Difficult choice.

[Maggie Kay]

I watched the film "Normal" starring Jessica Lange and Tom Wilkerson this week. It is a story of a man in his fifties that realizes his true identity as a female and begins transition. The story concentrates on his struggle with his friends, coworkers, church and family. The part where Roy now Ruth says to his wife Irma that she could have sex with a man struck me as odd. She does go and have sex with their friend who is also Ruth's boss. Ruth seems torn apart by the event but wants Irma to be happy. Later they decide to have sex together. I wonder if this situation is realistic. Would it be expected that married MtF TSers, who still love their wives, give permission for them to have an affair? I have heard that this does happen. I'll be blunt, would you or have you given permission to your SO to have sex with someone else because you are no longer presenting as a male?

[Stlalice]

Hard question Kay. I don't think that there is any right answer that would apply in all cases. I think it boils down to loving your partner enough to let them go if that is what it takes for them to be happy and being willing to forgive them any hurt it might cause you. I can't say what is right for anyone else or what I would do in that situation, so follow your heart and hope that things work out in the long run. :hugs:

[AmberTG]

That's a hard, personal question for me, because it hits so close to home. My ex needed way more sex then I could provide her with, so I tolorated her affairs until she met the right man and left me for him. I have to remind myself sometimes that I was unable to provide her with what she needed and that the divorce was best for both of us. We were moving in such different directions. I can feel sad and sometimes even rejected that she left me, but I can't blame her or hate her for it.
She needs to be with a man, and I don't fit that catagory.

[Diane CDN]

We call that adultery and is completely unexceptable.
If the mutual love is gone, why stay together, afterall, we only get one measly life on this planet.

Diane
:2c:

[Malissa Madison]

Yes I have done just that, But at the time i was still struggling with the identity crisis, wanting to be recognized yet afraid of coming out. It wasn't until after she chose to leave, (for different reasons of her own) that i decided to work toward transition.
Yes at the time it did wonders for our relationship in a lot of ways yet inothers it helped destroy it. While she could pretend i was just pretending, it was awesome. But as soon as she found I wasn't pretending things changed.
Malissa

[JamesAlan]

This is something my girlfriend and I have discussed. I love her dearly, but she's not comfortable with sex. I do enjoy sex with a male, she understands that. She also knows that she is the light of my life. We have discussed having a triad relationship (in the future, well in the future). That way it's not like I'm sneaking around. I've been in a couple triad relationships. And it wasn't because it was a triad relationship that it didn't work out. I got used to sharing my mate with another woman. With the right people it can be a very fulfilling relationship. I just hadn't found the 2 right people to be with. I love my girlfriend dearly, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. The only "bump" we have in the relationship is sex. I'm able to give her sexual relief, but there are a lot of things she is not comfortable doing in return. I've gotten used to it, and for the time being (especially since we are now in differnet states for the time being) it isn't an issue. But we never know what the future holds. There may come a time where I do need someone that can sexually fulfill me where she isn't comfortable doing so. That is something she and I will deal with when it comes up.

[GypsyKaren]

We call that adultery and is completely unexceptable.
If the mutual love is gone, why stay together, afterall, we only get one measly life on this planet.

Diane
:2c:


I disagree in this circumstance...anyway, we did discuss it, decided against it, case closed and we're moving on.

Karen Starlene

[Sarahgurl371]

Well I guess that since we are talking about the movie...

I think that if two people in a relationship come to a decision about such matters that is mutually agreeable, then so be it. As long as both are fully aware of the conseqences, and surely there would be some.

But in the movie, which is very good BTW, the wife was on the road to acceptance of her husband's identity. And she made alot of consessions for "him". I think that would be central to the issue personally, I could not tolerate adultery, Could I handle a "concession" to allow her to be fullfilled? Probably.

The thing that struck me so deeply when I watched this movie was LOVE.

[Maggie Kay]

I'll answer my own question too.
We discussed it some time ago. Actually, it was a devastatingly difficult period for us both. She asked how I would feel if she had relations with another man. There was never anyone else as a potential third party and it boiled down to the fact that we are still in love with each other. She needed to find out how I felt about her so it was kind of a test. She thought I would be OK with it because she thought that my being TS meant that I stopped loving her. She was so wrong and was relieved to find just how strongly I reacted. For me, it was probably the lowest point in my life to hear those words. It goes to show just how difficult TS is on a marriage. Many months later, we have gone on together and with no one else. The movie reminded me of the issue and I realized that it was worth discussing it here.

[Katie Ashe]

I saw the movie a month ago, Realistic, yes, likely, no. Every couples needs are different and hard to say it would be reasonable for you or I. The movie is close to what some can and do go through. I can not answer what I Would do, ...I think I'd rather have my SO leave me, only cause it would hurt to much.