View Full Version : Pant pant pant!

03-22-2005, 10:38 PM
I like to describe myself as androgynous. I'm a little scared that the division between TV and G(genetic) is wider than I feared. I love being a girl. I love my naturally small tits with their happy nipples and getting free drinks by flirting with the bartender. I was (am) scared that this makes me a bit of an outcast because I happen to like dressing as a boy. I've identified with the male sex far more than the female since I was a child; but this doesn't diminish my delight with make-up and party dresses. After reading, it seems that this isn't quite as perverted as I feared. Indeed, it seems this is nothing I should be ashamed of; as far as my brain goes, I was born without gender, female genitalia notwithstanding. There are advantages and disadvantages to each sex, and my primordial brain just can't seem to separate one from the other.
So. The last four days have been quite tumultuous for me. I first realized my gender preoccupation on Thursday, and on Tuesday I've come all to way to going out "presenting" as a male. Just as an experiment. I could always say I was presenting androgynous.
But I happened to go to A) a gay bar. I got second glances, but I couldn't perceive if they had caught on, or if they were interested. My second stop was B) a bar that was unexpectedly inhabited by classmates. As far as I know, none of them recognized me in my guise. But I had already ordered my drink and felt obligated to stay until I'd finished it. (I'm po' and must finish every drink offered me). I may have gotten a double-take from someone with whom I'd taken several classes as a girl, but I was focusing with tunnel-vision on my sketchbook, so I can't be sure.
So anyway.
Wow. I was not expecting my first outing to be so... I wasn't expecting to see people I knew. I wasn't expecting them to look over me. I guess I was expecting the shrieking pod-people scream; "He's a girl, he's a girl! Get him!"
And now I've in effect lied to my classmates. I've got a secret. Something I haven't done since I was nine. ("psst! guess what, I'm a boy-girl! Pass it on!")
And I did it successfully. I have no idea how to feel about that. I was expecting to fail miserably, at least the first time. But, except for that one second glance, I passed as a boy.

Holy hell.

Ok. I feel completely twilight-zone. No one has to reply to this. I just don't have anyone else to vent to. You can probably expect a couple more over the following days.


PS. I've decided my male pseudonym is Galen. So, thanks, Galen.


Times twelve.

03-23-2005, 01:30 AM
u go guy :p hehe be urself, dont live ur life for someone else it will only bring u pain.

03-23-2005, 11:34 AM
After viewing your avatar, you definitely make a pretty girl. So you must make a pretty handsome dude. Sounds like you had yourself a ball walking around as a male. I've been doing it for 11 years and I still feel the same sort of thrill in my bones when I get asked "Can I help you with anything, Sir?"

03-23-2005, 12:40 PM
Hi Pixie,
Don' t think many of us (crossdressers/male hetrosexuals) can really identify with your plight! We are going in the opposite direction so it is almost like two ships passing in the night! HOpe you can find your way and will share with us even though we may not quite understand your delima.

03-24-2005, 03:33 AM
It makes a lot of sense.

I often feel like a male transvestite trapped in a female transvestite's body. And lately I have been pondering whether I may even be transsexual.
If I were a boy I would definitely be very effeminate (and gay as well)-- I love the idea of getting into the David Bowie area, actually I'm more into looking like an 80s metal head (since I am one). Long hair, eyeliner, the pretty- boy look.

Having said that, I do like occasionally dressing as a girl. However, I would NEVER go out in public like that. It kind of makes me feel sexy. It almost turns me on, weirdly. So, I understand the attraction of being FTM but still liking to dress girlie on occasion.

This stuff is really hard to sort out, so don't expect any quick or easy answers. The best way to go about it is to do what feels good and right, and it will all sort itself out in the end.

04-02-2005, 12:39 AM
Yeah, i sorta understand the whole not being able to see the difference between guy and girl. I was like that as a little girl... boy... thing. But as I got older, I found myself acting more and more like a guy, almost as if it were a natural (which it is. Guess that's cause I used to hang w/ guys all the time.)

Anyways, Have fun w/ the whole CD thing. Afterall, what's the point of doing it if you're uncomfortable? Live for the moment!!