Denied... (gf doesn't want to participate)

[christiecd]

A couple weeks ago, I asked my girlfriend a special favor. I asked her to paint my toenails just for fun. I thought that this was something she'd be willing to do, since I've told her long ago that I dress and she even offered to paint my nails once before. Anyway, she was not very receptive to the idea and flat-out told me she wouldn't. Looks like she is okay with me doing it when I'm by myself, but doesn't want to "encourage" me. This is unfortunate, since I want to be able to have painted nails all the time or wear a nightie to bed at some point. For those gurls who have SOs, how did you handle this? Should I slow down and maybe ask again later on? Should I be a little more persistent? Or should I just drop the subject entirely? I feel kinda strange dressing covertly, but I definitely don't want to push her away.

Christie

[Trinni]

Since my wife doesn't know I can't truly answer but first you have to decide how much you love your girlfriend compared to CDing. If you push her you might just drive her away.

[tommi]

If she is Ok with you doing it covertly don't push your luck,mine was ok when
she first found out but I push a little to much(pink fog) and now she hates my cding.:(

[PortiaHoney]

You need to talk to her, ask her what she is feeling on the subject, if she is objecting - why?? Talking is the most important part of accepting. But, talking doesn't guarantee acceptance. You said you told her long ago that you dress, why has it become so important now? What has changed? What message is she hearing from you that is raising her objections? On the subject of persistence, are you willing to lose her to have your nails painted if it was to come to that? Not all SO's are willing to join in - they may feel threatened or just plain turned off by it all. They see you as their guy and may not be able to see the real you inside.

I understand where you are coming from - that is why I am on my own again. How important is your dressing to you? One of my previous relationships broke down BECAUSE she couldn't see me anymore after she saw me dressed.

[Echo Logical]

I have been Married for 9 years. While I did mention to my wife when we first started dating that I had thoughts about dressing, I never really made it known how much or how often. Within the past year the desire has gotten strong enough that we need to address it again. I made the decision that she is more important to me than CD'ing and we are figuring out what works for us.

That being said. If I were just dating someone now, I think that I might let them know that if they were afraid of "encouraging" me that they really didn't understand and that maybe we needed to find others who were more compatible. I don't know how long you have been with your girlfriend, but you might consider telling her that you want to be able to wear a nightie to bed, and have your nails painted 24/7. It is probably better to tell her now then after 10 or 20 years of marriage.

[RylieCD]

I have relived my story here many times so I will not relive it again. My wife and I have discussed the "current" boundries. One of which being she does not wish to see me dressed. She has said that it may change, but right now I dont think I am ready for her to see me either. So I guess what I am tryin to say, when yo0u are in a relationship you are not dealing with yourself but with yopur SO as well and you have to respect their wishes. Many of us have found that our SO's are understanding of our situations and will support us and we need to do the same.:hugs:

[sherell]

My SO allows me to dress but prefers not to partcipate. She used to join in early in the relationship so I asume things will keep changing.
I count myself lucky that she tollerates my dressing.

[Stephenie S]

A couple weeks ago, I asked my girlfriend a special favor. I asked her to paint my toenails just for fun. I thought that this was something she'd be willing to do, since I've told her long ago that I dress and she even offered to paint my nails once before. Anyway, she was not very receptive to the idea and flat-out told me she wouldn't. Looks like she is okay with me doing it when I'm by myself, but doesn't want to "encourage" me. This is unfortunate, since I want to be able to have painted nails all the time or wear a nightie to bed at some point. For those gurls who have SOs, how did you handle this? Should I slow down and maybe ask again later on? Should I be a little more persistent? Or should I just drop the subject entirely? I feel kinda strange dressing covertly, but I definitely don't want to push her away.

Christie

Dear Christie,

So, hon, why does your GF have to paint your nails? You say she's OK with you doing it, but doesn't want to do it herself. So, OK. Why can't you do it? Many, many, times I see girls on this forum complaining that their wives or SO won't help them dress, or in your case, won't paint your nails. So, do it your self! Does she ask YOU to do her nails? And then sulk when you don't? Probably not. If she wants her nails painted, she probably does it herself or goes to a salon. You know, hon, that's just the way it's done. So I have a suggestion for you. Do it YOURSELF. You will be sooo much more confident when you learn how to take care of yourself. And your GF may just be a little more open to your activities if she sees that you are not demanding that she participate in something that she just doesn't want to do.

YOU are the one who is in to CDing, dear, not her. YOU have to be responsable for your own "trip". Learn to crossdress on your own. Buy your own clothes, learn how to dress yourself, learn how to do your own makeup, learn how to paint your own nails. How do you suppose your GF learned how to do those things? SHE had to learn. If you want to do thise things too, YOU have to learn how.

Don't demand that your GF, wife, or SO participate in something that she may not want to do. If you wanted to go hunting, would you be upset if she refused to participate? Probably not, right? Don't be upset if she does not want to participate in your CDing activities also. You MAY have to do this entirely separate from your GF. That's OK. I'm sure that she has activities that YOU don't want to have anything to do with. Are you a member of her knitting club? Do you belong to her flower design class? I'll bet you would refuse to join either of those activities. So she has to do them entirely on her own, apart from you. You may just have to do the same thing with your CDing.

And if you want to wear a nightie to bed, just do it. Don't demand that she give you permission beforehand. Don't wait for her to suggest it. She isn't gonna. If she freaks, then stop. At least you will know where you stand.

Too many of us want our GF, wives, or SOs to participate in an activity that, frankly, not that many women are into. Don't get too upset if your GF really doesn't want to paint your nails. It's no big deal, hon. Paint them yourself, or go to a salon and pay someone else to do it. That's what your GF does, and that's what you should do too.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Nigella]

If you need to ask for advice, then mine would be simple, look at your relationship and do what you think is best for YOU.

I have a very accepting and supportive SO, but how we got to this point may not be the answer for your relationship.

Advice is quite free, but beware of the cost if you follow the wrong advice.

[christiecd]

Hi Stephenie,

The main reason I asked her for that was because she had once offered it, and I wanted to take her up on it. Also, she's never seen me dressed and hasn't shown any desire to, so I thought maybe it would be easier for her to see me if she was the one doing it. Anyway, I've moved on. Maybe someday?


Dear Christie,

So, hon, why does your GF have to paint your nails? You say she's OK with you doing it, but doesn't want to do it herself. So, OK. Why can't you do it? Many, many, times I see girls on this forum complaining that their wives or SO won't help them dress, or in your case, won't paint your nails. So, do it your self! Does she ask YOU to do her nails? And then sulk when you don't? Probably not. If she wants her nails painted, she probably does it herself or goes to a salon. You know, hon, that's just the way it's done. So I have a suggestion for you. Do it YOURSELF. You will be sooo much more confident when you learn how to take care of yourself. And your GF may just be a little more open to your activities if she sees that you are not demanding that she participate in something that she just doesn't want to do.

YOU are the one who is in to CDing, dear, not her. YOU have to be responsable for your own "trip". Learn to crossdress on your own. Buy your own clothes, learn how to dress yourself, learn how to do your own makeup, learn how to paint your own nails. How do you suppose your GF learned how to do those things? SHE had to learn. If you want to do thise things too, YOU have to learn how.

Don't demand that your GF, wife, or SO participate in something that she may not want to do. If you wanted to go hunting, would you be upset if she refused to participate? Probably not, right? Don't be upset if she does not want to participate in your CDing activities also. You MAY have to do this entirely separate from your GF. That's OK. I'm sure that she has activities that YOU don't want to have anything to do with. Are you a member of her knitting club? Do you belong to her flower design class? I'll bet you would refuse to join either of those activities. So she has to do them entirely on her own, apart from you. You may just have to do the same thing with your CDing.

And if you want to wear a nightie to bed, just do it. Don't demand that she give you permission beforehand. Don't wait for her to suggest it. She isn't gonna. If she freaks, then stop. At least you will know where you stand.

Too many of us want our GF, wives, or SOs to participate in an activity that, frankly, not that many women are into. Don't get too upset if your GF really doesn't want to paint your nails. It's no big deal, hon. Paint them yourself, or go to a salon and pay someone else to do it. That's what your GF does, and that's what you should do too.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[LindaMarie]

I think you've received very good advice from Stepheni and Tommi. When I told my wife and she was initally kind of accepting, I think that because I was so thrilled she didn't hate me that I pushed things too quickly.

You sound like you're in a pretty good situation. I think there's a small number of wives or SOs who are completely comfortable with their cding boyfriend or husband but many make the effort to try to be accepting as long as they don't have to be actively involved. All relationships require some compromise and negotiation. As long as you're happy with the relationship and are willing to give on a few seemingly minor points, I think you're doing well.

I wish you and your girlfriend all the best. Please let us know how it's going.

Linda

[My Lady Marsea]

Hi Christie.
I don't know where to start on this one. How about I've been married to the same one close to 21 years. During that time (and she was told this on about our second "date") it was well known that EVERY night I slept in a nylon Babydoll or gown set. It was known that EVERYDAY,except on a couple of occasions ie: doctor appointment, I wear nylon female panties. I sometimes used to wear pantyhose and camisole sets under my guy stuff. She never liked it but she knew about it before hand. Maybe she went into this thinking she could change me or I would change. As the years went by we started doing different things anyway and less things together as she had her interests and I had mine. About 5 months ago (since we did little to nothing together anyway) I decided to pull the plug here and start dressing all the time outside albeit only girls jeans (LOVE those pretty pockets and embrodery) V neck tops and flip flops, toe rings, with lots of pretty jewelry, a nice wig, and of course the panties.Cut to the chase...it has been decided that according to her she "married a man" and now wants a divorce. At this point I am sooo much happier within myself that I'm for it because I'm not going to change what was there waiting to surface. I'm finally starting to love myself for being me.
So,yes, do decide whatever is most important for you as a person, living some one elses expectations (what if you ever want to go full time?) or living what feels like you? It's one of those long term decisions that may come back to bite you. It seems there are some GGs out there who actually accept & like this kind of lifestyle, hook up with one, easy for me to to say huh? The hard part is doing it.
And,Girl, drive three hours west and I'll personally go with you dressed to my nail salon for pedicure & manicure (I'm having to wait till the 9th after she gets back off vacation...My nails are such a mess LOL ) or heck I'll even paint them for you LOL LOL.....MARSEA

[stephanie100]

My SO is very understanding with CDing we shop together she buys some of my clothes yes sometimes (most ) I am emfem however if I paint my nails she asks me to paint hers at the same time so why not try reversing it but give her a little time between the first and second asking, Better still when you see her doing her nails ask if you can do it for her then build up slowly over many weeks..:hugs:

[Alice B]

My wife is OK with me painting my nails as long as I remove the color when we are having family over for dinner, parties, etc. Since I wear womans undies 7/24 and nighties to bed it is not a problem She does not want to see me dressed, but remains OK with it when she is gone. She encouraged me to dress while she was out of town for a week and asked if I did when she got back. I said yes and she said good.'

I think you just need to establish some ground rules with your girlfriend and also think about what dressing means to you and weight it on the true value of the relationship. Perhaps searching the net for revelent materials on dressing and hetrosexual males and giving the material for her to read will help. It was a big value for my wife and I. Good luck:happy:

[Satrana]

Stephenie's post is spot on. You know you are only painting nails. Not only can you do this yourself, but you don't need to seek the permission of your SO beforehand either. If she had already indicated that she was OK with the idea then you should have just proceeded yourself and then observed the reaction. If she had wanted to join in, fine and good, if not then that is her choice.

A nail painting session might be a big thing for you but it is hardly likely to excite your SO. Keep these things in perspective. At the end of the day you are a CD so she expects you to want to do CD things, so just be yourself and don't let these small things get in the way.

[Chantelle CD]

I think so many people are totally unaware of just how much this is a part of us, how we finaly find peace within when expressing it.

[Toyah]

Its very simple
Dont do anything she does not wnat you to do coz if you do she will go

[Miranda33]

I have had some similiar things happen in my relationship with my SO. At first she was quite receptive to my dressing and even made me up on many occasions, then after our child was born thing went south and I haverecieved mixed signals from her and it is quite unfortunate that this happened. Sometimes she is like come to bed with your pink nighty and other times she is like "Were you in my makeup again!", So I can understand you frustrations. Take it slow and don't push her or you just might push her away.....