GID has lessened b/c of estrogen and Spiro

[Maggie Kay]

Today, I noticed that some things have changed. I have been much less burdened by GID now that I am on estradiol gel and Spiro. Getting rid of the Progesterone that I had become too sensitive to has helped me tremendously. It helps that I have had a growth spurt up top too. Even though we are going through a financial crisis and I have to sell my 1988 Porsche (which is my only transportation) didn't get me down as far as it was before. I was outside washing it for the photos so I can list it. Normally, I would be super worried that someone would see my bra lines or my panty showing as I bent over. I was wearing a tight knit top which didn't hide my boobs at all. Normally, I would cover up with a big shirt but it is too hot today for that.

I went about my work and half way through I saw a workman across the street sitting in a truck. Again, normally I would be freaked and run inside. Not this time. I continued as normal. I realized that the top of my beige panties was showing too complete with the label. I just kept on washing and thought "so what, he sees me and either thinks I am an older woman washing a car or has bad eyesight." I say this because as he drove off, he smiled and waved to me. No workmen wave or smile around here.

As I am photographing the car, a neighbor arrived. Again, it was run or not run but I just didn't care. He spoke to me and I turned and fully faced him. Yup, he could see I have boobs. We chatted about cars for a few minutes and nothing weird happened. I went back to photograph the car. Now, this is really a strange place for me, mentally. I was in all women's clothes, ponytail, jeweled earrings and not hiding my chest and in my own neighborhood. A first for me. For that I feel pretty good and that I have made progress.

BTW, the car is selling for $9500 so don't think it is one of those Concorde de Elegance beauties. It is just a nice black Targa Carrera sports car that I drive for groceries and local errands. I bought it seven years ago because I thought I was not long for the world and wanted to have one nice car before I left it. GID made me feel that death was imminent. I never thought it would become my only car and that I would be forced to sell it to pay the damm rent. I should have known it was coming, I just put two new tires on the back. Thanks, George, for a wonderful economy. I'm hoping that business will pick up in the next few days so I won't have to sell it.

[AmberTG]

Some good news and some bad news, that seems to be the way life goes. Selling a Porsche of any kind, even a doggy one, would be difficult for me! Of course, I doubt I'll ever have the financial opportunity to own one in the first place. At least you can say that you've had one.:D
You know, it's strange how, one day, something gets in your head and changes your perspective on the way you present yourself in public. I'm in that "in between" phase of transition where you don't quite know what to do with yourself, and I seem to have gotten pretty close to where you are now, I just don't care near as much about what people think now.
I'm glad to see that you're getting comfortable with yourself again, that's a good thing.

[Scotty]

GID as in Gender Identity?

That's good though, I've been like this a lot - I'm back to wearing medium shirts and they poke through and I don't care :)

And w hite one's too boot - love the nipple look LOL

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Kay

I think that one of the best benefits of HRT is that it helps you relax quite a bit, and that things you thought were real big are actually nothing at all, at least that's how it's been for me. I don't worry about stuff anymore, I just go about my day and see what happens, then I take it from there. I swore I'd never step out of the house without makeup on, now I hardly wear any at all, it's just not important.

You know what's a biggie for me now? Enjoying how good I feel about things, or thinking about something that makes me smile right away. Now I know what's important, my life and my family, screw everything else.

Karen Starlene

[AmberTG]

"Now I know what's important, my life and my family, screw everything else."

Why is it so darn hard for a man to figure that out? Women don't have a problem figuring that out!
Interesting how removing testosterone and adding estrogen changes a person's perspective on life.

[Scotty]

Interesting how removing testosterone and adding estrogen changes a person's perspective on life.

Very good quote!!
Amen sista!!

[tori-e]

Today, I noticed that some things have changed. I have been much less burdened by GID now that I am on estradiol gel and Spiro.

I always wonder about the drugs. For me the thing I call "The GID" drove me insane for most of my life. After about 6 mos of hormones I realized "it" wasn't really there anymore. Like a persistent toothache, once the pain is gone you forget about it. Is it the drugs or all of transition that makes it go away? Who knows, but good riddance!

[melissaK]

I always wonder about the drugs. Is it the drugs or all of transition that makes it go away? Who knows, but good riddance!

For me, its the drugs. No transitioning in my life at this time - just overseas pharma E. And E makes the GID pain abate dramatically. My mental health improves dramatically.

As I've PM'd with others from time to time, with the E comes a major drop in libido (sex desire) which raises the idea there is a "fetish/sex" link to it all. To which I reply, perhaps . . . our brains are pretty complex, with some significant individual variances, so no one's got our brains figured out on all this, so rushing to judgment is pointless. Like you say "Who knows. . . Good riddance."

Anyway, KayRenee, glad you are having some self acceptance moments. And the symbolism of a Porsche . . . I've owned a couple of them and I understand how "cool" they are, but in the world of psychology - they are a "T" substitute on par with Corvettes. Talk about the symbolism! Your narrative of selling this uber masculine German "T" symbol with your nipples showing through your blouse and panty tag hanging out . . . Ah, the interesting lives of MTF TSs.

hugs,
'lissa

ps I just realized this thread is about sex, drugs and fast cars . . . If we can get weapons in here we could have an action adventure movie going . . . ;-)

[Maggie Kay]

Some therapists believe that "the" diagnostic test for GID is the reaction to Estrogen. if it relaxes and improves the situation, the patient has GID otherwise estrogen in a normal male drives him crazy and can't be tolerated.
One of the reasons that I am happy to sell the Porsche is that it is a macho vehicle and it causes so many guys to try to provoke me into a race. They see a woman in a Porsche and get ideas that I don't want them to have. Plus it is just not me anymore. I don't need to compensate or prove something that I am not. The rumble of a performance engine just doesn't excite me. I would like a nice VW bug with flowers in the dash. Maybe someday in better times. BTW, there is a potential buyer already.

Oh yes, the bra was unlined and my nipples are as big as a GG's now. They did show though my top. I can't believe I am so different about this...

[Madeleine]

So, having a Porche was like having a penis extension, Eh?

Now the E and anti-T has kicked in it's not so important, except financially.

I too feel much more at ease with the world and less stressed since being on HRT. Even my driving has improved, and I have decided to be more assertive, if thats all right with you.

Hugs Maddie...

[Maggie Kay]

The car was partly to prove that I was a man. That was years ago when I was fighting my feelings about needing things feminine. For a years, I had a personal requirement that I would not wear any femme item while driving it. I did that playing golf too.

I just sold it too.

[AmberTG]

Ya, I'd bet it's not too hard to sell a Porsche!

I have to agree that E is a good test of one's mind set. If the feelings are all CD based and the CDing is sexual in nature, when the sex drive goes by by, so does the urge to CD. It sure didn't happen that way with me, I still enjoy my clothes, I still don't like my blah man clothes. The girl clothes give me a "connection" to my better side and make me more comfortable in my skin, if that makes any sense. I sure don't miss that testosterone "drive" that I was never comfortable with!
If it was a fetish for me, I wouldn't care about it any more, in fact, my main fetish, bondage, has disappeared from my life, without my sex drive, I don't need it anymore. It was fun and exciting, but it has no meaning for me now except as a memory.
I suppose if I ever develop a female sex drive, bondage excitement might come back, who knows.
Anyway, it would seem that, for the transgendered MTF, estrogen is a good thing.

[Maggie Kay]

It was a surreal experience selling this car. I was sitting in the passenger seat normally occupied by my SO while the guy that was buying the car test drove it. He was doing all the usual things guys do to talk down the price by pointing out minor flaws and also showing me how masterful he was in driving. He bragged about his knowledge of Porsche's, that he has owned several, etc. I hadn't expected to have him view the car that day so I was in my femme clothes, slacks and knit top etc. He asked if I was a college professor. He said I looked like one. Whatever that is.
Sitting as a passenger in my old macho car while a macho male is strutting his maleness was mind bending. I found my mannerisms very feminine and didn't do that male mano v mano thing that was expected. Back at the house, he was lecturing me on the car and swaggering about. He pressed for a major price drop and much to his surprise, I said no. Then he backed off and offered only a token discount which I agreed to. I went inside the house to get some papers and when I came back he pressured me to lie on the title transfer so he could save sales tax. I again said that I couldn't even if it was a deal killer. He looked at me like I was insane but gave in. I'm a woman but I am not a pushover and I won't do something against my will.
The whole thing has my mind reeling. It is like I am selling the last vestige of my maleness. I'm not sorry or sad but it is a moment to reflect. I can't express how hard it would have been to do this deal prior to the hormone therapy.

[AmberTG]

A very interesting experience! Sounds like it opened a door in your mind. Rhetorical question; Will you ever be able to walk back through that door?
"Something sleeps deep inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken!" Duke Leto Atraides

[Maggie Kay]

Just about every step I take is one way. It is like a ratcheting effect.
Is the quote from a Dune book?

[melissaK]

It was a surreal experience selling this car. Sitting as a passenger in my old macho car while a macho male is strutting his maleness was mind bending. .

I love the imagery. As Porsche owner once upon a time, I get what your talking about. Porsches can really bring out the maleness in some guys . . .

[AmberTG]

Hi Kay, The quote is from the first "Dune" movie when the Duke is talking to his son Paul before they leave for Arrakis. I find it to be very appropriate for the TG experience, at least in my case. It just came to me last night when I was reading your post about your feelings with selling the car.
As Paul says later in the movie "The sleeper has awakened!"