The decision

[Niya W]

well the decision has been made . In two weeks i have an appointment with a therapist, if all goes well I'll get to see the head shrink. From there i'll get my hormones. Now the hard part how do I tell my parents. I'll guess Il'l figure that out after they come back from vaction

[JamesAlan]

Telling your parents can be hard to do. I'm only dating a ts, and my mother had a hard time accepting it for a while. My girlfriend has told her mother, but not her father. She knew her mother would eventually accept it, but is scared her father will throw her out. My suggestion is that you have a bit of info ready for them and ready to answer any questions they have for you. It will take time for them to come to terms with it. Just be patient.

[melissaK]

1) What do they already know of your gender issues? What's their baseline here? You taking them from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds, or are they already on the highway and you just need them to shift gears from "our son the Cder" to "our son is becoming our daughter"?

2) Maybe you should ask your therapist for some advice about it, and about your emotional readinesss for this disclosure. Messing w/ a parent-child realtionship, even where everyone's an adult, is a big deal for all involved - you and them. The need for parental approval plays out differently for each of us. Many parent-adult child relationships aren't healthy; many have arrested development aspects.

3) Maybe you should evaluate the timing of telling. You are an adult, and you aren't telling them in order to obtain permission. So, until you actually have been approved for and are on hormones, and you are medically able and mentally willing to continue on hormones, telling Mom & Dad might be premature. Unless you're telling them is to seek permission and approval. Then go back to step 2.

Hugs,
'lissa

[Niya W]

Well I do live my parents, might notice boobs at the dinner table.

This not 0-60 for them. They know about me CDing although they dont like it. When my mom found out she was like do you want to dress like a woman or be one.

MY father said he does not approve of this shit. I know he wont throw me out. I'm pretty sure he would make the attempt to support me eventually. Well i'm hoping that he would and i'm basing this on the fact that he was able to forgive his father.

My grand father was a cruel and mean person that only cared about him self. Never understood what it meant to love or not to live for the moment

[melissaK]

Sounds like you have a good read on your folks, and that you are more close to them than not. Nice you can see the journey your own Dad has gone through in his life.

Coincidentally, my own paternal grandfather was pretty mean and self centered too, and while my Dad made his peace with him, he told me he never really had any use for his own Dad. My Dad never learned of my TG issues before passing, but years of being the long hairded hippie son (wearing womens jeans and womens t's under the guise of being an 'art major' in college probably tested him just as much, and he never threw me out. Didn't invite me to his military retirement ceremony but, I actually understood that. We got along.

And as for breasts at the dinner table, you have time. They take awhile. Pretty sure that even if you started HRT full bore today the only breasts at the table on Thanksgiving will belong to the GG's and the turkey. :heehee:

hugs,
'lissa

[loriannetucson]

The breasts will not grow ovenight. Your changes will be firstly emotional. There may even be a psychosomatic element at play when you first take them. I know that I felt ecstatic that first day back in February of this year when I first took estrogen. It was like I was sprinkled with pixie dust and could fly to Never never land! Now, granted, I know the estrogen wasn't at work then, it was the relief my mind felt of finally starting down this path once and for all...

I certainly hope your parents come to a full level of acceptance with you. It will take time, no less, but if you reach out to them and they reach back, you should be in good shape. Love knows no boundaries, even if the boundary consists of skin.

[SarahAnn]

Hi.
I started living full time 2nd April 2007. I held of telling my parents for the last 4 years of the steps I was taking allways waiting for the right moment,,,,you know when conversations could be steered to certain topics.
Ultimatly it will be down to what people your parents are.
Mine are small minded sorry closed minded, my father is a Homophobe so I knew how ever I broke it to him he would not take it well.
The main thing is that I know that they both Love me and that is what counts in the end.
I sent ( havent lived with them since I was 16) a long detailed 6 page A4 letter trying to explain my inner feeling at various stages in my life and the reasons I never told them before now. I included a pack for FTM families to help explain and information about what a Male to female transgenderd person is. This was fine and all seemed well when I spoke to them on the phone. I wanted to do all this face to face but due to my work and distance physically from them was unable to do so. I felt I had to let them know as I am living fulltime and have no male clothes anymore if they popped in on route to or from my brothers which is on route between them and my brothers they would have got an even bigger shock.

It was only after I sent a CD rom with a slide show of me over the last 7 years as Myself that things changed. the reality sunk in for them it wasnt just words anymore to them.
My dad phoned me and left me in tears on the phone saying the usuall how could I do this to them and trying to make me feel guilty about transitioning.
when in fact the big issue would be for my father and quite often for men like its some attck or affront to their masulinity and also worrying about what others would think. I understood all this and knew it would not be something easy for them to accept.
But my mum still phones me to see if Iam ok etc.I have not spoken to my father since that last phone call. I put this down to them both not having the best of education and not having open minds.One of the reasons I waited so long was thinking of them before myself.
On the other hand I told my mums sister and she was great it was no big deal. My brother was brilliant making sure I was fine phoning every other day ensuring I was OK. I know time will be needed for them both to adjust.

You know your parents so inside you will have a good idea how they will react.As your living with them it sort of forces an acceptance or at least some tollerance of you and your situation.
Ultimatly you will only know once you reveal to them this news.

I wish you luck and hope its a far better experience than mine was. Many others I know have experienced the same type of reaction with the majority of the women being more understanding and the men finding it difficult to deal with. the exceptions being those who have well educated and open minded parents faring better.

Sarah.

[Niya W]

Sigh not to well. Mom was like I didnt see it coming. No signs of it as a child and THen she said I'd always be her little boy. THen she started in on the moral and religious implications

[SarahAnn]

I am sorry to hear that as soon as I saw the words "RELIGIOUS" then I knew rightaway what BS you will get.well at least the worse I suppose is that she will Pray for you. dont worry denial is allways the first stage whether the news be cancer, that your a murderer etc....

the deed is done now stay strong dont push it they will be hoping its just a phase or somthing simerler time will only tell now.

My mum did say that she knew something wasnt quite right she thought I might be gay I said if only it had been as simple as that............LOL

[Niya W]

i felt like i just told my mom hey Im accused sexual offend, dont worry mom only accused