I feel a purge comin' on

[Rhonda480]

I really thought I had made some headway. This forum really helped me gather some courage after reading all the posts and seeing pictures to the point that I had a serious sitdown conversation with my wife and told her that I wanted to dress more often before the kids got too old and start looking where they should not and find things they couldn't explain in Dad's closet. I know that I really onlly have a few years before it will be impossible to keep it from the kids and I DO want to keep if from the kids until they are much older. She seemed to agree, actually bought me a new pair of panties and some hair removal cream. Wow that was great, maybe a little more approving than I anticipated.
She knows I would love for her help and participate, but up to that sit-down I was on my own and she would just look the other way. I really thought I had turned the corner and it really felt great. She explained the hair removal process, but said she didn't like to do it on herself and did not want to help me...that's reasonalbe I thought and went on my way.
Last night after about two weeks of silky undies under my drabs and a complete day of dressing (less shoes, wig and makeup) around the house on a day off while the kids were at school, she pulled the plug, told me she was afraid I would walk in one day and just tell her I wanted to be a girl. I don't, told her so and explained a lot of what I found here and about the fact that most cd'ers are hetrosexual and firmly explained that I am not gay (in the words of Jerry Seinfield...not that there is anything wrong with that) and that I wanted to be her husband 24/7, just wearing a dress and silky undies when it was safe and time allowed.
Well she just doesn't want to know anymore, I can do whatever, just don't ever mention it or let her see. This may even be a step back from where we were before the sit-down.

So I guess I am right back where I have been for the last 10 years (actually 35, just 10 with her), but starting about two months ago she works out of the house and I have no time to dress without her knowing. I really do not want to go out of the house to dress or get dressed, although it feels good and I love it, I am too well known in this small town and people love to find fault with others especially the well known. So I am now trapped.

I guess I will throw out and grow out and it breaks my heart.:(:(:(

[Shelly Preston]

Firstly Rhonda

Dont do anything drastic box up the clothes and put them out of the way but dont purge

It is way too expensive in more ways than money

Now the real problem is helping your wife understand exactly where you are

Have you considered asking her to join so she can get advice form the other SO's in the same position

It seems like an option which might just help ?

[Carin]

You are what you are, and you can not pretend not to be. Purging is an expression of your anger. It won't change who or what you are.

I wonder if your wife talked to someone else, and got a distorted picture. It sounds like something had a negative influence on her. Get one of the books on this subject als let her read it in her own time. Did she see your pink fog.

Stay your ground. Let your wife know (nicely) that:
You are who you are. Whether you dress or not is not going to change her fear that some day you are going to want a sex change.
Whatever you do or dont wear, it is still an integral part of you and you need to be able to at least talk with her about it (on occasion).

Don't let the line of communication completely die. A lot can go with it. But you also have to give her her space not to have to deal with this for a time.

[stephanie100]

Im:iagree:with Shelly dont purge. There are many GGs here to help as well as us girls. :hugs:

[MJ]

**I guess I will throw out and grow out and it breaks my heart.**
i am sorry to hear that but... you know you can't purge just pack it up and put it away

your wife must have talked to someone ? why the big change of heart i hope you can talk to her and try and show this site . understanding , acceptance takes time i wish you well

don't purge

[Rhonda480]

I have asked her to visit the site, but she refused, unless she did later and did not tell me...or maybe she saw something here that made her change her mind...I just do not know.

My feeling is that I am in a place that I should not dress, but the urge is greater now than ever before, possibly because I had a couple of good weeks. If everything is gone then I can't dress. Yes it is more of a helpless feeling, but I am feeling that it is hopeless anyway...:(

[Sue Too]

DO NOT PURGE--------DO NOT PURGE----DO NOT PURGE

You will regret it. I don't know where or when but the urge will come back. Your femme cloths are special posessions to you. When the urge does return you will feel the loss of your posessions. I know, I have done it three times (I'm a slow learner), but I did not have the benefit of information from a forum like this.

As has been suggested, put them in boxes and store them away. I wish you the best and hope you can find a satisfactory outcome to your dilema but purging is not the answer.

Susan

[Lovely Rita]

All the best to you. Your situation is definitely not easy.

Take care

[Michelle (Oz)]

Rhonda ... some quick thoughts from experience.

You may have over indulged thinking that your wife was supportive and she has overreacted;
The only constant for the level of support/distress is that it continually fluctuates;
The concern over being gay or wanting a sex change never seems to go away but lessens over time;
Hang in there and negotiate lovingly some time that you can have to yourself to dress. If your wife doesn't want to see it then she should vacate the house for a half-day or so.

Don't suppress what you want to do as that will only lead to resentment and anger. Express how you feel to your wife and work out an acceptable compromise. I found that dressing completely a day or two a week was much more satisfying (and less threatening) than underdressing every day.

Michelle (Oz)

[SatinDoll00]

...and do not bring her here.

Right now, there are too many here that want to figure things out.

I know it is against the grain...but this is not the place she should look right now. I hate that many of us...me included...have made it so...but this site really is not the place to bring an unaccepting SO right now.

I have posted much in support of the gay/bi contingent here...and I fully understand what that has done to the forum.

Your SO deserves to know from YOU how you feel. Tell her.

I know that I have my own demons, but this is not about me...it is about HER!!

Show her that you love her!!! And show her that you can love her and still be who you are!!

Your wife is as much a part of you as CDing...do not forget that.

Morgan

[Chantelle CD]

Maybe your wife doesnt fully understand that you have this part of yourself that needs to express its self, maybe she fears this growing expression will grow into something that will destroy the man in you that she fell in love with. Show her, even slowly if you have to, that this part will grow, become more intense, but so will you, talk to her, tell her what will become of you, so she knows fully where your coming from, some how you have to make her understand its the soft side of you, that needs to be felt, and expressed, and the other man side will only grow as well, with even a greater of knowledge under your skin.

Dont purge!! store away, communicate fully where you want this to go, how far, and reinforce to her over and over that she will always be your woman for the man in you. Fear, not knowing where you are going to go with it, holds them back, they have a right to know exactly where this is headed.

[Zee]

Things like this take time. Don't throw away your gear either.

You may have to put your cd'ing on hold for a time, and that is OK. You can not change the way you are. What was that quote again?...

"Women marry men in the hopes they will change; men marry women in the hopes they don't."

Obviously, the opposite actually happens. So take it slow. When time permits and she is in a receptive mood, have a little talk with her now and then. It is perfectly normal for her to set limits, after all, she married a man, not a woman. Communicating ones feelings is very underrated, but you both need to do this. Don't bombard her with everything. What you need to do is tell her a part of what you want to tell her, then let her digest it. Once she has, tell her a little more, etc. It will take time so be patient with her.

It is extremely important that while sharing your feelings, you are open to hers. Do not invalidate what she says because those are her feelings. If you invalidiate her feelings, you, by default, invalidate her and she won't be receptive.

Just take it slow. Ease into it. You don't need to resolve EVERYTHING during your chats, just sharing your feelings with her and listening to her feelings will do wonders.

I hope everything works out for you.

:hugs:
Z

[Rhonda480]

Thanks girls for your encourgement. I have the box and just waiting on somethings I have ordered to arrive before I tape it shut. I am hoping something changes before the UPS guy shows up.

:(:(:(