Passing Stories

[Dasein9]

I think a place for saying "Hey! I passed, and here's what happened!" might be helpful. Do we already have one? I mean, naturally, the point is to get to where that's just not a big deal, but knowing how others get there may make the trip easier for the next guys.

For instance: I just went out for a walk and saw two students, both built like refrigerators, who obviously had no clue what they were doing, trying to move a couch into an apartment building. I offered them a hand, and they actually accepted help from 5'4" me. That would never have happened if they had any clue I was female-bodied.

What I think did it: checked shirt, combat boots, flat-top cap, very tired guys who weren't really paying attention and were prone to make assumptions.

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

Cool! Good idea... I don't have any recent passing stories, but I like the topic idea.

[Cai]

I know I pass better when I'm relaxed, not focused on how I look or whether I'm passing. Like my airplane trip back in July in black jeans and a Superman t-shirt. I'm talking to a woman waiting for the plane, and gave her the name of my college. I got a blank stare and "Isn't that a women's college?"

I think it was partly the outfit, partly the way I was sitting, and partly my attitude. I've flown so many times that anything they throw at me is old hat, and I stay pretty collected. Since we were 90 minutes delayed at this point, I was probably one of the few who wasn't getting upset, and I looked like a teenage guy who just doesn't care about anything.

[Tristan]

I think I passed better away from here. I felt more free to be myself when I was out east then here and for most part I passed. Loved at the Italian place with Cai, Lex, and Aethen and all three of us transguys passed, because the waiter took Aethen's order first. Woot. And he called me Sir a cple times too.

[Cai]

I think I passed better away from here. I felt more free to be myself when I was out east then here and for most part I passed. Loved at the Italian place with Cai, Lex, and Aethen and all three of us transguys passed, because the waiter took Aethen's order first. Woot. And he called me Sir a cple times too.

I think it's got to do with company. I don't care what I wear or how I act, if I'm out with my female friends, I don't pass. But when I'm around guys/transguys, I pass. I think it has to do with people's perception of relationships, because mixed-sex friendship groups are less common.

[ZenFrost]

I was at a resturant yesterday and first I didn't pass and then I did. When I was going in a guy said, "let me hold the door for you ma'am" and that kinda pissed me off and dissapointed me. But when the waitress came by she called me sir through the whole meal. When I placed my order I tried to make my voice lower but I think I just sounded like a moron when I did. :dry: I think it's the combination of the short/shaved hair and the men's clothes coupled with the fact that I've got an androgynous face. But I don't know for sure because I didn't pass earlier.

[DanielMacBride]

I love this thread :D My best passing story yet has to be when I completely confused my therapist, I turned up at her office dressed in cargos and a t-shirt and short hair, and she walked out 4 times looking for me and called my phone 4 times before I walked into her room and said "I believe you are looking for ME?" :D She was totally floored, even though I had told her the previous week that I'd be coming as my male self she hadn't picked it! She had even looked me straight in the eye and still didn't recognise me - she said everything about me was totally male, the body language, appearance, vibe and the works so I was very pleased, and she was very embarrassed :D

Aside from that, there has been a few times since when I have walked to the local shop and been greeted with "hey mate, how's it goin' " by strangers who walk past me (and by one or two people I know who didn't recognise me :) )

I think a lot of it is in my attitude - yeah, the clothes and short hair helps, but I like to think I'm fairly confident and I guess that just shows that I'm comfortable being me, so people are less likely to question it, if that makes sense? (dunno, bit scattered at present because I'm in the middle of some major serious dramas involving a close mtf friend).

Daniel

[Tobie]

My best passing was almost a year ago, my first public experience actually!

My college has a very good GLBT group, so I'm not surprised that was where I pulled it off. The first positive sign was waiting to cross the street. I was definitely male(my 'package' is actually quite large), bound, hair pulled back and a cap on. I looked over to my left and there was a young guy there. He looked me up.. down.... and up again. And then smiled at me with a flirtatious glint in his eyes! Totally floored me!

I was meeting friends after their classes, so I couldn't really stick around but everybody in the hallways passed by me without a second glance. One of my teachers(whose class I had skipped that day) went right by me without even noticing. It was great!

[Adam]

when i first came out i was well cuffed when i passed but now i pass alot more i get upset when i dont pass :sad:

im always getting told im a good boy though :heehee::heehee: and people think im about 15

[Taylor105]

when i first came out i was well cuffed when i passed but now i pass alot more i get upset when i dont pass :sad:

im always getting told im a good boy though :heehee::heehee: and people think im about 15

Adam, you aren't alone, buddy. I always pass as a teen. But I figure looking like a 15 year old boy is better than looking like a butch lesbian. Am I right? Or am I right? lol

[Kieron Andrew]

Am I right? Or am I right? lolur right! i got told i looked 19 the other day but male :)

[Taylor105]

ur right! i got told i looked 19 the other day but male :)


Yep, but I g8uess looking like a teen boy is better than looking like a GIRL!

[Kieron Andrew]

Yep, but I guess looking like a teen boy is better than looking like a GIRL!too right it is.....i so take it as a compliment

[Tristan]

Teen girls seem to be flirting with me lately so apparently I pass as an ok looking teen guy.

[Kieron Andrew]

Teen girls seem to be flirting with me lately so apparently I pass as an ok looking teen guy.i find that so ironic...teen girls flirt with you but you're gay, boys flirt with me and im straight damn it lol

[Tristan]

i find that so ironic...teen girls flirt with you but you're gay, boys flirt with me and im straight damn it lol

lmao yeah I guess. At least Aethen flirts with me. He's the only gay guy I care about finding me cute.

[CaptLex]

i find that so ironic...teen girls flirt with you but you're gay, boys flirt with me and im straight damn it lol

Same here - girls flirt with me, guys don't. :rolleyes: Well, except for you, Kieron. :heehee:

The day I went out with Cai and TJ, I got a "ma'am", "sir" and a "miss". I'm so confused. :p

[Kieron Andrew]

Same here - girls flirt with me, guys don't. :rolleyes: Well, except for you, Kieron. :heehee:uhhhumm! ive seen other boys flirt with you! and i DONT flirt with boys mister! :rolleyes:

[CaptLex]

uhhhumm! ive seen other boys flirt with you! and i DONT flirt with boys mister! :rolleyes:
Aww, don't be jealous. :tongueout

Funny, went TJ, Cai, Aethen and I went to dinner, it was Aethen that noticed the waiter took his order first and that indicated that he saw us all as guys - 'cause he would have approached a female first. I don't think the rest of us noticed until Aethen mentioned it. That was cool. :thumbsup:

[crazy4cheezeits]

This morning my friend called me and woke me up. I threw on a bra and a big tshirt, and cargo shorts. Didn't do anything at all to my hair (yay bedhead lol). So basically I was a big mess but IMHO looked like a lesbian not a guy. And some older dude on the street is like "Excuse me...young man? Or young woman???"

OK, so I wasn't passing, but I really like confusing people. And being gender ambiguous (especially when not even trying) is much better than automatically being perceived as female

[John]

same with the age thing, I can tell if I'm passing in a pub cos' I get IDed (and then have to show a driving licence with 'miss' on it...)

[happyfish]

I think I pass about half the time, though sometimes I can't tell. I get a few 'thanks, man's at work and stuff. And last week I went into the woman's washroom and a lady was all 'this is the ladies.' I would have left, but I knew my mom was coming in and figured my parents would both die if I went into the men's.
Once I was in a restaurant and I got asked if I wanted to see the children's menu! So yes, I also pass as younger than myself.

[Dasein9]

Helped a friend move today, and a lot of people from our dept. showed up. In the past, the guys (who've known me for years) wouldn't let me carry heavy stuff on moves, which I find annoying. Part of the reason I've been annoyed is that while they're bio-males, they're also philosophers and don't know how to lift safely, whereas I do, thanks to a background in theatre tech.

But today, I bound, wore combat boots, cargo shorts, and a big t-shirt. The guys let me lift. I call it a major coup, since these are Catholic boys who mostly know me by my female name.


Edit: And by "let me lift," I don't mean they were condescending and allowing me to play at being a boy. They actually just treated me like they treat one another.

[Cai]

I passed at church this morning, in a grey plaid shirt, khakis, and brown dress shoes. I know I passed because a couple people thought I was introducing myself as "Kyle" instead of Cai, and accepted that Kyle could be my name. I think what did it was attitude and the new hair, plus the fact that people weren't expecting a female-bodied person to come to church in men's clothing. Oh, and voice. I've been lowering my singing voice by singing along with a lot of male artists, so what I've got now is definitely a tenor, not an alto.

[Kieron Andrew]

I passed at church this morning, in a grey plaid shirt, khakis, and brown dress shoes. I know I passed because a couple people thought I was introducing myself as "Kyle" instead of Cai, and accepted that Kyle could be my name. I think what did it was attitude and the new hair, plus the fact that people weren't expecting a female-bodied person to come to church in men's clothing. Oh, and voice. I've been lowering my singing voice by singing along with a lot of male artists, so what I've got now is definitely a tenor, not an alto.cool you passed!! woohooo oh and i like Kyle

[mistunderstood]

I pass alot. But it seems when I use my binder I do not pass as well. So I do not were it much. Funny thing is I am huge in the chest area but I still pass. They must think I have man boobs and do not think any thing else. So I just run with it.

[CaptLex]

I've been lowering my singing voice by singing along with a lot of male artists, so what I've got now is definitely a tenor, not an alto.
You know, Cai, when I saw you last week I thought your voice sounded lower than when I saw you last May . . . and then I thought maybe I hadn't noticed it when I first met you. So, I'm not crazy - your voice is lower. Well, maybe I'm still crazy, but you know what I mean. :p

I got "sirred" today. It's probably 'cause I haven't shaved since Wednesday (love my stubble :D). A woman walked up to me in the street and said, "Excuse me, sir, I'm looking for the pizzeria." I had to contain myself from grinning like a fool and calmly point her in the right direction. :banana:

[Cai]

You know, Cai, when I saw you last week I thought your voice sounded lower than when I saw you last May . . . and then I thought maybe I hadn't noticed it when I first met you. So, I'm not crazy - your voice is lower. Well, maybe I'm still crazy, but you know what I mean. :p
That's cool. I'm not really sure if it's lower, because last week I still had a cold, and I also try to keep it more at a monotone when I'm passing (if you heard me at school, you'd know in a minute I wasn't a GM). But still, that someone else thought it was lower is awesome.


I got "sirred" today. It's probably 'cause I haven't shaved since Wednesday (love my stubble :D). A woman walked up to me in the street and said, "Excuse me, sir, I'm looking for the pizzeria." I had to contain myself from grinning like a fool and calmly point her in the right direction. :banana:
:clap: That's cool, Lex. It probably was the beard - anyway, that's the first place I look if I ever wonder about someone.

[Kieron Andrew]

I got "sirred" today. It's probably 'cause I haven't shaved since Wednesday (love my stubble :D). A woman walked up to me in the street and said, "Excuse me, sir, I'm looking for the pizzeria." I had to contain myself from grinning like a fool and calmly point her in the right direction. :banana:Judging by your pic i can see why, one would be the goatee/beard yes, but is it me and has your face changed again??? boys?.....either way..:jumping:yay!!

[Taylor105]

Teen girls seem to be flirting with me lately so apparently I pass as an ok looking teen guy.

Teen girls flirt with me all the time. If only I was a teen. Dangit that adult women don't see me as a man.

[Taylor105]

I think I pass about half the time, though sometimes I can't tell. I get a few 'thanks, man's at work and stuff. And last week I went into the woman's washroom and a lady was all 'this is the ladies.' I would have left, but I knew my mom was coming in and figured my parents would both die if I went into the men's.
Once I was in a restaurant and I got asked if I wanted to see the children's menu! So yes, I also pass as younger than myself.

I got a story like yours. I was riding in the passenger seat and my mom was driving. We went through a drive-through bank. You know how the tellers look out into the car to see if there are kids to give suckers to? Well, you guessed right. There I was letting mom cash my paycheck and the lady sent me a sucker!! Good thing I love suckers and was not offended. haha

[John]

Well, I know I look younger when I'm passing, but this is just daft!

You've gota be 16 to buy parasetamol from morisons. I'm 19, and got asked if I was old enough :heehee:. I work there, and I was wereing the sodding uniform at the time! (I think if I hadn't the cashire wouldn't have sold them to me on acount of 'lying about my age'.)

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

So I went shopping for more clothes yesterday (which is an ordeal because I live on campus and don't have a car... and the nearest mall is a thirty minute bus ride away) and I passed the entire time... I got three "sirs," got directed to the men's changing room and used the men's bathroom without an issue. Also, I now have khakis and some nicer shirts I can wear to middle-dressy events like church.

And speaking of church, I went to church today for the first time since moving on campus and I walked to the conveniently located UCC church that is five minutes from my dorm. The service was great and I liked the people (despite the fact that I didn't know anyone and no one knew me)... not sure if I passed or not, but no one gave me the elevater eyes (you know, the first glance, double take, third surreptitious squint to determine gender) so I take that as a good sign. I can sing tenor so I suppose that helped. All in all it was a pretty decent weekend.

[SirTrey]

That's great! Congrats, Sir! :) **Trey**

[Taylor105]

So I went shopping for more clothes yesterday (which is an ordeal because I live on campus and don't have a car... and the nearest mall is a thirty minute bus ride away) and I passed the entire time... I got three "sirs," got directed to the men's changing room and used the men's bathroom without an issue. Also, I now have khakis and some nicer shirts I can wear to middle-dressy events like church.

And speaking of church, I went to church today for the first time since moving on campus and I walked to the conveniently located UCC church that is five minutes from my dorm. The service was great and I liked the people (despite the fact that I didn't know anyone and no one knew me)... not sure if I passed or not, but no one gave me the elevater eyes (you know, the first glance, double take, third surreptitious squint to determine gender) so I take that as a good sign. I can sing tenor so I suppose that helped. All in all it was a pretty decent weekend.


LOL at "elevator eyes" I know what you mean. :)

[ZenFrost]

I might've passed too well today, if that's even possible. There was a woman in my class who's a very touchy-feely kind of person and she was just being friendly, but she basically wound up groping my breast when she put her arm around my shoulder. And since I'm not a physical/touchy-feely person myself, I felt pretty awkward all day. :unsure:

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

Oh come on, Zen. Pretend to complain about women touching you... :p

[ZenFrost]

Oh come on, Zen. Pretend to complain about women touching you... :p

In other circumstances it might have been fine, but 1. I'm not a physical contact person at all, and 2. I'm not super fond of this person in particular, she's really not my type.

[Cai]

One of my friends from the swim team told me at lunch today that someone at the pool had been asking if I was a guy or a girl, and that she'd told the woman that of course I was a girl. I've been expecting to get asked, so I wasn't offended or anything, and it's nice to know I have friends who stand up for me, even if they don't know the right answer.

The really amusing part was that at the time she asked about me, I was standing on the deck in my women's swimsuit. :heehee: I must give off some sort of vibe. :D

[CaptLex]

I still get double takes from people on the street, but no one has called me "ma'am" in person in a while now. However, I still get "ma'am"ed on the phone pretty much every day. And when I correct them ("Actually, it's 'sir'. I may sound like a girl, but I'm a boy"), I usually get "Oh . . . " - not "Oh, I'm sorry", just "Oh . . ." :p

But the other day I went to dinner with a friend, her husband and another mutual friend and after dinner my friend told me that when the waiter took our order he said, "and the gentleman will have . . .?" and then looked at me. I didn't catch that, but it's cool that she did. :D

[Syr_SwitchyGQ]

That's awesome that she caught that, Lex! :happy:

--------------------------

So I have my own cool story from this afternoon:

Ok, so my hair has been getting disgustingly long, and definitely very girly looking. I was way scared to try and get it cut though, because I knew that if I went home, my usual stylist would try and make it as femme as possible (she listens to my mother, not me) but if I tried to get it cut in my University's town, then I'd have to break in a new hairstylist, and they'd probably be a student, because I can't afford to go to a "real" hair place. I finally broke down and got it cut today, though, after a very femme hetero girl wanted to know who cut my hair so *cute* because she wanted hers like that. :dry:

It was time. Anyway, I knew that I had to pass, otherwise they wouldn't cut it like a guy's. The cool news? Everything went great - none of the seven women I interacted with even gave me a strange glance, let alone called me "ma'am" or whatnot. The girl who cut my hair even wanted to know how I wanted my sideburns!!! :GD:

The only fly in the ointment was when I checked out, the man running the checkout desk was very flamboyantly gay and he just gave me a long, considering look of acknowledgement. He didn't blow my cover or anything, just grinned and took my money. Anyway, it made me happy, and I will post pics once I can get my camera functional again. :happy:

[Dasein9]

Cool, Gutherie!

I never mind being read by a gay man. Well, unless he's an obnoxious drunk telling me I should be at a lesbian bar. But mostly, it's just a kind of acknowledgement of being "family."

[wanttobejoe]

Are you sure the guy at the checkout counter was giving you a look of acknowledgement and not checking you out as a potential love interest :tongueout (meaning you could have passed with him as well) ?

[John]

Well, yesterday two people I ust do know (one a teature at school, on at a craft group I went to for three years) but I havn't sean for a while compleatly didn't recognise me. One of them I was serving at work, so I explained it was me, and she was compleatly suprised. The other I waved at in the streat, and she just looked at me and walked past. I may not have actually passed in both cases, but at least I know I look diferent.

[Cai]

I'm dressed for my mother tonight, since she's here for parents' weekend (though not staying in my dorm, thank God.) No packer (:sad:), no binder, women's jeans, sneakers, but a guy's black polo shirt.

So I was in the women's restroom outside our theatre, which for whatever reason is a full restroom but only one stall. I'm in there and just as I'm finishing up, a woman comes in and asks "Is anyone in here?" I call out "I'll be done in just a minute."

I come out of the stall, and the woman looks me up and down, and asks "Is this the boys' room or the girls'?" sounding like she could honestly be confused.

[Dasein9]

I'm dressed for my mother tonight, since she's here for parents' weekend (though not staying in my dorm, thank God.) No packer (:sad:), no binder, women's jeans, sneakers, but a guy's black polo shirt.

So I was in the women's restroom outside our theatre, which for whatever reason is a full restroom but only one stall. I'm in there and just as I'm finishing up, a woman comes in and asks "Is anyone in here?" I call out "I'll be done in just a minute."

I come out of the stall, and the woman looks me up and down, and asks "Is this the boys' room or the girls'?" sounding like she could honestly be confused.

Ayup. This one always gives me mixed feelings. On the one hand, I don't want to scare women. On the other hand, it's nice to pass, especially when one's presence is essentially a declaration regarding the shape of one's genitalia.

[John]

And again today I got not recognised. A relative of my step-mums who I havn't seen in about 6 months came over; after about five minuits he looked at me (did a verry well comered doubletake) and said "J***! I didn't recognise you! I was standing here thinking who the hells that?"

Aparently I've chainged more than I thought.

[Dasein9]

And again today I got not recognised. A relative of my step-mums who I havn't seen in about 6 months came over; after about five minuits he looked at me (did a verry well comered doubletake) and said "J***! I didn't recognise you! I was standing here thinking who the hells that?"

Aparently I've chainged more than I thought.

Cool! :drink:

[caderemington]

So, tonight after work, Gutherie and I went to Burger King together. We got there and there were these two teenage girls. We were walking past them, and they said "Hey! What's your names?" So we told them, Cade and RJ. Then we went in and everything was cool, but we were trying to figure out if we had passed or not. Then they came inside and over to our table. One of them introduced herself as Katie, and she said, "Do you guys have any fries?" We were like, no, sorry...? and she left. So, we definitely passed, even if it was as like 15 year old boys. It was funny. We think they were trying to get us to hit on them and such. lol. Yeah. It was great. :happy: Yes, Gutherie is here to visit me :D Its a lot of fun. If you know what I mean. :heehee:

[ZenFrost]

So, tonight after work, Gutherie and I went to Burger King together. We got there and there were these two teenage girls. We were walking past them, and they said "Hey! What's your names?" So we told them, Cade and RJ. Then we went in and everything was cool, but we were trying to figure out if we had passed or not. Then they came inside and over to our table. One of them introduced herself as Katie, and she said, "Do you guys have any fries?" We were like, no, sorry...? and she left. So, we definitely passed, even if it was as like 15 year old boys. It was funny. We think they were trying to get us to hit on them and such. lol. Yeah. It was great. :happy: Yes, Gutherie is here to visit me :D Its a lot of fun. If you know what I mean. :heehee:

The age things really gets me. I sometimes get read as a 23 year old woman, but people seem to think I'm a 13 year old guy much of the time. It's really frustrating actually.

[Anthony Jake]

The other day i went into the 'off course betting shop' or the 'bookies' as we call it here in england.. Now i have been in that store many times as i work in horse racing (well i will do as from January) but any how, as im pretty new to the whole CD thing while im out etc most of the people in the store know i am a girl, as they have seen my previous image which tho masculine i never stated otherwise.. but yesterday i was at the counter waiting to hand the guy behind my ticket and this middle aged guy said to me 'sorry mate' (he bumped into me) then later on i heard someone say 'oh i thought he was next' .. this really surprised me considering i was in my work clothes, which are pretty gender neutral as im not out as a FtM at work.
All in all i was pretty happy that they had just asumed i was a guy without me making any effort to look like one!

[Taylor105]

I hear ya on that whole teen-age boy thing. Most of the girls who hit on me are jail bait.

[Kieron Andrew]

OK So i dont pass at all, *hides from the boys* :hiding:

[Nicki B]

OK So i dont pass at all, *hides from the boys* :hiding:

Yes, you can.. :nono: :)


For instance: I just went out for a walk and saw two students, both built like refrigerators, who obviously had no clue what they were doing, trying to move a couch into an apartment building. I offered them a hand, and they actually accepted help from 5'4" me. That would never have happened if they had any clue I was female-bodied.

I've helped out the last couple of years at the local gay Mardi Gras in Bristol - I always find it funny how small, gay guys won't let me do anything physical - I'm 6'3" and 210lbs, for goodness sake... :roflmao:


I think I passed better away from here. I felt more free to be myself when I was out east then here and for most part I passed.

So, it's at least in part how you think about yourself? (Aethen, when I'm in a hole I try to stop digging - now would be good, d'you think? :o )


I think a lot of it is in my attitude - yeah, the clothes and short hair helps, but I like to think I'm fairly confident and I guess that just shows that I'm comfortable being me, so people are less likely to question it, if that makes sense?

That resonates with me, really big time - it seemed to work the other Saturday for some of you, too.. :)

[Kieron Andrew]

Yes, you can.. :)
told off twice in one day....stop that!!! :tongueout



I've helped out the last couple of years at the local gay Mardi Gras in Bristol - I always find it funny how small, gay guys won't let me do anything physical - I'm 6'3" and 210lbs, for goodness sake... :roflmao:lol its cos they see you as Mother! :hiding:

[Nicki B]

Funny, went TJ, Cai, Aethen and I went to dinner, it was Aethen that noticed the waiter took his order first and that indicated that he saw us all as guys - 'cause he would have approached a female first.

Umm - who did he give the [-]bill[/-] check to?


PS - if no one sees Kieron on here for a while, you'll know why.. :gg:

[CaptLex]

Umm - who did he give the [-]bill[/-] check to?
Good question, Nicki. Before he could set it down anywhere, Tristan asked for it. Would have been interesting to see who he would have put it near, but I think he would have laid it in the middle of the table and let us decide who would approach it first. :happy:

[Cai]

Good question, Nicki. Before he could set it down anywhere, Tristan asked for it. Would have been interesting to see who he would have put it near, but I think he would have laid it in the middle of the table and let us decide who would approach it first. :happy:

:heehee: Yep, I think it was a fairly good case of "he didn't know what to make of us".

I have sort of an anti-passing story that makes me realize how much I must have changed my everyday appearance, and how often I pass normally. Going to competition on Saturday morning, we stopped for breakfast at a Dunkin Donuts, in our fancy professional competition suits. The woman at the counter called me up as "ma'am", although it took 2 tries before I realized she was talking to me.

The reason it caught me so off-guard was that I haven't been called ma'am since I came back to school. I just hadn't been thinking about it, but being called ma'am made me realise how often I'm not read as female around here.

[John]

got asked how old I was at the barbers cos' the guy thought I was a little boy. ah, I love knowing I can pass :D

Yeah, I actually tend to ignore people who aproach me as ma'am (and when they do get my atention act compleatly taken aback that they called me it).