Crossdressing and chemical addiction?

[JennyCA]

Fellow Forum members,

This question has been on my heart for a while. I have crossdressed from childhood and feel that addictions to drugs and alcohol developed latter to cope with the pain, stress, and guilt over crossdressing. I have read and learned that many people who have a alternative sexual identification or practice such as crossdressing, which is not accepted by society, have a high rate of chemical addiction. Any others with like issues, or having a viewpoint supporting, or instead believing there to be no higher incidence or chemical addiction amongst us?

This is to open up a thread for private conversation, or general post.

Jenny

[Wendy me]

jenny i too hade well to say the least a probleme that was as mutch my "him" life style sait was hidding my cding .....dame neer killed us bouth the more i/"him" fought this fem side un till "he"crashed and burned big time in rehab and our frist thearpy wendy came out kicking ang scearming ......never to be put away again..........

our deanons coke and jd sour mash ........a few trips to round things out and pot was like smokeing butts .........pills up down bounce off the walls .......at one time i was like emberased to talk abought it but now i realize that by talking abought it thats how you learn and grow from your mistakes in your past...........

[trinity24]

I've never smoked, or drinked - I love my body too much to mess with it for no reason. I got over the guilt thing relatively fast, because I gave up on religion. At the same time, they say that one cannot get rid of addiction - only substitute it with another one - so if you treat CD'ing as an addiction, it would make sense that one would try to get out of it, by adopting another.

[Wendy me]

trinity cding was who i was the addication was from deninleing who i realy was .............

[Lady Jayne]

I agree with trinity when you repress your femm side your in a constant state of turmoil and seek releif in other things
I may be being over simplistic as I don't know much about addiction my only vices bieng.....Alchohol,Cigaretts,Drugs And sex Ha!
seriously though since I accepted who i am I'm much happier and no longer feel the need to prove my masculinity by going out with the lads and getting p***ed every weekend.

[ballet]

The human mind is very powerful,and if your brain likes what you do then you will want it more.Thats addiction as I know it.Dressing up in girls clothes at a young age because you want to be a girl ,is very exciting,and this can be the start of an addiction.Im sure you all remember the first time you tried on girls clothes.... YES!!.....For me, I can remember trying on my sisters panties for the first time,the feeling of excitment being able to express my femininity, mixed with the powerful feeling of guilt.Now if that doesnt get the old addictive chemicals pumping nothing will!! :)

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Jenney,

I have been addicted to most of the drugs known to man. I still am to some. I don't think this has as much to do with crossdressing as to dealing with the shit life throws at you some time. I also drink far more than I should.I have a shrink and a therapist and on enough meds to tranquilize a whale.I am also facing possible heart surgery because of wrong choices. I cannot, in good concience,say that crossdressing is the cause. My wife,who is a social worker with 37 years experiance says I have a classic case of attention deficate disease that was never treated. In short life sucks.
I have PTSD from Vietnam,Depression,ADD,Paranoid delusians. I am Nuts and I gladley accept that. I do'nt expect to die from old age.But at least I have lived.This is too depressing.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[StephanieCD]

Anxiety, check. Depression, check. Alcohol, check. Drugs, check.

But crossdressing came first. I was actually thinking about this earlier today. The only thing missing from the crossdressing=addiction X psychosis equation for me is the fact that so very rarely is my anxiety, depression or consumption in relation to CDing. If I charted the two (shrinks are so fond of charts and diaries to learn patterns... Kew?) I would find no corrolation - trust me, I've tried.

BUT - the thought has weighed heavy in my mind. It's easy for me to blame one on the other... when I'm looking for a reason for either.

[Mel Issa]

I Do not know the exact cause of my chemical addictions(alchol,crack cocaine,and then methamphetamine to name a few)whether it be crossdressing o exually abused as a child.I do know that I have been clean once for seventeen years and then most recently for almost nine months but I still dress up regularly.I believe that if I am comfortable with myself I do not need chemicals to alter the way I feel.Pehaps we are a more addictive type pesonality.Love Mel Issa

[Tristen Cox]

My name is Tristen and I like to wear women's clothing.

[CindyT]

I guess you can say I "Been there" Done that" to all the above but for several years now, totally clean except for alcohol but I try not to over do it. BUT as StephanieCD said "crossdressing came first". Nowadays I just dress when I can and when I feel the urge to. Hard to say if there was a relationship because now I can dress without any chemical help - it's all in the mind.


CindyT

[Rikki]

I don't know that crossdressing had led me to do drugs and alcahol, because I started wearing female clothes at a verry young age. I do know that the crossdressing had led me to try suicide several times, then I would drink or do drugs just because I was told I couldn't do that. All the drugs and alcahol that I consumed didn't make me feel any better about my waering womens clothes. I do have to agree that we crossdresser become addicted to drugs and alcahol very easy. I don't know that I made any sense or not, but this is just my two cents.


Rikki

[Danielle1960]

I've never (knock on wood) been addicted to drugs, or alcohol. I did smoke at a young age for about a year and quit. Stopped drinking years ago. None were really addictions but I saw a possible trend which scared me. After all my older brother is an alcoholic. I only discovered CDing was the coolest thing when I was 44. My wife threatens monthly to leave if she finds I'm not a reformed cd, but for now I'm not ready to cold turkey this.

If you're suffering from an addiction I would seek help and try to learn and accept the lessons as they present them. After all life is only a one time situation and it is a wonderful thing.
Danielle :)

[~Tammy~]

For me crossdressing is also a kind of drug. Once you get addicted to it, it's incredibly hard if not impossible to give up.
It lifts you up when your feeling down and gives you a buzz.
Stimulating drugs are often used to to give euphoric experiences to escape from the realilty of everyday lives.
The comedown from these drugs can also be compared to the comedown from crossdressing. Wiping off the make-up and returning to drab clothing. How many of us feel like we are denying ourselves when we put the pretty clothes back in the draw?
It could also be seen as an aphrodisiac :rolleyes:

[Wendy me]

i think we can blame just abought any one or any thing we want to for all our problems it's just when you look at the whole train wreck your life becomes then you need to dismantle one thing at a time and see what made what happen ........and even though in a lot of the times the real problem just might be the person that you see in the mirror and then you have to learn something from that and then for give that person ........never giveing it all away hold on to it for what it is this is who you are ...........not who you were or might have been ...........

to be wendy i hade to be the as_hole that was "him" we are related in a weird way ....you are yor past ...

[Paige Williams]

Hi Jenny,

I am a recovering alcoholic of 20+ years. I presume I would have done drugs as well; however, alcohol always did "it" for me until it stopped doing "it" and doing "it" was killing me anyway.

Crossdressing I suspose is an addiction, but I haven't found that doing it over time causes it to fade into a curse as alcohol abuse did. I love the way I feel when I dress and go out in public. As a male, I care little about the way I present myself (except for being clean and shaven); however, as a female, that is another story.

Hugs, Paige W.

[mand]

Hello Jenny, I must say love you make a really good point here.
I always was either smoking weed or drinking for years as a way of easing the feelings of being transgendered.
Well it got really, really bad about 6 years ago, I became addicted to coidenne (take no notice of the spelling) I was boozing all the time and smoking weed like it was going out of fashion. I was a real mess.
In the end I admitted to Jane (my wife) that I was a tranny, she told me that she would support and help me providing that I cleaned up my act.
That was good enough for me and I stopped all the abuse there and then on the spot, for a while after that I went through hell, but once out of the withdrawl stages I've never looked back and life now is totally 100% better.

I truely know that I did abuse the booze and drugs simply to mask the pain, guilt and shame of being transgendered. Now I go public and I can honestly tell anyone with pride that I am a tranny, I dont even smoke tobacaco anymore.

One little vice though I will admit to is the odd little spliffy once every blue moon ;) .


love mand xxx

[Man in tights]

I've noticed a few patterns about my pattern of crossdressing. Firstly I've noticed that although it's always on my mind, the craving is much more intense when I'm under stress. I've noticed that dressing as a girl is much more effective at relieving stress than doing exercise, or getting pissed. I've also noticed that if I try to answer the [constant] cravings with low level cd-ing (e.g. by wearing pantyhose to work), then the level just gets raised... so I end up dressing even more. I can't win.

The analogy with smoking is a good one. My fiancee is supportive but concerned. So to make her feel better I try to minimize the time that I spend crossdressing. I have found that this actually has the effect of driving me nuts. If I try to cut down, or heaven-forbid, go cold-turkey, I can think about nothing else until I dress again.

I just don't have the will-power to quit (mainly because I don't think I really want to).

I don't feel I can win.

[JoannaDees]

Hmmm. What a thread for me. I've used it all, trying to get altered. Why? I ask myself that many times. I don't know why. I don't know why I want to be in an altered state. I guess to break the struggle?

When I first started dressing, not long ago, it was always with alchohol. I used it more and more with each dressing time. Then I quit, all of it (well except for the occasional times that you all know so well). I ask myself why I am who I am now. I ask God (not knowing if I'm asking one who exists), and don't know, but I'm trying to just live and realize the complex nature of humanity, sexuality, and gender. It's complex, we are all different, and we are all OK. Crap, I spent so many years hating myself. Crap.

[Ashley in Virginia]

I am addicted to caffine. No, really, stop laughing, I am serious. I drink a 12pk of mountain dew a day. Never am I seen with out one in my hand. Funerals, weddings, u name it and I am popping caffine. On top of the dew I pop those little pills all day long. I have to take them to stay up or I go into caffine depression and I can't function. I don't ever feel jittery or wired, just normal. My hands constantly shake and I sometimes have trouble holding onto things.

But thats it. Never seen any real drugs, marijuania, coke, or anything like that. Never wanted to.

When I was a teen I drank alot. 24pk of beer every other day and a bottle of Jim Beam whenever I could afford it. I was homeless and it helped to pass the time. More than one occasion I would go to school drunk and try to sleep it off in class so I could go to work that evening. During a drunken morning I assaulted a teacher and was committed to a mental instituition. But thats another story in and of itself.

Rarely do I drink now. Maybe a beer or two on holidays. I am such a lightweight. lol. It just isn't for me.

[JoannaDees]

I am addicted to caffine. No, really, stop laughing, I am serious. I drink a 12pk of mountain dew a day. Never am I seen with out one in my hand. Funerals, weddings, u name it and I am popping caffine. On top of the dew I pop those little pills all day long. I have to take them to stay up or I go into caffine depression and I can't function. I don't ever feel jittery or wired, just normal. My hands constantly shake and I sometimes have trouble holding onto things.

But thats it. Never seen any real drugs, marijuania, coke, or anything like that. Never wanted to.

When I was a teen I drank alot. 24pk of beer every other day and a bottle of Jim Beam whenever I could afford it. I was homeless and it helped to pass the time. More than one occasion I would go to school drunk and try to sleep it off in class so I could go to work that evening. During a drunken morning I assaulted a teacher and was committed to a mental instituition. But thats another story in and of itself.

Rarely do I drink now. Maybe a beer or two on holidays. I am such a lightweight. lol. It just isn't for me.

Wow. Does that explain the Av?

[arula]

Hi everyone!! Missed you. I'm pretty well doing it all in moderation. Having limited time helps to keep tabs on reality, right Arula? ummmm.. yea, right. I think! :p XOX Arula

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Okay, so I'm not a crossdresser but I love one in real life:p
Me, addictions! Oh honey, you don't know. Started dabbling at 11, smoking pot and drinking. By the ripe old age of 14 I had landed myself in drug rehab having overdosed on a gram of angel dust. Spent the better part of my summer and 8th grade there. My career of substance abuse continued until I was about 21 or 22. That's when I finally quit it all. Moved away from my abusive, alcoholic b/f and never looked back. It's not been an easy life for me. I have made some very bad choices, obviously.
hugs
kew

[KewTnCurvy GG]

I don't ever feel jittery or wired, just normal. My hands constantly shake and I sometimes have trouble holding onto things.
Read this again and reconsider your comments of not feeling wired or jittery, just normal:p

Caffeine is a wicked drug, I'd be careful. I can't take much of it. I do drink soda, however, I'm just as happy with the caffeine free. It's the taste I likes. Coffee I tend to avoid; however, Sherlyn is a coffee drinker so I indulge from time to time.

hugs
kew

[Robertacd]

I can't say I know enough other CD'ers to really say if there is a higher incidence or chemical addiction amongst us. I know I spent most of my 20's in a drunken stupor, with a lot of grass and occosional acid trip thrown in for good measure. But I can't say I did it all because I was hiding my CD'ing from myself or anyone else. I never ended up in treatment or got hooked on powders or crystals like many of my friends did. Now 20 years later I still drink, but not to excess very often and still partake in the weed a few times a week.

I guess it could be because I excepted myself as a crossdresser way back in my teens. Sure I kept it hidden from others but never from myself. But really I think if you looked at all the crossdressers, not just the ones you hear about you will find that there are cd'ers from all walks of life and our statistics wether it be drugs, intelegence, political party, or what have you, will fall right in line with the general population.

[Brandy_Marie]

Okay, let's see where I fit in here:

Started drinking when I was 14. By the time I was 18, my daily 'diet' was a case of beer (mind you it was Oklahoma, so it was 3.2 beer) and a fifth of vodka a day. I went through boughts of stopping and starting, and now I rarely drink, although I can have a drink or 2 socially without it causing problems. I just prefer to either A) make fun of the drunk people or B) be the sober responsible one who bartends the party and keeps the drunk people out of trouble.

I started smoking marijuana when I was 16 and didn't stop until I was 22. When I stopped, I was to the point that I'd have to smoke an entire quarterbag just to get high. I dabbled with other drugs a little, mostly speed. Speed didn't do much for me (I found out why later), but I did enjoy getting 'crosswired' (mixing marijuana and speed). I tried LSD twice, wasn't too awful or anything, wouldn't do it again. Had 'shrooms a couple of times, about the same. I luckily stayed away from everything else because it was either too expensive or involved needles.

I smoked from 18 until 28. Yes, I know, I got the order of my drugs backwards. That was by far the hardest addiction for me to break. After I quit smoking, and gave up my 12-pack a day Mountain Dew habit, I started having real problems in my life (more like I started becoming aware of them, but whatever). I started therapy, and was originally diagnosed as Bi-polar Manic Depressive. I spent a year on Prozac before figuring out that I had been grossly mis-diagnosed. I was tested positive, and started treatment, for Adult ADD. Let me tell you, it has been the most wonderful change in my life for me. Irony is, the treatment is speed. Apparently, for people who are ADD/ADHD, stimulants don't have the same effect as they do on other people. As a matter of fact, a lot of undiagnosed people self-medicate, using drugs ranging from Cocaine to Nicotine to Caffeine. Anyway, it's not for everyone, but it has certainly been a pleasant change for me.

As for the relationship between Crossdressing and Chemical Addiction, I can only speak for myself. I never felt like I used drugs as a coping mechanism. I was either investigating life for myself instead of taking other people's word for things or I was trying to be like everyone else so I'd fit in. I guess there is a relationship, because if I'd have known and understood the truth about myself sooner, I might not have done those things. I'd never repeat the experiences, but I am not ashamed of them; they all worked in some way, good or bad, to make me the person that I am today.

Love,

Brandy Marie Devereaux

[Sierra]

I started both cding and pot before a teen.Angel dust,LSD and speedballs,were my drugs of choice, to fight depression,due to poor self esteem,due to guilt of cding,having bi-sexual experiences and being a disfellowshiped Jehovah's witness.Now happy to be free from that cult of mind control,but still hope to quit booze someday I start drinking very early everyday and feel empty and lost.An alchoholic TS not in tune with reality.A clear mind is the better way to enjoy life,you could even remember the good times. :confused:

[grannygown]

like you Prixcilla I have PTSD, the last battle from the Nam. My drinking started at an early age 7 to be exact and at that age I had been crossdressing for a least 2 years as best I can remember. I think at that age I had guilt arising from my secret behavior. Not only did I drink more as I grew older but became more rebelious in school and on the street. It was the 60s and the race question (as I am black) further fueled my behavior. 2 contacts with the criminal justice system and in 1968 I was given a choice of jail or service. I chose the usmc and they cut my orders. Since my discharge I have lived a dual life. Good grades in school while my addictions progressed as did my crossdressing. Graduation from college,post grad, good job,and drugs all went hand in hand. By the time I quit I had tried almost everything in the P.D.R. Clean and sober now for years. Feels good. I do believe that drug addiction and us (most of us) is common. I know who I am and what I am and its not all bad. The guilt of the crossdressing has long since left, and the deeds of the past,including Vietnam are fading. Good luck to you Priscilla.

[Elysia]

I’m a recovering alcoholic, seven years sober. I don’t think my cross-dressing caused my alcoholism or my alcoholism my cross-dressing. Cross-dressing was, however, a source of shame that I had to deal with. I joined AA and had, as part of my program, to do what’s called a 4th and 5th step.


(4) Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
(5) Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.


I wasn’t sure if cross-dressing qualified as ‘a wrong’ but I was taking no chances; I needed sobriety more than anything, it was a question of survival for me.

No one in my life at that time knew about my cross-dressing, not even my wife of (at the time) seven years. So, I nervously told my sponsor that I cross-dress and was blown away when his reaction was to say that cross-dressing didn’t count. Don’t get me wrong, I did a few things that did count and had a few amends to make, but my sponsor thought cross-dressing was not a big deal, unless, he said, I was really worried about it, which case maybe I should come to terms with why it worried me. Wow! That was not what I expected.

In sobriety I have come to accept my cross-dressing and it is no longer a source of shame or a cause of self-loathing. I’ve told my wife, who has been wonderfully accepting about it; that was another ‘wow! that was not what I expected’ moment.

I come from a long line of alcoholics, none of whom, as far as I know, were cross-dressers and I have no doubt that cross-dressing did not cause my alcoholism. However, my alcoholism definitely limited my ability to deal maturely, responsibly and serenely with everything, including my desire to cross-dress.

[miss Zaskia]

:D Strange thing is that my crossdressing kinda gave me a way out when my drug-use got out of hand now and again. Crossdressing usually seemed to work as a sort of methadon to me.Where other people had terrible withdrawl-symptoms i always had the perfect substitute.
Don't think we have more addictive personality's either.We do have stressy lives though,Which gives us more reasons to escape from everyday-life.Specially goes for the sisters with double-lives. Have been using drugs for along time(still like to do a little cannabis and a drink now and again) but never got seriously addicted to anything. :cool:

[Katiegirl]

There has been many times in my life when terrible things have happened to me but I have never taken drugs to ease the "pain". Taking drugs and drink as a way of dealing with the downs in life doesn't solve it, that problem remains and still has to be dealt with.

I have seen over the years many friends and some relations destroyed this way, the saddest thing is that most times they beleived they could control their addiction, and everyone else knew they couldn't.

I suppose my addiction is crossdressing as with others in this thread, in the past when I was able to Dress in times of crisis, I was able to deal with that crisis much better. Now that I can "dress" when I want, I am a much more relaxed person, and able to cope better the depression that takes hold of me at times.

:)


Mind of a Woman, Body of a man, Life is a Bitch

[GypsyKaren]

I started drinking and serious cross dressing when I was 12 after being molested for a year by my aunt. I've been on drugs for as long as I can remember. My biggest problem is that I'm bi-polar, and take enough meds to level a house, but it barely helps. To me, cross-dressing is my best form of therapy to all this, not the cause. When I dress I feel safe, and I feel good about myself.
GypsyKaren

[miss Zaskia]

I actually truly liked using drugs.Nothing to do with sedating myself, quite the contrary. It's more about the intensity of the experience. Like extreme sports and thrillseekers. :D

[Like2BAspen]

I think anything is an addiction if it harms you in some way. Dugs eating whatever How can cd'ing harm you if you are fulfilled and happy. If you have children there could be problems but you are what you are and it makes it more difficult. Aspen never got into drugs drank a lot in college but was in a fraternity what do you want. For me this is fun and special. If you sky dive everyday because you get a rush and its cool there are risks So should we stop living Dont use cding as a crutch for other issues.

[Vivian Best]

I guess there has to be an exception to every rule and I am the exception to the drugs and drinking. I've done neither! And at my age I don't intend to start. I might add that I don't smoke, don't drink coffee or tea. Why, I don't know, I just never did.

There is one common thread in all the posts and that is the agony we all went through early on in our lives. Some of it because of crossdressing and some because of various other things in our lives. I can truly understand why it would drive some to drink and drugs. I'm luckly that I predate the drug culture of the '60 and '70s. I do honestly hope those that are in an addictive situation on either that they find the courage to pull themselves out of it.

Vivian

[Stormgirl]

I think Im a raging alcoholic,not to worry there is the willpower of stopping and the self admittance that I have a problem.

[Dragster]

No Vivian, you're not the only exception.
I had a very happy childhood, I've never smoked (finest thing my Dad did was to tell me at 10 that it was my decision, but he'd give me £10 if I hadn't smoked by 21), drink moderately (I've had a few binges of course, but always "never again"), never tried any drugs, I'm fit (still run 5-10 miles a week at 60), I had a good education (Engineering degree from Cambridge), great marriage (except non-CD acceptance), excellent relationship with kids (32 & 30), and now enough resources to have retired last year. Having read that again, it's no wonder I've a happy-go-lucky outlook on life, and I do count my blessings. So none of the traumas that others have been through, but I still became a CDer at the age of 10, and it never left me. Time for a new theory!

Tony

[Tiffy]

I started dressing when I was eight. And have been doing so for just over twenty years. When I was 16 I drank all the time until about 7 years ago. I was about 22. The funny thing is I never dressed under the influence. I was always sober. I think I drank when I could not dress. It was my pacifier. I never smoked weed till I was 25. Still never dressed while high. About a year later I started dressing and then getting high. I found a greater exceptance of myself no matter how false it was. I loved me when I was high and dressed. I started getting high longer so I could stay dressed longer. Because as soon as the weed would let me down, out of my clothes I would come and back to drab. Today, I still like my weed. It is a vent from other things in my life now. Like large family problems, but I do not need it to be dressed. As I am dressed 50% of the time now. So I guess I am addicted to weed. Hell noone is perfect.

Kisses, April