Who else dislikes the term "effeminate"?

[PortiaHoney]

I would go so far as to say I hate this term of reference, I prefer feminine male or even fe-male but maybe that's just me.

I know that technically it is the correct term as it separates us from the GG's. It irks me the same way Transvestite vs Cross Dresser does.

Does anyone else have a problem with this label????
:Angry3:

[Jamie001]

For myself,

I prefer the terms "sissy" or "nancy boi", or "jane-girl". I guess that I prefer "sissy" the best of all terms. Effiminate doesn't bother me but I much prefer "sissy".



I would go so far as to say I hate this term of reference, I prefer feminine male or even fe-male but maybe that's just me.

I know that technically it is the correct term as it separates us from the GG's. It irks me the same way Transvestite vs Cross Dresser does.

Does anyone else have a problem with this label????
:Angry3:

[BarbaraTalbot]

I HATED the term in my youth. I was (and remain) all man in every way that matters. The fact that my frame was never made to play the American version of football where especially at the high school level being large boned and a little chubby is somehow athletic irritated me to no end.

I had more drive, stamina, and strength as measured on a pound for pound lifting ability. Yet I was "effeminate". Athletic girls who were strong, but not as strong as I, were "butch".

When I was in high school I was effeminate and a nerd and therefore un-cool, all I had to do was grow my hair out and add black eyeliner and I would have been androgynous, punk and cool. I refused to do so, because I felt it stupid to adopt an affectation of a sub-culture just to fit in. I thought that look was fine for those that sincerely loved punk and glam. I liked it among many other types of music and I wasn't going to just pick one so I could wear the eyeliner.

[Charleen]

Don't bother me a bit.

[Kieron Andrew]

if i may just sneak in here, i class the term effeminate with gay not trans :)

[Mitzi]

I suppose if I were "effeminate", the term might bother me, but having never been considered effeminate, the term isn't offensive to me. It's descriptive of of a person's appearance/mannerism but certainly doesn't mean that person is gay (or a crossdresser:o).

But it's probably true many people think effeminate men are gay/CD. As I mention occasionally, the few SA's to whom I've confided while en drab, say I don't "look the type".

Mitzi

[janet1234]

Would someone please explain the difference between transvestite and cross dresser?

[Toyah]

Would someone please explain the difference between transvestite and cross dresser?


There isnt any apart from those with agendas who will say transvestites are governed by sex. I would reply they are governed by their shrinks because its them that decided on the definition. The 2 words are the same crosdresser is a newer form they both mean exactly the same.
Dont look at Wickpedia because that is changed by the same sort of nutters !!!

[KarenSusan]

For myself,

I guess that I prefer "sissy" the best of all terms. Effiminate doesn't bother me but I much prefer "sissy".

:yt:

[BarbaraTalbot]

if i may just sneak in here, i class the term effeminate with gay not trans :)

Always welcome. I do think their is a lot of connotation that way.

That was part of the problem for me if effeminate=gay and effemiate= looking like a woman and crossdressing = dressing like a woman, therefore crossdressing=gay.

not that there is anything wrong with that. ~george costanza

I think the term is mis-understood and used in widely disparate ways. In the gay community I think it has more to do with a softness and maybe a submissiveness but they certainly aren't usually asking for a CD when they are seeking a femmine oriented partner.

In male culture it is more of a girly guy, someone un-masculine, and they would definitely see a guy in a dress as effeminate, and would assume he was gay. (which of course he could be , or not)

[Veronica Fallon]

Well, I can be as masculine (almost) as I wanna be when in boy-mode, so I don't have to deal with the term on a personal level. In other words, I've never been teased or accused of being effeminate as a male. I guess it would bother me if it were otherwise though, because it does seem to carry the negative connotation of describing the stereotypical, flamboyant gay male, which has been ridiculed as much as we crossdressers have been. I suppose I'm just glad I can be oh so effeminate whenever I choose to be, but then be able to turn it off at will. I'd prefer the term "girly" I think, or just plain "feminine".

Effeminately yours,

Veonica

[Marla S]

if i may just sneak in here, i class the term effeminate with gay not trans :)
Hm, now that you mention ... interesting ... but than it might be the subtleties of the language.

Effeminate isn't widely used where I live.
It's translation is kind of an insult for women, taken literally, but I prefer it much over sissy.
The latter is close to fetishistic dressing (maids uniforms and such) here.

[KimberlyS]

PortiaHoney, for me it depends on which definition of effeminate you use.

Effeminate - (of a man or boy) having traits, tastes, habits, etc., traditionally considered feminine, as softness or delicacy. (reference.com)

Some of the other definitions are a bit degrading even if they were used in reference to a GG.

Effeminate - having unsuitable feminine qualities.(reference.com)

For me Labels, Definitions are just ways for people to be able to interact with each other and things. Many CDers do not seem to consider me a CDer as I am just a guy who wears a mix of masculine and feminine clothes, and I do not want to have to present a feminine woman image to be out and about. I just want to present my male self sometimes more masculine and sometimes more feminine, and some times more mixed.

I like the term male with feminine qualities for my self.

KimberlyS-CD

[Karren H]

It just you!! Lol. I actually see nothing wrong with the term but then again I could give a rats ass what you or anyone else labels me!! So its way way way down on my evil label list behin F...ing A..hole.... Pervert... *******.... LadyBoy..... Tranny....

But that's just me.. Lol

Karren

[Sandygal]

Nope, doesn't bother me a bit. But that might be my effeminate side talking.

[marie354]

I don't mind either way. If a label helps them to deal with who I am, Then so be it.
~~Sandy~~

[Sweet Jane]

I suppose looking at my face on here, I'd have to say because I am a guy, I meet the basic criteria of being effeminate......I think there are some traits of femininity there?

Don't ever call me a sissy though.....I detest the term and I detest people who refer to me as one. I would not call a woman a sissy either.

[MonikaW]

Effeminate isn't a word that bothers me. Though I don't think it necessarily applies to me. When I'm in boy-mode, I don't think people perceive me as being effeminate. When in girl mode, I am usually perceived to be a woman - though I can't say I pass 100% of the time.

The word sissy is one that I have never cared for. I think that is because it carries so many negative connotations. To me sissy implies weakness, insecurity, one who is easily pushed around, etc. In general conversation the term is used most often as a term of disparagement. I find that in our community, it is a term often used by submissives to describe themselves or doms to use for humiliation. I see myself as a confident transwoman or crossdresser.

[chrissietoo]

:2c:
I think that "effeminate" has connotations, not necessarily of femininity, but of anti-manliness, the sort of thing associated with some gay men. How many women do you know who lisp, flutter their wrists, make prissy lips, and prance?

So I prefer to use, "femme", which originally referred to feminine lesbians, but now includes people who identify with being feminine....like me. :happy:


:2c:
Transvestite and CD are essentially the same, but TV is kind of an old, pseudo-medical psychological kinda word that makes me feel kind of strange.

:2c:
I'm not wild about "sissy", because it's pretty kinky and raw. But I do LOVE my submissive feelings, and I haven't found another word....

xoxo chrissie
"just a sweet girl who takes direction well..."

[EllenCD]

I have always felt complimented whenever someone referred to me as "effeminate". After all that is exactly the appearance I always want to present.

[Cai]

if i may just sneak in here, i class the term effeminate with gay not trans :)

Yep. I use it for myself as a gay man, because I am a fairly effeminate guy. I don't connect it with CDers, really.

[Ruth]

I agree with Lizzie - words are just words and have no real emotional weight in themselves. But people do use them as weapons. I think I'm being effeminate when I dress, but I use this in a strictly descriptive sense. Someone might accuse a man of being effeminate and obviously mean it in a derogatory sense.

[Deidra Cowen]

I've only heard the term effeminate used by macho gay guys to describe femmy acting gay guys. They don't really even use it to discribe us. But if someone called me that it would not bother me while dressed enfemme. Now if I was in boy mode and got called that I would get nervous since I try to be a manly man while not CDing. :heehee:

By the way I ask my daughter warn me if I ever act femmy when in boy mode as a safeguard. She has told me that I don't give off any fem signals when in male mode.

[Lanore]

I don't approve of labels. Shortly after I was born, I knew I wasn't like every one else. When the labels came around, I thought they were talking about someone else.

[Joy Carter]

I kind like efeminant. You guys care if I use it as a second, second name ? LoL:heehee:

Point being words mean different things to different people. Myself, I jolly well don't care what anyone thinks or say's. :heehee:

[Cindi Ann Kelly]

doesn't bother me, I am what I am. Labels are not important.

Cindi

[Mary Morgan]

I tend to agree with Kieron. The term is not one that I associate with being transgender, but with gay men who over-play their sense of the feminine, who generally do not crossdress, but display a real exaggerated image not typical of a male.

[Rachel Morley]

Who else dislikes the term "effeminate"? ........Does anyone else have a problem with this label????
For me .... absolutely not! I'm very happy to be described as effeminate in boy mode (or any other mode for that matter) as it's indicating that I'm perceived as feminine and non manly. That's what I want and I'm not threatened by it at all. As a matter of fact I often joke about myself to work colleagues and I say things like: "I guess I'm just sensitive and a little bit girly for a guy" People just smile and say nothing. :happy:

[Butterfly Bill]

Isn't it strange that "effeminate" means taking on feminine qualities, but "emasculate" means taking away masculine ones.

[PortiaHoney]

Thank you all for your input, I got the variety I was expecting. It goes to show the different viewpoints we all have. This is what I love about this place.

Personally, I do not like to be referred to as "effeminate" as it is when I am in guy mode and perhaps I feel exposed by it. Perhaps I shouldn't give a damn as was suggested - but it doesn't change the way I feel. I can't imagine anyone using the term when dressed because if you pass - it is a moot point and if you don't - I am sure that any derogatory remarks would not be so kind.

This term is never used to describe a "genuine girl", so if you don't have an issue with it, you must be comfortable to be recognised as a guy with girly qualities. This in itself can be both good and bad depending on the context.

I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same. I am glad to see some do. Perhaps I am just feeling a "little exposed" as my feminine qualities are exerting themselves and this word was used again and not in a good way. It has always grated on me. Just trying to find my place in the "gender spectrum".

I guess no one is just flamboyant any more.

Thanks B'Bill, it is better to be effeminate than emasculated.

[CaptLex]

I tend to agree with Kieron. The term is not one that I associate with being transgender, but with gay men who over-play their sense of the feminine, who generally do not crossdress, but display a real exaggerated image not typical of a male.

Over-play? Exaggerated? You make it sound like it's a put-on, an act. Effeminate gay men are just being themselves - myself included. :straightface:

[brylram]

I agree Lex... there's a highly feminine gay boy in my school's band program (I'm not in it, but I hand out with them ALL the time), and he seems to get even more feminine if he's tired or otherwise more relaxed/with less energy to put on a mask. And when he's mad, he's a BITCH... not an asshole, for sure. :p

So yeh, it doesn't seem to me that all feminine gay men are putting on an act... though it's undeniable there are some, due to the great range of variance amongst people.

[Wendy me]

"effeminate"? offensive ???? hell i am a gm thats right a gm might not make me always happy not my frist choose but is what it is ..... now that "effeminate"? thingy lets look at it ..... being a gm with gender issues i don't fit every were .... i got boobs not a guy thingy .... my hair is 3/4 of the way down my back i pluck and shave (in all the right places)... i could get tagged with "effeminate"? offensive ???? no not a big deal .......

[Linda C]

Personally - I had never heard the term "effeminate" before joining this site - but I would have to say that it might not be the best term to use to blanket the Cding lifestyle. But labels are for clothing anyway..

[Emma England]

According to the dictionary, effeminate means to take on the qualities of a woman.

However, some ignorant people try to use the word in a derogatory manner.

I personally prefer to be called feminine instead.

[Leah B]

How many women do you know who lisp, flutter their wrists, make prissy lips, and prance?

A lot of them, actually. There are women out there too that are almost more of an exaggerated "drag queen" sort of feminine, but you usually don't notice too much. Think Samantha from sex in the city. Total drag queen. Joan Rivers too. And the girly-girls out there are way prancy, and limp-wristy. Most women pronounce esses differently than men, and the exaggeration of this is the "effeminate" lisp. I don't know what prissy lips means, so I'll leave that one alone.

It's not that women don't do all of these things, it's just that A: they generally don't taken them to the extreme that GBs do, and B: it's interpreted as "more natural" when they do.

As for the word "effeminate," I hate it. The red flag for me is that it's only ever used to describe men. Even "sissy" is used on women sometimes. A girly woman is either "femme" or "feminine." It's the equivalent of "butch," except that butch women have made that word their own in such a way that it's no longer derogatory. That won't happen with effeminate because men are still too insecure to let go of the idea that femininity is wrong. We're still too uncomfortable with it.

[Veris]

I've kind of gotten used to the word effeminate since, even in guy mode, I'm partially (And noticably) effeminate. Slim, flexible, agile, 'frail' as well. I guess I take it as a compliment myself ^_^

[sterling12]

"Effeminate," doesn't bother me. If someone compliments Joanie by saying that she is acting or looking very "feminine," not bothered by that label either.

One great thing about labels and labeling, the language is always changing. In reading some history, I find that "effeminate" males in The Gay Parlance used to be called "faeries." More masculine Gay Men were called "queer," to distinguish what was perceived as two distinct types. In fact the word "Gay," is a relatively new term that Homosexual's use to identify themselves.

So, take heart! Labels and perjoratives are always changing. Maybe we all get to be something else by next year!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Kate Simmons]

Holey Moleys, jeepers creepers, I think gay guys are just being themselves (like everyone else).:happy:

[whitney]

I would go so far as to say I hate this term of reference, I prefer feminine male or even fe-male but maybe that's just me.

I know that technically it is the correct term as it separates us from the GG's. It irks me the same way Transvestite vs Cross Dresser does.

Does anyone else have a problem with this label????
:Angry3:

As I've been called that most of my life, I've learned to embrace it.