Suddenly Horrified!

[Linda C]

:eek: I went to an art opening last night with my family in guys clothing (I have never been out dressed otherwise) and there was a Cder walking around checking out the exhibits - suddenly I was scared to death that he/she might know me from the web site. After a few moments of telling myself to relax - I came to realization that he/she would not just come up and out me in public - first of all because that ain't cool and if he/she did know me from the site I should trust in them - right?

[Cara Allen]

The first time I went to a transgender meeting, I met lots of nice ladies, some of whom I had spent a good deal of time with.

I agreed to attend a helpers meeting at a restaurant, later that week. My memory is quite good, but for the life of me, I could not place the male people I was meeting with, with the females, I had met, just a few days earlier.

No worries, no one will ever clock you, based on the activity here!

[TxKimberly]

:eek: I went to an art opening last night with my family in guys clothing (I have never been out dressed otherwise) and there was a Cder walking around checking out the exhibits - suddenly I was scared to death that he/she might know me from the web site. After a few moments of telling myself to relax - I came to realization that he/she would not just come up and out me in public - first of all because that ain't cool and if he/she did know me from the site I should trust in them - right?

Not to pick on you Linda, a lot would share your concern, but I wonder how are we going to get the rest of the world to accept us if we are even scared of each other? :-)

[Deborah Jane]

Even if i recognised someone from here, i wouldn,t make the first move! If they came up to me, i would be embarressed at first, but calm down enough to chat discreetly given time!!

[Linda C]

Not to pick on you Linda, a lot would share your concern, but I wonder how are we going to get the rest of the world to accept us if we are even scared of each other? :-)

Hi Kimberly - I am just sharing an emotion - I wasn't scared of the Cder per say - just the idea of being outed in front of my family - I am kind of new to this - If I were there by myself I would have probably spoken to her.. :happy:

[Shelly Preston]

I think most from this site would most likely not approach you unless

1) You were on your own and they were letting you know they were a member here too

2) They had mentioned to you that they may be there and you might see them

[Emily Ann Brown]

Getting outted to family was one of my biggest fears. I would rather take a bullet than do that to a sister (I got outted to mine).

Trust has to start somewhere.


Emily Ann

[Lisa Golightly]

Some might... most wouldn't. People are different and their view of what's acceptable and what isn't varies. TBH when you introduce photos into the public domain you effectively go public... You out yourself.

[sterling12]

Don't want to pick on you Hun. Just want to remind you that your engaging in Paranoia.

Let your logical mind take over in these situations. A.) The Gurl's on this website represent about .000001% of the CD Population. B.) The odds of actually meeting someone who had posted on this website are probably greater than hitting the lottery! C.) Photographs make us look different. When I actually meet a CD, after I have seen their picture, they often look very different. D.) Your Avatar doesn't really show us a good picture of you. Can't imagine that anyone would read male you, and not in context. E.) Since you don't live an active life within The CD Community in your area, why would anyone know you?

Your obviously not out of The Closet. That's cool, you don't need to be, and it's your choice.

When you review the situation, I'm sure you will realize that all your angst had no purpose. Maybe next time, you'll stop and think about it and not be freaked out.

Tell you what....go stand in the backyard, and wait to be struck by lightning. The odds are way better than someone from this website revealing you.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Linda,

Black Sabbath were the best band ever to come out of Brum. One of their greatest, and probably best know, songs was "Paranoid". Bostin song but a crap state to be in half your life ;)

[Cara Allen]

Not to pick on you Linda, a lot would share your concern, but I wonder how are we going to get the rest of the world to accept us if we are even scared of each other? :-)

(smiles) The girl is right!

[KandisTX]

Linda,

Black Sabbath were the best band ever to come out of Brum.


Right up until Ozzy left ;) From there it was all downhill for them.. Sure they had the same songs, but it wasn't the same sound. (I was at the Mob Rules concert at MSG in NYC way back in the day).

Kandis:love:

[Linda C]

(smiles) The girl is right!

Whatever - If you had read my response to that posting you would have realized that is wasn't afraid of the CDer I was just stating my sudden paranoia about getting caught and then chilling out - I though this suppose to be a support group - OH never mind just keep picking on me - whatever makes you happy!

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Right up until Ozzy left ;) From there it was all downhill for them.

Agree 100%. How can you replace the Prince of Darkness? :devil:

[TxKimberly]

Whatever - If you had read my response to that posting you would have realized that is wasn't afraid of the CDer I was just stating my sudden paranoia about getting caught and then chilling out - I though this suppose to be a support group - OH never mind just keep picking on me - whatever makes you happy!

Gotta be honest - sometimes it IS fun to pick on someone, but I wasn't trying to here, Honest! :-)
And I know what you are trying to say and why you were concerned, but the point really still stands. I, and I assume you, are both crossdressers, and yet WE would hessitate to speak to a crossdresser in front of our family or friends. Note that I didn't point at you alone nor exempt myself from the statement. I would also at the least hessitate in front of my father in law or step father because it would draw unwanted questions.

[Trinni]

I might be wrong but I have a feeling if anyone of us ran into another one of us in front of there family or company of others, they would have the decency to not say anything at the time and then PM them when they get back to there computer. No matter what stage of CDing people are at, they at one time did it with out the public knowing and can remember what is was like to be afraid of being outed.

[MsJanessa]

darling if you were in drab, how on earth is anybody going to recognize you from this website? The only two pictures of you are enfemme and even they don't really show what you look like---one doesn't show your face and the other is taken too far away to get a good look. Add to that the fact that you are wearing womens clothes, makeup and a wig, nobody would recognize you while in your male persona from these pics. So stop being silly and stop worrying.

[Ruth]

This is a good point. I look way different en femme. I go out as Ruth without the slightest worry that people who know the guy are going to make me. Whether I pass is another matter...

[Linda C]

I am sorry that I reacted like a little girl - I was just trying to relate a fear in my own head that was over played "in my own head." I won't react that way again - I just started dressing again after ten years off - before I didn't have family to worry about - I guess that's why I freaked.

[raleighbelle]

From another standpoint - though there are thousands of CDers who review this site, for every one of them, there are thousands of others who do not come to this site. The threat of being outed was minimal.

[Rosaliy Lynne]

:eek: I went to an art opening last night with my family in guys clothing (I have never been out dressed otherwise) and there was a Cder walking around checking out the exhibits - suddenly I was scared to death that he/she might know me from the web site. After a few moments of telling myself to relax - I came to realization that he/she would not just come up and out me in public - first of all because that ain't cool and if he/she did know me from the site I should trust in them - right?

I can well understand your initial concern and I do not at all blame you for it. You did quite rightly realize that there was no threat to you AFTER thinking about it but hey, being human, many, if not most, of us panic FIRST then realize we have nothing to worry about.


Not to pick on you Linda, a lot would share your concern, but I wonder how are we going to get the rest of the world to accept us if we are even scared of each other? :-)

A good question. Those of us who come out do want some acceptance and yet it is difficult at times to accept that we are out there and someone MIGHT recognize us. Being outed bu others, however accidentally, can make many of us feel less than secure. Here is a thought that has helped me over time and advice I have given others. We have to accept ourselves first and formost. It does not matter if we are male, female, crossdressers, gays, whatever .... Acceptance starts with ourselves. Only when we are comfortable and accepting of ourselves can we expect others to do so.


Some might... most wouldn't. People are different and their view of what's acceptable and what isn't varies. TBH when you introduce photos into the public domain you effectively go public... You out yourself.

Good point. Of course not everyone is recognizable as their other self when en femme. Even I look different en femme than I do en drab.


This is a good point. I look way different en femme. I go out as Ruth without the slightest worry that people who know the guy are going to make me. Whether I pass is another matter...

I don't think I pass but I have had a few GG's tell me I do. I think it more likely that I blend well enough. I did have an interesting experience at my local bar though. A friend was looking for me and I was sitting not 3 feet away from her. However she did not recognize me as the blonde I was that night. She was busy looking for the brunette I usually am. This might make a point though. If I can't be recognized between two different appearances en femme, what are the chances that I would be recognized en drab?


I am sorry that I reacted like a little girl - I was just trying to relate a fear in my own head that was over played "in my own head." I won't react that way again - I just started dressing again after ten years off - before I didn't have family to worry about - I guess that's why I freaked.

I read your fear correctly and as for doing or not doing it again, well don't bet on it. On the other hand remember this: Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff.

[Jodi]

My experience has been that we all look significantly different when in femme compared to our drab selves. If someone knows us as a male, what would give us away to them would not be our looks. It would be our voice and our basic mannerisms.

Jodi

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Right up until Ozzy left ;) From there it was all downhill for them.. Sure they had the same songs, but it wasn't the same sound. (I was at the Mob Rules concert at MSG in NYC way back in the day).

Kandis:love:

Not to take the thread off topic. But the Ronnie James Dio(my personal favorite), Ian Gillian, Tony Martin, and even Glen Hughes versions of Black Sabbath were just as great as Ozzy. :2c: Back to the orininal point of the thread. I share in your paranoia Linda. I'm still too paranoid to even show my face in my avatar, despite the 1 in 1,000,000,000 odds, that I would probably never be recognized.

[susie evans]

i think most girls would not out anyone especialy with family involved it's just not nice and i don't think we would want that done to us even if i met another girl from the forum i wiuld not say any thing unless we had a peraranged meeting set up ahead of time :hugs:

susie

[Rosaliy Lynne]

My experience has been that we all look significantly different when in femme compared to our drab selves. If someone knows us as a male, what would give us away to them would not be our looks. It would be our voice and our basic mannerisms.

Jodi

More than likely correct.


Not to take the thread off topic. But the Ronnie James Dio(my personal favorite), Ian Gillian, Tony Martin, and even Glen Hughes versions of Black Sabbath were just as great as Ozzy. :2c: Back to the orininal point of the thread. I share in your paranoia Linda. I'm still too paranoid to even show my face in my avatar, despite the 1 in 1,000,000,000 odds, that I would probably never be recognized.

Honey, *I* would recognize those legs anywhere. :heehee::heehee:


i think most girls would not out anyone especialy with family involved it's just not nice and i don't think we would want that done to us even if i met another girl from the forum i wiuld not say any thing unless we had a peraranged meeting set up ahead of time :hugs:

susie

Sure enough. Ahead of time is when ya pre-arrange stuff. :tongueout

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Honey, *I* would recognize those legs anywhere. :heehee::heehee:





Uh oh, I'm busted!!!!:devil:

[trannie T]

So, Linda, does that mean if I see you when I'm dressed I shouldn't run up, give you a big kiss and yell, "Hey Girlfriend!"

[Linda C]

So, Linda, does that mean if I see you when I'm dressed I shouldn't run up, give you a big kiss and yell, "Hey Girlfriend!"

No - you should kiss my wife first and then me :drink:

[Sonia Kiss]

No - you should kiss my wife first and then me :drink:

Haha. Perfect, Linda.

I saw lots of great comments in response to your posts. I'll make my small contribution here. And Linda, take no offense. These comments are not directed at you specifically, but just my comments for the group on the general subject of running in to people out of context.

First, avoiding outing someone is not just CD protocol, but protocol in any situation where people are likely to have some sort of partitions in their lives. For an example not even involving queerness of any kind, say you are at a strip club and you see someone you know through work. Even if you are ok with the world knowing that you go to strip clubs, you wouldn't just walk up and slap your friend on the back and say "Hey, Mr. Johnson, fancy meeting you here!" because Mr. Johnson might not want his professional identity known in that setting.

So what do you do? You act as you would toward any other person! In the case of seeing CD en femme, um...she is a woman. She is a woman on the inside (we all are, even when we're not dressed) and here in front of you, she is a woman on the outside as well. That's 100% woman. What do you do when you see any other woman? Stare? Make a point to avoid her and ignore her? Hopefully neither!!! Something in the middle--a pleasant smile--is nice. Do your best to react to this CD as you would any attractive stranger, and you'll make her day. That's support :)

Sonia

[RobertaFermina]

I spend a lot of time INTENTIONALLY thinking of others and being loving and considerate because....I am working to shift habits of living in my own world, thinking primarily of myself and oblivious to the possibility that anything which might please me could have a negative impact for others.

I might blindly out you for the pleasure of having your recognition.

I most likely would not, but there are days when I am literally dead to the world as I walk around in my own drama or fantasy.

It seems prudent to be concerned, though a bit over the top to be terrified.

Hope it is less nerve-wracking next time ! :hugs:

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Veronica 1]

If I were in drab and ran across a girl from this site that I recognized, I would probably give her a smile and a "Hey there, you gorgeous hunk of femininity", (one of my favorite lines for GG's). If she responded favorably, we could chat. If not, then I would just move on so as not to attract attention to her.

[Linda C]

I am always amazed at the thoughtful and intuitive responses that I receive from all of you - you people take these questions to the heart - thank you - Linda C.

[Baley]

darling if you were in drab, how on earth is anybody going to recognize you from this website? The only two pictures of you are enfemme and even they don't really show what you look like---one doesn't show your face and the other is taken too far away to get a good look. Add to that the fact that you are wearing womens clothes, makeup and a wig, nobody would recognize you while in your male persona from these pics. So stop being silly and stop worrying.

Thats what my SO says. In reality not many people would reconize you out in drab. Been there done it:love:

[Rosaliy Lynne]

Thats what my SO says. In reality not many people would reconize you out in drab. Been there done it:love:

I had a friend who didn't even recognize me en femme and all I had done differently was wear a blonde wig.

[Alice Torn]

Linda, I am a bit paranoid, to be honest. At my height ( 6'6"), and my mannerisms, and posture, I am easy to out. I have great legs, too! So, I am almost totally a closet cder, but I did go out five times, two years ago, and got a lot of unwanted attention. My height, and build give me away. It is best to always use caution, think before doing anything. Lucille

[suzanne]

Could we perhaps adopt a little bit of sign language which signifies tho whose who know it,"I recognize who you are and support you, my sister."? This signal is, of course, meaningless to those who are not CD/TG.
Maybe something as simple as touching the nose with the right index finger. Just a thought for those who cannot, for whatever reason, come out fully.

[Sonia Kiss]

Could we perhaps adopt a little bit of sign language which signifies tho whose who know it,"I recognize who you are and support you, my sister."? This signal is, of course, meaningless to those who are not CD/TG.
Maybe something as simple as touching the nose with the right index finger. Just a thought for those who cannot, for whatever reason, come out fully.

Something like pinky rings (http://www.pinkypals.net/)? Disclaimer: Vonnie's a good friend of mine. :) Sonia