WHY tell your kids?

[stacylynn1]

Hey all I was wondering why some of you seem to feel the need to let your kid's know you crossdress even if they take it well you will lose respect in the long run as a father after I left my frist wife of 29 years she outed me to everybody incoulding my 2 sons and she did it with photos it took me over 4 years be fore my sons would talk with me and the lack of respect is still there
sorry just me venting stacylynn1

[LaurenS.]

I don't think there is a need to tell the kids but there may be a desire with some just to be open and honest. I agree with you that in this case honesty is not the best policy. I can only imagine what my daughter would think of me if she knew. I'm sure she would never feel the same about me and even if she did, I wouldn't know for sure and would always feel like I let her down in some way. Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think so.
I'm sure everyone has different views on this but that's mine.

Lauren

[Zee]

I suppose the biggest reason to tell the kids is that they are not shocked when they finally do find out. I believe that if you do not tell them and then they find out, you would loose a heck of a lot more respect than if you tell them right off.

I am almost always honest (too a fault even). I know when my parents were dishonest with me for whatever reason, I lost respect for them. If they were just up front with me about whatever the issue was, I would have been much more accepting as a kid. I do not want to fall in that trap with my kids.

Be that as it may, regardless of how one dresses, lives thier lives, or treats others, respect is not a right, but is earned. This applies to any situation regarding anyone who comes in contact with you.

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes it's a calculated risk either way. My sons found out accidently by finding my "stash". I told my daughter directly. My sons have accepted it, my daughter never has. Either way, I'm glad. It was tiring me out before with all the sneaking around and deception. In any case, they all realize I'm still the person I always was.:happy:

[Holly]

Maybe because it's the honest thing to do? The last thing I want my kids thinking is that I am some kind of superhero. I think it is a great opportunity to let them know that no one is perfect but perfection is not a quality necessary to have love and respect for another.

[Denielleinheels]

I suppose the biggest reason to tell the kids is that they are not shocked when they finally do find out. I believe that if you do not tell them and then they find out, you would loose a heck of a lot more respect than if you tell them right off.

I am almost always honest (too a fault even). I know when my parents were dishonest with me for whatever reason, I lost respect for them. If they were just up front with me about whatever the issue was, I would have been much more accepting as a kid. I do not want to fall in that trap with my kids.

Be that as it may, regardless of how one dresses, lives thier lives, or treats others, respect is not a right, but is earned. This applies to any situation regarding anyone who comes in contact with you.



I AGREE...they will find out eventually

[Rachel Morley]

WHY tell your kids?
Because I want to be honest, open and truthful with them. Love and respect makes me want to tell people I love, about important things about myself. However, I wouldn't tell them if I thought they would take it badly. I wouldn't want to upset them. That's why I haven't told my parents.

[Denielleinheels]

I also think if we hide it, it gives the illusion of being wrong

[AmberTG]

I know this is from a different perspective then from a CD, but from the point of view of a transgender who's on HRT, I really have no choice except to tell them. It will eventually become quite obvious that I am not who I used to be on the outside. The inner me is still the same person, that's what they need to know. If I don't tell them, who knows what they'll be thinking!
In the end, it's their decision to accept or not accept me.

[KandisTX]

In my case, my daughter was beginning to ask more and more questions that we knew meant she was figuring things out on her own. My wife and I decided, after speaking with her birth father, that it was time to tell her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth when/if she asked again "What is that you're wearing under your shirt". Using the response of "It's something he wears to be more comfortable" was not going to hold out forever and she had started asking "I know you wear it to be comfortable, but what is it called". She has known for over 2.5 years now and everything is still wonderful and even getting better as time passes. She has recently started calling me "Dad" (with her birth fathers blessing), AND our relationship has become one of a father and daughter more as well.

Kandis:love:

[kay_jessica]

Don't under estimate kids these days. If you have brought them up to be respectful of all people, regardles of colour religion and sexual orientation then I think you will find that they will be remarkably cool.

I have noticed, that those people that make negative comments tend not just to be trans intolerant but they are homophobes as well. Further more the few times I witnessed this sort of phobia those same morons are racially intolerant as well.

So if your kids already show signs of racial and or homophobia then don't tell them.

I told my son. His reaction was "OK, oh by the way one of my school mates dresses as well. Its cool".

I think this rule is also a pretty good one to determine if any of your acquaintances are likely to react adversely as well. I used the word acquaintance as I personal won't call any one who is minority intolerant a friend.

I had a friend once, we lived in a small rural area. No ethnic minorities or such like around. We both visited for interviews a University together. There we met loads of different people. It was our first real encounter with ethnic minorities. His racial comments, though private to me were totally intolerable. On the way home on the train that evening I discussed it with him. He maintained his stance and added homophobic nuances into the melting pot. I told him straight that I could no longer respect him as a friend because of his bigoted attitudes. We have not spoken in 30 years. It's a little off topic, but i think it illustrates how I think you can tell if it is safe to tell some one or not.

Hugs

Kay

[KandisTX]

Don't under estimate kids these days. If you have brought them up to be respectful of all people, regardles of colour religion and sexual orientation then I think you will find that they will be remarkably cool.

I have noticed, that those people that make negative comments tend not just to be trans intolerant but they are homophobes as well. Further more the few times I witnessed this sort of phobia those same morons are racially intolerant as well.

I think this rule is also a pretty good one to determine if any of your acquaintances are likely to react adversely as well. I used the word acquaintance as I personal won't call any one who is minority intolerant a friend.

I had a friend once, we lived in a small rural area. No ethnic minorities or such like around. We both visited for interviews a University together. There we met loads of different people. It was our first real encounter with ethnic minorities. His racial comments, though private to me were totally intolerable. On the way home on the train that evening I discussed it with him. He maintained his stance and added homophobic nuances into the melting pot. I told him straight that I could no longer respect him as a friend because of his bigoted attitudes. We have not spoken in 30 years. It's a little off topic, but i think it illustrates how I think you can tell if it is safe to tell some one or not.

Hugs

Kay


Very well said Kay. That I think is one of the key reasons why when we told our daughter about my dressing she was/is as accepting as she is. We have raised her to be open minded, and non-judgemental. She has many friends of differant and varying backgrounds from being crossdressers to full blown bulldyke lesbians. She was a flower girl in a lesbian wedding I presided over (I am an ordained minister via ULC), (I was asked to preside because she knew I would bring both the male (butch), and female (femme) aspects to the ceremony), no it wasn't a legal marriage but they are considered married by those of us that were present :)

Kandis:love:

[Deborah Jane]

My daughter [aged 15] knows, she even wants to see me en femme.My two sons [ages 13 and 6] will also be told when we feel they are old enough to understand. Like has been said here, it depends on how you bring your children up. We have always said "live and let live"!!

[Sandra]

We wanted to be honest with our daughter, she has been brought up like Deborah has said "live and let live".

We needn't have had any worries though because the first thing she said was " yeah I had an idea" then "can I borrow some of your clothes"

[crunchysoda]

Since finding out about my bf Ive wondered if my dad cd's. Nothing sticks out as far as like clothing or anything. Ive always been very close to my dad so Id think Id pick up something.

He's always been the nurturer in my life, far more than my mother. Then again my bf is a cd'er and not exactly what Id consider "nurturing."

Anyway my main point here (there is one I swear) that if he was a cd'er, I would love him just the same. I have a lot of respect for him (even if I dont always show it) and that could not be taken away by cding. I would not *lose* respect for my father.

He is the half of what made me be.

Though for me accepting my dad would be much easier than accepting my bf, because well I dont sleep w/my dad.

My bf says that's a good thing cuz *I'd* have much worse issues if I did. All I can say to that is, "ewww" and "duh."

[Cherry Lynn]

I came out to my children several weeks ago due to the fact my soon to be ex-wife was threatening to tell them. I thought it would be better for them to hear it from me and they took it very well. My son said it was not his bag but he was OK with me doing it. My daughter was a little more accepting and discussed it somewhat and I showed her a pic of me but my son is woking away so he has not seen a pic. They seem OK and I do not seem to have lost any respect for me. I think honesty is always the best policy, we shall see.

[Carin]

Hey all I was wondering why some of you seem to feel the need to let your kid's know you crossdress even if they take it well you will lose respect in the long run as a father after I left my frist wife of 29 years she outed me to everybody incoulding my 2 sons and she did it with photos it took me over 4 years be fore my sons would talk with me and the lack of respect is still there
sorry just me venting stacylynn1

Every situaton is different. People are different and families are different. I can't think of anything more cruel or hurtful than what your first wife did. If it is going to be done, that is how NOT to do it.

I am very close to my children. I have their love and respect and it is not contingent on anything. I am proud of who I am, and I am a role model for my children. But as Holly said, I am not perfect, and they know that too. In this world of intolerance, I have shown them tolerance. If I am not ashamed of who I am (and I am not) then why would I not share that with them when they are emotionally able to understand. Trust begets trust. For the ones that know, it has brought us one step closer. I much prefer them to say "Dad is just dad" rather than "Just who is dad anyway?"

I do have one 19 yo son who is quite intolerant in this area. As a parent, there is one more thing that I can do for him, before he goes out into the world. That is to help him open his mind to accepting other people. I do not expect him to embrace this part of me, but I will help him to understand tolerance with an open mind.

[Stephenie S]

If you are worried that your shildren will reject you for CDing, maybe you are still thinking about CDing yourself as something wrong and shameful.

CDing is not wrong, CDing is not shamefull, you need not feel guilt over this activity. How you yourself feel about this activity is how others will feel when they find out. If it is clear in your mind that CDing does NOT make you a bad person, then those who "find out" will find out that you don't care. If you are relaxed about it, then others will be too. If you feel shame and guilt over your behavior, then others will too.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Julia Welch]

Honestly is not always the best policy......sometimes it will bite you in the ass....and I for one would never tell my kids....there is absolutely no need for them to know.

[Jodi]

I came out to my daughter when she was 29 years old. It was after her mother and I were divorced. I live alone and didn't want any surprises for her should I croak and she came in to clean out the house.

This honesty precludes anyone else telling her. By telling her, we had a chance to discuss it rationally.

BTW, I would not have told her when she was a child living at home.

Jodi

[GypsyKaren]

I think the question that should be asked is why not tell your kids? Is wearing an item of clothing that wrong, because if it is I don't see it. I told my kids that I'm TS because it's who I am, a good person, so why should I hide that? We are not monsters, we are human beings no matter what...but that's just me ya know.

Karen Starlene

[Karren H]

I'm never telling for sure.....

Karren