A ? for those with accepting SO's

[Dee Talbot]

Barb and I have discussed the fact that I am not the girliest of girls. I have never felt comfortable being confined to proscribed "girl" activies and feelings, and long ago learned to be comfortable somewhere in the middle. How many cds who have accepting SO's, or gg's who are an accepting SO themselves, have also found that they were always uncomfortable with gender biases. And how has this affected your relationship?

Personally, I think the fact that I indicated to Barb from day one that I was as comfortable under the hood of a car as I was with her cooking dinner showed her, even on a subconcious level since she wasn't even out to herself, that traditional gender roles were meaningless to me. I think this has made acceptance of each other and ourselves a lot easier.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Dee

[hunny67]

I would class myself as tomboy but since being with jennilouise i have got abit more girly.

[SatinDoll00]

My wife does not know about my CD'ing (a big sin, yes I know)...but one of the reasons I have not been able to muster up the courage to tell her is that she is like you (not in every way I am sure) ... she is not a girly girl. In fact, I own more pairs of lacey panties than she does.

She and I met playing Ice Hockey. Now, before anyone starts the maybe she is a lesbian thing, she has been with women and did not enjoy the experience (another reason that I am like...YIKES about telling her).

On some level, I wonder if that is why we are attracted to one another. Then again, in male mode, I am not girly at all. I am hairy, have short hair, and never wear anything that makes me seem even the least bit fem. I am a hockey player, ex-football player, brown belt in karate, and all the normal trappings of a man (I am even an ex-diesel mechanic!).

But I do often wonder if it is something we sense in each other down deep. The fact that she was willing to experiment with women (which I didn't know before we were married) and the fact that I am CD is a little odd. :)

Bottom line...I am pretty sure that she might look down on me if she did know, not only because I am a CD...but I wear all those frilly, flowery, lacey, satiny things she hates!!! :D

Morgan <---wears white shoes after labor day! (how huge?)

[Dee Talbot]

Morgan,

thanks for responding. And of course you are welcome to offer your story. Barb is also very manly in male mode. I agree, that we may sense something in each other down deep.

Dee

[DonnaT]

Well, my wife has no qualms with doing things some would consider manly. For example, she likes pounding nails into wood. When we built our deck and garden shed, I think she pounded more nails than I did. Another example is, she likes fishing.

[Lora Olivia]

Dee
Yes my SO is accepting and yes she would say she was a tomboy, she doe's like racing and fishing but not more traditionally male sports ie. football, basketball, hockey et al, but then of course neither do I. I used to say (long before being out as a cd) that I believed that everyone was born a little of both. For me I am alot of both, I do believe that I am BI gendered, a male personality and a female one. Just my :2c:
:hugs: to You and Barb

[Satrana]

My wife story is a little different in that in previous relationships she always played the girlie role. When she met me and I explained about my crossdressing and how important it was to be able to express the real me, that opened up new possibilities for her. I encouraged her to step out of her shell and to behave the way she wanted too and forget trying to live up to other people's expectations.

I am proud that my crossdressing showed her it was ok to just be herself. She dropped a lot of the girlie things she thought so important to being in a relationship. Her friends remarked at the big changes she has made in her life. So we are sharing a journey where both of us are discovering ourselves which gives us a special bond. My crossdressing is a good, positive secret we have.

[Billijo49504]

Might I suggest a good long look at the GG Ladies at the super market. You will se from very fe3m to very butch and everything in between. Take a look. You might fit in better than you thought you would..BJ

[BarbaraTalbot]

I guess I can pipe up here.

I never thought of my SO as anything less than girly. Come to think of it when she wants to back-slide into sweats and flats that I talked her out of when we were dating, I guess there might be something there that I always ignored. Kind of remarkable that she is willing to be supportive of my alternate way of presenting myself, when I am not very supportive of denim and overalls.

Food for thought.

It is interesting that she took small engine repair and home eq in school. She also knows how to sew and does crafty things.

She likes Football (American version and as the other as the rest of the world knows it) I tolerate the world version. When I met her she drove a stickshift econobox with a 2.5 liter 16 valve overhead cam. It broke down and we had to push it up the hill and I was a little embarrassed that she had a little more leg strength than I did. (I used to run miles daily!)

All in all I think of her as just really well rounded, can shoot, claims to wrench, but lets me be the one to get greasy, was surprisingly disappointed when I muffled back the sound of my mid-life crisis hot rod, can hike, bear children, cook, sew, and is very creative, all woman in bed. Dunno, she is just her.

[Miss Petra]

My wife is a real tom boy and would rather wear t-shirts & sweats. Thats fine with me. Wears very little makeup but I think she is the most beautiful woman in the world, and I tell her that daily.

Since I have comeout as a CD she wears more makeup borrows my foundation & comments that she wants to wear more skirts & has started buying more girly clothes. She has been buying me outfits so I told her to buy herself an outfit when she is out shopping for me. Very strange changes going on over here in our household.

Petra

[Holly]

I have a similar experience to Miss P. My wife will look at "softer" clothing for herself now and get her nails done every two weeks (we go together :D). She always has been and continues to be the most exciting and important female in my life, it's just that now she's a bit more, well, frilly!

[Veronica Fallon]

Great question Dee!

My S/O is rather like me- a fair mix of both. Just as I can present as quite "manly", she can present as mostly "girly". We've discussed this in the past & she's said that she's always assumed the more feminine role in previous relationships. But she'd always been hoping to meet a man like me- one who can freely express his femininity.

Her more masculine side doesn't show up so much in the things she does, but rather in her approach sometimes to our relationship. We used to often butt heads at first (my male side can be somewhat dominant & controlling :blushing:), but as my femme side emerged more I seemed to naturally relinquish more power to her. We eventually found our groove & relate better that way. She's especially dominant in bed, which I love more than I dare say here! Sometimes she even "enhances" herself :eek: to take on the male role in our lovemaking. She's also more dominant in our (currently home-based) business, which works out well because I usually dress for it & am much more flexible as a woman. She can be the "boss", as long as I get to be the pretty secretary :battingeyelashes:!!

Her masculine side doesn't show much on the surface, just as my femininity doesn't show unless I choose to express it, but it is definitely there. An interesting thing seems to be evolving with each of us as individuals- my femininity brings out more of her masculinity through time, as her dominance makes me feel oooohh so much more feminine.

I think your question might lend some value to determining compatibility between T-girls & GG partners. I'm sure curious to find out.

Thank you,

Veronica

P.S.- I still hafta do repairs & take out the damn trash!! :mad::D