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fairyfly63
06-10-2004, 09:05 AM
Greetings all...I am looking for advice. I am engaged to a wonderful man who I love with all my heart...and I have questions I would like to run by you all here.
I have asked him why he like to crossdress and he honestly does not know. This is all new to him. He wasnt allowed to crossdress in his past relationship (marriage of 12 years) and now he is, because I see nothing wrong with it. He has never done it before and now he does about onece a week, just briefly and sometimes wears my nighties to bed. I encourage his to do as he wishes, for I love him for "him".
He assures me he is streight and is in love with me very much. I trust him and we are very open with each other. I would like other streight men to tell me why they like to crossdress so that I would know what questions to ask him. I would love any input that any may have. Thanks in advance.
Fairyfly63

Jill
06-10-2004, 09:15 AM
I don't think anyone can really give you one good reason why, it's different for everyone. I doubt anyone can really tell you why. I think though in general, we just like how it makes us feel.

Nina
06-10-2004, 09:18 AM
I don't know why I like to dress as a woman. I think there are 100's of reasons. For most it just turns them on(the look and feel of womens clothing) The way they look when they look at them self. I am straight and never had any feelings for other men. I guess I just love women and love the look like one as well. I don't think anyone really knows.

VanessaCD
06-10-2004, 10:17 AM
Well I have to agree with the others.. There are so many different reasons and so many different instances. The feeling of the clothing is one thing (touch wise). The feeling that actually wearing it can bring, can be another. It can be purely sexual in nature and is for all crossdressers at one time or another, whether they admit that or not. But for most that have been a part of this lifestyle for some time, it seems to grow in stages and slowly evades the pure sexual arousal stages. It manifests itself into the enjoyment of the act of dressing itself. The act of getting in touch with gentle based emotions, that men sometimes repress in the attempt to show a masculine personality.. As strange as it sounds to some, the feminine clothing actually helps accomplish this. Since it is mostly out of the ordinary, as taught by the up-bringing society of our world.. Although nothing could be farther from the truth when it comes to crossdressing being something wicked or evil or irregular.. If all the men in the United States were honest and answered the question, if they had ever tried on womens clothing and enjoyed it, I think people would be astounded of the shear numbers involved..

All I can say is this: If you truly embrace your boyfriends need in that area and come to the realization that he is not suffering from a disease called crossdressing, then the act of your acceptance will come back to you in the form of a more loving relationship than you may have ever known. And also that he has ever known himself to be capable of.... CD's that love women like myself, in majority, can only dream of finding a woman like yourself to love and share....

Please post if you need to, we are always checking in.
Vanessa....

Cathe TV
06-10-2004, 10:35 AM
Well ... you say you love your finacee with all your heart. Correct? Then why should it matter? I have all my life and I can't give you an answer why. Basically, I NEED to. It completes me emotionally. If I'm under a lot of stress, or things aren't going right, or whatever ... if I dress it all goes away. I'm a different person with different feelings. It just feels right.

PaulaMea
06-10-2004, 11:02 AM
This is truly the million dollar question. I've come to believe that we all do it for a variety of reasons and that there are many facets to the individuals unique impulse to crossdress. I just read My Husband Betty and this subject is covered quite quite well in the book. It is a good read for both crossdresser and spouse/significant other. As a crosssdresser, I feel so lucky to have a wife who is accepting (for the most part) of my quirk. It (crossdressing) has done wonders for our sex life too. I sprung it on her after many years of marriage and it's a wonder she did not have a more negative reaction. My best advice is to set boundaries. This has been our worst blunder. How often, who else can know about it, stay out of my closet, don't use my cosmetics, role playing etc....
Honestly, I'm just beginning to understand the "why" myself, let alone being able to explain it.
Again, read the book My Husband Betty (http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/) , it may be of help.
Peace -
Paula

fairyfly63
06-10-2004, 11:26 AM
Well ... you say you love your finacee with all your heart. Correct? Then why should it matter?

It dosent really...I would just like to better understand him. I want to support him in every aspect of his being...I just want to know how to better understand why he does it so I can better support him.
Fairyfly

fairyfly63
06-10-2004, 11:31 AM
[QUOTE=VanessaCD]
All I can say is this: If you truly embrace your boyfriends need in that area and come to the realization that he is not suffering from a disease called crossdressing, then the act of your acceptance will come back to you in the form of a more loving relationship than you may have ever known. And also that he has ever known himself to be capable of.... CD's that love women like myself, in majority, can only dream of finding a woman like yourself to love and share....
QUOTE]

This literly brought tears to my eyes....
I sometimes feel that we (my fiancee and I) were once part of the same peron....that perhaps in a past life that we one being. We get married on the 19th and I truely cannot ever see myself with out him. He is the most careing, sensitive and wonderful man I have ever known. I do not see his crossdressing as a flaw, but as an aspect of the man I fell in love with.
Fairyfly

fairyfly63
06-10-2004, 11:38 AM
My best advice is to set boundaries. This has been our worst blunder. How often, who else can know about it, stay out of my closet, don't use my cosmetics, role playing etc....

Why would I tell him to stay out of my closet and makeup.....it doubles our wardrobe and cosmetics if we share. ;)
Fairyfly

Cathe TV
06-10-2004, 12:56 PM
It dosent really...I would just like to better understand him. I want to support him in every aspect of his being...I just want to know how to better understand why he does it so I can better support him.
Fairyfly

I guess you didn't read the second part of my post, hon. The fact that you are willing to go as far as you are to understand and make your hubby comfortable will do more for your relationship than any excuse he could likely come up with. As you've seen - not many of us really know why we do what we do. All we ask for is a woman like you who is willing to understand and possibly help. It's difficult enough having this need without society rejecting us as if we have some sort of disease or something.

I only wish my wife was as accepting as you <wistful sigh>

jamie
06-10-2004, 01:05 PM
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The reasons everyone has are different. My reason for the occassional cross dressing is not that I want to be a women.
It is a manifestion of a desire I have for "role reversal".
I have found a way that I do not have to be in charge. In fact, I can not even go outside without help when I am dressed.
It might be, that your friend is also asking for you to be in charge for a little while.
I wish you the best as you two explore the new horizons that he is providing for you.

Jamie

CDKathy
06-10-2004, 01:38 PM
Here is a link to a site with several essays regarding the nature of crossdressing. I have found it to be quite helpful in my own quest.

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/essays.htm

In particular, I found "Jung's Anima Theory and How it Relates to Crossdressing" to be quite interesting.

Kathy

Julie
06-10-2004, 04:42 PM
Fairyfly,

It took me a long timr to come to this conclusion but I truly believe it to be accurate. Crossdressing is a personality trait. Asking why someone crossdresses is just like asking someone why they like the color blue or why they prefer wood siding over vinyl siding. It's just how we look at the world. The truly lucky people are those that can see the world through the eyes of others. It seems like that's what you are able to do. When you can do that you enter the soul of that person and become one.

https://home.comcast.net/~julimarie/images/emoticons/Julie_sig.gif

Summer
06-10-2004, 06:08 PM
I don't believe there is a reason any of us do this. I live my life dressed as a woman. My wife and children think nothing of it. My features are very femine. So I have absolutely no problems being out in public. (One of the lucky ones.) I like the feel of womens clothing and I think if the manufactures and designers would design and manufacture clothing for guys that are the same as womens, I think it would be more accepted life style.
I meet my wife early in College, I dressed then as I do now. We have never discussed why? Just an accepted way of life for me and she loves me so end of story. She went on to be come a Physician while I went on to Engineering and Building.
I don't dress outlandishly. And yes I am very straight, heterosexual. I think we have as close a relationship as married people can have.
I think if you accept him for who he is and don't question him, you will be doing the right thing. As we grow older the desire to dress becomes ever increasing.
Hope I helped.
Summer

fairyfly63
06-11-2004, 08:05 AM
I want to thank all of you for all the advice you have given me on this subject. I have refered my "soon to be husband" to this site and he will be joining it shortly.(after he lurks for a bit) I think we can both learn a lot from you all here. Thank you.
Blessings
Fairyfly

Vivian Best
06-11-2004, 09:56 AM
Hi Fairyfly and soon-to-be husband,

Welcome to both of you! Glad to have you here. I think both of you being members can bring a unique perspective to many of the topics. Fairyfly, I hope you soon understand that most of us are as straight as an arrow and will stay that way and that most of us have no idea why we like to dress in women's clothes, we just do! You will also find that many of have been dressing since before puberty or before we can even remember.

Good to have both of you! :o

laurie
06-11-2004, 09:56 PM
It dosent really...I would just like to better understand him. I want to support him in every aspect of his being...I just want to know how to better understand why he does it so I can better support him.
FairyflyhONEY i DONT THINK ANY OF US KNOW WHY. AS FOR MY SELF I THINK I SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN A WOMAN. IS THERE A RATIONAL BEHIND ALL THIS NO. I HAVE TRIED TO FIGURE MYSELF OUT CANT DO IT AND PHYSO HELP COST TOO MUCH AND I WOULD DOUBT IF THEY HAD AN ANSWER.
SO SUPPORT HIM YOUR SEX LIFE WILL BE BETTER LAURIE

laurie
06-11-2004, 10:01 PM
Greetings all...I am looking for advice. I am engaged to a wonderful man who I love with all my heart...and I have questions I would like to run by you all here.
I have asked him why he like to crossdress and he honestly does not know. This is all new to him. He wasnt allowed to crossdress in his past relationship (marriage of 12 years) and now he is, because I see nothing wrong with it. He has never done it before and now he does about onece a week, just briefly and sometimes wears my nighties to bed. I encourage his to do as he wishes, for I love him for "him".
He assures me he is streight and is in love with me very much. I trust him and we are very open with each other. I would like other streight men to tell me why they like to crossdress so that I would know what questions to ask him. I would love any input that any may have. Thanks in advance.
Fairyfly63
SWEETHEART IF YOU FIGURE IT OUT LET ME KNOW I CROSS AND CANT FIGURE IT OUT BUT I LOVE WHO I AM AND SO SHOULD HE.

PaulaMea
06-15-2004, 08:52 AM
These were just meant to be examples. Your boundaries are unique to your relationship. For us, rather than me rooting in my wife's cosmetics, I've put together my own bag (with her help and guidance). She's fair and I'm somewhat olive complected. She's size 8, I'm 14 to 16...If I try on her knits, they're stretched out..So, I have my own clothes (for the most part). I love to shave my legs in the winter, non-shorts months and she does not mind. When I shaved my chest, she became upset...we discovered a new boundary. I've found that shaving seems to be an issue with couples..have others found this to be true?


Why would I tell him to stay out of my closet and makeup.....it doubles our wardrobe and cosmetics if we share. ;)
Fairyfly

Darby
06-15-2004, 06:43 PM
Darling, you truly are a wonderful sole and the both of you are very lucky. My first wife wasn't conducive to my dressing at all. It, as well as alot of other things made life dreadful. My sweet wife now (and forever) knows and jokes about it but doesn't care to see it (I also don't want my 6 yr old son to know either!!!). Once in awhile, while we're making love, she has a favorite long wig on and I have one by my side and manage to pop it on for a truly memorable and exhausting time.
Of course this guy is wonderful to you... you allow his need to express himself and he is exploring his feminine side. My wife loves that in me too as I think most woman would like a gentle person to be with. Your relationship will most likely flourish beyond your dreams.
For myself, I absolutely love the feeling of womans cloths. What I choose to wear, angora, silk, mohair and cashmere as well as some really soft frillies and heels are wonderful as is what your boyfriend feels about his cloths.
Think about it, you both could go cloths shopping and truly enjoy each other. Don't fret over this and enjoy each other!

PaulaMea
07-13-2004, 01:03 AM
Did your soon-to-be-husband join?
Regards,
P



I want to thank all of you for all the advice you have given me on this subject. I have refered my "soon to be husband" to this site and he will be joining it shortly.(after he lurks for a bit) I think we can both learn a lot from you all here. Thank you.
Blessings
Fairyfly

Miss Vicki
07-13-2004, 01:54 AM
There are probably a multitude of reasons why a person crossdresses. One of my own reasons is that I want to be as sexy and feminine as the women that I see either on the street or on television. The way that they wear thier dresses and walk in heels makes me jealous and I want to be her. Also just the feel of womens clothing on my body relaxes me. Your fiancee is one lucky person to have an understanding women like you. Do you have any sisters?

Jocee
07-13-2004, 05:44 AM
I would like other streight men to tell me why they like to crossdress so that I would know what questions to ask him. I would love any input that any may have. Thanks in advance.
Fairyfly63

Most of the other girls have answered this....... but, I truely feel it's because of the way I was wired at birth. Kudo's for your attitude!

Jennifer_Ph
07-13-2004, 06:17 AM
It took me a long time to come up with why. For me, it's about two people, Jennifer and Mike. Mike is rough and tough - he builds and races off road trucks, can fix anything, likes being dirty and working with his hands. He's also feminine somewhat - likes to go to the theater, loves to cook, etc.

Jennifer is someone that I can be to honestly express my feminine side. There is so much man going on when Mike's around that my femininity gets bottled up, so to speak. When I am Jennifer I can truly relax. I become more comfortable - I mean really, what is more comfortable a skirt or jeans? I get to be someone I'm not for a period of time. I get to be cute, fun, frilly, sexy, colorful. Crossdressing for me isn't about being straight or gay - I'm straight - it's about releasing the inner femininity that is inside me. Jennifer is an extension of who I am, without her I am only partially me.

Women (GG) can express masculinity whenever they want - jeans and a t-shirt and hair tucked into a baseball cap is just fine. A man tries to let out a little femininity and the world goes nuts. Understand that your boyfriend is only expressing a part of him - and it's a part of him that makes him the guy you love. A macho dude that represses all his femininity is not someone that is as sensative to the world as someone who is honest with themselves about who they are.

My experience is that CD's are some of the greatest guys AND girls you'd ever want to meet. We're aware of our feelings. Aware of others feelings. We can laugh with you when you say your hose are creeping south and that your heels are killing you. ;)

Men are supposed to be men. And Mike is. Jennifer is a part of Mike - the part that makes him a sensative and caring person and lover. Being in love with a CD is a bonus, not a minus. Instead of repressing who he is, he's expressing it - and that is not something that a "normal" man has the balls to do.

jenny_k78
07-13-2004, 12:02 PM
Hi, Jennifer, You took the words right out of my mouth, I think along those same lines.

It took me a long time to come up with why. For me, it's about two people, Jennifer and Mike. Mike is rough and tough - he builds and races off road trucks, can fix anything, likes being dirty and working with his hands. He's also feminine somewhat - likes to go to the theater, loves to cook, etc.

Jennifer is someone that I can be to honestly express my feminine side. There is so much man going on when Mike's around that my femininity gets bottled up, so to speak. When I am Jennifer I can truly relax. I become more comfortable - I mean really, what is more comfortable a skirt or jeans? I get to be someone I'm not for a period of time. I get to be cute, fun, frilly, sexy, colorful. Crossdressing for me isn't about being straight or gay - I'm straight - it's about releasing the inner femininity that is inside me. Jennifer is an extension of who I am, without her I am only partially me.

Women (GG) can express masculinity whenever they want - jeans and a t-shirt and hair tucked into a baseball cap is just fine. A man tries to let out a little femininity and the world goes nuts. Understand that your boyfriend is only expressing a part of him - and it's a part of him that makes him the guy you love. A macho dude that represses all his femininity is not someone that is as sensative to the world as someone who is honest with themselves about who they are.

My experience is that CD's are some of the greatest guys AND girls you'd ever want to meet. We're aware of our feelings. Aware of others feelings. We can laugh with you when you say your hose are creeping south and that your heels are killing you. ;)

Men are supposed to be men. And Mike is. Jennifer is a part of Mike - the part that makes him a sensative and caring person and lover. Being in love with a CD is a bonus, not a minus. Instead of repressing who he is, he's expressing it - and that is not something that a "normal" man has the balls to do.

Jennifer_Ph
07-13-2004, 12:17 PM
Thank you... but you made me blush. :o

WindyCityBluz
07-13-2004, 02:06 PM
I have found that my SO is such a sensitive man with this wonderful side that is incredibly feminine.

And saying that CD's are just the best guys and girls around I have to agree!

I think you will find boundaries as you go along--I know we ran into one really early and that was adding a 3rd person to the mix. I didn't want to and he completely respects that and keeps this as a fantasy that won't happen for himself.

Congratulations to the original poster on your wedding!!

starlitsky
07-13-2004, 02:56 PM
Women (GG) can express masculinity whenever they want - jeans and a t-shirt and hair tucked into a baseball cap is just fine. A man tries to let out a little femininity and the world goes nuts.


i completely agree with you ... gender is so important that society imposes a lot of subtle barriers around it, especially with the words we use to describe things. of course, you're thinking, it's probably just words, right?

compare, "tomboy" and "sissy".

with a girl that behaves more like a boy, most people think, "oh, she'll get over it." ... it is doubtful that the opposite occurs.



He assures me he is streight and is in love with me very much. I trust him and we are very open with each other. I would like other streight men to tell me why they like to crossdress so that I would know what questions to ask him.


here's what i've learnt trying to find who i am and what i am ...

there are three things here: biological sex (organs you were born with), gender identity (gender we believe we are), and sexual orientation (gender we are interested in). i thought it was interesting that you focused a lot on him being straight and asked others that are straight to compare ...

aside from biological sex, i believe that the other two are, and can change. as much as society would like it to be, i think gender identity and sexual orientation, is more of a spectrum than a "yes/no" question. some days you may wake up and and feel like a girl ... wanting to just dress up in a huge elaborate gown, and watch some romantic movies staring hunky guys .... or you might wake up feeling like a guy ... walking around in shorts and watching car shows for the girls. or the other way around. (watching romantic movies for the girls ... watching car shows for the guys ... who knows~!) of course, most of us who have to work don't have the luxury of being en femme all day
... some days you might be see a woman on the street and you really like her outfit, espeically the way it accentuates her femininity. and for that brief moment, maybe you were attracted to her. does that mean your sexual orientation has changed? perhaps ... for those few seconds .... does that mean it's changed for good? most likely not.

until recently, and even then, only rarely, it's not okay for guys to share their feelings or laugh delightedly at something that's cute ... "pink and fluffy" is not something in our wardrobe, and neither was "satin and silk". "buck up and take it like a man" is still very much ingrained in our minds, whether we want it to be or not. i agree with Jennifer, i feel that dressing is an expression of the femininity inside us. it is an expression of the gender identity that we feel is right for ourselves. i also believe that it can be expressed in other ways, as long as we feel that it is an expression of femininity. activities like, knitting, or baking, for example.

for some people, the gender identity is overwhelmingly against the biological sex (organs you were born with) ... so much that they feel trapped within their bodies ... but it does not sound like your husband is that way.

for me personally, i believe it was a combination of a dominating mother (females have the power), apathy and alienation with regards to typical male behaviour (mostly their attitudes towards women, competitive sports), feelings and emotions that are deemed feminine by societal standards (awwww, look at that kitty! doesn't it look cute?), and perhaps the silliest reason of all, lack of variety in male clothing (you got your shirt and pants. sometimes, you have dress shirts and nice pants. you got your running shoes, and your dress shoes ... boots for winter ...) ... those are the factors that i can identify for myself, but it's most likely different for everyone.

Lawren
09-16-2004, 10:42 AM
She pretty much said it all in a very succinct manner. I think that I also do it as a compensation for my coplete failure to get a GG into my life. If I have to play the parts of both man and woman of the house then I may as well dress the parts. Of course, I do thoroughly enjoy the look and feel of the clothes too.

carolynhcd
09-16-2004, 12:36 PM
I agree with Starlitski. I think that orientation and attraction are a continuum that changes with time. At times, I am attracted to a beautiful woman I see in public. I now think I want to look like her and have ''straight men'' attracted to me. I have been together with my GG for three years now and I hope to be with her the rest of our lives. I am attracted to her and am always feminine when we are intimate. I have been with many GG's in my life and I don't ever want to have sex like a man again. I am attracted to some men, particularly CD's and although I have been intimate with CD's and ''straight men'' in the past, I would not want to do anything to hurt my GG. There are always impediments, both internal and external, to behaving in a completly authentic sexual manner. Society judges us, our friends and families judge us. Our SO's judge us. We also judge ourselves, but I think we are often deceived in thinking the voice we hear internally is our own. I really believe that all these judgements were removed, everybody would be doing everybody else. Starlitski, do you agree? Love Carolyn

Sarah Cummings
09-16-2004, 02:12 PM
Honey, you have no idea how lonely I get to feel from time to time, not having that right woman to love with every single beat that my heart puts out during the course of my life. God knows how much time I should have on this planet. I do hope that for the many reasons I crossdress (which is only once in a great while and I also happen to be bi) I will find a woman that would love me for me!!!! I would also like for her to be bi, BUT...I would at the very least hope to find a woman that would be totally accepting of my crossdressing. As to why I crossdress would mean you would have to sit with me as I was dressed for a couple days straight to allow for explanations. One thing I like about crossdressing is that if a woman listens to me as a woman, she'll find that I can relate to her in MOST cases. Some women would say to a CD, TS, or anyone who is making that transformation wether short term or permanant "Can you have a baby?" or "untill you have a period!" this is said in most part out of envy. But if a woman can acually accept the person while dressed, then she may learn something she may actually like about that person. For me, aside from relating, is also the tremendous eroticsm that goes with it. Sometimes to look at myself in the mirror and actually be feminine and look as a woman, really does make me feel like a woman inside, and I can get so horny to think I could make love to a woman in a twisty kind of way and do the same with a man(attractive of course and a gentleman) Darling, for what ever the reasons your man likes to dress up, just continue to love him and let him know that. You could always ask him himself why. Just be respectful and tactful in your approach to what ever you want to know from him. Much love and best wishes to both of you. Sarah Cummings ;)

Val Tan
09-17-2004, 07:09 PM
fairyfly, i think its so sweet that you actually bothered search the internet to try and understand why your fiancee crossdresses

Cheree
09-19-2004, 04:06 AM
Well, fairyfly I would like to personally thank you for embracing your fiance's dressing! Make no mistake about, it once this is past(the beginning) you WILL experience the relationship of a lifetime! My wife thinks of me often as she browses in the stores and should she see something cute or very feminine and even thinks for a minute I would love it .......she brings it home.
occaisionally I buy my things I like and she has become accustomed to what appeals to me and seems to have taken over. We have a solid relationship and should I be working in the yard and she comes home, gives me a hugg and maybey feels the telltale signs of a bra she acknowledges it always with a smile telling me she loves me! For me wether I completely make over or merely lingerie under my man clothes IT HELPS ME RELAX and escape the tension and hectic bustling of everyday things, to put on something femininely pretty and wear it for a while. Absolutely nothing in this world can ever take the place of the satisfaction I get when I take time to "wear something pretty"!!!!!!!! I see now there are two wonderfully accepting women in the world now, you and my wife! May God Bless and Keep You safe!
Yes Fairyfly there are MANY reasons for crossdressing and they are probably all correct. These are mine and thank you for even trying to understand!
Cheree :)

makalya
09-19-2004, 08:17 AM
Fairyfly[/QUOTE] “He is the most caring, sensitive and wonderful man I have ever known. I do not see his cross dressing as a flaw, but as an aspect of the man I fell in love with.”

I can tell you that I cross dress for all the many reasons stated and most of all, I find it to be and escape from the responsibilities of being "in charge" as someone else's post had stated. It is an escape. I become someone else when I dress. All of my male issues, concerns, and responsibilities just seem to take a vacation for the few relaxing hours I get to spend dressed each week. I am fortunate to also have a wife that lets me dress.

I feel real confident that your soon to be husband's traits that you stated come from his feminine side. (I know mine do.) Best wishes to both of you. You are so fortunate to have found each other.

Makalya

joannablake
09-19-2004, 08:17 AM
Hey fairyfly63

It is a joy to all us "girls" on this site to have someone like you and the rest of the GG's on this site that understand us (wipping away tear). I just wish there were more like you out there. We welcome you and your soon to be husband with open arms to this site.

samanthajay
09-21-2004, 08:58 PM
im gonna be honest im a total man when it comes to porn so one day i read about it in a penthouse (i read the crossdressing articals all the time now)tried it love the way it felt that was awhile ago i still do it some times and the freinds who are really close to me except it even my girl freind who lets me wear her aawsome chinese dresses on alot. when im in a dress its me i love it and im such a girl(personality wise aswell) when im wearing one. hell im such a girl when im not wearing one sometimes honest realationships and honest sexual urges are a key to happinest if some one didn't like you or love you for that matter for who you are then that person isn't for you. my girl freind loves me and she loves the fact that i crossdress. a lot of women would love to have a femy huband or boyfreind. most of the time they are more sensitive to a woman's feelings. :o

Glenda
09-22-2004, 05:13 AM
Fairfly, I've been thinking about this for several days. It is difficult to understand the reasons why I crossdress, much less anyone else. Many, if not most, of the lady's urge to crossdress goes back to early childhood. I was raised on a farm/ranch in the Texas Panhandle with two brothers, no sisters. We did not do girl things and I had no urges to crossdress at all. Unlike the other boys in town, I did not object to girls playing with the boys in games such as baseball. I always felt sorry that the few girls who wanted to participate were treated so badly.

My whole life I have been able to evaluate situations from multiple perspectives. I never felt that might was right. The feelings and consequences of everyone should be considered when making decisions. I contributed my beliefs to my spiritual upbringing. All of my friend's wives and girlfriends always came to me to discuss problems with their marriages and relationships. They felt that I had a unique ability to understand their feelings and concerns. Through four years of courtship and 23 years of marriage I was never unfaithful to my wife and (thought I) placed her needs and the needs of our two sons above my own. I was devastated when she informed me that she wanted a divorce and wanted the boys to live with me.

I sought new activities to keep me busy and expand my life. One was my decision to join a rollerblading group who did theme skates once a month. When I found out they wanted to do a Prom Dress skate, I did not want to participate but was persuaded by a girlfriend who offered to help. After she provided me with a dress, wig and make-up I was astounded at the transformation. I suddenly saw the girl who had always been a part of me and I realized that she had always been a part of me.

Later that year she requested that I dress as a woman while she dressed as Ross Perot for the Halloween parties we were attending. Our friends were shocked that I looked so much like a real woman. I suppose it was just another part of me that had always been present but had remained hidden. I felt natural dressing as either a woman or a man. I haven't lost my desire for women, nor have I lost my competitive nature with other men and activities. I have embraced my feminine side and now spend at least half of my time at home dresssed en femme. I have also decided not to be ashamed of it and try to hide it. If someone comes by to visit, I am just as natural with them regardless of how I'm dressed. I'm the same person either way.

Bottom line........I don't fully understand it. But I know that it is something that is real in my life. Your fiancee's needs are real. God bless you for being willing to accept him/her.

fairyfly63
09-22-2004, 08:24 AM
I want to thank all of you for being so honest in your replies. We are married now and we are happier than ever.
I still do not fully understand the "whys" and neither does Myra.....but that will come in its own time.

quote:"i thought it was interesting that you focused a lot on him being straight and asked others that are straight to compare ... "

My main question focused on "straight men" to answer because I am aware that there are different reasons for straight men to crossdress than gay men. For example a gay man may wish to dress feminine to attract a male...and this is not the reasoning behind my Myra dressing in femme. We both thought at one point that Myra may be Bi...and explored those options. Well lets just say that it was a wrong assumption and that Myra is NOT Bi. hehe. I only stated that I wanted to know streight mens perceptions of it to possibly eliminate some of the valid reasons that one may wish to crossdress that do not apply to our situation.

As far as standing behind my husband no matter what....I will. I love him soooo much and I feel our love is beyond physical gender and much deeper that the limits of time. I appreciate everyone here giving us advice and I will post questions as I come up with them. You have all been a great help.
Blessings
Fairyfly

Olesha
09-22-2004, 08:58 AM
Fairyfly
Wonderful that you are standing by Myra. You will realise in years to come how important this is. Crossdressers are just different for a variety of reasons. Inside we human beings just like anybody else.
Love and best wishes to both of you
Olesha

SatinSarah
09-22-2004, 09:03 AM
I agree that none of us really know why we do it. I have this discussion with my wife and we get nowhere because I can't articulate the thrill and the NEED to dress. It seems bizarre to me when I'm not dressed, but even now just thinking about it gives me that girly tingly feeling. I'm totally hetro and can be quite macho at times, but the desire takes over to become a woman and I need to express this by being as feminine as possible. We tried just silky mens clothes, but this does not work. I need to feel I am a convincing woman or to feel the bra and suspenders against my skin.

I know this doesn't help much. sorry. I wish I knew why myself. But I do enjoy it beyond everything and I know my GG gets some feminine touch benefits when we make love. I am very sensitive!!

Sarah Cummings
10-02-2004, 02:46 PM
fairyfly, Your beautiful!!! You apparently have made it into all of our hearts, Especially mine. I'm sure we will be looking foward to hearing back from you from time to time. Take care of each other and much love to both of you!!!!!!!!!!!! ;) Love to you both, Sarah

Lily_gg
10-03-2004, 07:29 AM
These were just meant to be examples. Your boundaries are unique to your relationship. For us..... [snip!] I love to shave my legs in the winter, non-shorts months and she does not mind. When I shaved my chest, she became upset...we discovered a new boundary. I've found that shaving seems to be an issue with couples..have others found this to be true?

Um, we may do - not sure yet!!! Bf mentioned on the phone t'other day that certain things [didn't say what] look funny with his hair (for those that don't know, we're currently long distance - he's UK, I'm in Oz :(), and we've started the discussions about which bits he wants to get rid of and so on... I wouldn't have any objections whatsoever to a back wax - it's not too hairy anyway; chest - don't know - he's not *really* hairy, but I like snuggling up to what's there; legs & arse - :confused: maybe!!!

The deal at the moment is that he's 100% hairy when he comes to visit me, and we'll work it out from there - I think I'd be upset if he just went ahead and did it without me knowing about it - it'd be quite a shock since I've not seen him for a while! I think we'll end up having a nice little day out - get him a wax at my fab beauty salon in the morning, shopping, lunch (in the 'ladies who lunch' style, discussing our make up and lingerie purchases!), massage at the salon, then home for a girlie evening.

Any ggs out there with a view on smooth legged bfs - I'm really not sure what I'd think of them?.... (help me!)

Oh, and don't shave girls - if you possibly can, get yourselves waxed! Lasts longer, gives better results, and doesn't result in painful (for your gg in particular!) stubbley regrowth... Just remember to use a good body scrub or loofah so you don't get ingrown hairs - they hurt! :eek:

[words from a fair skinned v.dark brunette with a running battle against the evil stubble!!! Currently trying laser on my underarms if anyone's interested in what that's like...]

Lily_gg
10-03-2004, 06:17 PM
Yeah, I think this is kinda what's worrying me - I fell in love with him as a man, and there are certain things I love - the manly muscle tone across his shoulders and upper arms for example - just looking at his arms makes me horny! :p

So, I worry a bit sometimes cos I don't know if he's going to want to change too much of the stuff I like - I need to still fancy him!!! His ears also seemed to prick up when I mentioned the laser I'm having......

Hmmm, I guess we just need to take it slow and talk about it all lots :o

Lily_gg
10-04-2004, 04:40 AM
True, we may do... I'd just rather we experimented with non-permanent hair removal first, like shaving or waxing, before he starts thinking about anything more drastic like laser - whilst I know I'll always love him, I know we need to make sure I always fancy him to keep the relationship going as is - I just have lots of what ifs going round my head, mostly cos we're separated at the moment and I'm finding that tough anyhow......

And I have to admit that he's the first man I'd dated with a hairy chest, but that may well be cos he's the first 'man' I've dated! (the rest being just boys :p) At first, I wasn't too fussed about the chest hair either way, in fact when I very first saw it, I was surprised at how hairy he looked, but now I really really like it - I like running my fingers into it when we're snuggled up together - tis nice :)

Like I said, we've agreed that he'll be hairy when he gets here, and we'll go from there. I've waxed his back for him a few times, but I think we'll probably take him along to the salon and get it done properly - as well as a better result, I reckon he'll enjoy the pampering :p

Lily_gg
10-05-2004, 06:01 AM
Have had another thought about the whole smooth vs hairy chest thing:

Smooth chest, chocolate sauce, ice cream, mmmmmmmm....

:p

kelli :) taylor
10-14-2004, 10:59 PM
an escape of sorts. also probably feels great, thinks he looks better than dressed as a male. you have to admit having soft things against your skin feels good. kelli :confused:

Tonia
10-15-2004, 06:53 AM
Greetings all...I am looking for advice. I am engaged to a wonderful man who I love with all my heart...and I have questions I would like to run by you all here.
I have asked him why he like to crossdress and he honestly does not know. This is all new to him. He wasnt allowed to crossdress in his past relationship (marriage of 12 years) and now he is, because I see nothing wrong with it. He has never done it before and now he does about onece a week, just briefly and sometimes wears my nighties to bed. I encourage his to do as he wishes, for I love him for "him".
He assures me he is streight and is in love with me very much. I trust him and we are very open with each other. I would like other streight men to tell me why they like to crossdress so that I would know what questions to ask him. I would love any input that any may have. Thanks in advance.
Fairyfly63

CD is like duck Tape you can use it 101 Use’s : ))