SO dislikes forum

[cdsteph]

I'm fortunate that my SO is actively supportive, however has no interest in joining as a GG and is opposed to my joining this forum... or any other.
We've discussed the entire realm of why I (we) enjoy dressing but the thought of my discussing CD with others is taboo.
...and I'm not sure why...
She has no doubts about my sexuality which is completely hetero

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Steph

I'm sure she feels that you life should be private

Some will never want to dicuss CDing it may depend how mich she knows about forums

So find them very scary especially at first but only she will really know the reason why

[Tamara Croft]

A lot of SO's dislike the forum because it is really overwhelming. I remember when I first joined, well my partner wouldn't shut up going on about it until I did.... but it was scary, seeing a few thousand CD's on the forum.... and all the pictures :eek: freaked me out I can tell you that. Well, if she ever decides she'd like to join, she'll be more than welcome :)

[Hippy Chic's Chick]

It's a shame if she doesn't like them - I enjoy using them alongside HC (while respecting his privacy on here too).

I can't see why she would hate the idea, maybe she is concerned that ideas would be put in your head that she doesn't want there, that you may consider trying things that she wouldn't be happy with.

Ask her to show you exactly what she doesn't like and perhaps point out a few other SOs who use and enjoy the forums - letting her know that use of the forums hasn't changed our CDs whatsoever. :)

[Dita_B]

Hello Steph...

I have to agree with both Shelly and Tamara. Her reaction sounds fear driven to me. She probably wants to keep your CD-ing inside the privacy of her home. And she's probably afraid that joining a forum will make your CD-ing a public affair.

Give her some time to cool down and wait for the right opportunity to inform her about how the forum works and that it is a great source of information among people dealing with the same issues. So instead of a source of fear it could turn into a source of support and belonging for both of you.

DON'T force th issue though, she needs time to come to terms with the whole idea...

Best of luck...:love:Dita.

[Angie G]

that's to dad Steph if she visited iu she would see we'er not so bad :hugs:
Angie

[Karren H]

Well IMHO, if she is supportive then count yourself lucky and forget about this place and move on!!! Lucky girl!! I think a lot of us would give up way more than forums to have a supportive SO!!

Karren

[_Cecilie_]

I almost experience the same problems, and after talking to my girlfriend it seems like it's the fear of "getting caught" that's the problem. She's not against it now, but she voiced her concerns, which I believe is most likely what you are dealing with.

Over time I guess you both will realize that it something that's a part of you and that this forum will only help you and her.

[TerriM]

Those of you who have supportive wives should consider yourself very lucky. From what I have seen, Is that most wives really want very little to do with their husband's femme side. My wife has known over 25 yrs and still wants no part of my femme side. Last year we went to dinner at a CD friend of mine with our wives. My friend and I were in drab. It was a nice evening but my wife really never mentioned the evening again. I am lucky that my wife puts up with me going out my 1 or 2 times a month. She allows me to hang some of my femme clothes in our closet. But that is about it. We very rarely talk about my dressing and only if I bring it up. I think most so called supportive wives would rather have their husbands not dress, but thats just my opinion.

Yours Terri

[Sheri 4242]

A lot of SO's dislike the forum because it is really overwhelming. I remember when I first joined, well my partner wouldn't shut up going on about it until I did.... but it was scary, seeing a few thousand CD's on the forum.... and all the pictures :eek: freaked me out I can tell you that. Well, if she ever decides she'd like to join, she'll be more than welcome :)

I agree with Tamara GG and some of the others -- the forum can be overwhelming to many a GG!!! My wife can spend 4-5 hours on the computer "playing" every day -- but let me spend one hour on this forum and sometimes she gets upset. Part of this may be b/c I talk about the forum too much. Part of it may be b/c seeing my interaction with so many other CDers might be too much for her to handle "at times." Life -- actually, specifically to this thread, "marriage" -- has to be a balance. My wife once pointed out that I had, at that time, 400-500 posts and she only had like a dozen posts. She thought I was spending too much time on here -- but that seems to be transitory . . . some days she doesn't habe a problem with me boing on here, some day she does.

[switcheralso]

My wife also does not have an interest on the forum. She stated “what happens if someone traces you back from the forum”. As you can tell she is scared of our secret. I purchased Helen Boyd’ book about C/D and started reading it this weekend and found the introduction is on target of what I have thought about C/D. I am going to just have her look at the Introduction of the book to understand C/D. I also have some facts such as Helen being at Purdue it gives some validity to Helen. My wife went to Purdue so it will validate the book to her.

I guess at some point she will ask about the forum and want to read some of the posts.

[Mitch23]

Those of you who have supportive wives should consider yourself very lucky. From what I have seen, Is that most wives really want very little to do with their husband's femme side. My wife has known over 25 yrs and still wants no part of my femme side. Last year we went to dinner at a CD friend of mine with our wives. My friend and I were in drab. It was a nice evening but my wife really never mentioned the evening again. I am lucky that my wife puts up with me going out my 1 or 2 times a month. She allows me to hang some of my femme clothes in our closet. But that is about it. We very rarely talk about my dressing and only if I bring it up. I think most so called supportive wives would rather have their husbands not dress, but thats just my opinion.

Yours Terri
I agree totally, that's where my wife is. She really doesn't like it and would rather I didn't do it. Can't see the positives, only the negatives. Lives in a kind of fog of denial and is only rattled when some aspect of my cd activity confronts her. Then we go into a strop for a while and eventually calm down. It's like walking on eggshells all the time. Latest was because i was spending too much time on the computer chatting to my 'weird friends' ie you lot.

Yes I probably was but I explained that hostility and negativity was going to drive me underground in order to get the support I need

Mitch

[Sheri 4242]

My wife . . . stated “what happens if someone traces you back from the forum”. As you can tell she is scared of our secret.

Highly unlikely that such could ever happen -- one would have to be a serious hacker with extreme equipment, too much time on their hands, and also be "on a mission," I would think!!! Even then, it would be difficult-to-impossible unless they attacked things through your own computer and IP, which is not guarantee. That said, I'm not sure it will reassure her b/c sometimes when we get serious fears in our mind -- real or imaginary -- they aren't too easily overcome!!! We, of all people, should understand this!!!


I purchased Helen Boyd’ book about C/D and started reading it this weekend and found the introduction is on target of what I have thought about C/D. I am going to just have her look at the Introduction of the book to understand C/D. I also have some facts such as Helen being at Purdue it gives some validity to Helen. My wife went to Purdue so it will validate the book to her.

"IF" your wife is at the point you indicate, Helen's book -- her Purdue association notwithstanding -- may scare her off in a big way!!! My wife is incredibly supportive and accepting. She is also educated and very well-read -- as I would naturally presume your wife would be (Purdue and all). Yet, Helen's book, as good a resource as it is, leaves many with the wrong impression. I had never mentioned this thought about Helen's work previously on here, then just recently on this forum several of our sisters made note of the exact same point!!! For some reason, Helen's work leaves many a GG with the idea that transitioning is inevitable!!!


I guess at some point she will ask about the forum and want to read some of the posts.

That would be one of the best things for you and your wife!!! She could get to talk with other GG's who are accepting -- and who have had to come a long way in many cases!!!

[JamesAlan]

The week after my girlfriend told me she wanted to dress as a woman, I found this forum. I read a few post and joined. I told her about the forum and she joined. I don't know how often she reads it, but I know I'm on here almost daily and have made many more posts that she has. It's been good for me, but I can see how someone more tentative about crossdressing can be turned off by it. I originally joined to get tips on helping her to look more feminine, but have found a family here were I can share the joys and pains of life, not just related to cding.

[Bunny Love]

I must admit, I'm jealous of the amount of time my husband spends "chatting" on the forum. It seems to me that he'd rather chat with you all than with me. Yes, I "play" on my computer, too. I also do work on my computer, so I'm not always playing just because I'm sitting at my computer.

I really don't mind him chatting but does it have to be all hours of the day and night. I have been awakened at night by the tap, tap, tapping on the laptop keyboard.

I understand that he needs a place where he can safely and comfortably chat with others of like mind but what's more important me or the forum.


(Note to my husband: I'm certain you'll read this. Just want you to know I love you -- SDCBBM -- AAF, AM!!!!!!!:love: