Am i being greedy

[kerensa]

I just left a post on jamie001s thread wearing femme items in male mode and its got me thinking about a couple of things. I have spent most of my life trying to find out who i was and along the way have flirted with both having a sex change and suicide. Every partner i have had, has known from the start about my CDing but it still haunts me to this day that my first wife spilt many crocodile tears telling her mum that she had just found out that i wear her clothes, (she was wrong on two accounts firstly she new about my cding and secondly they were my clothes)one thing she didnt tell her mother was she was having an affair with her sisters boyfriend.When the divorce papers came through her solicitor said either i agreed to get a divorce on the grounds of me being a gambler and an alcoholic or she would say that i was a CDer, well im not ashamed of what i am so the fact that i am in some way transgendered was mentioned in the divorce papers.
When it comes to relationships i have always seen myself as a stepping stone girls would date me until someone better turned up and i would go into every relationship thinking i wonder how long this one is going to last,that was untill my now wife came along, we met via one of those telephone chat lines and we both told each other we loved one another before we even met, i told her about my CDing and she just said you could have a sex change and i would still love you, within the space of a year we brought our own property, she got pregnant with our first child and we got married.

5 years later we are still happily married and now have a second child there is just one problem i am desperate to have breasts and what i mean by that is i am so desperate that if i was given 2 pills and told one will kill ya and the other will give you a size B in the morning i would take the risk, i just see myself as half male and half female and i want the body to match before i die it has become somewhat of an obsession, i have tried pills,creams and have just brought a breast pump which it seems has all been a total waste of time and money, i read about the herbs on this site which could be tried but my wife has also read about the possible side affects of mixing them together and has said thats a non starter despite the fact that i would be prepared to take the risk,of course the other step is BA but in this country it appears the only chance of having that done is if you are TS which i am not, so that just leaves going abroad to have this done which i have heard some negative storys about yet again im pretty sure my wife wouldnt be too happy about going down that route either.

The point is am i just wanting too much? i read about so many other CDers whose partners do not know about,tolerate or accept their CDing and it makes me realise just what a lucky person i am to have such an understanding wife,i am in good health and have two great children that i adore, i have a dont care less attitude when it comes to CDing and will dress or become whatever i want but am i just being greedy and should be happy with what i have got?

[Ema1234 GG]

I do think you need to stop hanging onto the past. Yes you may have had a hard time in past relationships, but that's exactly what they are, in the past. You sound like you have a fantastic and extremely supportive wife and in that respect you couldn't ask for more. There's no point hanging onto to people who have been unsupportive in the past.

[kerensa]

I wouldnt say i am hanging on to things that have happened to me in the past Ema in fact its because ive had such a troublesome past which has made me more stronger nowadays, my only real concern is i feel as if i am letting my wife down by not being a so say normal guy (whatever that is) also i am not bringing my childrens feelings into the fact that i have this desire to have breasts so i guess i am stuck between what i want and what i should do

[Stephenie S]

Yeah, what SHE said.

The past is gone, hon, never to return. You do have a fine wife, and a good relationship. Focus on this one.

As far as breasts go, a good experiment would be to buy a nice set of prosthesis and a comfortable bra and the wear them all day every day for a month (NO CHEATING!). This will give you a good idea if you really want to do this.

In the US, almost any competant plastic surgeon will be able to do a BA on you. You just pays yer money and you gets yer boobs. I can't imagine it's that much different in the UK. Or are you trying to get them done for free on the NH? That may be a problem. We usually can't get that done here, either (on our insurance).

Try having titties for a month or so, dear. See if you really like it all the time. Then go from there.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[mellisa's wife]

I do think you need to stop hanging onto the past. Yes you may have had a hard time in past relationships, but that's exactly what they are, in the past. You sound like you have a fantastic and extremely supportive wife and in that respect you couldn't ask for more. There's no point hanging onto to people who have been unsupportive in the past.

Looks like you have what you have been looking for in a spouse. Look around this site at those who dream of having a supportive wife and family. Sometimes you need to step back and look at what you HAVE not what you don't have. Believe me.... I know. Life doesn't always give you every thing you want, but you must count your blessings and appreciate what you do have that is dear to you.

:2c:

[kerensa]

Dont work like that in this country Steph (unless any one in the UK knows any different) I have contacted several surgeries that do BA and would only consider BA in males if they were TS when i have tried to explain why i want this done if the phone hasnt been slammed down i have been laughed at or recommended to see a shrink, whats a guy gotta do to get boobs nowadays

[brylram]

I agree that you should try having breasts for a while before deciding that you truly want them, and by that I mean wear them 24/7. Wear them if you need to present as male, wear them when you sleep, wear them when you just want to run to the store (again, this may be at a time when you will appear male) and never take them off even if you think there may be a threat to your safety if you are wearing them. I don't know much about fake breasts, but I do know that there are prosthetic glues out there that will hold many types of fake body parts on while not damaging your skin, and you'd probably use something like that to keep them on, as I said, ALL the time. If after a period of time, you feel comfortable with having breasts at all times, then I'd say go ahead and pursue the issue, but if you feel uncomfortable at times, then think about it some more.

Also, if you wanted to hide your breasts at times, rather than taking them off you'd have to do what other people with breasts must do to hide them... and that is wear a very tight sports bra, or a shirt from a company like underworks to make them less visible. I think you'd find out very quickly how uncomfortable that can be (hot, sweaty, and even causing difficulty with breathing over time) and that might also give you pause. But if there are going to be times when you want them hidden, unfortunately that's really the only option.

I don't know if I'm sounding like an a**hole at all, cause it's 5am and I'm exhausted, but if I do sound that way I promise it's unintentional. I just think you ought to be very sure before going down a road that will leave you physically in between sexes, as actually having to wear such neutrality on/in your flesh can be shockingly unpleasant and scary for people who fall somewhere between male and female on the spectrum, and you could find yourself with a new set of depressions.

On a final note, if you did end up binding at times, then unfortunately you'd find that if you had grown your breasts through the use of hormones then you would damage the tissue causing them to sag. And if you had implants, it might not even work AT ALL to bind.

PS - I know I already said FINAL note, but this needs to be said as well. The fact that you would consider putting your body at risk (and I'm guessing use illegal substances/methods, or ones that could cause serious illness) makes me think you really don't have your head in the right place to make a decision about your body right now. It's one thing to want something badly enough that you wish a certain method werent so dangerous, or to wish you could skirt around established guidelines (which, might I add are there for YOUR safety) without causing harm to yourself. It's entirely another to actually be willing to harm yourself in order to achieve a goal. We all end up having to wait, or even accept that certain things are not possible for us to achieve, and as hard as that may be at times it's important to care first and foremost for your health and wellbeing. After all, what good would it do you to have breasts but be dead, or in a hospital? And I think from how caring you've said your SO is... they would rather have you alive and healthy in any form, than not have you at all.

[kerensa]

like the post Brylram like nothing more than someone who is straight talking and puts across there own views rather than what a person might want to hear and i agree with most of what you say, i know i should be happy with what i got but that doesnt stop me wanting that little bit extra, i feel i cant start living my life until i become the person i feel i am (half male/half female) as i said in thread i did flirt with the idea of having a change of sex and was on hormones for about 6 months (premarin) which gave me a size A cup so i already have something there i just want to get bigger so i can pull away from looking as if i just have man boobs. You and Steph have both come up with good ideas about wearing my false boobs on a full time basis at least then the whole family could see what it would be like before i decide whever or not it would be for me, one thing is for sure taking the odd beating just because i had boobs would not deter me if my family can accept it then everyone else can kiss my butt

[brylram]

lol... I like your view on it all, and I'm glad you like the straight to the point approach (gets me more slaps than praise). I've always thrown caution to the wind as far as worrying about physical danger from other people (in other words, I mostly just DON'T worry) so I guess my main concern was about you, and whether it might be uncomfortable for you at times to be seen, not necessarily harmed. But you sound like you know what's going on, and I hope whatever you choose works out for you. :hugs:

[DonnaT]

I agree with the idea of trying out forms before going to the extreme of BA or the like.

This would not only be a test for you, but also for your wife. And for your marriage, as a couple.

You did mention that she said you could have a sex change and she would still love you, when you first met online. Does she still feel this way?

As for pills, hormones and creams, they won't do much for you as long as you are producing testosterone. And you really need to be under a doctors care to monitor your blood work to make sure there are no ill-effects from the hormones.

Once you determine that you, your wife and your relationship can handle you having breasts, then you'll want to go to Thailand and have BA.

NHS is not likely to give you the necessary hormones, unless you tell them, and confirm with two p-docs, that you are TS. Then they may wait 2 yrs while you go through a RLE living as a woman. Plus getting appointments for everything takes forever.

[brylram]

2 YEARS?! wow... that's longer than here... by a lot. *shakes head in wonder*

I'm also wondering... why Thailand? If it has something to do with lax guidelines for safe and conscientious treatment of cd/ts patients... then that doesn't really sound safe, and therefore certainly doesn't sound ideal. If it's that the doctors are good, and provide QUALITY care, treatment, and results... without having to jump through hoops, then I say go for it, and good luck! :thumbsup:

[kerensa]

Thanks Donna for post i dont want to sway too much away from my thread but at least you have highlighted the problem of a male getting breasts in this country, i started doing the 2 year real life programme at which point i knew i wasnt a 100% TS it just wasnt me, so all treatment stopped, i wish in a way i had carried on untill my breasts had fully developed and then pulled out, but thats the only thing i regret. Ithink with me i refuse to sign up to the whole boy-girl thing, if you are female you grow up plalying with dolls, become a nurse, meet a guy with a fast car and loads of money have a couple of children and live happily ever after, on the flipside if your a male you grow up playing football become a car mechanic try to avoid meeting a girl whos looking for a fast car and loads of money (no offence GGs) get drunk every weekend and screw around as much as possible, the trouble comes when you are slightly in the middle ie trangendered in anyway, i feel society is starting to come round to the fact that not everyone is the same but i dont think i will live long enough to see it being just a normal thing for a guy to go into a store in drab and ask to try on a skirt without anyone batting an eye lid, i found an old postcard addressed to my wifes sister it was from her friend who was about 11 and in it it said, we are off to a show tonight were a load of blokes are going to dress up in womens clothing HOW STRANGE IS THAT! and that is where i feel the trouble lies untill children are given a greater understanding of different lifestyles then most of us are forever going to spend all our lives in the cupboard. I find it somewhat strange that it is now ok for gays/lesbians to have the same marital rights as hetrosexual couples, and its somewhat cool nowadays to have a gay friend, but i am made to feel like a freak just because i am wearing a skirt, i should like to make a point in saying i have nothing against any gay persons i just wish we all could play on a level playing field. i do not see myself as either male of female i guess i am stuck in the middle but what i do know is if one day i decide to become this 3rd gender person i feel i am, it will be because i want to and i will not be influenced by what society thinks i should be i guess i am just a rebel. I will apologise if i have caused offence to anyone i am just a bit fed up and wanted to throw all my toys out my pram, i will now go and sit at the back of the classroom and play with me pony tails

[Tasha T]

A good friend of mime who is a mtf transsexual had SRS done this year. She was trying to decide between getting the operation done in Thailand or Montreal and chose Montreal. She had a great experience. I'm not sure what the policies are towards cd's in Montreal, but that's a city you might want to check out.

[DonnaT]

I'm also wondering... why Thailand? If it has something to do with lax guidelines for safe and conscientious treatment of cd/ts patients... then that doesn't really sound safe, and therefore certainly doesn't sound ideal. If it's that the doctors are good, and provide QUALITY care, treatment, and results... without having to jump through hoops, then I say go for it, and good luck! :thumbsup:
From what I hear, it's cheaper and they are good. And they have a lot of experience with locals and foreigners. A number of girls from the UK go there because of the time requirements and scheduling problems in the UK if one is going through NHS instead of going private.

BA is, for the most part, quite common in many countries, and the care about the same. Not sure about the cost comparisons, however.