How I Feel

[GypsyKaren]

As I get closer and closer to my surgery, I have such a sense of peace and calmness now, it's a warmth that washes over me in waves. It helps me to think as I look forward and reflect back, everything is all so clear to me now. I see the little girl I never was yet always was, and I smile and feel her dreams turned to joy, and it makes me cry. I only have happy tears now, which I suppose can be hormone driven, but I really don't think that's all there is to it. I think it's because now I have a genuine reason for them, sad tears replaced with happy tears, can you imagine that?

It's so easy to see the little things now, a butterfly to make me smile, the wind through the trees, the innocent look on a child's face. I never paid such things much attention before, but now they seem to stand out and show me their reason, and I actually get it...talking about stopping to smell the daisies.

I'm writing the best poetry I've ever done, they just appear on the screen without me even thinking, and I know they come from my heart. When I'm done with one I'll read it and keep nodding in agreement, and I'll smile and watch out for those happy tears...what a sap am I.

I dreamed and wished and prayed and cried for this my entire life, can you imagine that? I'll be 55 real soon, that sure is an awful long time to want something, to hold onto a dream for that long, and now I'm really living it. That's something that I can't imagine because I always knew it would never be, yet now it is...simply amazing.

Our life is but a journey where we seek ourselves, we find this while looking for that, but I think it's true that things work out as they're supposed to, at least it sure has for me, and I hope that it does for all of you too.

Karen Starlene

[loriannetucson]

Yes, Karen, the same thing has happened for me just by going on hormone replacement therapy. I use the same description to my famiy and friends to explain what's going on inside my brain. The sunsets are more golden, the trees are greener, the sky bluer. I see beauty in the broken.

The best way I understand this is an Old Testament passage in Isaiah 61 saying He will trade your ashes for beauty. I won't go into detail about the full context, but I now see the beauty and purpose behind mostly everything now. It is amazing.

I only hope this sense of well being and peace continues in me when the day I get my surgery is before me. Thank you for being so diligent to continue to bring hope and encouragement for the many of us who so desperately desire to make it through another day.

[marie rose]

I feel your happiness Karen. Excellent piece. I think the one word that best describes myself since I've accepted the inner me and am moving forward is "serene". The anger and frustration is gone and I can now say I feel at total peace with myself.

[DanielMacBride]

It's so good that you are so happy Karen :D :hugs:

Daniel

[Sandra]

Karen you already know how I feel, it's nice to see you happy.:hugs:

[Siobhan Marie]

Karen, I'm so pleased that you're really happy now. Not long now, it'll be here before you know it. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

:hugs: Siobhán x

[Sheila]

Karen, am happy for you and Kat, wishing you all the good things life has to offer

[GypsyKaren]

46 days to go, how do I feel? Overwhelmed. So much to attend to, so much to think about, it's all just so overwhelming. Not that I'm having doubts or second thoughts because I'm not, I'm very comfortable with this.

I'm trying not look forward but I am anyway, at least a little bit for now. I have no expectations because I know that my life will still be up to me to live, so there won't be any disappointments, it will be what it will be. Perhaps it's just curiosity, a little bit of wonder, I think that's to be expected.

I reflect back, and I see the little girl full of confusion and fear, and that makes me sad. Soon I'll be able to reach out my hand to her and give her reason to smile, that will be nice I think.

I still can't believe that this is really happening. You spend so long wishing and dreaming for something you know you'll never have, and then all of a sudden it's there for you to grab, and it's real instead of that dream. How can you possibly describe that feeling? I sure can't, there are no words, no words at all.

People don't have a clue about what we go through for an entire lifetime because we were born the wrong way, and the desperate measures we take in order to give us peace, they'll never come close.

How do I feel? Yes, I'm overwhelmed, but I'm smiling too, so life is good and it can only get better.

Karen Starlene

[ChristineRenee]

It sounds like you have found peace within Karen...your center. I'm really happy for you. :happy:

[Kimberley]

People don't have a clue about what we go through for an entire lifetime because we were born the wrong way, and the desperate measures we take in order to give us peace, they'll never come close.

Karen Starlene

Never a truer word hon. It is a thought that haunts me almost every day and I try to put it away as quickly as it occurs.

:hugs::love:
Kimberley