HELP Sister In-Law is coming to town!!

[Dawn D.]

So, Ladies I am in need of your advice. My Sister In-Law will be visiting and staying with us for more than three months starting in November. My daughter is expecting and Sis wants to be here when we get our first grandchild (still can't believe I am going to be a grandfather)! Plus she loves to visit us for the holiday seasons in any case. The problem arises of course from her not knowing anything about Dawn. And Dawn is not happy at the thought of being on an unwanted extended vacation in a nearby closet (lots' of tropical shirts in there though....LOL).

My Dear Wife and i have discussed this matter at length and I have somewhat convinced her that I feel her sister would be open to Dawn. Although she still holds some ambivalence to it. Her sister is very open minded and has a heart of gold. However, DW says she has no real, good idea how receptive to Dawn she may be. So we are devising ways to test the waters if you will, about how open to CDing she may or may not be. We both agree that discussion on the subject has to originate from me.

My idea is to write a letter to her explaining as best I can why I am who I am. Much the same as I did for my Wife.........hey it worked with her (and I love her more everyday, too)! Along with this I am considering using the movie "Kinky Boots" (a movie I highly recommend by the way) as an ice breaker just to see what conversation develops and if all goes fairly well give her the letter to ponder and hopefully ask questions. If things don't go as well as I would hope for after the movie and any subsequent conversation.....no letter. As a plan "B" I would bring a subtle but overt awareness of Dawn to Sis by using things like helping my Lovely Wife with her nails as I already do. Then helping Sis with hers. Hoping this would open up conversation with her as to what is going on with me, much the same as it did with my Mother a while back (although she still does not know the total-ness of Dawn).

So, how about it girls? Any advice is welcome.



Dawn

[DonnaT]

I would just come straight out and tell her. Since she's planning on staying for 3 months.

Just sit down with her and say, "Look, I need to get something said, so please listen and then you can ask me anything about what I tell you afterwards. Since you're going to be here a while, and are most welcome, there are certain needs I have which can't be hidden away that long. . . ."

[KandisTX]

Gotta agree with Donna on this one. She is coming to YOUR home for this length of time, which means she is interupting YOUR life. This is NOT acceptable for you to have to put your needs on hold just because she feels it is her "right" to be there when YOUR grandchild is born. Your best bet here is be direct with her, explain to her that you have a side of you that must be expressed, and you will do what you normally do when she isn't there.

Now, before anyone thinks I'm being "cold or callous" on this, I would tell the same thing to my own family members if they decided to impose themselves on me and my immediate family for that length of time.

Kandis:love:

[trannie T]

I am impressed by your post. You are not especially concerned about telling your sister in law about Dawn but rether how you are going to tell her. I admire your courage. Hope things go well. You Rock Girl!

[Julogden]

I have to agree too, you need to talk with her, forget the Kinky Boots movie, it would only confuse matters, most likely.

Be gentle, but let her know what she should expect, and have your wife involved too. No need to be bossy about it, just explain the situation and let her know you'll occasionally be dressing a bit differently than what she might expect. Donna's got it right, IMO. No apologies about who you are, be positive.

Carol

[susie bear]

How about having your DW talk to her and let her know what is going on. It might go better. However you know her better than we do. so. Guess my reply is worth what you paid for it.

Best of luck,

Susie Bear

[teresa jeen]

sometimes they ought to be called out-laws!!! and just like fish they stink after 3 days!!!! i think except for a letter detailing your lifestyle,a more, relaxed evening, everyone takes a shower, gets into their own night clothes,watch a good movie. she'll either say something or not. why should we,at home, have to give in to their beliefs?if she has a question she'll either wait til you've gone potty, or say it to your face. let the ball be in her court. you ultimately win.(its your house)

[Alice B]

I think coming out to tell her is a good idea and the letter may even be a better one. How about getting it to her before she comes out, so she will have time to digest it. No matter how good the movie is, I would wait before springing that on her.:happy:

[Billijo49504]

I want to take the oposing view. If she is coming to live in your house, eat your food, why shouldn't she accept you for what you are. If not, she can stay in a hotel, and pay the freight herself. You should not have to change for someone living in your house, if you don't want too. Tell her this is the fact of your life, and this is te way it will be. If she is not comfortable with it, you won't put it in her face, but you will be dressing some of the times, and if she isn't comfortable with it, she can stay in her room....BJ

[Stephenie S]

I kinda think you should just come right out and tell her. Being straightforward is almost always a good idea. And it eliminates a great deal of confusion. Hinting about things, especially important things, is always problematic.

Just tell her, hon.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Dawn D.]

Wow!! So much good advice from all! Thank you so much. There seem to be many different (and all good and valid) approaches to this dilemma. I will ponder over all of them and let you Ladies know just how I will ultimately handle this situation.

For the most part I agree with everyone here that says in effect "it's my/our house and what happens here is my/our business". I should say though that since first meeting my Lovely Wife I have always had a very warm and congenial relationship with her sister. She, as I have said previous, is pretty open minded and does not tend to be judgmental of others. I think that I will form a softer approach to her about Dawn. Maybe a little prearrival warning as Alice B suggested might be in order. However, I am reconsidering actually putting it in writing to someone living outside my home, for fear hers might not be the only eyes to read it! I may instead just call her on the phone beforehand and begin a dialog somehow.

As I said, I will mull this all over for a while and weigh all the options given. If anyone else cares to offer suggestions..............Please Do!



Dawn

[KandisTX]

I may instead just call her on the phone beforehand and begin a dialog somehow.

As I said, I will mull this all over for a while and weigh all the options given. If anyone else cares to offer suggestions..............Please Do!

Dawn

Dawn,

This may well be a most excellant way to go. Call her up (with your wife there as well for support or to maybe help you steer the conversation). This will also allow her to ask your wife questions she may have with regard to HER acceptance and such.

Kandis:love: