished with the speech, the "I like to wear knickers." was a HUGE relief, lol!

Actually, he admitted only to the knickers, and while I asked what else, he wasn't ready to tell me anymore. In a way, although I knew there was more, it prepared me bit by bit.

Before we lived together we lived miles apart. I 'accidently' found his lingerie drawer while tidying up and when I wasn't with him, we'd talk on MSN - with his nighty poking through his dressing gown. I'd ask, "So it's just knickers then?" and he'd swear it was, lol! That was OK, I knew he'd tell me more when he was ready. :)

Good luck! ;)

[Sodapop]

I'm sure it's really very different for everyone. In my situation, I just had to wait for a really good time in our marriage, when things were going good and there were no outstanding issues between us.

I told her that I didn't like keeping the secret from her anymore. Since she trusts me already, I just reminded her that I wasn't going to jeopardize any of the things we consider important, the kids, career, etc. I reassured her that I was still exactly the person I was before telling her, except I didn't have to keep a secret from her anymore. I told her that it's not any weirder than what goes on behind bedroom doors all over the civilized world. I told her it's way more common than people realize.

After that I just let her set the pace. We keep the diologue open. She's accepting but not encouraging. I feel relieved and I can now finally have my own stuff and not worry about hiding.

What a relief.

Sodapop

[MJ]

i like Marla gg advice . and you should just talk to her forget about the hints .. she probberly knows already ... look i know this will be hard for you but putting this off is way harder on you ... be honest with her good luck

[sissystephanie]

Those of you who have read many of my previous posts regarding this problem will probably groan when you read this, but here it is anyway! This story is exactly why I say to TELL HER ALL before the marriage, so it won't become a problem later.

That said, I must agree with many of the other ladies. Bite the bullet, sit down with her and talk it out. She probably will be hurt at first, but if you assure her that being a CD in no way diminishes your love for her that will certainly help. None of us know your wife, so there is no way we can judge how she will react. But if you do not tell her, your anxiety will only grow and make matters worse. Get Peggy Rudd's book on crossdressing and let her read it. Just make very sure to let her know that you still the man she married, only with a softer feminine streak! She may even like that! If you don't ask, you will never know!!

Sissy

More Girl than man sometimes

[christiecd]

A few months ago, I told my girlfriend about my dressing. I told her everything; I love women's clothes and love dressing up at home. I showed her some of my stuff (since she wasn't sure if I was just joking). She was a little shocked, but after a few awkward questions that talk was over. She doesn't really bring it up anymore. Ironically, I would LOVE for her to bring it up now, because I would love her to dress me up.

I definitely think the best way is just to come forward and tell her about it. I think a lot of people here have had great success with that and if y ou h ave a good partner, she'll appreciate the honesty and would accept. Good luck!

Christie

[BarbaraTalbot]

I was doing that and it combined with other inappropriate behaviors nearly cost me a good marriage. DO not keep a stash around, she will find it. DO invest time and effort in being a good partner, do the 'romance' thing a few trial runs of the 'romance' thing would be excellent.

One shouldn't have her wondering if you are only going to take her out and be romantic when you have some possibly burdensome secret to unload.