Hate Getting Called Sir in Girly-Male Mode

[Jamie001]

I never really fully crossdress and don[t try to pass, but instead I have long highlighted hair in a feminine style, large feminine hoop earrings, and professionally pedicured bright red toenails that are always displayed in women's sandals. I am very annoyed when servers (both male and female) or sales associates refer to me as "sir". Nothing is more annoying! I am really put-off by this. Can't they tell that there is something different about me? What I really enjoy is when perceptive GG servers and GG sales associates refer to me as "hun" or "sweetie". I love it because it makes me feel so feminine and I relate to them in a completely different manner.

Do other gurls understand how I feel about this?

Jamie :love:

[Jillian]

I feel the exact same way!!! I am fine if they don't refer to me as ma'am, or girl or whatever, but sweetie or hun is perfect. I have had the exact same experiences. I too have gone out in "girly-male" mode. For example fingers and toes done. Women's shoes with open toes and nylons, but jeans and a boy shirt. It actually feels kind of nice, although I would rather be wearing a nice just above the knee dress. But, being referred to as sir in this state of attire is nothing short of insulting! It's offensive..... I am not trying to offend anyone, I don't want to be offended. Too easy...

Love ya

Jillian

[Billijo49504]

Gee I had the other thing happen, the other day. I was in guy mode when we went to Victoriia Secret's store. Of course my boobs were showing some what through my t-shirt. And the lady at the door asked "How are you ladies doing today?" The wife said, "Did she just refer to both of us as ladies?" She sure did. I told her, maybe she thought I was her dike.<LOL> We both had a good laugh over it. I was there to redeem a coupon for a free panty and to get a new bra, for me. I got a raspberry color IPEX bra. Super comfortable....BJ

[Jamie001]

Another response that is acceptable to me is to not call me anything! That is much better than being called sir. For example, "Would you like more coffee?" rather than "sir, whould you like more coffee?". There is no need for the sir! It serves no purpose and a lot of servers understand this when they see my mode of presentation.



However, in fairness to them... if you're presenting as what seems to be mostly a feminized male (if I misunderstood, I'm sorry), then they're probably trying to do the best they can and taking a guess.

Have you mentioned to a server, "Please, call me ma'am" or "Please don't call me sir"?

Just a thought...

*WE* have lots of trouble figuring out who we are sometimes... I can only imagine how the rest of the world deals with it.

[Stacy GG]

Another response that is acceptable to me is to not call me anything! That is much better than being called sir. For example, "Would you like more coffee?" rather than "sir, whould you like more coffee?". There is no need for the sir! It serves no purpose and a lot of servers understand this when they see my mode of presentation.

Well, seeing as I just quit working as a waitress I would probably have opted for not saying sir or ma'am if the attire was confusing. Though when I was serving I always considered it rude not to address the customer with sir or ma'am unless I knew them personally. The other question I have is when you go in girly- male mode are you by yourself or a group? In a group I would have probably said sir because otherwise I would not be sure of getting the customers attention. just my :2c:

[Jamie001]

Stacy,

To answer your question, I sometimes am alone and other times in a group. There is also another option that a lot of servers use. Look me right in the eye and ask me the question? "Would you like more coffee". Many times in a group setting I will not respond if someone calls me "sir" because I choose not to respond to the mode of being addresses.

Also, I know other normal males that don't like "sir" because they were taught that you call your elders "sir" to show respect for them. When they get past 40 years old or so, they don't appreciate it. Therefore it is something to think about. I really believe that the world can do without sir and maam. They should have invented a non-gender specific word. Why does everything need to be tied to gender or reference gender? It really is not necessary.

Jamie :hugs:


Well, seeing as I just quit working as a waitress I would probably have opted for not saying sir or ma'am if the attire was confusing. Though when I was serving I always considered it rude not to address the customer with sir or ma'am unless I knew them personally. The other question I have is when you go in girly- male mode are you by yourself or a group? In a group I would have probably said sir because otherwise I would not be sure of getting the customers attention. just my :2c:

[sissystephanie]

It does not seem that a real answer has been given to this dilema! As a CD who has been doing this for longer than a lot of you have been alive, let me throw my two cents in.

If you dress entirely enfemme, then you should Not be called sir! However, if you are in "girly male" mode, you are still a male. Therefor, you are correctly addressed as "sir." I dress enfemme, but without wig or makeup, a great deal of the time and go out in public that way. I do not expect to be called Ma'am!
I am a man in woman's clothes! When my wife was alive we did go out as two ladies. Then I expected to be addressed as a female, since I looked like one! But "girly male," no way!

"Hun" or "sweetie" are catch all terms used by many SA's and "waitpersons" (hate that term!) to be friendly. No gender connotation is usually attached.

You may not like how you are being addressed, but at least they are talking to you! Be happy!

Sissy

More Girl than man sometimes

[Karren H]

Call me sir or call me maam... doesnt bother me one bit!!! no matter how I'm dressed... If you don't fully dress and they think your a genetic male and call you sir then hey!! They are right aren't they??

Next time wear a sign that says "Call me SIR and I'll Kick your Friggin ass"!! lol That will get their attention for sure!!! lol

Karren

[Jamie001]

Karen,

I love your idea about wearing the sign because sometimes that is how I feel! You really gave me a good laugh and the end of a rather boring day. Maybe I need to work on enlarging my man-boobs so that they will be really confused.

:hugs: Jamie



Call me sir or call me maam... doesnt bother me one bit!!! no matter how I'm dressed... If you don't fully dress and they think your a genetic male and call you sir then hey!! They are right aren't they??

Next time wear a sign that says "Call me SIR and I'll Kick your Friggin ass"!! lol That will get their attention for sure!!! lol

Karren

[Veronica 1]

Well, they have to call you something. If you are in male/girly mode, they will probably say sir but if you are in girly/male mode, they might say maam. Otherwise, would you prefer that they refer to you as "person"?

[Stephenie S]

I never really fully crossdress and don[t try to pass, but instead I have long highlighted hair in a feminine style, large feminine hoop earrings, and professionally pedicured bright red toenails that are always displayed in women's sandals. I am very annoyed when servers (both male and female) or sales associates refer to me as "sir". Nothing is more annoying! I am really put-off by this. Can't they tell that there is something different about me? What I really enjoy is when perceptive GG servers and GG sales associates refer to me as "hun" or "sweetie". I love it because it makes me feel so feminine and I relate to them in a completely different manner.

Do other gurls understand how I feel about this?

Jamie :love:

I don't understand your discomfort. You are not fully crossdressed, you don't try to "pass", and yet you are annoyed when someone calls you "sir"?

WHY?

If you are presenting as female, expect a "m'am", if you are presenting as a girly man, expect a "sir". That's just common sense, isn't it?

Stephenie

[Sugar]

Dang honey, I get addressed as ma'am often while just being out as me. I think that I'm kinda butch...go figure.

Don't sweat the small stuff

[Sweet Jane]

I'd be more mortified if I got called ma'am when I was dressed as a guy......when I am dressed I suppose I am still a guy, and maybe people just are uncomfortable saying ma'am......if they know that I am really sir??????

[Sugar]

:p Lol

[Jamie001]

I am annoyed because to me I perceive my own gender as more female than male. I would be more comfortable being called "maam" than "sir" but actually would just rather be perceived as genderless. Does that make sense?




I don't understand your discomfort. You are not fully crossdressed, you don't try to "pass", and yet you are annoyed when someone calls you "sir"?

WHY?

If you are presenting as female, expect a "m'am", if you are presenting as a girly man, expect a "sir". That's just common sense, isn't it?

Stephenie

[Cara Allen]

Oh, sure! When I would attend conventions of TG's, with a whole hotel full of us, some of the staff would still call us "Sir." The TG people who set up the event would even have a "The Girls Are Coming" pretalk with the staff, but some would still not get it. I found that the ones who got tips caught on very fast... "How are you ladies, this evening?" Especially if we tipped well...

I don't think they are being mean, just confused about what to call you. Just let is shine on. Smile, say thank you in your best female voice, and go about your day.

[TxKimberly]

Next time wear a sign that says "Call me SIR and I'll Kick your Friggin ass"!! lol That will get their attention for sure!!! lol

Karren

There is that famous Karen Hutton subtlety! :-)

Personally, I think many people don't KNOW what is appropriate. Most people are NOT part of "our world", have not been exposed to us or to training regarding how to treat us, and probably honestly don't know what is appropriate or what we prefer. I know it seems painfully obvious to US - "Duh, I'm dressed and acting as a woman" but maybe to these folks it is NOT clear what they should do to be professional and respectful. It's attitude more than words that riles me up. A genuine smile and a "Sir" I can handle. I don't like it but I can handle it. A sneer and the word "sir" is gonna a$$ me up right quick though.

[Kate Simmons]

I think all of us together have enough amassed experience to co-author a book entitled: "The Pernicious Power of Percutient Prounouns.":happy: