Giddy (about meeting a CD)

[Kris]

Hi ladies,

Well guess what? I do believe that I have found a match for me...... kinda, maybe? LMAO

I found me a 6'1" CDer who lives about 30 minutes from me. My heart is thumpin....... I am racing. Of course she wants to meet me NOW and I am kinda freakin out. It is so much easier to meet and talk to people on the computer than to meet them and jump in a car and go visit. Since I am such a shrimp I think I will take one of my friends with me to meet her.

She has some draw backs..... she is 8 months clean from being an alcoholic... and I occasionally like to drink. She also has had a few experiences with men..... but said she has no issues with getting tested.... because I am terrified of AIDS.. my brother in law died from it and it seriously affected me.

She confuses me because she says she is in the closet and wants to stay there but she has no problem going out dressed with me. She seems paranoid that people with think she is gay...... and yet she had a few intimacies with men.

I would really appreciate it if EVERYONE would please give me their honest opinion... and fast because I want to go meet her!

Kris GG

[Zee]

My instinct would be to meet her. Life is too short and you never know if this is the right one.

However, (and there always is a however), be careful. You know, there is a reason why parents tell their children not to talk to strangers...

I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

[Kris]

However, (and there always is a however), be careful. You know, there is a reason why parents tell their children not to talk to strangers...

I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Now I am scared to DEATH! What if she is a mass murderer?

I never thought of that until now. I wont go without my friend with me. She is a GG who is 5'10 and has been in prison and isn't afraid to throw down to save me! :heehee:

Kris GG

[BarbaraTalbot]

Who is right for (whom?) . The picture you paint has some caution flags.

Having said that, I am sure someone could write a bio of my life, family history, family medical history and it would clearly give a thinking person pause to have dated me. And this is BEFORE i would have considered myself a crossdresser as well. Come to think of crossdresser might actually go in the plus column, but I digress.

I am thankful that Dee looked past some of those cautions, and perhaps to a lesser extent I hers.

TO the good is these are certainly things he could have hidden,minimized or flat out lied about. The fact you are starting out with some pretty personal knowledge seems to be a nice beginning of honesty.

I say spend some time, take your time, don't rush in where angels would fear to tread and see what happens.

Good luck and have fun with your quest, whether this is the girl/fella for you or not.

[Shelly Preston]

first things first

If you are going to meet choose a place with lots of people

A bar or cafe in the centre of town somewhere you will feel safe and take it from there

[Toyah]

You go and have fun hunny I hope it turns out well for you :hugs:

[Trinni]

I would meet her in a public place and I would either bring a friend or let a friend know when and where you are meeting her. Also plan to have your friend call you a short time after the meet is suppose to start. I might sound paranoid but I have always tried to be on the side of caution. This person might be a great person but like the old song says, "There are a lot of bad people out there".

By the way, I would be saying this for anyone meeting someone they had never met for a date. Better be safe than sorry.

[Angie G]

She my be the one you have to findout hun :hugs:
Angie

[Holly]

Kris, please be very careful. If your friend can't go with you, don't go. Insist on a very public place. If that is not agreeable to your new friend then STAY AWAY. In my heart, I hope it works out for you... just please be careful!

[Kris]

LOL I have a gg friend who has been to prison and is 5'9 or 10" who I am bringing with me to a very public place. LOL She has no trouble throwing down for me if need be. She is a wonderful person and I love her dearly .. but I would not want to cross her when she is upset .. this is why I choose her to accompany me. Which brings me to being a very open minded woman who understands that everyone has things they are not proud of in their past, including me. However, I do have to admit that I am the daughter of a cop and led a somewhat sheltered life.

So..... I am thinking like a Sheri's or some coffee shop.... I am kinda bummed because she is coming in drab.. but .. oh well. I can't have what I want all the time, can I ? LOL Doesn't this sound weird coming from a GG? Different from the norm I think.

Oh I have to laugh.. she wants to be submissive. Can you see ME bossing around someone who is 6'1" ? I have no idea what this is going to look like!

Kris GG

[Deborah Jane]

Like others have said "meet in a public place" you should be o.k. I hope it all goes well, good luck!!

[Kris]

hi again,

I love you all so much.. thank you. I also posted this in the GG section and I forgot to add one point to you all that I added to theirs.. and it's this.

This guy seems DESPERATE to meet me. Like sent me about 10 emails in the first 5 minutes and when I was trying to answer one, he sent 4 more saying.. did I lose you??? Now, he says it's because it's rare to find an accepting GG... and I am wondering if this is a huge red flag to danger.

So, I told him that I thought that we should talk a lot online, then the phone, and then maybe we would meet in public. I told him also about this website and I hope that he joins but he doesn't seem to want to or see a need. I would like all of you to talk to him and get to know him from his posts as well..... I really don't trust my judgment... I mean I do but how many people get murdered in this country? Scary.. but then again.. when you meet someone in public and go out for a date, you don't ask for a resume and a note from their mothers........ OH so confused.

Kris GG:sad:

[Trinni]

Make sure you spend enough time on the computer first and if things seem odd when you plan to talk on the phone, get a pre-paid cellphone. That way he can't find out where you live. It is not very hard to track someone if they have your real number. That can go for regular cell phones to. I'm not positive but I have a feeling your phone records are public property and not private. Please just be careful. Good luck.

[Holly]

Kris, you did good and your judgment is right on! If it didn't feel right, you had no choice than to call it off. That much desperation IS a red flag and you spotted it. If he is savvy enough to know that accepting GG's are not in high supply, he should also know that being too aggressive is a sure way to scare one off.

[Zee]

Danger? Probably not. Insecure? Very much so.

This could be honesty reaching out and she may be worried that you are having second thoughts. Again, desperation can make one do stupid things.

Or, this person may have some serious underlying issues.

Have fun and be careful, hun...

[Lori SC]

hi again,


This guy seems DESPERATE to meet me. Like sent me about 10 emails in the first 5 minutes and when I was trying to answer one, he sent 4 more saying.. did I lose you??? Now, he says it's because it's rare to find an accepting GG... and I am wondering if this is a huge red flag to danger.

..... I really don't trust my judgment... I mean I do but how many people get murdered in this country? Scary.. but then again.. when you meet someone in public and go out for a date, you don't ask for a resume and a note from their mothers........ OH so confused.

Kris GG:sad:

Kris, Relax....

Really, in a public place, with a friend, the biggest danger is that your heart will be broken. Just remember to take things slowly.

Let me ask you a question - how far is she traveling to meet you? You make it sound like you are going to meet her. It should be at least a half-way spot if possible.

And as far as danger signals. Yeah - why is she so interested in this happening so quickly?

I hate to bring this up, but you already posted a lot of inconsistancies in her story. This alone is cause for caution. Now it could be that some of what was said early on was so you wouldn't get scared away, but if you keep on hearing contradictory statements from this girl stay away. Relationships aren't built on lies.

I wish you luck.

Hugs, Lori

[angelfire]

Wow, thats quite a bit of desperation, and there is no telling what lengths someone desperate will go to to get what they want. I agree that talking online or on the phone a while first is probably a good call.

The number of e-mails she sent in a short span of time, I would be more than a little freaked out. But thats me, I don't like people that clingy.

[Rachel Morley]

What a person does in their past isn't necessarily an indication of what they will do in their future ...... however, Kris if you really, truthfully, want my totally honest opinion, I think there's the possibility of a problem here. This person's actions seem irratic and unstable to me (as does their history). :sad:

Kris, you might not believe me, but do you know how rare you are? Accepting and participating GGs ....and especially ones who actually look to date a crossdresser are even rarer! You can practically have your pick of cders and girly guys! I wouldn't mind betting that now everyone knows who you are, and that you're an available GG, and you're here, the single gals will be lining up at your door. Watch out for your PM in box before it overflows. :happy: My point is, you don't have to pick the first one that comes along because there will be plenty of others. I know several GGs who were looking to date a CDer and none of them were single for very long. I can think of three right of the bat!

[Kris]

Kris, you might not believe me, but do you know how rare you are? Accepting and participating GGs ....and especially ones who actually look to date a crossdresser are even rarer! You can practically have your pick of cders and girly guys!

Rachel,

You are SO sweet.... You're right, I don't believe it. Not that I think you are lying to me by any means, but I guess because I don't understand not being accepting. I have never been in anyones shoes where this is concerned but mine. Also, I didn't mean that I was going to marry this guy.. just meet him. I wont know until I get to meet him... I guess what I am trying to say is that I am not desperate..... I want to be safe and careful and make the right choice for me. I guess it's like getting a new car.. you wanna drive it.

Kris GG

PS. Rachel can I PM you?

[Sweet Jane]

well I can only agree with what the others have said...meet in a public place for the first time...and a few times after that. Rachel has nailed it when she says that you are very rare. There are not many women looking to meet a CD, most just accidently stumble into it (like my wife), and there are alot of CDs looking for women. So the odds are in your favour of finding a girlish guy who doesn't have a lot of hang ups......this person sounds a little too eager really....either that or so insecure it should have your womens intuition twitching.
Anyway, I'd say have your meeting, but hold on to your personal information, so if it doesn't work out you won't be stalked........I seem to be wearing DeBonos black hat, you have the yellow, so have fun, but just be wary...be safe.

[Fab Karen]

"She confuses me because she says she is in the closet and wants to stay there but she has no problem going out dressed with me. She seems paranoid that people with think she is gay...... and yet she had a few intimacies with men."

Yeah, she sounds a bit confused at least. And 8 months sober...they tell newbies to get a year before getting involved with someone.


hi again,

I also posted this in the GG section and I forgot to add one point to you all that I added to theirs.. and it's this.

This guy seems DESPERATE to meet me. Like sent me about 10 emails in the first 5 minutes and when I was trying to answer one, he sent 4 more saying.. did I lose you??? Now, he says it's because it's rare to find an accepting GG... and I am wondering if this is a huge red flag to danger.


Kris GG:sad:
YIKES. Red flag? It's a RAGING BONFIRE. That kind of behavior shows someone who desperately needs therapy.

"Mother didn't understand my crossdressing." -Norman Bates

[vivianann]

Please be careful, and like the other girls have said, meet in a public place, and with your friend. I am like you when it comes to the aids thing, I am terrified of it and other std's. We all love you here, and would hate to see something terrible happen to you.:love:

[Val702]

I am meeting another CD for the first time next month! I am terrified. But I am motivated and excited. I wanna show up at the doorstep looking as cute as I know how. This is maybe my most vulnerable moment. It is a real test for me.

[Mitch23]

From your Auntie Mitch, be careful, be sensible, don't allow the pink fog to overwhelm. Meet neutrally, and in public, ask lots of searching questions, don't be drawn in too quickly and if it don't feel right then don't buy the goods. Good luck hun

Mitch

[Kris]

Oh my gosh ~

I can't tell everyone thank you enough. I appreciate all your input. I am so glad I didn't run off to meet him last night. I had pretty sweet dreams about someone else last night :heehee: but anyway...

We talked online last night for a while and I have to do some studying in dominatrix kind of stuff .. he is submissive. OKAY don't LAUGH..... but I don't know what that entails completely.. I have a sort of idea, but I don't know if that is my kind of life style.. and he said he isn't just like this in bed but all his life. But with this information AND the other flags (or bonfires) I worry about his mental stability. Now, I dont want to offend anyone who is into this, and I believe that you can be into dominating relationships and not have something necessarily wrong with you - but he shows other HUGE issues besides that..... does that make sense?

But then again..... who couldn't get use to having a slave? LMAO......... So.. I put the brakes WAY on..... and am slowing things way down.. and studying a bit on being a dominatrix and see if this is a shoe that I think I can wear. I am pretty kinky and like some "different" stuff but making someone beg just *feels* like rape.. and I know you can't rape the willing but I might have a problem with it, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I am going to continue shopping in the meantime.. in a big way.

Kris GG :hugs: and :love: for everyone! Thank you so much.

PS. I do have a way of getting excited and posting to gather info from everyone ... then decide. I am doing this on purpose so that I don't miss something OBVIOUS that I might miss. So, this probably wont be the first time. I hope you all don't mind!

[MsJanessa]

Hi Hon---all the safety talk aside---are you sure he is the right one for you---you aren't in the BDSM scene so you probably don't know the phenomen of "Topping from below" when the submissive really takes charge of the relationship and puts his/her demands first---also the fact this girl e-mails you constantly leads Me to believe that she is more into the fantasy of being dominated than the reality----most of Us in the scene know that it is something W/we do sexually and outside of bed W/we lead normal regular lives---when one of Us attempts to go over this line and do what is known as a 24/7, the rest of Us laugh

[SirTrey]

hi again,

I love you all so much.. thank you. I also posted this in the GG section and I forgot to add one point to you all that I added to theirs.. and it's this.

This guy seems DESPERATE to meet me. Like sent me about 10 emails in the first 5 minutes and when I was trying to answer one, he sent 4 more saying.. did I lose you??? Now, he says it's because it's rare to find an accepting GG... and I am wondering if this is a huge red flag to danger.

So, I told him that I thought that we should talk a lot online, then the phone, and then maybe we would meet in public. I told him also about this website and I hope that he joins but he doesn't seem to want to or see a need. I would like all of you to talk to him and get to know him from his posts as well..... I really don't trust my judgment... I mean I do but how many people get murdered in this country? Scary.. but then again.. when you meet someone in public and go out for a date, you don't ask for a resume and a note from their mothers........ OH so confused.

Kris GG:sad:

Two things, Sweetie...1) Desperation is usually not a good sign...and 2) If your warning flags are going off for some reason, give them a listen...I'm not saying don't go, but DO make it a public place, for sure...and don't feel so confident after one cup of coffee that you are willing to get into the car with this person or something...Most people are NOT rapists, serial killers, crazy, etc., but some ARE....Just saying take your time and be careful is all....I had to jump in here, a guy has to watch out for the ladies, you know....:) Hugs and GOOD LUCK! **T**

[nettiereno GG]

Hi,

I think he/she is just eager to meet someone nice. It is hard enough to meet someone, much less meet someone who accepts your dressing.

Just be careful, especially with sex, in light of the fact that he/she has had experiences with men.

It is lonely in this world without someone to love.

Good luck.

Annette

[Kris]

Thank you again for your responses... I feel honored to get so much knowledge from each and every one of you.
Ms Janessa - Are you into this scene? Do you mind if I PM you and ask you questions? I read what you wrote but because I am not .. into it.. I don't understand all the language.. or the initials that you used! LMAO... "Is there a Dominatrix for Dummies" book someplace to read??

See, my thought is that there is something off because he is so desperate, and the amount of emails was overwhelming to say the least... and wanting to meet me immediately.... and then adding in him calling me Mistress..... Whoaaaaah... those reins are pulled way back. But...... I am not a prude by any means and am willing to try anything once....

But as I said, he has had relations with men and I aint goin there in anyway until 6 months has passed and I have a negative aids test in my hand..... IF we even get there. The thought of leaving my children motherless is not an option that I am willing to risk.

I think I am going to study.. and spend time talking online and maybe on a throw away cell phone.... heck he doesn't even know my real name.... that's how cautious I was last night. I also already did my homework, know his real name, I even know his address and phone number.. and he doesn't know I have that. Now, I am not going to do anything with this information but JUST IN CASE.. he is some weirdo...

Anyway, I can't tell you how much I appreciate everything in my moment of panic and excitement of a CD living close to me........ I am so thankful that I thought to come here and post first.

Lots of hugs for everyone,

Kris GG:hugs:

[Kris]

Hello again~!!

I want you to know that I kicked Mr. Submissive to the curb.... He was too weird for me. I also don't think that being a dominatrix is my thing, honestly. I do NOT know what to say to him. And I call him a him because he wont dress for me or has no pictures of himself dressed rather because I didn't go meet him....

Now...... there is another lady, on another website..... I think I gotta a crush on her.........

Still shopping for the one...... had to keep you posted!

:hugs: Kris GG :love:

[Veronica 1]

Good going. It is always better to be safe than sorry.

[Kris]

Yeah, the more I thought about it..... the weirder it seemed. I know there are nice girls out there... that aren't desperate, or just clean, or can't make up their mind if they are straight or gay... and then act like they are somehow prejudice. Too weird..

Besides, there are so many ladies out there to choose from.....


I have my pick! :tongueout I am LOVIN this!

Kris GG

[Holly]

Thata girl! Now you got the right attitude!

[ReineD]

She has some draw backs..... she is 8 months clean from being an alcoholic...



This guy seems DESPERATE to meet me. Like sent me about 10 emails in the first 5 minutes and when I was trying to answer one, he sent 4 more saying.. did I lose you??? Now, he says it's because it's rare to find an accepting GG... and I am wondering if this is a huge red flag to danger.




We talked online last night for a while and I have to do some studying in dominatrix kind of stuff .. he is submissive. OKAY don't LAUGH..... but I don't know what that entails completely.. I have a sort of idea, but I don't know if that is my kind of life style.. and he said he isn't just like this in bed but all his life. But with this information AND the other flags (or bonfires) I worry about his mental stability.

Hi Kris GG,

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. But I'll post this anyway just in case the two of you decide to correspond again or you meet someone else with similar issues.

The biggest red flag for me was the focus on sex before developing any semblance of a relationship, let alone before even meeting for the first time!

What can happen during the first year of recovery from alcoholism (or any other addiction) is an attempt to use different external means to mask the pain of early recovery. It is not uncommon for the newly recovering alcoholic to seek to continue numbing his feelings: by over eating, jumping into relationships, working out to excess, etc., or maybe even going overboard with sex or gambling. These practices effectively help the alcoholic keep the focus off of himself and whatever it is he needs to deal with emotionally, just as using alcohol did. This is problematic because early recovery is also a time when the body, as well as the mind and spirit, are waking up from a period of numbness, and sexual desires return which may have been suppressed for so long.

Twelve-step groups recommend not jumping into relationships or making other major life changes during the first year, in order to give people time to get to know themselves and establish themselves in their newly found way of life.

It sounds as if this guy's emotional circuit board is out of whack and she needs more time to settle into herself. I think you made the right decision not to pursue this relationship.

I'm sure the right person will come along!

Reine GG

[Julogden]

Hang in there Kris, there are tons of us CD's looking for accepting female friends, you WILL find that special someone.

Carol:hugs:

[AmandaM]

Sounds like he's one of those TV's into the femdom sex thing. Y'know, dress him like a girl, order him around, tell him to "service" your friends! :eek:

If you were into that, no problem. I think that if you run into another one, define what he wants, and what you want. I also think it's a bad idea for sex or femdom stuff to come out in the beginning. I don't think he wanted a relationship. Maybe when you post, you should tell a little about yourself, and what you want and do not want in a CDer?

[caroledwina]

I have no issues with one of my close friends having a glass of wine in the evening or when we're out to dinner - I just don't want to be around drinking 'behaviour' or in bars rather than simply licensed restaurants.

However, if I had only 8 months I might not be so sanguine - depends on the individual I guess - may not be a deal breaker

Carly:)

good luck gurl

[tracigirl_tv]

T... "Is there a Dominatrix for Dummies" book someplace to read??


Kris, I just caught up with this thread, and I congratulate you for listening to that voice that told you to steer clear. As others have said, if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

Though I am no expert, my intro to BDSM was a book called "Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns." It was readable, enjoyable, funny and worthwhile. It took me beyond the stereotypes, and that's a good thing :)

All the best. :hugs:

[Mitch23]

well done girl - I'm proud of you. You've built up a lot of wisdom through that encounter which will help you next time

mitch

[Kris]

Though I am no expert, my intro to BDSM was a book called "Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns." It was readable, enjoyable, funny and worthwhile. It took me beyond the stereotypes, and that's a good thing :)

All the best. :hugs:


Traci,

THANK YOU!! Now that I have been asked these questions I am curious. It was kind of exciting to have a love slave.. but then I would want to leave it at that.. not carry it into every part of my relationship, so I truly appreciate your help.

I was going to post on this in a few minutes anyway so I will just add it to this post......

Rachel - Emily Ann - Jehiiis,

All of you told me what a jewel I was and I didn't believe you. How rare I am and that the world is my oyster. OMG! You were SO right....... *sigh -- I have about 5 ladies writing me now... :heehee: I am shopping and enjoying this time. :tongueout I am pretty picky .. and kind of have a kid crush on one lady, but I am open to the rest and willing to pick the best one for me. :tongueout

:sorry: to all three of you for doubting you. Please accept my apologies. I am indebted to all three of you!

:hugs: and :love: Kris GG